Having Hot Friends is Surprisingly Difficult
Captain Jack, I need your help! I'm hoping you can turn this hot and sexy problem into a hot and sexy success! (So please use caution when shooting it in the face, ok?)
My problem is this: I have these two friends who are both really hot. They are ten years older than I am, and married (to each other). He's a tall buff tattoo artist. She's a tiny and adorable baby-wrangler. They say they're monogamous, but she's given me permission to hit on him and he's given me permission to hit on her, which sounds promising! Though it does confuse my already fuzzy understanding of how "monogamy" works.
What do I do from here? How do I encourage becoming a sexy loving threesome without screwing up our totally awesome friendship?
<3,
Having Hot Friends Is Surprisingly Difficult
-----------------------
I need you to click on WILL SMITH right away! CLICK ON WILL SMITH! Big Willie is going to get us into the mood... EVERYBODY, TURN UP YOUR SPEAKERS! Turn them up hard!
Ok, I'm going to take you on a sexy journey with me.
I'd say close your eyes and listen to my voice, except you'll need to keep your eyes open to read my advice. You can close your eyes when you're thinking about me later.
HHFiSD, you have to leave confusing 21st century labels like "monogamous" and "baby-wrangler" behind.
The only thing that's relevant is that your friends are "both really hot."
It seems to me that you have no deal-breaking issues here. Your friends are up for it. You're into them. HEY, you know how to have sex, right?
With three humans it's exactly the same stuff you are already used to but with more hands and feet. You just need to make sure you have enough room to fling out your cocks and get your knees up high enough, etc.
Even if you don't have room you can still have fun. Anyone ever tried to have a threesome in a pedal boat?
It can be done, you just have to accept the fact that one of you has to commit to the paddling. I'm too important to paddle. I supervise that shit!
So, all the potential stumbling blocks to this threeway have been shot in the face: What could still be stopping you?
21st Century Reserve, that's what, and here's where Captain Jack can help you.
If you want to do something that's out of character for you, you have to exclaim: "WHAT WOULD 'MIAMI ME' do?"
For those of you who don't know, Miami is an Earth city where everyone is the best and most awesome version of themselves. All the croissanwiches are made of pulled pork, and instead of Pimms they have mojitos with fancy garnishes.
Everyone is beautiful and you can actually swim in the oceans! If you don't believe me, listen to your Box Office god Will Smith:
I only came for two days of playin'
But every time I come I always wind up stayin'
-- Will Smith
Everyone needs to harness the power of "MIAMI ME" for those days when you want to be awesome but you're not sure how.
Just think to yourself, how would I handle this if I were in Miami instead of whatever podunk shit hole I'm trapped in today?
The next time your hot friends say: "Hey let's fuck!" and you think: "Um..."
Tell yourself: "I'm in Miami, bitch!" and tear your clothing from your body!
MIAMI YOU is afraid of nothing.
MIAMI YOU will wear white chinos with a thong.
MIAMI YOU will sleep with your married friends. Maybe all your married friends? Maybe repeatedly. MIAMI YOU will toss your hair with a sexy flick of your hand as if to say: "Consequences? No hay problema!"
Did you know that in Miami people gather on the beach to dance and drink?
Torchwood-branded beach front
In Cardiff when people gather on the 'beach' it's to pull drowning victims from the Bay. There are pebbles everywhere and they get in your flip flops.
And if you say anything funny or clever like: "Nice catch, boys!" people look at you like you're a monster.
Just checking my wriststrap it's 30°C in Miami right now. I have a macro for looking up Party Zones of the Galaxy with one finger punch. I don't need to punch my finger to tell you that in Cardiff it's 13°C with "light rain". To quote Gwen: :o(
MIAMI YOU doesn't have time to make a sad emoticon face. MIAMI YOU is too busy tapping that hot tattoo artist you mentioned in your letter. Ok, here are some visualisations for you to work on.
Concentrate on the piccies with your eyes!
I had to put myself in the montage because of my striking good looks.
You know, I've never considered what it must be like for my friends to have a hot friend like me. Is it "surprisingly difficult" like you claim?
Is my staff in constant anguish? Does the sight of me set fire to their loins? Colleagues, are your loins on fire?
Poor kids. Is this why Martha and Gwen back out of the room quickly if they come in when I'm naked? It's probably too painful to look at me in my natural state huh? You know, if they'd only ask, I'd be so up for it!
I also have an understanding of monogamy that goes in quotation marks like this: "monogamy" !
But if you want more details on that you have to put your sexy offer through my butler.
Yrs helpfully,
Cpt. Jack Harkness
My problem is this: I have these two friends who are both really hot. They are ten years older than I am, and married (to each other). He's a tall buff tattoo artist. She's a tiny and adorable baby-wrangler. They say they're monogamous, but she's given me permission to hit on him and he's given me permission to hit on her, which sounds promising! Though it does confuse my already fuzzy understanding of how "monogamy" works.
What do I do from here? How do I encourage becoming a sexy loving threesome without screwing up our totally awesome friendship?
<3,
Having Hot Friends Is Surprisingly Difficult
-----------------------
I need you to click on WILL SMITH right away! CLICK ON WILL SMITH! Big Willie is going to get us into the mood... EVERYBODY, TURN UP YOUR SPEAKERS! Turn them up hard!
Click to viewOk, I'm going to take you on a sexy journey with me.
I'd say close your eyes and listen to my voice, except you'll need to keep your eyes open to read my advice. You can close your eyes when you're thinking about me later.
HHFiSD, you have to leave confusing 21st century labels like "monogamous" and "baby-wrangler" behind.
The only thing that's relevant is that your friends are "both really hot."
It seems to me that you have no deal-breaking issues here. Your friends are up for it. You're into them. HEY, you know how to have sex, right?
With three humans it's exactly the same stuff you are already used to but with more hands and feet. You just need to make sure you have enough room to fling out your cocks and get your knees up high enough, etc.
Even if you don't have room you can still have fun. Anyone ever tried to have a threesome in a pedal boat?
It can be done, you just have to accept the fact that one of you has to commit to the paddling. I'm too important to paddle. I supervise that shit!
So, all the potential stumbling blocks to this threeway have been shot in the face: What could still be stopping you?
21st Century Reserve, that's what, and here's where Captain Jack can help you.
If you want to do something that's out of character for you, you have to exclaim: "WHAT WOULD 'MIAMI ME' do?"
For those of you who don't know, Miami is an Earth city where everyone is the best and most awesome version of themselves. All the croissanwiches are made of pulled pork, and instead of Pimms they have mojitos with fancy garnishes.
Everyone is beautiful and you can actually swim in the oceans! If you don't believe me, listen to your Box Office god Will Smith:
I only came for two days of playin'
But every time I come I always wind up stayin'
-- Will Smith
Everyone needs to harness the power of "MIAMI ME" for those days when you want to be awesome but you're not sure how.
Just think to yourself, how would I handle this if I were in Miami instead of whatever podunk shit hole I'm trapped in today?
The next time your hot friends say: "Hey let's fuck!" and you think: "Um..."
Tell yourself: "I'm in Miami, bitch!" and tear your clothing from your body!
MIAMI YOU is afraid of nothing.
MIAMI YOU will wear white chinos with a thong.
MIAMI YOU will sleep with your married friends. Maybe all your married friends? Maybe repeatedly. MIAMI YOU will toss your hair with a sexy flick of your hand as if to say: "Consequences? No hay problema!"
Did you know that in Miami people gather on the beach to dance and drink?
Torchwood-branded beach front
In Cardiff when people gather on the 'beach' it's to pull drowning victims from the Bay. There are pebbles everywhere and they get in your flip flops.
And if you say anything funny or clever like: "Nice catch, boys!" people look at you like you're a monster.
Just checking my wriststrap it's 30°C in Miami right now. I have a macro for looking up Party Zones of the Galaxy with one finger punch. I don't need to punch my finger to tell you that in Cardiff it's 13°C with "light rain". To quote Gwen: :o(
MIAMI YOU doesn't have time to make a sad emoticon face. MIAMI YOU is too busy tapping that hot tattoo artist you mentioned in your letter. Ok, here are some visualisations for you to work on.
Concentrate on the piccies with your eyes!
I had to put myself in the montage because of my striking good looks.
You know, I've never considered what it must be like for my friends to have a hot friend like me. Is it "surprisingly difficult" like you claim?
Is my staff in constant anguish? Does the sight of me set fire to their loins? Colleagues, are your loins on fire?
Poor kids. Is this why Martha and Gwen back out of the room quickly if they come in when I'm naked? It's probably too painful to look at me in my natural state huh? You know, if they'd only ask, I'd be so up for it!
I also have an understanding of monogamy that goes in quotation marks like this: "monogamy" !
But if you want more details on that you have to put your sexy offer through my butler.
Yrs helpfully,
Cpt. Jack Harkness