Um... help?

[ask_arealdoctor]

Sorry to interrupt, but if anyone's around could you possibly come down to the morgue? That noise you're hearing is all the LOCKED drawers slamming open and there are dead people crawling out and I'm trying to push them all back in and pile things against the doors but I'm running out of chairs and boxes and HOW MANY DEAD PEOPLE ARE DOWN HERE

Comments

[ask_aboutcoffee]

BUT THEY WERE LOCKED!

Wait, wait, did you try shouting TORCHWOOD at them? Most of them are -- uh, were -- un-are? -- employees. Ex-employees?

...this is going to suck, isn't it.

I'M BRINGING GUNS.

[gwen_e_cooper]

Guns ahoy!

I've shot two in their peeling, rancid faces so far.

Wow. Odour of shot undead is horrible.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

I HAVE DEODORISING SPRAY!

Lemon or "Linen"?

[ask_arealdoctor]

How about a cricket bat? Do we have a cricket bat?

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Don't be silly, that wouldn't help the smell!

[gwen_e_cooper]

Lemon!

What IS that? Embalming fluid? It's worse than ichor. Well, tossup.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Decay, I suspect. Some of them seem a trifle freezer-burned. Yuk. Aim for the eyes, kill two birds with one stone!

[ask_arealdoctor]

They don't listen to me! They keep groaning, "BRAINS! BRAINS!" but they don't seem to want the ones I have preserved in jars. They don't want each other's brains either!

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Haven't you ever seen a zombie flick? It has to be fresh brains.

Right, swinging by the armoury, hold them off a moment more. Do you want a flamethrower or a chainsaw?

[ask_arealdoctor]

NO FLAMETHROWERS! THERE'S FORMALDEHYDE DOWN HERE! If it blows, the whole Hub will go up in flames!

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Balls! I love a good thrown flame.

Could we throw the formaldehyde at them and then throw matches?

I've got the cricket bat btw, just had to get it from under Jack's be -- from the rack in Jack's office.

INCOMING!

[ask_arealdoctor]

Yes! That's a great idea! Soak them all in formaldehyde and ignite them, and lock them in the morgue!

...Jack's going to be very upset. He used to know lots of these people!

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Okay, we're going to have to herd them into a group first.

I don't suppose Tomb Raider has any herding training?

He may have known them but I bet there are plenty of them he wishes he could have torched in life.

They're all very young, aren't they?

[ask_arealdoctor]

A CAT? You think a CAT can herd them? Where's your bloody perfect dog, then?

[ask_aboutcoffee]

I'm not sending Max up against zombies, he's delicate! Tomb Raider's pissy anyway, she'll enjoy herself.

[ask_arealdoctor]

Max is a DOG! He has BATTLE ARMOUR! He's supposed to PROTECT us!