BATTLE BEAGLE

[ask_aboutcoffee]

When Jack found Max and made The Internet convince me we should keep him, I reckoned he was about six or seven weeks old. It's an interesting (actually it's really not that interesting) fact that horses in most competitive activity always turn a year older on January first, and if it's good enough for horses it's good enough for beagles, I suppose

Comments

[1_mad_squirrel]

I guess evil is in the eye of the beholder, because Max's eyes look adorable to me.

I do know, though that beagle puppies, hell, beagles younger the seven, are relentlessly energetic. It can be a bit overwhelming.

Something tells me you are the one it falls to to tire him out on long walks.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Long walks don't tire him out, unfortunately. Playing "Don't Kill The Puppy" with Myfanwy helps most, now that she actually understands the point of the game is, in fact, not to kill the puppy.

He wears Jack out. It's a little bit hilarious.

[1_mad_squirrel]

He wears Jack out.

I thought that was your job. ;-)

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Have you met Jack Harkness? It's practically a full-time job just keeping up with him, let alone wearing him out.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

He does have his uses in that respect. Not aliens so much, most of them want to eat him actually, but in the general way of things he's very good at getting peoples' attention. Perhaps we should start making use of him as a diversion, now I think on it...

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Max is not dumb! He's too evil to be dumb. And anyway I'm sure nobody thinks humans ought to get almost-eaten or zapped around in time and space or tied up in front of giant space whales, but that happens all the time too, and Max is Torchwood so he'll just have to cope like the rest of us.

Rhys isn't dumb either. Usually. He's almost always cute, though.

[gwen_e_cooper]

Right.

What makes this okay for Max to wear when a sweater/hoodie is somehow not okay?

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Hoodies aren't as cool as battle armour, obviously. And they don't protect against laser weapons or sharp blades.

Well, not very effectively anyway.

[gwen_e_cooper]

But he looks like a... dewback! Not that protective armour is a bad idea.

Could we just get him a bulletproof jumper?

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Gwen, I think that is the geekiest reference I've ever heard you make. I'm so proud!

If you can find a kevlar dog jumper, I will put a hood on it for him. Can't you steal one from the station house? Surely their K-9 unit has a Beagle division.

[ask_captainjack]

He's only expected to "chew" evil because --- DESPITE EXHAUSTIVE EFFORT --- he can't hold a gun straight.

How many hours did we spend on the shooting range? Being three months old and a dog is no excuse either.

The battle armour is so fucking awesome! It's intimidating to evil-doers and also hilarious to me that the helm keeps slipping down over his eyes and he doesn't even notice.

Hey Theresa, slow down when you're running with your skull hat on. You are 2 for 2 in slamming into Ianto's shins. HA HA HA.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Bruises notwithstanding, I feel certain we can make Max into an effective battering ram once he sorts out his legs in those cuffs.

I'm sure he feels his failure to hold a gun keenly, but that's the price you pay for having no opposable thumbs and very soft flappy ears.

[ask_captainjack]

They are soft aren't they?

WHO WANTS KISSES??? THERESA WANTS KISSES!

LOL

WHEN I CUDDLE HIM I SWEAR HE GIVES YOU STINK EYE OVER MY SHOULDER, IANTO.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Of course he does, he's evil. I'm probably first on his list to assassinate when he finally puts Plan Beagle into motion.

Fortunately if I can restrain myself from shooting your insane exes/family, I can restrain myself from being jealous of Max and wait cunningly for him to launch Phase One.

[rm]

You need to add a spike for the tip of Max's tail. Then he can thrash enemies that attempt to sneak up behind him.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Believe it or not there is one, but he wags it right off. I've never met such a cheerful homicidal lunatic as Max.

[qualli]

well....there is John

[ask_captainjack]

I said GIVE HIM WHEELS on his back legs to make him faster but was condemned from all quarters for that idea.

HATERS!!

We could have also put spikes on the wheels for slashing Weevil ankles, winning doggy chariot races, etc.