Stupid heart... stupid girl
I thought I was getting better, getting past it all, but I'm not. My friend is most likely pregnant. She's younger than I am and married and another friend is having twin boys and is my age and married and I am....
alone...
I have my cat.
I don't know if I want to have children so much as I hate the fact that I am alone. I hate the fact that I do not have that option. I miss the idea of companionship. Someone to cuddle with. Someone to love.
Maybe I am too picky, maybe I am too scared from the first "relationships" I had been in, but my heart is utterly breaking. I broke down at work crying like some giant idiot. I feel like I am going to do it again. I know I spend a lot of time at the computer, its safe and fun. I don't go out places where I could meet men. I do go to the gym now, but I wouldn't consider that a dating arena. The other places I go? When I go? Not really somewhere you go to pick up guys.
I don't think I am hopeless. I just feel lost. I have so many other things that seem to be falling into place and that... just isn't.
Not sure what I am going to do.
alone...
I have my cat.
I don't know if I want to have children so much as I hate the fact that I am alone. I hate the fact that I do not have that option. I miss the idea of companionship. Someone to cuddle with. Someone to love.
Maybe I am too picky, maybe I am too scared from the first "relationships" I had been in, but my heart is utterly breaking. I broke down at work crying like some giant idiot. I feel like I am going to do it again. I know I spend a lot of time at the computer, its safe and fun. I don't go out places where I could meet men. I do go to the gym now, but I wouldn't consider that a dating arena. The other places I go? When I go? Not really somewhere you go to pick up guys.
I don't think I am hopeless. I just feel lost. I have so many other things that seem to be falling into place and that... just isn't.
Not sure what I am going to do.