It's all fun & games 'til someone loses their SANITY!!!!!

Nov 14, 2002 20:52

GOD SAVE ME!!!! Okay, first of all, I have been working on an 18-25 pg. draft for my Middler Year Writing Requirement (MYWR)...and i am going COMPLETELY INSANE!! the paper's been broken down to a 6 pg. draft, a 14 pg. draft (which was suppoesd to have been done last mon. and turned in--i only had 12 pgs. and i stretched it out to look like it was 14)....and since 18 pgs. is the minimum, you can bet your sweet ass i'm only going to finish 18 pgs. tonight!!!! right now, i am at 15 pgs...which doesn't sound so bad, right? only 3 more pages to go!! BUT...i gotta go back and do citations, which i have failed to keep up with, which will take FOREVER!!!!!! btw, if i haven't already explained MYWR--it's a research paper, but only so much of it is supposed to be research..we're supposed to pick a topic as it relates to pharamcy and discuss all the problems, then come up w/ our own proposed recommendations..my topic is oxycontin --addiction, abuse, overdose, overprescribing, ROBBERIES, etc...the paper is broken down into 5 major headings: intro. (the problem), background/history, current issues, recommendation, and conclusion

anyway, as i was saying, this paper is NOT meant to be strictly a research paper, but it is kinda hard to sometimes formulate your own opinions on certain issues...for example, some of my background info. consists of the diff't kinds of treatments for opioid addiction..but i dont have enough of my own knowledge/info. to either agree or disagree w/ these kinds of treatments...i mean, i don't want to just write paragraph after paragraph and not have any of my own thoughts in there (at least that's what our prof. instructs us NOT to do!)..but sometimes, i just dont have any thoughts or ideas in that area...

anyway, i'm taking a much-needed break from that damn tortuous HELL!!! and i'm having more dave issues..so i didn't tell you that this past monday, i was in the library and dave called me..he was lik e"so are you still mad at me?" (from last week when he ditched me w/out CALLING me to tell me this)..and i was lik e"maybe..are you apologizing?" "no--i didn't do anything wrong..you're the one who overreacted"..."no, i did not..." "what's the big deal? my phone was on silent and i had a few drinks & forgot to call you..anwya, i'm hungry...have you eaten yet?" "no" "wanna get somethign to eat?" ...so stupid fuckin' dumb-ass me goes w/ him and things get somewhat patched up..i was trying to make him understand WHY it was i got so angry..but trying to make dave understand anything is like trying to find meaning in a Pauly Shore movie..so i just ended the convresation with "well, okay, so you can'tn see why i got so mad..but could you at least TRY and not do it next time?? can you at least try to remember to call me and let me know?" "yeah, sure"

fast fwd to tonihgt...i was talking to dave online...while working on my paper..and i'm like "if i get done w/ my paper early enough, you wanna go for a walk or something?" "nah, i'm going out" "where?" "i'm going to see '8 mile road w/ pam" (pam's our friend and they have no interest in each other beyond friendship)...so i'm like "you just saw that movie this past weekend w/ your brother" and he's like "yeah, i know, but i promised pam i'd go see it w/ her" so im' like "oh, so you can keep promises w/ other people..i c how it is" "only with people i like" (i just interpreted this as a joke)...and then it led to me saying "let me just ask you a question...why is it that you're such a bad friend only to me????" "i'm not gonna answer that" "what did i do?? besides go out w/ y9ou" "i'm not gonna get into it" "so you don't deny the fact that you do this to me" (so obviousyl, he realizes he does it..AND not only that, but his response of "im' not going to get into it right now" implies that he has actual REASONS)..."it's a simple questoin..and all i want is the answer" "i'm not going to talk to you if you're gonna be liek this" "just tell me...i think i deserve to know the truth...why you only treat me like this" and he blocked me...shortly after, though, he returned and i'm like "i think it's best if we're not friends anymore" and then i blocked him & erased his phone # from my phone...... i honestly wish i had never met him...at all...think of all the other people i could have met, other frinds i could have made if not for spending all my time w/ him....you know? i wish he never existed..which isnt' to say taht i wished he were dead..i just wish he never existed for me.....

which brings me to my requirements or what not for future guys i date...i am actually setting STANDARDS!!!! all i want is to meet someone who is treats me well and truly cares about me, who respects me, and who perhaps makes me feel like im' worth being paid for on a date..thats' my thing w/ dave..i was never after his $ (god knows he has none!), but what upset me on dates when he woudln't pay for me wasnt the fact that he wasn't paying for me..the issue was the fact that he never made me feel like i was WORTH being paid for on a date!!

lothida seems to think taht perhaps dave really was " in love w/ me" and that's why now, he's treating me like this...?? but i doubt it..first of all, the way he treats/ed me is NOT how someone in love would treat another person..secondly, HE'S the one who dumped me!!! and last but not least, if this were true, by some kind of sick, twisted perception of reality, then he has no idea of what love is nor has any idea of how to treat someone you love

take-home msg kids: I am the asshole for putting up with his shit all the time!! and i really think this is it...he obviously has no respect for me and he does this shit to me time and time again because why? because he CAN!! he knows he can do wahtever and i'll still come back the next week being his freind again...but no more, my friends!!!!!
Previous post Next post
Up