The I'm sick of everything, annoyed, extremely pissed off vindictive post.

May 02, 2007 20:30

So basically the beginning of this post is to say fuck you. I'm sick of all the fake pieces of shit around here. I'm sick of the awkward conversations that mean do nothing but symbolize the disintegration of friendships. I'm sick of feeling like I'm the only one who cares. I'm sick of being worried and scared and nervous and anxious. I'm sick of being ignored, being lonely, being here alone all the fucking time, being broke. 
I'm sick of feeling left out.

I don't want to graduate high school, I don't want to go out into the real world. I'm scared of what's going to happen to me at the end of the year and I'm scared that I'm going to end up in the fucking streets because I'm broke as shit and can't drive.
I'm scared of being hurt again. I'm scared that I'm going to lose the one thing that still has meaning. 
I'm scared that I'm going to fail at life because it's almost a guarantee. 
I feel like I get on everyone's nerves and that everyone is talking about me behind my back. Because I know I'm not that great of a person. I can preach about religious and sexual freedom and how our government is a fascist regime but in all honesty, I'm probably no different. Sure, I see gay people as being the same as us, and I don't give a fuck about religion, I love animals, and I hate war. 
But I'm a selfish, vain, arrogant, violent, little bitch. I'm usually not bothered about whether or not I hurt anyone's feelings with what I say and I really don't use tact. I'm more worried about bad things happening to me moreso than most other people (there are a few people that I worry about more than myself, obviously) and I accuse other people of doing the same thing with me when I feel they shouldn't be that way.
I play mindgames with people when they start doing it to me, but it's immature and stupid. 
I wish some things were more certain.
I wish people I loved didn't suffer.
I wish that I didn't have to wish for things.
I'm afraid of dying.
I'm afraid of what happens when we die.
I'm afraid to go to hell even though I don't believe it exists.
What if it does? And what if I go there?
I'm excited about leaving high school and Virginia but I'm scared out of my fucking wits.
I don't know.
I just really hate life right now.
And I really wish someone would care without ignoring me or feeling that I'm annoying or trying to give me advice.
I don't want advice. I just want someone to care enough to just listen.
The world would be so much better off if people would just listen to each other.
I want to run away from everything.
But people shouldn't run away.

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