Thoughts.
I wish life was easier, but at the same time more exciting. I'm so tired of waking up and going to school, seeing the same ugly, fake assholes every single day. I come home and sit on the computer til 9 o'clock when Alex calls. And that's the highlight of my day. That's all I care about. I hate thinking about the money I'm going to need to move to Pennsylvania and as much as I want to move up there, I'm scared to death. I graduate in two months. I can't drive, I have no job, no money, nothing. I'm scared to have to go out on my own but I can't stand being here, I can't stand being away from the love of my life any longer. He is the reason I bother trying at anything anymore. I'm so discouraged as far as my art and what I'm going to do with my life, all I want to do is run away somewhere and be with him and be happy and not have a care in the world. I want it to be easier for us to be together and more than anything in the world, I want this to work. I want to want him in another year, in another two years, in ten years.
I'm so miserable here. I hate thinking about how boring it is, how boring life is in general. I don't want to go to school more, just to graduate and get a job that I'm going to hate, that I'm going to have forever. I don't mind the idea of settling down and seeing the same person next to me in my bed every day, because I think love is what keeps people going. But I don't want to have this routine life where we wake up, drink some coffee, read the paper and kiss each other goodbye and go off to our jobs, come home, kiss each other hello, eat dinner, and go to bed. I want to do things. I want to be able to go out and travel the world with Alex. I think I could be happy no matter what with him, but I would get bored of life itself at the same time. I wouldn't get bored of us, just of everything else, just like I am now. I'm bored of high school, I'm bored of the people here, I'm bored of my shit hole of a house, I'm just flat out fucking bored and I want to be with my boyfriend. I hate sitting here wondering what I'd be doing if I was there.
I just want to be there, I don't want to wonder.
The next two months need to fly by fast.
Alex, I love you, and we will make it and we'll be different from everyone else, we'll have fun, and live our lives together doing what we want to do, not what society wants us to.
I'm so miserable here. I hate thinking about how boring it is, how boring life is in general. I don't want to go to school more, just to graduate and get a job that I'm going to hate, that I'm going to have forever. I don't mind the idea of settling down and seeing the same person next to me in my bed every day, because I think love is what keeps people going. But I don't want to have this routine life where we wake up, drink some coffee, read the paper and kiss each other goodbye and go off to our jobs, come home, kiss each other hello, eat dinner, and go to bed. I want to do things. I want to be able to go out and travel the world with Alex. I think I could be happy no matter what with him, but I would get bored of life itself at the same time. I wouldn't get bored of us, just of everything else, just like I am now. I'm bored of high school, I'm bored of the people here, I'm bored of my shit hole of a house, I'm just flat out fucking bored and I want to be with my boyfriend. I hate sitting here wondering what I'd be doing if I was there.
I just want to be there, I don't want to wonder.
The next two months need to fly by fast.
Alex, I love you, and we will make it and we'll be different from everyone else, we'll have fun, and live our lives together doing what we want to do, not what society wants us to.