they say depression is a sickness, i see it as an awakening
as i lay on my couch in the darkness of night,and the wind is howling through my window, and i remember of the days past and what ive become of them. after all, does the past not reflect who you are? if so then i have completely, changed that way of thinking. my past was never pretty, just a stupid kid living a life of lies, and sinking deeper and deeper into deception, just deep enough so that when reality kicks in the pressure of the fantasy world, still holds into my brain. its almost pathetic, i see the world and its misery, i see what happens, yet i have hope, why? because as much as i hate to admit it, i love this world, haha, i do. i love my friends, my family, nature, darkness, tv, computers, myspace,livejournal, i love everything. i lived in denial all this time. it took a persons spirit, to finally make me realize, what ive been missing...a life...not something to do everyday...something to live for everyday...i used to want death, i used to PRAY for death **btw never suicidal** and now...i want to live, i want to see this world till the end, i want to see what i will become what my friends will become because in this world of darkness they are my light, they shine my way through, they are my ray of hope, and leading that crusade is a spirit, that sweet,innocent spirit that i met when i had finally lost hope. and as much as i hate to again admit it...its changed...ive changed...my friends have changed...weve all changed...were growing up...we will seperate...i want so much for them. my friends. i love them. all of them. i know sounds pretty queer, but hey i dont care, i share my feelings damnitt, so fuck you and dont keep on reading, but if you still want to read i thank you, because its not everyday i do this...i just wanted to say that, to the friends i hold on close to you...and to the spirit...you´ve changed...yes...you have...but for all the things ive seen, done, heard, cried,laughed,fought,held...i still care for you...i want to always be there...people make fun of me because im a virgin, or because im not a ´´pussy magnet´´ i dont care...thats not me...all i can do is walk away with a simple fuck you very much, cant say it doesnt bother me...it does get lonely...very hard to cope with that...my worst fear...yet i can always, see my friends smiles and everything goes away...to you all all my friends...i thank you, i cant hold back anymore, its to short alife to live in anguish,so go out party, live life as if you never had one and fall in love like youve never been heartbroken...and...fucken party biznatches!!!!!