Fic: Doctor Who, Dear diary, Dear Mum
Title: Dear Diary Dear Mum
Genesis: Written for the "Dear Diary" Challenge @ scifiland, for Team hero, which you really should join because we're awesome. Anyway the piece got out of control and needed posting on its own.
Summary: The short-lived diary of Rose Tyler. Spoiler up to the finale of season 2 for those who are slowly catching up.
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 1826 (see what I mean by out of control?)
Disclaimer: I really don't own anything, if I did, Billie would still be here.... I MISS YOU BILLIE!
A/N: Sorry for the capslock, I'm still mourning Rose. Any feedback is love! Oh yeah, and unbetaed...
Dear diary,
This is not working, is it? Let's try that again...
Dear Mum,
That is better, this way I don't feel as much like a complete lunatic. I'm writing to my mom. Shit, Aren't I supposed to date the entry? Then again, we've been travelling for some time now, thought time and space, it's getting hard to know what day it is. We're going to Cardiff, where the rift is, and I have no idea what day it's supposed to be if I'm honest... Let's try this a different way...
Dear Mum,
Day 108 of my journey
I think I can't get much more accurate than that. Anyway this is me trying to start a diary of some sort. I don't know, I'm just living such great days, I'm afraid they may pass and I will end up with nothing to remember them by. It's silly, isn't it? My memories are safe... Then again, maybe they aren't, I've seen some things...
I think that's part of the reason I'm loving right now so much. As I said, we've been travelling in space, through time, making our way to what is nowadays to me, in Cardiff. I think it's been two days since we left to go. Who knew that time and space travel was as prone to turbulences as a regular London-Edinburgh flight? Sure the Doctor know, and he would brag about it if I expressed my surprise, in his teasing way. He gets enough occasions to make fun of silly-human little me, let's not give him more material.
I wonder if Jack was aware of the turbulence thing... Then again, 51st Century human, he must have some clues about things I can't begin to grasp.
'Cause that's what's new, the Tardis is carrying three of us right now, and I4m loving it. Captain Jack Harkness is on board. It's magic. I mean, we have so much fun, and not just dancing.. At least someone I can side up with to gang up against the doctor! But it's not just that.
It's just so carefree. We're travelling basically at an alien snail pace, according to the Doctor, but it feels so good. There's a feeling inside my gut, like every time we land somewhere, I could lose him, the Doctor. What if he had to leave me behind, what if I became a burden or a liability? When we're travelling in the Tardis, it's the only moment I know for a fact that we're staying together. At least until our next halt.
It's really silly, isn't it? We met this guy a few days or weeks ago (who knows? I sure as hell don't) who had this motto, this philosophy about enjoying life a day at a time. Epicurus was his name I think... Anyway, we scared the crap out of him when the Tardis landed in his garden. The point is, maybe I should follow his philosophy/thought thingy, and just enjoy it.
Plus, we're seeing Mickey again when we finally get to Cardiff... So stop being silly, guts, and just let me enjoy the ride...
I should go, Jack just proposed to redecorate the Tardis, and I don't now kindly the Doctor is going to take that suggestion. I love it when they flirt/fight (you'd see it, you'd get it).
To think that I could have missed everything had I not jumped in the Tardis 108 days ago... And I would never have lives this amazing parenthesis in time and space!
I really should go, Jack just moved one of the Doctor's things, and fireworks should start soon.
Oi, right, I was pretending I was writing to my mom... Let's keep the fiction alive, I don't know how I feel about writing in an actual diary.
So, love you mum, gotta go to either break up a fight or find myself in the middle of two incredibly sexy men with pheromones flying everywhere. How you must envy me!
Rose Tyler
Dear mum
Day 118 of my journey
We lost Jack. This fictional thing I tried to sat to avoid having to call this a diary feels a little bogus considering I just left you, but it's not like I got a chance to say everything I felt. Let's keep the fiction alive once more, I need to talk.
We're back in space, we're going to some rock concert, yet there's a sadness in my heart... We lost Jack, and my doctor has a new face, and a new body.
It's actually painful to be back in space and read what I wrote ten days ago. Jack is... gone, or lost. It doesn't feel like he's dead, I won't believe it. I can't handle his death. I need to believe he's sill out there somewhere...
And the doctor, well, you've seen him. He's the same, yet he isn't. He's still as enthusiastic as ever (though pissed as hell he's not a ginger, it's a grudge he won't let go of), he still want to take me everywhere. It feels like he may be worried I'll leave him. I won't. Sure, I love our adventures, but I don't know... I want to be with him, it's the life I chose for me, I decided that I wanted that space life.
But yeah, he's still him, despite his new features. When I look in his eyes, I know it's my doctor. There's still this pain in his eyes, whenever we mention something that might have to do with the Time Lords or the war. It's him.
I guess I should stop complaining, I kept my best friend, I just really miss Captain Jack. (Mum, you should have seen them kissing, I'm getting hot all over again just remembering it).
It's just such a contrast, compared to this perfect space trip we made just ten days ago...
We've just arrived, gotta go, love ya mum!
Rose Tyler
Dear...
Day 157 of my journey
Oh Mama... We just left Sarah Jane behind. I hated her, then I loved her. She proved me how right I was. When we're in space, the doctor is mine, but once we're out of the Tardis, I can lose him at any moment. She never saw it coming, never started living again really after she lost him. She never recovered from the loss of him, and I probably won't either. I don't wanna think about it, yet I must. She said he will break my heart (duh!) but it will be so worth it. It will be the most alive I will ever feel, best time of my life. I can tell she's right. The doctor has been breaking my heart since day one, with the way he always go to whatever extreme is needed to save the world we're in, or the way he tried to save me even when I didn't want to, the way he embraced the knowledge that he was dying. He died for me, Mama... I may not remember the details, but I still have the gut feeling, this strange awareness of illumination, like I still can taste what I went through, even though he doesn't think I do. You saw my broken heart, mum, otherwise you wouldn't have helped me. If he ever leaves me, it will be the final blow, the last stomp on the pieces of my heart. I can live with a bleeding heart as I am now, I can cherish these feelings, because it means he's next to me, that he's still there. The day he won't be... Oh Mama, I don't how Sarah Jane survived.
Damn it, i gotta go. Mikey and the Doctor are fighting. Again.
I love you mum, I really hope the day won' come when you'll have to scavenge the pieces of my heart, but I thought you should know. Or I just needed to write about it.
Love you mum!
Rose Tyler
Dear Mum,
Day 201 of my journey
Black holes, mum, black holes! I mean, who can stay they've stood on top of a black hole and not have gotten sucked in? Well, this girl can.
I think after 200 days, I shouldn't be allowed to use the word "weird" anymore, but I am after all a simple girl with limited vocabulary. It was a weird experience this mission of ours. But more honestly, it was terrifying. I almost lost him, once more, and it wouldn't have had anything to do with him leaving, it was about goddamn aliens.
But now, we're back in my favourite place, the Tardis, travelling (you can guess this) through time and space, once more. We had a very little nice moment earlier (it feels like a century ago though) 'maybe it was a century ago, I can't tell anymore), when we thought we had lost our old girl. We had a silly conversation about mortgage and how expensive getting a place would be. We thought about moving in together, just the two of us. Sure, I have no idea what the planet we would have settled on would have been like, but the thought was really sweet and made me feel warm.
Anyway, now we have discarded it, and this old girl is our home. At some point, London and your place stopped being my home. Doesn't mean I don't you love you mum, you know I'd die for you. It's just that at some point, this... box for lack of a better word, this box that moves in space became my home. I belong here. With him.
Dammit, Gotta go again. You just called crying, and the Doctor agreed to come back for you. I'm gonna skin that little bastard who made you sad. Nobody messes with my mom and gets away with it. See you soon. Love you.
Rose Tyler
Dear Doctor,
37 days since the end of my journey
All along, I was writing to you. I know I was. I lost you. This thing I dreaded all along, it finally came true. I just have the satisfaction of being wrong about how it happened. You didn't leave me, I did. Against my will, and against my heart. I let go and I will always hate myself for this. I can't believe I will never be in space with you, in our beloved Tardis...
This is the last entry I will ever enter this journal. I will bury it somewhere with all the things I kept from you. I don't know how I am supposed to move on. I have my mom, my dad, even Mickey. I just don't have you. I need to stop crying or they will stain y words. I hate myself for having been so weak, and I can't believe I'm supposed to go back to a normal life. There was only life with you, now I will only be surviving because I owe it to my parents.
How I miss you...
Rose Tyler
Genesis: Written for the "Dear Diary" Challenge @ scifiland, for Team hero, which you really should join because we're awesome. Anyway the piece got out of control and needed posting on its own.
Summary: The short-lived diary of Rose Tyler. Spoiler up to the finale of season 2 for those who are slowly catching up.
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 1826 (see what I mean by out of control?)
Disclaimer: I really don't own anything, if I did, Billie would still be here.... I MISS YOU BILLIE!
A/N: Sorry for the capslock, I'm still mourning Rose. Any feedback is love! Oh yeah, and unbetaed...
Dear diary,
This is not working, is it? Let's try that again...
Dear Mum,
That is better, this way I don't feel as much like a complete lunatic. I'm writing to my mom. Shit, Aren't I supposed to date the entry? Then again, we've been travelling for some time now, thought time and space, it's getting hard to know what day it is. We're going to Cardiff, where the rift is, and I have no idea what day it's supposed to be if I'm honest... Let's try this a different way...
Dear Mum,
Day 108 of my journey
I think I can't get much more accurate than that. Anyway this is me trying to start a diary of some sort. I don't know, I'm just living such great days, I'm afraid they may pass and I will end up with nothing to remember them by. It's silly, isn't it? My memories are safe... Then again, maybe they aren't, I've seen some things...
I think that's part of the reason I'm loving right now so much. As I said, we've been travelling in space, through time, making our way to what is nowadays to me, in Cardiff. I think it's been two days since we left to go. Who knew that time and space travel was as prone to turbulences as a regular London-Edinburgh flight? Sure the Doctor know, and he would brag about it if I expressed my surprise, in his teasing way. He gets enough occasions to make fun of silly-human little me, let's not give him more material.
I wonder if Jack was aware of the turbulence thing... Then again, 51st Century human, he must have some clues about things I can't begin to grasp.
'Cause that's what's new, the Tardis is carrying three of us right now, and I4m loving it. Captain Jack Harkness is on board. It's magic. I mean, we have so much fun, and not just dancing.. At least someone I can side up with to gang up against the doctor! But it's not just that.
It's just so carefree. We're travelling basically at an alien snail pace, according to the Doctor, but it feels so good. There's a feeling inside my gut, like every time we land somewhere, I could lose him, the Doctor. What if he had to leave me behind, what if I became a burden or a liability? When we're travelling in the Tardis, it's the only moment I know for a fact that we're staying together. At least until our next halt.
It's really silly, isn't it? We met this guy a few days or weeks ago (who knows? I sure as hell don't) who had this motto, this philosophy about enjoying life a day at a time. Epicurus was his name I think... Anyway, we scared the crap out of him when the Tardis landed in his garden. The point is, maybe I should follow his philosophy/thought thingy, and just enjoy it.
Plus, we're seeing Mickey again when we finally get to Cardiff... So stop being silly, guts, and just let me enjoy the ride...
I should go, Jack just proposed to redecorate the Tardis, and I don't now kindly the Doctor is going to take that suggestion. I love it when they flirt/fight (you'd see it, you'd get it).
To think that I could have missed everything had I not jumped in the Tardis 108 days ago... And I would never have lives this amazing parenthesis in time and space!
I really should go, Jack just moved one of the Doctor's things, and fireworks should start soon.
Oi, right, I was pretending I was writing to my mom... Let's keep the fiction alive, I don't know how I feel about writing in an actual diary.
So, love you mum, gotta go to either break up a fight or find myself in the middle of two incredibly sexy men with pheromones flying everywhere. How you must envy me!
Rose Tyler
Dear mum
Day 118 of my journey
We lost Jack. This fictional thing I tried to sat to avoid having to call this a diary feels a little bogus considering I just left you, but it's not like I got a chance to say everything I felt. Let's keep the fiction alive once more, I need to talk.
We're back in space, we're going to some rock concert, yet there's a sadness in my heart... We lost Jack, and my doctor has a new face, and a new body.
It's actually painful to be back in space and read what I wrote ten days ago. Jack is... gone, or lost. It doesn't feel like he's dead, I won't believe it. I can't handle his death. I need to believe he's sill out there somewhere...
And the doctor, well, you've seen him. He's the same, yet he isn't. He's still as enthusiastic as ever (though pissed as hell he's not a ginger, it's a grudge he won't let go of), he still want to take me everywhere. It feels like he may be worried I'll leave him. I won't. Sure, I love our adventures, but I don't know... I want to be with him, it's the life I chose for me, I decided that I wanted that space life.
But yeah, he's still him, despite his new features. When I look in his eyes, I know it's my doctor. There's still this pain in his eyes, whenever we mention something that might have to do with the Time Lords or the war. It's him.
I guess I should stop complaining, I kept my best friend, I just really miss Captain Jack. (Mum, you should have seen them kissing, I'm getting hot all over again just remembering it).
It's just such a contrast, compared to this perfect space trip we made just ten days ago...
We've just arrived, gotta go, love ya mum!
Rose Tyler
Dear...
Day 157 of my journey
Oh Mama... We just left Sarah Jane behind. I hated her, then I loved her. She proved me how right I was. When we're in space, the doctor is mine, but once we're out of the Tardis, I can lose him at any moment. She never saw it coming, never started living again really after she lost him. She never recovered from the loss of him, and I probably won't either. I don't wanna think about it, yet I must. She said he will break my heart (duh!) but it will be so worth it. It will be the most alive I will ever feel, best time of my life. I can tell she's right. The doctor has been breaking my heart since day one, with the way he always go to whatever extreme is needed to save the world we're in, or the way he tried to save me even when I didn't want to, the way he embraced the knowledge that he was dying. He died for me, Mama... I may not remember the details, but I still have the gut feeling, this strange awareness of illumination, like I still can taste what I went through, even though he doesn't think I do. You saw my broken heart, mum, otherwise you wouldn't have helped me. If he ever leaves me, it will be the final blow, the last stomp on the pieces of my heart. I can live with a bleeding heart as I am now, I can cherish these feelings, because it means he's next to me, that he's still there. The day he won't be... Oh Mama, I don't how Sarah Jane survived.
Damn it, i gotta go. Mikey and the Doctor are fighting. Again.
I love you mum, I really hope the day won' come when you'll have to scavenge the pieces of my heart, but I thought you should know. Or I just needed to write about it.
Love you mum!
Rose Tyler
Dear Mum,
Day 201 of my journey
Black holes, mum, black holes! I mean, who can stay they've stood on top of a black hole and not have gotten sucked in? Well, this girl can.
I think after 200 days, I shouldn't be allowed to use the word "weird" anymore, but I am after all a simple girl with limited vocabulary. It was a weird experience this mission of ours. But more honestly, it was terrifying. I almost lost him, once more, and it wouldn't have had anything to do with him leaving, it was about goddamn aliens.
But now, we're back in my favourite place, the Tardis, travelling (you can guess this) through time and space, once more. We had a very little nice moment earlier (it feels like a century ago though) 'maybe it was a century ago, I can't tell anymore), when we thought we had lost our old girl. We had a silly conversation about mortgage and how expensive getting a place would be. We thought about moving in together, just the two of us. Sure, I have no idea what the planet we would have settled on would have been like, but the thought was really sweet and made me feel warm.
Anyway, now we have discarded it, and this old girl is our home. At some point, London and your place stopped being my home. Doesn't mean I don't you love you mum, you know I'd die for you. It's just that at some point, this... box for lack of a better word, this box that moves in space became my home. I belong here. With him.
Dammit, Gotta go again. You just called crying, and the Doctor agreed to come back for you. I'm gonna skin that little bastard who made you sad. Nobody messes with my mom and gets away with it. See you soon. Love you.
Rose Tyler
Dear Doctor,
37 days since the end of my journey
All along, I was writing to you. I know I was. I lost you. This thing I dreaded all along, it finally came true. I just have the satisfaction of being wrong about how it happened. You didn't leave me, I did. Against my will, and against my heart. I let go and I will always hate myself for this. I can't believe I will never be in space with you, in our beloved Tardis...
This is the last entry I will ever enter this journal. I will bury it somewhere with all the things I kept from you. I don't know how I am supposed to move on. I have my mom, my dad, even Mickey. I just don't have you. I need to stop crying or they will stain y words. I hate myself for having been so weak, and I can't believe I'm supposed to go back to a normal life. There was only life with you, now I will only be surviving because I owe it to my parents.
How I miss you...
Rose Tyler