chchchchannges
I feel like all too often lately I'm acting out something that I'm viewing as ok. I am my mother's daughter...aside from the lesbianism and drug and drinking problem. I don't want to have to tell someone I've known so long how I want to be treated or how I want them to make me feel. Really its exhausting. I'm working two jobs constantly sick as of late and haven't accomplished jack I thought I would have by now. I'm saving for my future because if its my money and hard work and lack of sleep and a personal life that's on the line only then Fuck yeah its MY future. If I think about everything too much it'd drive me crazy. I just feel like everything that's was said in the transition period has negated to post breakup and its all back the same. I can't live forever with someone who can buy a six pack every other day but can't budget their money to figure how much they can save every pay check. We are just too old. I want children and a retirement plan and to have a surprise vacation and to say I do in front of friends and family and to live my life with someone who will drive me to be a better self everyday of our lives together. Goddamnit my stomach hurts.