A very long Update
I figured it had been a long time since my last post and since i have had alot of extra time on my hands i would go ahead and post a very nice long update on how things have been going with me.
As most of you already know through so of my ealier postings Grandpa ended up selling his house and moving into the in law house of my aunt tammy's house in jackson, Tn. This past June I drove out there to visit taking my younger brother with me. By the end of the week my brother decided to stay there and is now living permently with my grandpa in Tn. Both of them seem to be doing pretty well i barely hear from them about once every two months which is sad considering they are the only real family i have. I dont talk to my mom and i havent seen my real dad since i was 3. I guess in the end it doesnt matter as long as i can stand on my own everything will be okay.
Dale and i were having alot of problems last year which is no big surprise considering the many times dale and i have broken up and then gotten back together. We were fighting all the time and so i decided to call of the engangement as well as ended up breaking up with him. This time there is no going back to dale. I cant keep hurting him, because in the end i know that i just dont love dale in the same way as he loved me. When we broke up he promised he would stay friends, which went well for a few months but now he barely talks to me once a week and thats only for about ten mins. It is not all his fault though, maybe i should have put more effort into to keeping in touch but when you are unemployed and barely ever leave the apartment there isnt much to tell to someone over the phone that u talk to every day. Maybe this is the way things are suppose to be, in the end dale and i were just not meant to be. We were both using each other, settling for what we could get rather than try for real love.
I started talking to adrians younger brother lee in october and we became very close over the next two months. By December i was extremely depressed with the way my life was turning out. I was working two jobs didnt have internet and barely had two friends that i talked to and even then i was so busy working i only talked to them once a week. I had gotten lonely and i was unhappy. I felt my life was getting nowhere and i was constently thinking about packing up my car and just driving off to see where the i would end up. I had no family around and it was my own fault for not having any friend left to talk to. In the past i had leaned on my friends so much that i forgot how to stand on my own. I was a terrible friend because even though i had promised to be there for my friend when they needed me i was never there becuase i was always trying to lean on them instead. In the end i lost contact with my closest friends and it is all my own fault.
SO when Lee offered for me to move to massachuett's i sat down and truely thought about what it would mean to leave everything i had worked so hard to achieve for the unknown. In the end i decided to go for it. Jan 5th i packed up my car with my most valuable possesions, leaving everything that i couldnt fit into my car behind reminding myself that it was just stuff i could get more stuff. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to just leave it all behind and leave for something else. I left the only home i have known to go somewhere where i dont know anyone or where anything is. HOw crazy can a girl be?
Now i am living in an apartment with lee in bradford massachuett's. The only thing i was able to bring with me was my books, my clothes, and the quilts i got when my great grandmother died back during my senior year. For the past month i have spent most of my time alone in the apartment while lee is at work or out trying to find a new job. I recently got a waitressing job at the Outback.
I have a myspace account though i barely really do anything with it. I also have a facebook account where i try to message some of my friends but it is just not to be. In the end the only people i talk to is adrian every once in a while, lee cuz i live with him, and emily once every two weeks.
I am happier here atleast happier than i was in fayetteville but there are times when i still so lonely and lost. I just wish i could figure out what the hell to do with my lfe and i wish i knew how to make it up to all the friends that i have let down over the years. I guess i wasnt as strong as i thought i could be.
Oh i almost forgot but i also recently was able to find my older half brother dean allen. Which has been a new experience to find out i am a aunt to three beautiful little girls and that my brother and i have quite a few things in common unfortunely he is very busy so i only get to talk to him every two weeks or so.
Anyway i think i have ranted and raved enough for the moment i will try to post more often than i have been. Take care and i miss you all.
As most of you already know through so of my ealier postings Grandpa ended up selling his house and moving into the in law house of my aunt tammy's house in jackson, Tn. This past June I drove out there to visit taking my younger brother with me. By the end of the week my brother decided to stay there and is now living permently with my grandpa in Tn. Both of them seem to be doing pretty well i barely hear from them about once every two months which is sad considering they are the only real family i have. I dont talk to my mom and i havent seen my real dad since i was 3. I guess in the end it doesnt matter as long as i can stand on my own everything will be okay.
Dale and i were having alot of problems last year which is no big surprise considering the many times dale and i have broken up and then gotten back together. We were fighting all the time and so i decided to call of the engangement as well as ended up breaking up with him. This time there is no going back to dale. I cant keep hurting him, because in the end i know that i just dont love dale in the same way as he loved me. When we broke up he promised he would stay friends, which went well for a few months but now he barely talks to me once a week and thats only for about ten mins. It is not all his fault though, maybe i should have put more effort into to keeping in touch but when you are unemployed and barely ever leave the apartment there isnt much to tell to someone over the phone that u talk to every day. Maybe this is the way things are suppose to be, in the end dale and i were just not meant to be. We were both using each other, settling for what we could get rather than try for real love.
I started talking to adrians younger brother lee in october and we became very close over the next two months. By December i was extremely depressed with the way my life was turning out. I was working two jobs didnt have internet and barely had two friends that i talked to and even then i was so busy working i only talked to them once a week. I had gotten lonely and i was unhappy. I felt my life was getting nowhere and i was constently thinking about packing up my car and just driving off to see where the i would end up. I had no family around and it was my own fault for not having any friend left to talk to. In the past i had leaned on my friends so much that i forgot how to stand on my own. I was a terrible friend because even though i had promised to be there for my friend when they needed me i was never there becuase i was always trying to lean on them instead. In the end i lost contact with my closest friends and it is all my own fault.
SO when Lee offered for me to move to massachuett's i sat down and truely thought about what it would mean to leave everything i had worked so hard to achieve for the unknown. In the end i decided to go for it. Jan 5th i packed up my car with my most valuable possesions, leaving everything that i couldnt fit into my car behind reminding myself that it was just stuff i could get more stuff. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to just leave it all behind and leave for something else. I left the only home i have known to go somewhere where i dont know anyone or where anything is. HOw crazy can a girl be?
Now i am living in an apartment with lee in bradford massachuett's. The only thing i was able to bring with me was my books, my clothes, and the quilts i got when my great grandmother died back during my senior year. For the past month i have spent most of my time alone in the apartment while lee is at work or out trying to find a new job. I recently got a waitressing job at the Outback.
I have a myspace account though i barely really do anything with it. I also have a facebook account where i try to message some of my friends but it is just not to be. In the end the only people i talk to is adrian every once in a while, lee cuz i live with him, and emily once every two weeks.
I am happier here atleast happier than i was in fayetteville but there are times when i still so lonely and lost. I just wish i could figure out what the hell to do with my lfe and i wish i knew how to make it up to all the friends that i have let down over the years. I guess i wasnt as strong as i thought i could be.
Oh i almost forgot but i also recently was able to find my older half brother dean allen. Which has been a new experience to find out i am a aunt to three beautiful little girls and that my brother and i have quite a few things in common unfortunely he is very busy so i only get to talk to him every two weeks or so.
Anyway i think i have ranted and raved enough for the moment i will try to post more often than i have been. Take care and i miss you all.