a such for some moment of reasoning.
i think i have always wondered the question of why. why i wonder about why i wonder. it is quite an intricate little debate with myself. as well as within. i wonder why i realate to music so much and why i even care what the reasoning is. only cause i should probably just accept it. for i have found no faults with this mere infatuation. i dont know why i feel that was with you. i believe that for every second of my life there is a soundtrack in the making. music is built of moments and my moments are constructed upon music. i want to float... i want to be free. free of fear. of hurt. of tears. oh having to think. of having to have a reason for everything. for once is would be splendid to just have my mind actually make up its mind. i am suffocated with indecisions. not knowing what to feel. how to feel. who to be. what to be. why to fucking be. cant i just be me. be here. do this. just this. why do i hide my tears. shouldnt i just let them come pouring down without any sort of explanation. im happy... so i cry. im sad so i am crying. i dont know why i am crying... so i have cried. it just feels that i must have reasoning behind every moment i have. behind every decision i finally make. behind anything. beside me. for once i just want to be. just want to be here without a clue as to why. without a care of explanitation. i want to lack the feeling that i may have missed something. i think that is what holds me back many of times. i am afraid that if i allow myself to choose that i will miss something and only end up to regret the one decision i actually make. someday i will be here. i will just sit here. i will read and i will write. i will love and i will hate. i will cry and not care why. i will draw and i will paint. i will construct and i will build. on character or foundation. my mind is my fury as well as my fire. it can be my strength and my weakness. all at once. i know it will all work out. given only a moments time. silence is perfection. these letters to you. if you walk strait for long enough you will only end up where you were.
