(no subject)
I have been waiting so long for this...and now that it's here...
I'm scared as hell
How do you put words on something that you've been covering up for years?
I have been more or less free of Self-Injury for a few years now, but even though I haven't expressed my pain in that way, I have shown it through the way I let my life play out. I have allowed things to fall apart over and over again to keep my life in constant crisis. I don't know how to function when I'm not in crisis...I don't know how to deal with things being okay.
If my life circumstances aren't shitty, than I don't have any reason for feeling shitty inside.
How do I look at my insides when they are scattered all over the place in p i e c e s?
How do I explain that there's always been something not quite right.
How do I figure out what I'm so damn scared of?