Life
LIFE...... HUh it's just a bunch of trials and tribulations that you are forced to over come. Sometimes filled with many tears, pain and confusion. Sometimes it leaves you wondering who you are; if your worthy or why you are even living. Life..... It's also full of joy, satisfaction and happiness. It rewards you with triumphant moments that you can not find the words to explain. It can leave you with a sense of accomplishment after you've battled through all the shame. Life.......
My year was .... Well, there are so many words and emotions a could place in that blank. I faced death, worry, regret, stress, anger, fear, confusion, heartbreak, betrayal, sadness, denial, disbelief, loneliness, just about every horrible emotions felt by mankind this year. AND I MADE IT! I would not say my journey to self discovery is over but the healing process has begin. It is funny how the things you can be so sure about do not end up working out. You think something is so perfect, right and true but in the end you realize it was the thing slowly tearing you down. (maybe it still is trying to tear you apart) It is worse when this thing is something
you care about and can not simply just let go of. Once again, it seems like another battle to fight. How do you continue to buiid your wall when something, maybe unintentionally keeps trying to slowly tear it down. Love is a strange thing. It can make you put up with a whole bunch of bullshit, until finally one day you just get tired of it. Well, that's where I am at. After all I have been through I feel like something is trying to tear me down. Now, I say love is a funny thing because it gets in the way, it blinds you up until you just get tired. It has this power because when you truly love something it takes power over you. Now sometime this is ok because it all works out but in other cases when it brings you down and you are too blind to see it, it causes pain. This is where I laugh because I will be damned if I let something make me feel like shit after all I've been through. I know I am a good person, I think about others more than I think about myself most of the time. I laugh becasue I am letting something make me second guess myself just because I value and respect I have for this thing but no more. Now, do not get me wrong I do not blame anyone but myself. I have control over myself so it is time to let go of the past and move on to 2006.
I do not know why I just felt like in order to really let go of this year I had to write these on my live journal. They are not meant to make anyone feel bad, it is just simply for me.
To the music of Ashley Simpson's song PIECES OF ME
Brokenhearted, hopeless
longing for some closeness
all I can feel is the truth,
you once loved me but it twisted into the wrong placement and now I'm missing you
Oh, sometimes when you fall fast
problems come and then it does not last
Ohhhh my hearts hurting my tears run fast
all I wanted was you
but you helped break me in twooo
Ohhh I wish I could feel better than being stabbed in my soul
I pray to God for this goal
The morning you told me you loved me but like a homie
I could not believe it was true
my heart dropped my breath froze,
for only if this could be a lie
Please, for then I would not be in two
To the music of Kelly Clarkson's song BREATHE
I'm so angry
how could you lie to me like this
I was your friend
I loved you with all my hearts content
A few mistakes, a few misunderstandings
You've made me feel like I am not worthy (to be with you)
but is it really you or is it me
I can not breathe
you say it's no one fault, but your breaking up with me
I feel my hope dwindle into a piece of meloncally
It was all up to you
You changed just like me but your feelings were not supposed to change toooo.
It's like I can not breathe
it's like I can't see what's happening
it's like I can't feel the rug being pulled out from under me
You felt my pain, you knew my voice, you knew my thoughts,
you made my day, you made feel perfect in every way
you held my close, my world was all secure
It's like I can't breathe
it's like I need you here for me
but I know that your heart doesn't fall, fall towards me
Tears stream down my face uncontrollably
my heart thumps two many beats
I'm in purgatory.
I hate you, I love you,I want your love
but you do not want me.
A broken heart, A brokne, A broken heart bleeds
A brokenm heart, a broken, A broken heart bleeds
and that's why I just can't breathe
*I just can't breathe*
My year was .... Well, there are so many words and emotions a could place in that blank. I faced death, worry, regret, stress, anger, fear, confusion, heartbreak, betrayal, sadness, denial, disbelief, loneliness, just about every horrible emotions felt by mankind this year. AND I MADE IT! I would not say my journey to self discovery is over but the healing process has begin. It is funny how the things you can be so sure about do not end up working out. You think something is so perfect, right and true but in the end you realize it was the thing slowly tearing you down. (maybe it still is trying to tear you apart) It is worse when this thing is something
you care about and can not simply just let go of. Once again, it seems like another battle to fight. How do you continue to buiid your wall when something, maybe unintentionally keeps trying to slowly tear it down. Love is a strange thing. It can make you put up with a whole bunch of bullshit, until finally one day you just get tired of it. Well, that's where I am at. After all I have been through I feel like something is trying to tear me down. Now, I say love is a funny thing because it gets in the way, it blinds you up until you just get tired. It has this power because when you truly love something it takes power over you. Now sometime this is ok because it all works out but in other cases when it brings you down and you are too blind to see it, it causes pain. This is where I laugh because I will be damned if I let something make me feel like shit after all I've been through. I know I am a good person, I think about others more than I think about myself most of the time. I laugh becasue I am letting something make me second guess myself just because I value and respect I have for this thing but no more. Now, do not get me wrong I do not blame anyone but myself. I have control over myself so it is time to let go of the past and move on to 2006.
I do not know why I just felt like in order to really let go of this year I had to write these on my live journal. They are not meant to make anyone feel bad, it is just simply for me.
To the music of Ashley Simpson's song PIECES OF ME
Brokenhearted, hopeless
longing for some closeness
all I can feel is the truth,
you once loved me but it twisted into the wrong placement and now I'm missing you
Oh, sometimes when you fall fast
problems come and then it does not last
Ohhhh my hearts hurting my tears run fast
all I wanted was you
but you helped break me in twooo
Ohhh I wish I could feel better than being stabbed in my soul
I pray to God for this goal
The morning you told me you loved me but like a homie
I could not believe it was true
my heart dropped my breath froze,
for only if this could be a lie
Please, for then I would not be in two
To the music of Kelly Clarkson's song BREATHE
I'm so angry
how could you lie to me like this
I was your friend
I loved you with all my hearts content
A few mistakes, a few misunderstandings
You've made me feel like I am not worthy (to be with you)
but is it really you or is it me
I can not breathe
you say it's no one fault, but your breaking up with me
I feel my hope dwindle into a piece of meloncally
It was all up to you
You changed just like me but your feelings were not supposed to change toooo.
It's like I can not breathe
it's like I can't see what's happening
it's like I can't feel the rug being pulled out from under me
You felt my pain, you knew my voice, you knew my thoughts,
you made my day, you made feel perfect in every way
you held my close, my world was all secure
It's like I can't breathe
it's like I need you here for me
but I know that your heart doesn't fall, fall towards me
Tears stream down my face uncontrollably
my heart thumps two many beats
I'm in purgatory.
I hate you, I love you,I want your love
but you do not want me.
A broken heart, A brokne, A broken heart bleeds
A brokenm heart, a broken, A broken heart bleeds
and that's why I just can't breathe
*I just can't breathe*