Graduation
So now, thanks to the latest round of email exchanges between my mom and me, I'm more stressed out than ever about the week of my graduation. She is asking endless questions about my fiancee, and she wants to meet her before the 6th -- which I can perfectly understand. But she seems to have forgotten everything that I have told her since February except for the fact that I have a girlfriend and that I'm moving to the UK.
It really worries me, and makes me paranoid about Taty meeting my mum. Is my mom going to hound her with questions? Is she going to make fun of her behind her back, like she has the vast majority of my friends and partners throughout my life even when I've asked her to stop or pointed it out to her? I don't want or need her damned approval for my relationship to work, just her acceptance that THIS IS MY GODDAMN LIFE, and I will live it in whatever way I see fit!!
I feel like I'm going back to my teenage days, when every choice or move I made was weighed, measured, and found wanting. This carried on through my first attempt at college, when I dropped out because I started not caring, and she condemned me for that. It took a damn long time for me to be able to speak to her in a civil manner after that, and only a couple of years ago did I even feel like I could approach her again and ask for help or advice when I needed it.
And now? Now that I am an adult and making my own decisions, and trying to make her a part of my life in one of the most important moments of it? This is what happens. She treats me like that stupid little high-school girl who knew nothing of the world because her mother never allowed it.
I didn't have to tell her jack shit. I didn't have to tell her when I was graduating. I didn't have to tell her I had a girlfriend, or that I was moving. I could have just up and disappeared without a word to anyone. But because I love her and want her in my life, because I want her to know the grandchildren that my fiancee and I will someday give her, I did tell her. And it's caused me no end of trouble since.
And you know what the most fucked-up part is? If I could go back in time to the day I told her, with all the knowledge I have today... I would still tell her, because it's the right thing to do. Why is the right thing always the hardest thing? I just want one thing in my life to be easy.
It really worries me, and makes me paranoid about Taty meeting my mum. Is my mom going to hound her with questions? Is she going to make fun of her behind her back, like she has the vast majority of my friends and partners throughout my life even when I've asked her to stop or pointed it out to her? I don't want or need her damned approval for my relationship to work, just her acceptance that THIS IS MY GODDAMN LIFE, and I will live it in whatever way I see fit!!
I feel like I'm going back to my teenage days, when every choice or move I made was weighed, measured, and found wanting. This carried on through my first attempt at college, when I dropped out because I started not caring, and she condemned me for that. It took a damn long time for me to be able to speak to her in a civil manner after that, and only a couple of years ago did I even feel like I could approach her again and ask for help or advice when I needed it.
And now? Now that I am an adult and making my own decisions, and trying to make her a part of my life in one of the most important moments of it? This is what happens. She treats me like that stupid little high-school girl who knew nothing of the world because her mother never allowed it.
I didn't have to tell her jack shit. I didn't have to tell her when I was graduating. I didn't have to tell her I had a girlfriend, or that I was moving. I could have just up and disappeared without a word to anyone. But because I love her and want her in my life, because I want her to know the grandchildren that my fiancee and I will someday give her, I did tell her. And it's caused me no end of trouble since.
And you know what the most fucked-up part is? If I could go back in time to the day I told her, with all the knowledge I have today... I would still tell her, because it's the right thing to do. Why is the right thing always the hardest thing? I just want one thing in my life to be easy.