FIC: What You Will (Thor) - A Girl and Her Horse (2/8)
What You Will - Chapter 2: A Girl and Her Horse
by ashinae and linden_jay
Chapter 1: Unknown Bride | Chapter 2: A Girl and Her Horse | Chapter 3: For the First Time | Chapter 4: Torn to Tatters | Chapter 5: Love Loss Hope Repeat | Chapter 6: Follow the Lady | Chapter 7: Learn to Fly | Chapter 8: Life Less Ordinary
Loki went to the library. A guard had to help her carry all the books, pens, and notebooks back to her new room; a series of suites attached to Thor's by a single door. When she was there alone, she changed out of her gown and into breeches and a simple tunic.
Then she shed her female appearance and, though Loki remained Asgardian in appearance, she was a young man instead. It was freedom.
Loki spread everything out on the bed, sat down, and began to study.
Some time later, there was a knock on the adjoining door, and then he heard Thor's voice: "Hello? Loki?"
What in the Nine Realms was he doing here? Loki immediately pitched himself over the side of the bed so that he could change back to herself. "In here, my lord!" came her voice, a brief moment later.
"Loki?" Thor called. He came further into the room. "Are you all right?"
Her dark head poked up from the side of the bed. "Here, my lord Thor. I dropped my pen." She rose to her feet and curtsied. "Please forgive my attire. I did not expect to see you until dinner."
Thor didn't respond right away. He must not have expected to see Loki in boyish attire... but then, after his long friendship with Lady Sif, Loki thought he should be used to it. "No... it was my fault," Thor said. "This is your room--I should not have intruded without knocking. Knocking and then waiting for an answer, that is," he said. "I apologise."
"You should of course feel welcome here," she replied, "but I do appreciate the sentiment. I might have been able to hide the mess, at least, if not changed my clothes." She gestured to the bed and its stacks of paper and books.
"You are a scholar," Thor said, moving over to look at one of the books. "I'm impressed, my lady."
"As Laufey's only child, I was expected to be both wise and powerful. I read much and I can fight."
"Female warriors are rare here," Thor said. "There are the Valkyries, but they live apart. And of course, there is Sif. Perhaps you will have that in common with her."
Loki smiled a little. "The Lady Sif and I look almost like sisters."
"You do look uncommonly alike," Thor agreed. "Did you find everything you were looking for?" he asked, waving his hand at the books.
"And more." Loki lifted a book; her long, elegant fingers brushed the cover almost lovingly. "But there is simply not enough room here, and I would have needed an army to help me carry it all."
"You should feel free to call Volstagg, Hogun, and Fandral into service at any time that you wish," Thor informed her. "They make up at least a small army between them."
"So the stories say." Loki paused a moment, then asked, "Did you have need of me, my lord? Or..." She looked a bit shy again, and carefully trained her eyes on the book. "If you had no particular need, I have a request."
"Need?" Thor repeated. "I... no, not... I mean... no, my lady. I didn't. What is it that you wanted?"
"I have never seen a horse, except in books." Her voice was very soft.
Thor looked surprised. "They have no horses in Jotunheim?" he said. "Come--I can show you right away. It is a good excuse not to need to change your attire," he added.
"Let me get my boots," Loki said, quickly, and hurried to her extensive wardrobe. It had appeared here after the wedding, though she saw most of it in her guest quarters before. The vast majority of it she had not brought herself. As she put on a pair of boots, she said, "We have steeds on Jotunheim, but not horses as you have here on Asgard."
"I suppose that even one of Asgard's horses would be hard pressed to carry someone like your father," Thor said, waiting by the door.
"It would hardly be fair, would it?" She joined Thor. "Please, lead on, my lord."
Thor inclined his head in her direction, smiled widely, and started toward the stables. "If you wish, you can learn how to ride... even have a horse of your own, of course," he said.
She looked up at him with wonder in her eyes. "My own horse?"
His smile got even wider. "Of course. You're an Asgardian princess now."
"Asgardian princess," she repeated, as though tasting the words. "Asgardian princess. How strange."
"What would you have me call you?" Thor asked, nodding as one of the servants opened the door in front of them and they headed outside.
"You misunderstand, my lord," she said. "It is, of course, a strange concept--strange words to hear--but it is what I am now."
"I can't imagine that I would find it very easy to be plucked from my home and left among strangers," Thor said.
Loki suspected that the All-Father and Queen Frigga would never have been able to get Thor to the Bifrost, let alone to Jotunheim.
"This is without doubt the hardest thing I have ever done." She shaded her eyes and looked up at the sky. "But it is truly beautiful here. If you and your people will accept me..." She looked up at him again. "Your mother is wonderful. She was very kind to me this morning after you left."
"She is a truly good person," he said. "You are welcome here, Loki. Your people have been sent here as you were for generations, welcomed and accepted among us."
"I wonder if we would be so kind if we were to take in your people. We send our children to you when they are of age and we feel it makes us diminished, even down to the lowest..." She touched his arm. "But you show such kindness. The ladies of the court came to me, talked to me, and I thought surely they would hate me, and be jealous because of you."
Thor frowned. "Why would they hate you because of me?" he asked, clearly puzzled.
"You are their prince, and you are--you. The mighty Thor. Because of me, not a single one of those young ladies will have a chance to marry you."
Thor nodded slowly as Loki's meaning sank in. "Ah... I see. Well, if this had not happened, and you had not come along, it is unlikely that I would have married any of them anyway," he admitted. "I did not plan to marry for some time yet, and likely most, if not all of them would have moved on."
"I'm sorry," she murmured. "It seems that I have truly changed your life."
"Loki... it is not your fault," Thor said firmly. "You've left your home behind, your people, and come here. Your life is ever changed as well. Please, you do not need to apologize."
"I feel I should. I was the one born like--" She gasped, suddenly, and reached up a hand to his arm.
There was a horse and rider leaving the stables.
Whatever Thor was about to say in response to Loki's words was lost as he smiled at her reaction. "Beautiful, isn't it?" he murmured. "Would you like to see one up close?"
Her hand was still on his arm, and she made no move to put it anywhere else. "Oh, yes, I would, please."
"Good--this way." He led her closer and into the stable building. "Stay with me, and don't walk behind any of the horses--they can kick," he warned, leading her over to a stall. "It's all right--she's very gentle," he promised.
The thing about being Jotunn but not a giant was that Loki was very used to being much smaller than everything in her world. And yet this magnificent creature made her feel tiny in a way she wasn't used to. She tucked in against Thor's side, both hands on his arm, and watched the horse. "She's beautiful," she said.
"Here--like this," Thor said, extending his hand and stroking just beneath the horse's mane. "She enjoys a bit of a scratch." He moved his hand so Loki could try.
She reached out to touch the horse, too, and scratched her neck lightly. "Hello," Loki whispered. "Aren't you very lovely?"
The horse nickered softly, turning her head and lipping at Loki's tunic.
"She thinks that you have concealed a treat for her," Thor said. "She's greedy." He scratched his fingers along the horse's spine.
Loki looked at Thor. "I didn't know I should bring her something," she said.
"How could you?" Thor said. "Wait--just a moment." He left Loki beside the horse and went to speak to one of the grooms. A few moments later, Thor had a small pail of apples, and he was demonstrating to Loki how to feed the horse--without getting her hand accidentally bitten.
Loki watched the horse in absolute wonder as she ate right from her hand. "You like that so much, don't you? I think you do. I think you get terribly spoilt, and just as you should, lovely lady." With her free hand, Loki touched the horse's neck again.
Thor smiled, watching the pair of them. "Her name is Rowan. She was Mother's horse, but while Rowan was in foal, Mother found another horse who suited her frame better. Rowan's little one is weaned now, and if you like, I can ask Mother if she thinks that she would suit you."
Loki gasped and turned back to Thor. "You would do that for me?"
"She's a kind, gentle horse, and she would suit a new rider very well. Of course I would," Thor said.
She turned back to him, now that the horse had finished her apple, and reached up to touch Thor's cheek. "Thank you, my lord."
Thor blinked, smiled, and took her hand, leading her as though she were a small child who might dart into the path of a runaway horse. "Come--you must see my horse," he said.
And she let him, because he was touching her. She let him guide her, and she peered around him at his horse when they reached him. "Oh," she said, softly.
"Halvard is... less gentle than Rowan," Thor warned Loki. "You are safe with me," he promised her, eye to eye with the giant black horse. "He has a bit of a temper, and is known to be stubborn. My friends felt it would be most appropriate were he named after me, but I refused."
Loki tucked in against Thor's side again. She would never admit to being afraid. She did not tremble or try to flee, but she stayed very close. "He's magnificent," she whispered.
"Halvard has led me victoriously into battle on many a day," Thor said. "He also was responsible for more than one trip to our healers. Only four can back him--would you like to guess who?" he asked, looking down at Loki, smiling as though it were a game.
She looked up at Thor, frowning in thought, then looked at the horse again. "The All-Father, of course."
"Of course," Thor said. "Myself as well, so that's two. There are two more who he allows to ride him. Will you guess, or shall I tell you?"
She looked thoughtful for a long moment, then smiled. "Please tell me Lady Sif is one."
Thor's grin grew large. "The lady Sif is indeed the third," he said.
"And the fourth must be one of the Warriors Three," Loki said, considering the options. "Hogun--I suspect Volstagg or Fandral would be too... much."
"Truly, you are a lady of keen insight," Thor said. "I am impressed, my lady. It is Hogun. Fandral still bears the scars from his attempt, and Volstagg wisely refused."
"Actual scars, or scars to his dignity?" she asked, archly.
"Mostly to his dignity, although there is one right below his left..." Thor trailed off and coughed. "Well. Best not to be spoken of in front of a lady."
She smiled, then turned back to the magnificent horse. "I do so hope your mother will allow me to ride Rowan. I look forward to my lessons." She paused a moment and looked down at her hands. "Will you teach me, my lord?"
"If you like," Thor said, looking--much to Loki's surprise--shy. "It pains me to admit, but Sif is the better rider. Between the two of us, I am confident that we will have you riding as well as any Asgardian-born princess."
She reached up to touch his face again. "I would like it very much if you would teach me." So help her, she had decided that she would make this work, even if she was the one who would make all the overtures. She would win him over.
He was the tall, golden, handsome prince of Asgard, and she was his wife. Jotunn or not, she would make this work.
"Then it is settled," Thor said. He allowed the touch for a moment, then shifted back. "I suppose you will need time to dress for dinner. I should return you to your room. I will speak to mother about the horse as we dine."
She carefully schooled her expression. Thor was stubborn. So was she. Still--she knew a dismissal when she heard it, even if he was going to escort her back to her room. "Of course, my lord. My maids may even be waiting for me."
"I'm sure they're delighted to have you to serve rather than me," Thor said. "I never let them do my hair," he confided, winking at her.
At least he was friendly, even if he rejected her touch.
***
"I heard a tale today. You abandoned your new wife the morning after your wedding, for your friends, only to take her to the stable and then leave her alone again." Odin looked steadily at Thor. They were alone; no one had yet joined them for supper. "I know this is not what any of us would have truly chosen, my son, but--"
He paused.
The pause could have been filled with: Are you stupid? or What is wrong with you?
Instead, Odin sighed and shook his head. "You are impossibly stubborn, and I fear you come by it very honestly. You must still fear this is a plot on Laufey's part, but any number of us could have seen tampering. It took a very long time for Laufey to finally reveal that his child is not a giant. He wanted to keep her at home. We are not fools."
Thor fought the urge to squirm under his father's scrutiny, focused on the glass in front of him, and wished he dared drink the entire thing in one go rather than have this conversation.
"I do not believe that this is a plot," Thor admitted reluctantly--his reluctance more to do with having the conversation at all, rather than any desire to believe that Loki was some kind of spy. "She is trying very hard to assimilate to our culture and world. And I am trying to adjust to a very new reality--one I was not expecting to face for some time." As though that were an excuse for his behaviour.
"She is trying," Odin agreed, "and has been here only a few short days. She is as clever as I heard she was. She will make a very good queen one day. A very long time from now; don't look at me like that, Thor." He managed a little smile, really just a twitch of his lips. "I wish we could have delayed this longer. We didn't rush into this as soon as you were both of age, as has happened in the past with others, when a Jotunn family was ashamed of their offspring not growing beyond our stature.
"I wish we could have delayed further, Thor, but to put it off for very long would have been unseemly, as though we were all too ashamed, or thought ourselves above the treaty. And that is not fair to anyone, either."
"She said something... at the stable," Thor said. "She said that the people feel diminished as they send their non-giant children to Asgard. I wonder, father, if this treaty is still in the best interest of all our people." It was true, and he did mean it, but it distracted away from the point Odin was hammering away at.
Odin sighed faintly. "It is reparation," he said. "I would be surprised if they did not feel diminished. And now they have lost Laufey's firstborn child. But it binds our peoples together, and it has kept the Frost Giants at bay. They are a proud people, and they may not like the intermarriage of our people, but they do not desire harm to come to anyone who might be the offspring of one of their own."
"A lesser evil preventing a greater harm," Thor said quietly. "That does not mean it is right, Father."
"You had never uttered such a thought before it had impact on your life."
That stung, but it was not untrue. "I had never thought on it before," Thor admitted. And even after all of this was in motion, Thor had thought he'd be able to find a way out of it.
Part of him was still waiting for someone to tell him that it was all a mistake, and he could go back to his old life.
"No, and why would any of us truly expect you to?" Odin rose to his feet as the doors opened. "But try, my son. She is every inch the princess."
Loki wore green, gold, and black again, and her hair had been curled and cascaded down over one of her shoulders. Any man who was so inclined would find his breath stopped at the sight of her.
Thor stood up as she entered--he wasn't a complete boor, and where he was, he could be taught--and moved to escort her politely to her chair. "My lady."
***
Loki felt a mounting anxiety as she and Thor made their way, silently and side-by-side, to their suites. She peeked up at him a time or two, and realised, quite suddenly, almost like a blow, that she wanted him.
She may be untouched, but she was not ignorant. She knew what her duties were and she thought that, perhaps, she might even like them. Enjoy them.
She wanted him to have her.
They arrived at their apartments. She walked quietly through the room, and hesitated just outside his bedroom before she turned to look at him.
"Well," he said, voice stiff and--not unexpected, she realised with a sigh--awkward. He did not look directly at her. "I am sure that you must be tired."
"Not terribly," she replied. "If you... I will avail myself to you, my lord."
"No... no, no," Thor said, his smile artificially bright. "You are only just settling in, after all. I think rest would be... restful. For us both. So I will... go. And let you... rest."
She watched him leave her alone again; alone with her thoughts; this strange body; the set of rooms that were hers and already filling up with books and notes. She shed her gown, put on breeches, and settled down amidst her studying. It would be some time before she would be able to sleep, her mind too busy with the strangeness of the Asgardians and her simultaneous desire to give herself to Thor and hit him very, very hard about the head.
***
One of the things Loki found strangest about the Asgardians was their binary gender. Male, female.
Frost Giants were neither. Loki's tutors had explained that because of Asgard's concepts, they regarded Jotunar as male; Jotunar did not have static gender. It shifted, it changed, as was needed to propagate the species.
Through Allspeak, Asgardians perceived that Jotunar referred to each other as "he" or "him". Their language was more complex than that. But already, Loki thought of Laufey as "he".
Laufey had borne Loki himself. He had not wished his rivals to know this information and regard him as weak. Asgardians had funny ideas, sometimes, about the feminine.
The shift that Loki made from female to male was easy. It was as natural to him as breathing. His male form provided him freedom to move about as he might like; he could join the warriors and spar should he so choose.
But he really, really liked the attention to appearance that was afforded the Lady Loki. The dresses and the hair; princess, certainly, perhaps lesser than Thor, but her beauty provided her power.
Still, in making the change, Loki had to be careful. It would simply not do for anyone to see a young man slip from Lady Loki's chamber. He cloaked himself to hide his clothes, found an empty room, and became Lord Loki.
A few looked at him twice; he was not so striking as a male, but his pale skin was flawless (of course); the black hair that brushed his collar was still uncommon enough; his green eyes were sharp and perhaps not unlike the princess'.
It didn't matter. No one said a word about it. Some nodded in his direction as he passed--despite the simplicity of his attire, there was still a regal bearing to him that nothing could hide.
He wondered if he could get away with riding Lady Loki's horse. There was only one way to find out, so he made his way to the stables--constantly worried that someone would find him out.
He strode into the stables as though he belonged there, picked up an apple, and made his way over to Rowan. She truly was a friendly creature, and she didn't hesitate to take the apple from Loki's hand. But as she finished it, her demeanour seemed to change a moment as she took in the person standing before her.
Loki was very certain that his sweet, gentle lady was quite confused. How could this stranger smell just like her frequent companion, Princess Loki? Rowan shifted her stance uncertainly, turned her head this way and that, and Loki thought that the poor thing was unable to reconcile what her senses were telling her.
He hushed her, soft and gentle, rubbing his hand along her neck just as he had the first day they met. "It's me, Rowan," he whispered. "It's just me. I promise you. There. There's my sweet lady. Can you keep this between us--our little secret? There's another apple in this for you if you don't tell anyone that it's me."
And finally Rowan relaxed, and lipped at Loki's sleeve. He rested his cheek against hers. "I'll get that apple for you in just a moment," he murmured.
***
Loki knew it was too much to ask that she be able to carry all the books to her room on her own. When the first one went, for some reason she simply couldn't keep them all from falling. And there she was, in one of the ridiculous gowns that had been provided, and she felt terrible dropping to her knees to start gathering up the books.
"My lady--please allow me!" A voice came from behind Loki, and a moment later, Fandral bent to assist her with picking up the large pile of books.
She was terribly relieved to see a friendly face, and she smiled. "Thank you, Lord Fandral. I suppose being stubborn wasn't the greatest idea I've had today."
"No trouble at all... and if you're as stubborn as you say, you've married into the right family," he teased. "Even the lady Frigga is an extremely determined woman when she wants to be."
"Oh, yes," she said, as she fetched an errant pen and rose to her feet as gracefully as she could manage with books in her arms. "I have already come to learn just how terribly stubborn my lord husband is."
Fandral gave her a sympathetic look and a smile. "You'll get used to it," he said. "Or you'll kill him."
She actually gasped and nearly dropped her books again. "That is a terrible thing to say! The consequences for our people would be enormous."
"Our people... see? You're already fitting in here," Fandral said, giving her one of his most charming smiles.
That actually brought her up short. She stopped walking and blinked a few times. Finally, she smiled and ducked her head. "Look at that," she murmured. "I could love it here. I want to. I hope that everyone can accept me."
"Is anyone being unkind to you, treating you unfairly?" Fandral asked, looking as though he might just be forced to have a serious expression. "If they are, if anyone does, they will answer to me," he vowed.
"No, not yet, but I haven't had much contact with anyone outside the palace--really, anyone outside my new family and my lord husband's friends. And the maids." She smiled again as they started to walk through the corridor. "They are very taken with my hair."
"Well, can you blame them?" Fandral said. "Your hair is the type that the poets write about. I am sure that Thor will be putting verses to music any day now about your raven locks."
"I'm afraid I don't know about that last part," she murmured. "I've started wondering if I'm..." She shook her head. "No. Please forget I said anything."
Fandral frowned. "Loki, is something wrong?" he asked. "You've started wondering if... what?"
She looked at him and ran the risk of walking into a pillar before he steadied her. He didn't call her 'my lady' and the kind familiarity of it made her ache. "Am I pretty?" she asked in a small voice.
Fandral looked back at her and set his books down on a table so he could give her his full attention. "You are an extraordinarily beautiful woman, my lady Loki," he assured her. "Truly, do you not know how lovely you are?"
"I honestly wasn't certain," she murmured. "I thought my perception, being coloured by my life on Jotunheim, was wrong. I look so little like the ladies of the court, even though I'm not... blue. And I know that the Lady Sif and I could almost be sisters, but..." She looked down as she trailed off.
"Have you not noticed that the ladies at court have started modeling their dress and hair after you?" Fandral said. Of course, he would notice. Sif never would have. "They are following your lead."
"I..." She looked startled at this information. "I have been here for only a month."
A month in which she had spent every night on her own. She took her morning and evening meals with Thor, Odin, and Frigga; sometimes Sif and the Warriors Three. She took horse riding lessons, she snuck out as a male to spend time with her horse without someone watching over her, she studied, and she was fussed over by her maids. The princess had not yet been out amongst the people.
Loki spent every night alone. Thor would not touch her and still looked a little startled if she touched him.
"It doesn't take much time for influence to spread," Fandral explained. "Particularly from someone as beautiful as yourself. They crave the opportunity to see you, to be in your presence. None of us thought we'd be seeing a bride for Thor this soon."
"He didn't think so, either," Loki murmured. "I did not anticipate being married yet, either, least of all to a stranger, the son of the All-Father." She shook her head. "Listen to me. I am blessed to be in this beautiful place, to be making friends, to be so beautiful that I am influencing the ladies of the court. I shouldn't complain."
She was so, so lonely.
"Would you go back, if you could?" Fandral asked, surprisingly thoughtful, for Fandral. "I suppose it's folly to think such things when you're already here, but influence, new friends, and a beautiful place to live aren't everything."
"Sometimes I don't think of home at all," she said. "I have not been here long, but already there are times where I am perfectly content to be here. But other times... I am so homesick it hurts."
"I am truly sorry," Fandral said. "Is there anything I can do to ease your loneliness?"
Loki thought that if his friends could hear him now, being kind and friendly and not flirting even a little, Fandral's reputation would never recover. She smiled briefly at that, but it faded with another thought: Tell my husband to deflower me. "I don't think there's anything at all that can be done to help me," she said after a too-long pause.
"Are you sure?"
"Your kindness and friendship will be more than enough, good Fandral. Thank you."
It wasn't enough, but still he smiled, and said, "As you wish, my lady. Now--where shall I carry these books?"
***
| Chapter 3: For the First Time |