Fast Car
I'm a little off tonight, so forgive me...however, I do have a few things to say.
Well, more less, questions for whatever or whoever wants to listen too.
Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed again.
Ugh, it's more aggravating than anything.
I again don't know who I am, where I belong, what I am, etc.
I feel depressed some days .
I should see a therapist or something.
Anyways I always find myself in this rush to live, grow, etc.
Maybe it's because I lived so fast I find myself lost at where I truly am in life...you know?
I don't know truthfully.
I find myself wanting more, wanting less, wanting whatever it is I really don't have.
The next minute I ask myself materialistically and emotionally what I don't have and I find myself in denial, pretending I have everything I truly love and desire.
I wish life wasn't this hard.
Then again, today I was driving alone and I had this sort of epiphany, some sort of feeling that well, you know how most everyone has fucked up experiences? You know how the last time you felt like no one had it worse than you or no one could understand, and you started to ask yourself, how come life can be so hard? What if life is meant to be hard and what if life is meant to be this way. This IS life. So everyone has to deal with it. The pain and the pleasure.
I'm rambling, and it's annoying. I know.
I just always seem to end up being placed in the same position in my life. I always feel like I have a few choices (as if they're going to end up being exactly what my mind wanted).
I want to live in New York City. I'm young, I want to experience life, fun, art, love, etc, of course.
I'm happy with John. I can see a real future with him, but I don't know if he feels the same so sometimes, my heart aches and that isn't fair to me. I know I have so much to offer, so...blah.
Sometimes I feel like settling down (I know I'm so damn young)- I feel like starting a family young, building my own house, living a more traditional life.
I sometimes feel like going to college, where I most feel like I might sometimes belong.
I am so confused.
Dear Life,
I hate it when you do this to me.
Please help me find myself/the answers soon enough.
I am balancing ever so slightly.
Love,
Ashley.
Well, more less, questions for whatever or whoever wants to listen too.
Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed again.
Ugh, it's more aggravating than anything.
I again don't know who I am, where I belong, what I am, etc.
I feel depressed some days .
I should see a therapist or something.
Anyways I always find myself in this rush to live, grow, etc.
Maybe it's because I lived so fast I find myself lost at where I truly am in life...you know?
I don't know truthfully.
I find myself wanting more, wanting less, wanting whatever it is I really don't have.
The next minute I ask myself materialistically and emotionally what I don't have and I find myself in denial, pretending I have everything I truly love and desire.
I wish life wasn't this hard.
Then again, today I was driving alone and I had this sort of epiphany, some sort of feeling that well, you know how most everyone has fucked up experiences? You know how the last time you felt like no one had it worse than you or no one could understand, and you started to ask yourself, how come life can be so hard? What if life is meant to be hard and what if life is meant to be this way. This IS life. So everyone has to deal with it. The pain and the pleasure.
I'm rambling, and it's annoying. I know.
I just always seem to end up being placed in the same position in my life. I always feel like I have a few choices (as if they're going to end up being exactly what my mind wanted).
I want to live in New York City. I'm young, I want to experience life, fun, art, love, etc, of course.
I'm happy with John. I can see a real future with him, but I don't know if he feels the same so sometimes, my heart aches and that isn't fair to me. I know I have so much to offer, so...blah.
Sometimes I feel like settling down (I know I'm so damn young)- I feel like starting a family young, building my own house, living a more traditional life.
I sometimes feel like going to college, where I most feel like I might sometimes belong.
I am so confused.
Dear Life,
I hate it when you do this to me.
Please help me find myself/the answers soon enough.
I am balancing ever so slightly.
Love,
Ashley.