The Daily Prophet 8 June 2000
WEATHER
Still stormy and wet out! The wind has died down and storefronts are opening again! Expect small wingless canaries to be popping up! They love this weather! Take one home- they make great pets! But 1 in 30 are carnivorous and eat puppies and gerbils.
MINISTRY REBUILT!
Today Minister for Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt opened the brand new Ministry, located above the now cleared wreckage of the old Ministry and firmly warded. The new Ministry is a grand white building, tall and golden in the core of muggle London. It towers high over the street, overlooking shoppes such as Barnes and Nobles, and the Tea Shoppe.
"The men and women of the Ministry of Magic deserve to stand high above, to soak in the sun, to feel the breeze. No longer will we dwell underground. This is our first step to change- a brand new Ministry and a brand new policy to further the growth of the wizarding world!"
The Minister's speech was met with cries of joy and surprise, and quite a few outraged wizards. Shaklebolt is accused of encouraging a breakage of the secrecy keeping our worlds separate. Quite understandably this does not sit well with most members of the wizarding world, and the cries of anger extend well across the far reaches of the world.
MUGGLES APPEARING IN DROVES
The Ministry yesterday had quite a job on their hands as groups of deranged, saucer-eyes muggles wandered straight past wards and into the disaster site as has been a problem the past few days. The problem was quickly solved with the appearance of the refurbished Ministry, and stronger wards, but the public is still enraged at the leak that has occurred.
How can they act as though it's not a big deal? I mean, I've seen those muggles- they really believe wizards exist! Doesnt that make them more dangerous? Can't the Ministry see how big of a threat this is? And for it to go on so long! I'm heading down myself to see those wards are put up properly!"
-Spotted Mother
As you can see, the outrage is enormous! Certainly mistakes of this magnitude in the future will be dealt with more promptly, or the Ministry will have quite the hoard of angry witches and wizards on their hands!
RECENT STUDY SUGGESTS ALCOHOL IN EXCESS IS BAD FOR HEALTH
To the surprise of many witches and wizards today, a recent study provided data that claims that more than one or two glasses of red wine a night can actually be bad for your health! Most of the wizarding world is taking such claims as a big joke, but it's this reporter's job to post even the gossip! Keep your eyes peeled for any forthcoming news about this ridiculous claim and send any information you might have to The Prophet!
OBITUARIES
1906-2000 In Loving Memory
Yesterday evening, Margo Nott, 94, mother of wanted Death Eater Edric Nott was found dead in her bed, the cause apparently natural. The death was called in by family friend Rudolph Atkins, friend to Edric Nott. Atkins was once suspected of being a Death Eater, but there was no evidence to convict him. He stands now as step-in guardian to Margo Nott's grandson Theodore Nott. There is no sign of Edric Nott or reaction to the news of his mother's death. How cold and heartless this man must be.
POTTERWATCH
It seems the baby bump is more than just a myth! We have received numerous claims of similar sightings. Mr Potter! What are you not telling us! Your fans want to know!
For more on this and other stories, check up tomorrow in The Daily Prophet!
From your trusted name in news, Demetrius Greensmith!