Another Chapter...
i get to tell another fun Afghanistan story. Seriously though my terrifying encounter with CharlieMed. A few days ago I got really really sick. I wasn't all that suprised since one of my roommates had the same thing. It is some strange stomach virus that makes you feel like your intentines are learning to square dance and doing a really bad job of it. So off to CharlieMed I go after having everyone in my office make me leave. My commander pretty much said I had to spend the rest of my day in my room and I wasn't allowed to leave. Did you ever notice that when you are sick is when you really want to be at work? So I get there and I sign in and sit down to wait. There was about 7 others in front of me so I knew it would be at least 30mins. I being familar with being stuck in a waiting room brought a backpack with water and a book in it. While paitently waiting the stomach cramps start increasing to the point that every time one hit I was curled up in a ball on the bench. I was getting some pretty interesting looks. After about an hour I finally go up to the desk and ask how much longer the wait time is? She looks at me trying to remember me, and looks down at the sheet. She says well I think you are next but the doctor grabbed the guy in front of you so I will try and figure it out. I say thankyou and once again sit down. About ten minutes later this sgt comes out and beckons for me to follow him. We step into a small room that is made entirely of plywood. You have to understand Kandahar isn't really that big on tents for some reason they really like building made of plywood. He makes me hop on to the bed thingee and starts asking me those increadably personal questions that you hate answering. I answer without looking as shocked as I felt. He took the normal vitals and listened to my stomach but I started getting a little confused when he looked at my eyes and nose. I told him my stomach hurt. He sits down and writes this on his handy dandy clipboard while occasionally asking me a wonderfully random health question that still has very little to do with gurgling intestines. AFter about ten minutes of this he tells me to stand up and he was going to take my vitals while standing. He suspected I was dehydrated. He was right and before I get any threats of why are you drinking more water. It was something to do with what was wrong with me. So he cheerfully informs me that I get to get an IV. You have to understand I have never had an IV and I really hate needles. I inform him of this and he says that its okay but I really need the IV because he was going to put some happy medication in it that would make the pain go away. After promising that he was my hero. He goes to get the doctor for a final opinion and the doctor wanders in and says one bag instead of two is enough and asks if I want to call anyone since the happy medication was going to knock me out. I call my office and they promise to send someone in half an hour to pick me up. Well the doc leaves and once again I am alone with the Sgt. I start asking him questions and inform him that he is only allowed to poke me once or I get to kill him he laughs and says that is a common threat and he is still here. At this point I trust him. Well the sticks the needle in my upper arm and misses. Thats the first time. Then he goes for my wrist and he strikes a vein but instead of flawlessly sliding in for some reason my vein was against this intrusion and decides to implode. So at that point I have a two holes in my arm one bleeding profusely and my wrist is swollen. That the second time. So he tries to get it into the back of my hand once again he fails. Thats the third time. He is starting to get fustrated with my viens. Apparently I have both very fragile and tiny veins that when they see a needle decide to hide. Smart veins. So he gets me a bottle of water and says he will be back when I drink this. After I guzzle the bottle of water he comes back and before he can get another hole in me he says I give up. It probably helped I was in tears from laughing at the poor guy and the amazing amounts of pain i was in. I really really wanted that happy medicine. So he goes and gets someone else. I then realize I really have to pee. So the next guy comes in and stares and my hand and starts yelling at it. The yelling didn't work. He tries two more times and fails miserably the doctor finally comes in a says take it orally. So I couldn't leave until I drink two bottles of water and take all my pills. I guzzled the water and wandered home. Now I still have five holes in me and my wrist is techni-colored. Stupid CharlieMed.