Just rattlings from me here in the mountains
I've been thinking about the gastric bi-pass (or banding) surgery again, but the risks are great and it scares me so much. I just don't know. I need an answer to drop from the sky into my lap -- if I had a lap! but as tesslouise reminded me, neither Bear nor I have a good feeling about the surgery.
People comment about my good frame of mind in all of this. I don't know about that -- but I just do what I keep doing... walking one foot in front of the other, even if it makes my back and legs freeze up! I'm glad that it seems inspires people. I just wish I didn't have to deal with all of this. I don't know how to be any other way.
Dave is still not completely 100% well, but a far sight better than he was before. He has just had a run of antibiotics and that helped tremendously. He is the healthier of the two of us, I'd say. He is still fatigued but not as desperately so as he has been recently, which is good.
I am going to be posting more and more photos to the livejournal, so do check back.I'll always put them behind a cut so they don't take up so much space in my Flist's journals.
One big concern that I have, now that my older daughter, Adie, seems to be stable. Emmie has gained weight really fast in the last couple of months. She is up to 192 lbs now, which is horrifiying, and she is only 5ft tall. Timberli, her new worker, is going to help her exercise and walk to try to get some off of her. But today, she had a slab of chocolate for breakfast, according to my aide who was here when it happened.(I was still asleep) She eats without grasping the consequence of it. Did I tell you that one time this winter when i made chili, she drank the can of grease skimmings that I had next to the crock pot? All grease.... I nearly threw up when I realized it!! And she has done it TWICE!
Now, here is a new development in the group home thing. She has a boss at her maintenance job (the one she gets paid for) twice a week who I'll call "Peg". When Peg started, Emmie couldn't stand her! But now they are best buds. Peg is a former group home supervisor, and is in her late 40's. She not only has that job, but she cares for man in his 50's in her home who is very MR and she gets paid through another organization to do so. She told us that she thinks that Emmie will languish in the group home, as she is far more intelligent than the others, and that she doesn't interact with the clients much, just staff. She is really worried about her being in the group home. I asked her if she might consider having her in her home through the other organization (much stricter background check and regulations than the local one we work with that does the group homes) and she said she would LOOOOVE to have Emmie! So that is another option. The good news is this: she lives just outside of town in a tiny gathering of houses (like a village in England), and we could see her whenever I wanted. She could spend the night here any time. She could ride to her job with Peg. She could still be a part of the clubhouse (more news on that in a minute), which she does 3 days a week. The group home she would in, if she were to go, is at least 45 minutes away.
It is hard thinking of letting someone else have control/daily care over her. If we had a bigger house, we'd let her stay with us. But Dave really wants to have time alone with me, and even though she is a great help around the house, he wants it to just be the two of us. I understand completely. We are both ready for an empty nest! It is just hard, after 20 years, to not have her around. Not because I'm clinging to her, but because I feel so protective of her. She is SO vulnerable, and her brain injury is difficult to understand. Very complicated.
We got news last week that the Clubhouse which is two blocks away, is closing. She attends it three days a week and LOVES it. Most of the members are mentally ill, so they are of higher intellegence. It is the place that Emmie said "For the first time in my life, I feel like I belong, and I fit in. I feel comfortable." We are all devastated. They are combining this house with one in the town where Bear works, and Emmie will have to ride a bus to there every day (which she hates) and she is so emotionally invested in the house here. And there are rumors that the whole program is closing. That will be HORRIBLE.
That's my news from here. Adie is home now, but hasn't yet called. I can't tell you how scared I was that she would die during the surgery. It felt just like when I asked God to take care of Noah (my son who died at 30 days after a birth injury) right before I had the emergency C-section, and he was born brain dead. I was afraid that it would happen the same with Adie. I know that God understands my fear and distrust.
My love to you all...
K
People comment about my good frame of mind in all of this. I don't know about that -- but I just do what I keep doing... walking one foot in front of the other, even if it makes my back and legs freeze up! I'm glad that it seems inspires people. I just wish I didn't have to deal with all of this. I don't know how to be any other way.
Dave is still not completely 100% well, but a far sight better than he was before. He has just had a run of antibiotics and that helped tremendously. He is the healthier of the two of us, I'd say. He is still fatigued but not as desperately so as he has been recently, which is good.
I am going to be posting more and more photos to the livejournal, so do check back.I'll always put them behind a cut so they don't take up so much space in my Flist's journals.
One big concern that I have, now that my older daughter, Adie, seems to be stable. Emmie has gained weight really fast in the last couple of months. She is up to 192 lbs now, which is horrifiying, and she is only 5ft tall. Timberli, her new worker, is going to help her exercise and walk to try to get some off of her. But today, she had a slab of chocolate for breakfast, according to my aide who was here when it happened.(I was still asleep) She eats without grasping the consequence of it. Did I tell you that one time this winter when i made chili, she drank the can of grease skimmings that I had next to the crock pot? All grease.... I nearly threw up when I realized it!! And she has done it TWICE!
Now, here is a new development in the group home thing. She has a boss at her maintenance job (the one she gets paid for) twice a week who I'll call "Peg". When Peg started, Emmie couldn't stand her! But now they are best buds. Peg is a former group home supervisor, and is in her late 40's. She not only has that job, but she cares for man in his 50's in her home who is very MR and she gets paid through another organization to do so. She told us that she thinks that Emmie will languish in the group home, as she is far more intelligent than the others, and that she doesn't interact with the clients much, just staff. She is really worried about her being in the group home. I asked her if she might consider having her in her home through the other organization (much stricter background check and regulations than the local one we work with that does the group homes) and she said she would LOOOOVE to have Emmie! So that is another option. The good news is this: she lives just outside of town in a tiny gathering of houses (like a village in England), and we could see her whenever I wanted. She could spend the night here any time. She could ride to her job with Peg. She could still be a part of the clubhouse (more news on that in a minute), which she does 3 days a week. The group home she would in, if she were to go, is at least 45 minutes away.
It is hard thinking of letting someone else have control/daily care over her. If we had a bigger house, we'd let her stay with us. But Dave really wants to have time alone with me, and even though she is a great help around the house, he wants it to just be the two of us. I understand completely. We are both ready for an empty nest! It is just hard, after 20 years, to not have her around. Not because I'm clinging to her, but because I feel so protective of her. She is SO vulnerable, and her brain injury is difficult to understand. Very complicated.
We got news last week that the Clubhouse which is two blocks away, is closing. She attends it three days a week and LOVES it. Most of the members are mentally ill, so they are of higher intellegence. It is the place that Emmie said "For the first time in my life, I feel like I belong, and I fit in. I feel comfortable." We are all devastated. They are combining this house with one in the town where Bear works, and Emmie will have to ride a bus to there every day (which she hates) and she is so emotionally invested in the house here. And there are rumors that the whole program is closing. That will be HORRIBLE.
That's my news from here. Adie is home now, but hasn't yet called. I can't tell you how scared I was that she would die during the surgery. It felt just like when I asked God to take care of Noah (my son who died at 30 days after a birth injury) right before I had the emergency C-section, and he was born brain dead. I was afraid that it would happen the same with Adie. I know that God understands my fear and distrust.
My love to you all...
K