(no subject)
While talking to Matt I came to realize that I've been holding up my father on a pedestal for no reason. All this time I've been thinking it was us against the world when really it was just him. As long as he had me around to tell him that nothing was his fault and that it was all the fault of everyone else and/or circumstance. As long he could make himself the good guy in my eyes (He never tried nearly as hard to do this with Josh and Joi, my mom said I was his fix.)then he would never have to deal with his own guilt and self worth issues. I told my mom about it and how I figured that this is what initially drove a wedge between us and she said that although my dad didn't physically molest me(cough)that he emotionally molested me. It was very enlightening. She asked me who helped me figure this out and I told her Matt. She was surprised. No has had the balls to even suggest to me that my dad could be the bad guy. I'm glad he loves me enough to do that. I'm growing and so is he; it's great that we can do that together. I know what people say. I know it's going to be extremely difficult at times. And we have learned that love is not enough. I know that there are one million reasons for us not to be together, but I don't care.