Aaron Neville impersonations and Classic Civ
Yesterday Nate and I rented some movies and proceeded to watch them. Just prior to that we procured slurpees and I entertained us both with my Aaron Neville impression.
The movies on the agenda were School of Rock, Clash of the Titans, and Big Fish.
We ended up getting through School of Rock and Clash of the Titans before I realized I had to work early today so I had to vacate the premises.
School of Rock was a mildly amusing, given its shameful pandering to Hollywood formulas. I must say I really enjoyed the song "The Legend of Rent"; It was inspired. Next we hit up the Clash of the Titans which was more accurate in its first 3 and a half seconds than Troy was in its entirety. Also: fairly decent. I did not expect that, and I still made viscious fun of it, but that is to be expected.
Speaking of Troy, it offends me. Not Matrix Revolutions offends me, but it offends me nonetheless. First off, Hector kills Menelaus? So asinine. There was a distinct lack of throwing-Hector's-baby-from-the-ramparts activities, which sucked. Also that bastion of cousin-ly love, Achilles, avenging the death of Patroclus was about the lamest interpretation of what transpired ever.
And no distant deadly Archer, Phobus Apollo? They removed the gods and took any real sense of the epic away. With no gods to spur on and protect their favorites it was just a bunch of guys fighting, and some of them happened to be better than others. Thats not interesting. Also: they turned it into this stupidly-veiled commentary on religion. The Greeks land and act blasphemously and are never punished while the Trojans are respectful and mindful of the Gods and have their city razed. To me this movie was saying "Look at you loser Trojans and your loser religion." A priests interpretation of a "sign" from Apollo turns out to be the cause of the fall of Troy. Hector urges them not to attack the Greeks for fear of eliminatin the dissention in their ranks. The Priest spots a "sign" that tells them they will win if they attack. Of course they do some damage but Hector kills Patroclus by accident, the biggest and last mistake he'll ever make. Once Patroclus is killed and Achilles returns to the battle, Troy is doomed. Also, they try to make you like Hector by leaving out all the asshole things he does in the actual text, such as taking Achilles armor off of Patroclus' corpse and running around on the battlefield mocking Achilles. They make Hector afraid of Achilles, which is probably the biggest mockery of his character. Hector would never fear Achilles.
In the end thats what I think pissed me off the most. The whole point is that none of the characters in the Iliad are likable, and to watch Hollywood try to turn Hector into the noblest of heroes is really laughable. Everyone involved in that story is a sonofabitch.
Oh, and they also hollywooded it up by making Helen and Paris "in love". In book three Helen specifically states that she wants to go home. She was, after all, abducted by Paris after she was won as a prize when he chose Aphrodite to be the most beautiful of the goddesses. Instead they turn her into someone who runs away from Menelaus because she "loves" Paris. So effin' stupid. Such a stupidly modern-romantic notion.
All in all, this movie sucked. If you want to adapt the text fine, but all this movie did is steal the locations and the character names and not much else.
The movies on the agenda were School of Rock, Clash of the Titans, and Big Fish.
We ended up getting through School of Rock and Clash of the Titans before I realized I had to work early today so I had to vacate the premises.
School of Rock was a mildly amusing, given its shameful pandering to Hollywood formulas. I must say I really enjoyed the song "The Legend of Rent"; It was inspired. Next we hit up the Clash of the Titans which was more accurate in its first 3 and a half seconds than Troy was in its entirety. Also: fairly decent. I did not expect that, and I still made viscious fun of it, but that is to be expected.
Speaking of Troy, it offends me. Not Matrix Revolutions offends me, but it offends me nonetheless. First off, Hector kills Menelaus? So asinine. There was a distinct lack of throwing-Hector's-baby-from-the-ramparts activities, which sucked. Also that bastion of cousin-ly love, Achilles, avenging the death of Patroclus was about the lamest interpretation of what transpired ever.
And no distant deadly Archer, Phobus Apollo? They removed the gods and took any real sense of the epic away. With no gods to spur on and protect their favorites it was just a bunch of guys fighting, and some of them happened to be better than others. Thats not interesting. Also: they turned it into this stupidly-veiled commentary on religion. The Greeks land and act blasphemously and are never punished while the Trojans are respectful and mindful of the Gods and have their city razed. To me this movie was saying "Look at you loser Trojans and your loser religion." A priests interpretation of a "sign" from Apollo turns out to be the cause of the fall of Troy. Hector urges them not to attack the Greeks for fear of eliminatin the dissention in their ranks. The Priest spots a "sign" that tells them they will win if they attack. Of course they do some damage but Hector kills Patroclus by accident, the biggest and last mistake he'll ever make. Once Patroclus is killed and Achilles returns to the battle, Troy is doomed. Also, they try to make you like Hector by leaving out all the asshole things he does in the actual text, such as taking Achilles armor off of Patroclus' corpse and running around on the battlefield mocking Achilles. They make Hector afraid of Achilles, which is probably the biggest mockery of his character. Hector would never fear Achilles.
In the end thats what I think pissed me off the most. The whole point is that none of the characters in the Iliad are likable, and to watch Hollywood try to turn Hector into the noblest of heroes is really laughable. Everyone involved in that story is a sonofabitch.
Oh, and they also hollywooded it up by making Helen and Paris "in love". In book three Helen specifically states that she wants to go home. She was, after all, abducted by Paris after she was won as a prize when he chose Aphrodite to be the most beautiful of the goddesses. Instead they turn her into someone who runs away from Menelaus because she "loves" Paris. So effin' stupid. Such a stupidly modern-romantic notion.
All in all, this movie sucked. If you want to adapt the text fine, but all this movie did is steal the locations and the character names and not much else.