Onward...
My mother's memorial service was yesterday. It was nice, as far as those things go. It was put together pretty quickly, for the sake of all the family who rushed to get here at the beginning of the week. I saw family I haven't seen in a decade or more. Cousins on my dad's side who I grew up with but haven't seen since they and I went off to live our own lives. They have husbands and children I hadn't met, I have a family of my own. Was nice to see them. I'm not as close with that side of the family as with my mother's, but is good to catch up now and then.
It's certainly been nice to see and spend time with my mom's family. I also have cousins on that side I haven't seen in a decade, not since they all came to my hometown in Cali for a graduation celebration for my sister and I in June of 96. We had all sorts of family pictures taken back then, funny to look at and realize it was a decade ago. I still haven't seen those cousins, and have mostly only seen some of my mom's siblings at funerals. They're all great people, I adore my aunts and my uncle, who I'm named after. Been really nice to spend time with them, and for them to get to know my children a bit, despite the circumstances.
A lot of people giving each other support and keeping each other going. This may be the easiest of it though, as we now head towards getting back to our daily routines and dealing with the spaces left by her absence. I'll be heading out to the shop today, to deal with the effects of being closed for 5 days, getting things together and ready to reopen tomorrow morning, getting ready for the sizable event tomorrow. The 2nd annual Coburg Quilt Show, the first annual was a big success. Something my mother had a lot of involvement in getting together. I believe they are dedicating the whole thing in her memory this year. Nice of them.
I was one of the first ones to arrive at the chapel yesterday, so didn't see everyone who came until after, when they had family leave first. Then stood outside with my girls as people filed out and said hi and gave condolences and hugs. Customers, lots and lots of customers. So many of my regulars that have come to know myself and my parents over the last 4 years. People who I've known for years mostly from behind a counter, hugging me and crying for me. Surreal. All my employees were there, which was very kind of them, they've been a huge support, and are all waiting for word from me to get to work, and have all offered to work extra, do anything that needs to be done, etc.
So, I'm certainly surrounded by good people. My family members will all be leaving over the next few days, aside from my father and sister, of course, and my aunt and cousin who moved here at the same time I did. I'll miss having my other aunt, my uncle, my grandparents around, they've been great; but I realize I've got a very strong community around me who loved my mother very much and who will do anything they can for my family. I'm feeling myself drawn strongly and comforted by the knowledge that Chris will be around. He and his wife have been good friends of mine for years as they came in daily from the start and would spend a lot of time hanging out talking with me. I went through Lynn's diagnosis with cancer, her 3.5 year battle against it, and her last days with them. My family came together to take care of Chris in her last days and after, to help with her memorial etc this last spring. He understands loss, he's strong and has a great sense of humor. At my mother's service he stood up to quickly say that he imagines my mother is with his Lynn now, that they're probably having coffee and catching up, then later Lynn will show my mom the ropes of getting around the spirit world. It was short, and humorous, and an incredibly comforting vision.
I put all the music together for Lynn's service. A daunting, but healing task. Since I did that, it was just assumed I'd do the music for my mother's service. An even more daunting task. I spent 10 hours split over a night and a morning trying to choose, arrange, and mix an hour of music together. In the end it only played for 15-20 minutes as people were arriving at the service, but, it was my tribute to my mother, a very personal one, as she shared my love of music, and loved my passion for music; listening, playing, going to shows, whatever. She always tried to keep up on what I listened to, learn to recognize the bands, would tell me if she heard about shows or new albums coming out. So, I'm glad I took on the task and put it together, even if no one hears it but me.
Of the tracks I picked, there was one that especially hit me, that I would choose as a tribute to, or a message to, or somesuch, for my mother. Iron & Wine's "Upward Over the Mountain"
Anyway, time to get off my ass, shower and get to work.
I'd like to personally thank each of you that sent me messages, condolences, your love, your compassion. I know for all of you who care and are concerned about me it can feel like a helpless situation with little you can do. But knowing you're all out there, taking on a little piece of my sorrow has helped immensely. Thank you all.
I've been incredibly lucky. Despite Oona and I splitting up a month ago, she's been by my side since she found out my mom was in the hospital Sunday. She's taken incredible care of me, given me a shoulder at any time or place, let me talk and talk and talk. Her sister and mother have been great in taking the kids off and on all week, and I'm grateful. Oona's tried to stay strong for me, despite her own grief. She had her own relationship with my mother. It's nice, she knows stories I didn't know, my mom has told her things I never heard about. Regardless of us never being married, regardless of us splitting up, my mother considered her a daughter, loved her from the start, loved her always. My family has been quite happy to have her and the girls around this week. They loved meeting and spending time with my little baby who resembles me so much, but equally love and adored my Xander and Oona, who will always be family, regardless of the "status" of our relationship. And of course, they all see and appreciate that she has been here taking care of me through this thing. I was my mother's "baby", her little boy, and there's been quite a lot of concern over my well being.
And I'll be okay. I'll go on, I have a lot in my life. A lot to do, a lot to love. I've lost my mother, one of my best friends, a huge part of my daily life. I have only begun to comprehend the extent of this loss, all the little things will show over time. She was my personal rolodex for all things family. I didn't need to keep up with my extended family because she did and would bring me all the news. She kept track of dates, addresses, and all other vital details for me. On and on, all the little things she did in my life. I'm glad I came to know her so well. I'm glad we were so close in the end, it wasn't always that way. I'm glad she met my children and was so happy having grandchildren despite never once putting even the most passive sort of pressure on her kids to have grandchildren. I don't know, I'm glad there was so much good in her life, my life, and our life together. It makes the millions of little sadnesses a bit easier to bare.
Anyway... Onward...
It's certainly been nice to see and spend time with my mom's family. I also have cousins on that side I haven't seen in a decade, not since they all came to my hometown in Cali for a graduation celebration for my sister and I in June of 96. We had all sorts of family pictures taken back then, funny to look at and realize it was a decade ago. I still haven't seen those cousins, and have mostly only seen some of my mom's siblings at funerals. They're all great people, I adore my aunts and my uncle, who I'm named after. Been really nice to spend time with them, and for them to get to know my children a bit, despite the circumstances.
A lot of people giving each other support and keeping each other going. This may be the easiest of it though, as we now head towards getting back to our daily routines and dealing with the spaces left by her absence. I'll be heading out to the shop today, to deal with the effects of being closed for 5 days, getting things together and ready to reopen tomorrow morning, getting ready for the sizable event tomorrow. The 2nd annual Coburg Quilt Show, the first annual was a big success. Something my mother had a lot of involvement in getting together. I believe they are dedicating the whole thing in her memory this year. Nice of them.
I was one of the first ones to arrive at the chapel yesterday, so didn't see everyone who came until after, when they had family leave first. Then stood outside with my girls as people filed out and said hi and gave condolences and hugs. Customers, lots and lots of customers. So many of my regulars that have come to know myself and my parents over the last 4 years. People who I've known for years mostly from behind a counter, hugging me and crying for me. Surreal. All my employees were there, which was very kind of them, they've been a huge support, and are all waiting for word from me to get to work, and have all offered to work extra, do anything that needs to be done, etc.
So, I'm certainly surrounded by good people. My family members will all be leaving over the next few days, aside from my father and sister, of course, and my aunt and cousin who moved here at the same time I did. I'll miss having my other aunt, my uncle, my grandparents around, they've been great; but I realize I've got a very strong community around me who loved my mother very much and who will do anything they can for my family. I'm feeling myself drawn strongly and comforted by the knowledge that Chris will be around. He and his wife have been good friends of mine for years as they came in daily from the start and would spend a lot of time hanging out talking with me. I went through Lynn's diagnosis with cancer, her 3.5 year battle against it, and her last days with them. My family came together to take care of Chris in her last days and after, to help with her memorial etc this last spring. He understands loss, he's strong and has a great sense of humor. At my mother's service he stood up to quickly say that he imagines my mother is with his Lynn now, that they're probably having coffee and catching up, then later Lynn will show my mom the ropes of getting around the spirit world. It was short, and humorous, and an incredibly comforting vision.
I put all the music together for Lynn's service. A daunting, but healing task. Since I did that, it was just assumed I'd do the music for my mother's service. An even more daunting task. I spent 10 hours split over a night and a morning trying to choose, arrange, and mix an hour of music together. In the end it only played for 15-20 minutes as people were arriving at the service, but, it was my tribute to my mother, a very personal one, as she shared my love of music, and loved my passion for music; listening, playing, going to shows, whatever. She always tried to keep up on what I listened to, learn to recognize the bands, would tell me if she heard about shows or new albums coming out. So, I'm glad I took on the task and put it together, even if no one hears it but me.
Of the tracks I picked, there was one that especially hit me, that I would choose as a tribute to, or a message to, or somesuch, for my mother. Iron & Wine's "Upward Over the Mountain"
Anyway, time to get off my ass, shower and get to work.
I'd like to personally thank each of you that sent me messages, condolences, your love, your compassion. I know for all of you who care and are concerned about me it can feel like a helpless situation with little you can do. But knowing you're all out there, taking on a little piece of my sorrow has helped immensely. Thank you all.
I've been incredibly lucky. Despite Oona and I splitting up a month ago, she's been by my side since she found out my mom was in the hospital Sunday. She's taken incredible care of me, given me a shoulder at any time or place, let me talk and talk and talk. Her sister and mother have been great in taking the kids off and on all week, and I'm grateful. Oona's tried to stay strong for me, despite her own grief. She had her own relationship with my mother. It's nice, she knows stories I didn't know, my mom has told her things I never heard about. Regardless of us never being married, regardless of us splitting up, my mother considered her a daughter, loved her from the start, loved her always. My family has been quite happy to have her and the girls around this week. They loved meeting and spending time with my little baby who resembles me so much, but equally love and adored my Xander and Oona, who will always be family, regardless of the "status" of our relationship. And of course, they all see and appreciate that she has been here taking care of me through this thing. I was my mother's "baby", her little boy, and there's been quite a lot of concern over my well being.
And I'll be okay. I'll go on, I have a lot in my life. A lot to do, a lot to love. I've lost my mother, one of my best friends, a huge part of my daily life. I have only begun to comprehend the extent of this loss, all the little things will show over time. She was my personal rolodex for all things family. I didn't need to keep up with my extended family because she did and would bring me all the news. She kept track of dates, addresses, and all other vital details for me. On and on, all the little things she did in my life. I'm glad I came to know her so well. I'm glad we were so close in the end, it wasn't always that way. I'm glad she met my children and was so happy having grandchildren despite never once putting even the most passive sort of pressure on her kids to have grandchildren. I don't know, I'm glad there was so much good in her life, my life, and our life together. It makes the millions of little sadnesses a bit easier to bare.
Anyway... Onward...