[TM] 251 - Most Embarassing Moment While Sober
I’m ninety years old, and lemme tell ya? I’ve done plenty of truly stupid stuff drunk, my friend. My death was the end of an era, however, so for the last forty five years I really haven’t had an excuse. Sure, I’ve gotten a little tipsy off donations (booze can affect me if I ingest it while feeding on someone outright), but nothing to write home about.
Don’t worry, I’m not weaseling out of answering the question. I may have a little dignity left in me, but mark my words: I’m not a man with a lick of shame left in me. One nice thing about getting extremely old: after you spend a few short years with a stick up your ass, time is the lubricant that expels it from your colon. Humans don’t usually get to stick around long enough for that, I got lucky.
So the last embarrassing thing I did sober? Mind you, I’m going by general standards of ‘embarrassing’…remember that lack of shame I mentioned? Anyway, I’d have to say it was two weeks ago when I called the chief of police a pantywaist on the steps of the County Courthouse. Bunch of reporters caught me, too.
Bad, I know, but the son of a bitch pissed me off by taking a case away from me. Fortunately, it ain’t exactly career suicide, I’ve called him worse at poker night.
Actually, now that I think about it? I guess that was kind of embarrassing. I mean, hell, if I’m gonna call him out on something? I should’ve gone whole hog and just called him a tight-assed bastard to his face. Pantywaist…what was I thinking?
Next time, I’ll wait until there’s no ladies present before I tell him off…which will be this Wednesday night when we hook up for poker. I still got a bee in my goddamn bonnet about that case, and he ain’t heard the last of me…
Muse: Artie Jackson
Fandom: Original Character
Words: 322
Don’t worry, I’m not weaseling out of answering the question. I may have a little dignity left in me, but mark my words: I’m not a man with a lick of shame left in me. One nice thing about getting extremely old: after you spend a few short years with a stick up your ass, time is the lubricant that expels it from your colon. Humans don’t usually get to stick around long enough for that, I got lucky.
So the last embarrassing thing I did sober? Mind you, I’m going by general standards of ‘embarrassing’…remember that lack of shame I mentioned? Anyway, I’d have to say it was two weeks ago when I called the chief of police a pantywaist on the steps of the County Courthouse. Bunch of reporters caught me, too.
Bad, I know, but the son of a bitch pissed me off by taking a case away from me. Fortunately, it ain’t exactly career suicide, I’ve called him worse at poker night.
Actually, now that I think about it? I guess that was kind of embarrassing. I mean, hell, if I’m gonna call him out on something? I should’ve gone whole hog and just called him a tight-assed bastard to his face. Pantywaist…what was I thinking?
Next time, I’ll wait until there’s no ladies present before I tell him off…which will be this Wednesday night when we hook up for poker. I still got a bee in my goddamn bonnet about that case, and he ain’t heard the last of me…
Muse: Artie Jackson
Fandom: Original Character
Words: 322