I feel... whole. (reflections on getting older)
I called my brother to wish him a happy birthday... he turned 49 just recently and when I asked him how 50 was looking... he called it a low blow, which is not how I'd meant it (well, maybe a little)
But the thought that occurred after that was... that when I look back twenty or thirty years or more.. when I step back into those shoes of that younger man and see through his eyes and feel his feelings.. was... how very *incomplete* he/I was.
It didnt feel that way at the time.. but theres so much MORE here now.. more mass of experience that makes it harder to blow around with the wind, more calm centered patience really.... Looking back on that young man how very much he needed it.. but you cant get *here* except through *there*
Its a trade though... I remember how much sharper each joy and each sorrow was.. how much every moment was forever instead of 'and this too shall pass'... Today is much more comfortable and rational, and able to bear the slings and arrows etc. Yesterday was very much more *alive*.
theres no "in conclusion" on that though.. just thinking aloud.
But the thought that occurred after that was... that when I look back twenty or thirty years or more.. when I step back into those shoes of that younger man and see through his eyes and feel his feelings.. was... how very *incomplete* he/I was.
It didnt feel that way at the time.. but theres so much MORE here now.. more mass of experience that makes it harder to blow around with the wind, more calm centered patience really.... Looking back on that young man how very much he needed it.. but you cant get *here* except through *there*
Its a trade though... I remember how much sharper each joy and each sorrow was.. how much every moment was forever instead of 'and this too shall pass'... Today is much more comfortable and rational, and able to bear the slings and arrows etc. Yesterday was very much more *alive*.
theres no "in conclusion" on that though.. just thinking aloud.