Where Lancelot Keeps Secrets And Has One of His Own
Title: Where Lancelot Keeps Secrets and Has One of His Own
Author: grindelleatyou
Rating:PG
Fandom: Merlin BBC
Characters/Pairings: One-sided Lancelot/Arthur, One-sided (kind of) Merlin/Arthur, Gwen/Arthur, Lancelot/Gwen
Warnings/Spoilers: Non-descriptive heterosexual sex scene, affairs, unacquainted love, unbeta’d
Disclaimer: I obviously don’t own Merlin, it's owned by BBC
Summery: "There may be a Merlin/Arthur constant, a Guinevere/Arthur constant and even a Guinevere/Lancelot constant but there will never be an Arthur/Lancelot constant, and sometimes Lancelot wishes there was."
A/N: I figured since I joined, I should post something. Basically, it’s a welcome present. I’ll ask in advance for people to excuse my lack of knowledge of anything that has to do with this website. It’s just because I suck.
Oh, and because I am posting this in this community, I assure you that if Arthur ever did get up to stuff with Merlin and/or Lancelot, he’d be the sub… in fact, the story’s supposed to kind of imply that but I’m not sure if I succeeded
Word Count: 1, 572
Lancelot has a secret, which really, if he’s being truthful, he knows isn’t much of an accomplishment. Everyone has secrets and everyone has at least one secret they would do anything to keep from others. Having secrets doesn’t make you special but Lancelot thinks that maybe knowing other’s secrets can be fairly useful.
He isn’t really sure when or how, but Lancelot discovered that he has a knack for figuring out other people’s secrets and this knack came in handy for hiding his own. He supposed, if he stopped to think about it, it all started with discovering that Merlin could use magic and just escalated from there.
After that initial discovery, Lancelot started realizing things about others. He noticed that every Wednesday the baker in his village would go to the blacksmith’s workshop after they’ve both closed down for the day. He noticed how the blacksmith’s wife didn’t seem to know about this arrangement… and how the baker’s wife didn’t seem to know either. He noticed how Lady Rowan, who would visit their village occasionally, would go to the graveyard at least once per trip and weep before a mound of earth with a simple wooden cross that was repeatedly replaced. A peasant’s grave. He also noticed that the Lady’s daughter, Sophia, happened to look a lot like William Den, the same peasant that grave belonged to.
It took off further from there. He noticed that Steven Nills would steal food regularly but that his family always looked underfed. He noticed the Patty Hicks had been a virgin seven times. He noticed that Derek McCoy and Adrea Katick had disappeared one night and had come back the next day with matching rings and no explanation. He noticed how Margreta Johnson and Elizabeth Longfellow would spend every moment of the day together and how neither had ever been with any boy in the village. And when Merlin and Arthur came to his village to bring news of King Uther’s death and with a proposal of knighthood, Lancelot noticed two more secrets. He noticed the way Merlin’s eyes never left the new king and he noticed the first of the two secrets that he would ever know about Arthur.
Lancelot noticed that Arthur’s eyes were filled with fear and uncertainty.
Becoming a knight was a dream come true and receiving training from the king was even better. Lancelot found he relished the time spent with Arthur; he took every piece of advice to heart, swelled with each compliment, deflated with each criticism and strove to become Arthur’s favorite, to become noticed and accepted by his king. He succeeded too, among the knights in the very least, and soon he was by Arthur’s side almost constantly as one of his most faithful. This however, unfortunately instigated his time as the secret finder/keeper of the “Arthur-Circle”.
The second secret he found in this amid the members of this group was fairly obvious and he wouldn’t have been surprised if most of Camelot knew. He had already had suspicions but it finally hit him after spending several hours at his majesty’s side and thus, spending several hours at Merlin’s side, Merlin who was now Arthur’s most trusted adviser and the court sorcerer. It was fairly simple as secrets went but it seemed so right that Lancelot was almost surprised with himself that he had to take time to put the pieces together.
Merlin was in love with Arthur.
Everything about Merlin’s actions when around Arthur screamed his love for him to the world. He was patient during Arthur’s more difficult times and caring during his weak moments. Merlin fought hard when Arthur made stupid decisions and gave subtle praise when Arthur made good ones. Merlin comforted Arthur when he cried and laughed with him when all Arthur needed was a smile. It was well known that Merlin saw it as his one goal in life to protect Arthur at all costs and that he was no longer too afraid to kill for his goal.
Merlin could never take his eyes off the king, always watching him, worrying about him and loving him. It wasn’t just one-sided either, Lancelot was sure that to some degree Arthur loved his friend as well. Though he still complained and griped about the clumsy warlock he was clearly fond of him and he mostly just laughed at Merlin’s idiotic mistakes now. This was Arthur’s second secret and the third secret of the group, his love for his best friend. There was this warmth in Arthur’s eyes when he stared at Merlin that only appeared towards things he treasured. Lancelot longed to have that warmth directed at him.
Other than Merlin, the only specific person Arthur ever looked at like that was Guinevere, his queen. Arthur adored her, doting on her at any possible moment and showering her with affection and love. Even after it was discovered that Gwen would be unable to bare children for him, Arthur still treated her as if she were the most precious thing in the world and his loyalty to her never faltered. Gwen’s loyalty, Lancelot soon found out, was not quite as strong.
Don’t get him wrong, Lancelot knew that Gwen loved Arthur a great deal. She laughed with him and went riding with him. They attended festivals together and she would smile and hug and kiss him as they surveyed their kingdom from their room. Arthur was one of her greatest friends and she wanted nothing more than total happiness for him. Lancelot supposed that hardships of having a king for a husband merely got to her eventually. He just wished he had never dragged himself into it.
You see, the forth secret that Lancelot found out about this odd little circle, was that Gwen apparently loved him as well as Arthur. The fifth was that sometimes he wished he loved her back.
He remembers exactly when it happened. Arthur had gone away on diplomatic duty to another kingdom, for the first time leaving Gwen, Merlin and Lancelot all back in Camelot. Lancelot had been training most of the day when he finally retired to his room, only just beginning to relax when he heard the knock at his door. It was of course Gwen and she only stepped forward to him, gently resting a hand on his face, and kissed him, light, soothingly and hesitant. At first he had moved away but as he stared down at her face, her lips, her hands, he realized if Arthur could be loved by all these people, why could he be loved by just one?
So he kissed her, ignoring the flashes of blond hair, toothy smiles and scared blue eyes. Ignoring the voice in his head that kept telling him that these were the wrong lips (too full and small), the wrong hips (too wide and soft) and the wrong voice (too high and tender). He ignored all these things as he thrust into her, over and over, every night Arthur was gone. He ignored them all as he came and as he stopped himself from calling out the wrong name. He ignored them as he collapsed onto her figure and stopped himself from thinking that it was too small, too soft and too curvy to be the one he wanted.
And he ignored Merlin and his knowing, reproachful looks at breakfast and in the halls, just hoping to god that he wouldn’t tell, or perhaps, hoping that he would. This was the sixth secret and maybe it would be good to let Arthur in on it, as long as he never found out about the seventh, Lancelot’s secret.
See, there are many constants in this world. Lancelot knows that there will always be magic, he knows there will be stories and he knows that there will be hate and that there will be love. Lancelot knows there will be a sky and an earth and a sun and stars. And while there may be a Merlin/Arthur constant, a Guinevere/Arthur constant and even a Guinevere/Lancelot constant, there will never be an Arthur/Lancelot constant. Arthur loves so big that he only has room in his heart for three things, Merlin, Gwen and his kingdom. He doesn’t have room for anymore branches and Lancelot just doesn’t have the spirit to try and push and struggle just to make his king grow another.
Maybe, if Arthur finds out then Lancelot can stop hiding. Maybe he’ll be told to leave and never come back. Maybe he’ll even have Arthur tell him that he hates him, that he’s a disgrace or that he’ll never love him.
But, no, that wouldn’t work, because out of all the constants in this world, Arthur is the one that Lancelot, Merlin and Gwen all need the most. It’s the love and foolishness that drives Merlin, the kindness and devotion that keeps Gwen happy and it’s those scared blue eyes, that uncertainness, that lack of knowledge of the power and force in his entire being that makes Lancelot glad to exist, glad that he exists.
It’s the bravery, affection and pure heartedness that Arthur offers to all those around him that makes all feel blessed by his presence.
So he’ll continue to serve his king, watching as Guinevere kisses Arthur’s cheek, Merlin protects Arthur and loves him from afar and as both make Arthur happy.
As both make him smile.
He’ll kiss her back when Gwen kisses him and ignore Merlin’s accusing glares as he bows his head in loyalty to his king. And he’ll never look in his king’s scared but pure blue eyes because he knows what Arthur will see in his own.
Guilt…
and love.
Author: grindelleatyou
Rating:PG
Fandom: Merlin BBC
Characters/Pairings: One-sided Lancelot/Arthur, One-sided (kind of) Merlin/Arthur, Gwen/Arthur, Lancelot/Gwen
Warnings/Spoilers: Non-descriptive heterosexual sex scene, affairs, unacquainted love, unbeta’d
Disclaimer: I obviously don’t own Merlin, it's owned by BBC
Summery: "There may be a Merlin/Arthur constant, a Guinevere/Arthur constant and even a Guinevere/Lancelot constant but there will never be an Arthur/Lancelot constant, and sometimes Lancelot wishes there was."
A/N: I figured since I joined, I should post something. Basically, it’s a welcome present. I’ll ask in advance for people to excuse my lack of knowledge of anything that has to do with this website. It’s just because I suck.
Oh, and because I am posting this in this community, I assure you that if Arthur ever did get up to stuff with Merlin and/or Lancelot, he’d be the sub… in fact, the story’s supposed to kind of imply that but I’m not sure if I succeeded
Word Count: 1, 572
Lancelot has a secret, which really, if he’s being truthful, he knows isn’t much of an accomplishment. Everyone has secrets and everyone has at least one secret they would do anything to keep from others. Having secrets doesn’t make you special but Lancelot thinks that maybe knowing other’s secrets can be fairly useful.
He isn’t really sure when or how, but Lancelot discovered that he has a knack for figuring out other people’s secrets and this knack came in handy for hiding his own. He supposed, if he stopped to think about it, it all started with discovering that Merlin could use magic and just escalated from there.
After that initial discovery, Lancelot started realizing things about others. He noticed that every Wednesday the baker in his village would go to the blacksmith’s workshop after they’ve both closed down for the day. He noticed how the blacksmith’s wife didn’t seem to know about this arrangement… and how the baker’s wife didn’t seem to know either. He noticed how Lady Rowan, who would visit their village occasionally, would go to the graveyard at least once per trip and weep before a mound of earth with a simple wooden cross that was repeatedly replaced. A peasant’s grave. He also noticed that the Lady’s daughter, Sophia, happened to look a lot like William Den, the same peasant that grave belonged to.
It took off further from there. He noticed that Steven Nills would steal food regularly but that his family always looked underfed. He noticed the Patty Hicks had been a virgin seven times. He noticed that Derek McCoy and Adrea Katick had disappeared one night and had come back the next day with matching rings and no explanation. He noticed how Margreta Johnson and Elizabeth Longfellow would spend every moment of the day together and how neither had ever been with any boy in the village. And when Merlin and Arthur came to his village to bring news of King Uther’s death and with a proposal of knighthood, Lancelot noticed two more secrets. He noticed the way Merlin’s eyes never left the new king and he noticed the first of the two secrets that he would ever know about Arthur.
Lancelot noticed that Arthur’s eyes were filled with fear and uncertainty.
Becoming a knight was a dream come true and receiving training from the king was even better. Lancelot found he relished the time spent with Arthur; he took every piece of advice to heart, swelled with each compliment, deflated with each criticism and strove to become Arthur’s favorite, to become noticed and accepted by his king. He succeeded too, among the knights in the very least, and soon he was by Arthur’s side almost constantly as one of his most faithful. This however, unfortunately instigated his time as the secret finder/keeper of the “Arthur-Circle”.
The second secret he found in this amid the members of this group was fairly obvious and he wouldn’t have been surprised if most of Camelot knew. He had already had suspicions but it finally hit him after spending several hours at his majesty’s side and thus, spending several hours at Merlin’s side, Merlin who was now Arthur’s most trusted adviser and the court sorcerer. It was fairly simple as secrets went but it seemed so right that Lancelot was almost surprised with himself that he had to take time to put the pieces together.
Merlin was in love with Arthur.
Everything about Merlin’s actions when around Arthur screamed his love for him to the world. He was patient during Arthur’s more difficult times and caring during his weak moments. Merlin fought hard when Arthur made stupid decisions and gave subtle praise when Arthur made good ones. Merlin comforted Arthur when he cried and laughed with him when all Arthur needed was a smile. It was well known that Merlin saw it as his one goal in life to protect Arthur at all costs and that he was no longer too afraid to kill for his goal.
Merlin could never take his eyes off the king, always watching him, worrying about him and loving him. It wasn’t just one-sided either, Lancelot was sure that to some degree Arthur loved his friend as well. Though he still complained and griped about the clumsy warlock he was clearly fond of him and he mostly just laughed at Merlin’s idiotic mistakes now. This was Arthur’s second secret and the third secret of the group, his love for his best friend. There was this warmth in Arthur’s eyes when he stared at Merlin that only appeared towards things he treasured. Lancelot longed to have that warmth directed at him.
Other than Merlin, the only specific person Arthur ever looked at like that was Guinevere, his queen. Arthur adored her, doting on her at any possible moment and showering her with affection and love. Even after it was discovered that Gwen would be unable to bare children for him, Arthur still treated her as if she were the most precious thing in the world and his loyalty to her never faltered. Gwen’s loyalty, Lancelot soon found out, was not quite as strong.
Don’t get him wrong, Lancelot knew that Gwen loved Arthur a great deal. She laughed with him and went riding with him. They attended festivals together and she would smile and hug and kiss him as they surveyed their kingdom from their room. Arthur was one of her greatest friends and she wanted nothing more than total happiness for him. Lancelot supposed that hardships of having a king for a husband merely got to her eventually. He just wished he had never dragged himself into it.
You see, the forth secret that Lancelot found out about this odd little circle, was that Gwen apparently loved him as well as Arthur. The fifth was that sometimes he wished he loved her back.
He remembers exactly when it happened. Arthur had gone away on diplomatic duty to another kingdom, for the first time leaving Gwen, Merlin and Lancelot all back in Camelot. Lancelot had been training most of the day when he finally retired to his room, only just beginning to relax when he heard the knock at his door. It was of course Gwen and she only stepped forward to him, gently resting a hand on his face, and kissed him, light, soothingly and hesitant. At first he had moved away but as he stared down at her face, her lips, her hands, he realized if Arthur could be loved by all these people, why could he be loved by just one?
So he kissed her, ignoring the flashes of blond hair, toothy smiles and scared blue eyes. Ignoring the voice in his head that kept telling him that these were the wrong lips (too full and small), the wrong hips (too wide and soft) and the wrong voice (too high and tender). He ignored all these things as he thrust into her, over and over, every night Arthur was gone. He ignored them all as he came and as he stopped himself from calling out the wrong name. He ignored them as he collapsed onto her figure and stopped himself from thinking that it was too small, too soft and too curvy to be the one he wanted.
And he ignored Merlin and his knowing, reproachful looks at breakfast and in the halls, just hoping to god that he wouldn’t tell, or perhaps, hoping that he would. This was the sixth secret and maybe it would be good to let Arthur in on it, as long as he never found out about the seventh, Lancelot’s secret.
See, there are many constants in this world. Lancelot knows that there will always be magic, he knows there will be stories and he knows that there will be hate and that there will be love. Lancelot knows there will be a sky and an earth and a sun and stars. And while there may be a Merlin/Arthur constant, a Guinevere/Arthur constant and even a Guinevere/Lancelot constant, there will never be an Arthur/Lancelot constant. Arthur loves so big that he only has room in his heart for three things, Merlin, Gwen and his kingdom. He doesn’t have room for anymore branches and Lancelot just doesn’t have the spirit to try and push and struggle just to make his king grow another.
Maybe, if Arthur finds out then Lancelot can stop hiding. Maybe he’ll be told to leave and never come back. Maybe he’ll even have Arthur tell him that he hates him, that he’s a disgrace or that he’ll never love him.
But, no, that wouldn’t work, because out of all the constants in this world, Arthur is the one that Lancelot, Merlin and Gwen all need the most. It’s the love and foolishness that drives Merlin, the kindness and devotion that keeps Gwen happy and it’s those scared blue eyes, that uncertainness, that lack of knowledge of the power and force in his entire being that makes Lancelot glad to exist, glad that he exists.
It’s the bravery, affection and pure heartedness that Arthur offers to all those around him that makes all feel blessed by his presence.
So he’ll continue to serve his king, watching as Guinevere kisses Arthur’s cheek, Merlin protects Arthur and loves him from afar and as both make Arthur happy.
As both make him smile.
He’ll kiss her back when Gwen kisses him and ignore Merlin’s accusing glares as he bows his head in loyalty to his king. And he’ll never look in his king’s scared but pure blue eyes because he knows what Arthur will see in his own.
Guilt…
and love.