[Fic] Fairy [3/3]
Title: Fairy
Fandom: KAT-TUN
Pairing: Akame
Genre: Romance, Angst, Fantasy
Word Count: 21061
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kame spends too much of his time staring out of windows, wishing for something he doesn't know.
A/N: Started ages ago and worked on sporadically when I was in the right mood for it. I think it's one of my best fics by far.
( part two )
“Congratulations!”
There's cheers at the news that the duet has reached #1, Jin bouncing up and down excitedly, beaming around at them all. Kame's grinning himself, proud, watching Jin with soft eyes.
“Number one, Kame! We did it, ne! We did it!”
“We did it,” Kame confirms, and Jin beams at him, making Kame offer him a soft smile back.
“Congratulations,” Ueda murmurs, an amused smile tugging at his lips. Jin and Kame turn to look at him, and he clears his throat.
“Let me take you out to Sakura's to celebrate.”
Kame doesn't want to go to Sakura's.
It's hard to explain why. He likes Sakura's, certainly, and he likes going out to eat. But it's in how Jin's skipping along with Ueda, excitedly chattering on to him about his plan to dress up as a pirate for their next concert, and Ueda's amused, dry comments to Jin as he walks at his side.
Kame'd been planning to take Jin out to eat to celebrate himself, or maybe a small, private celebration in their apartment, just him and Jin. Ueda, as great a friend as he is, is an unwelcome addition to Kame's plans.
You're being irrational, Kame's mind informs him. Relax. It's just dinner, and Ueda's just being nice. Stop being so possessive and jealous.
Kame hurries on after them, trying to catch up to their quick steps.
“Ne, Jin, you have something on your face?”
“Ah, really? Where is it, Tat-chan?”
“Here. Let me.”
Ueda reaches out, brushing something off from Jin's cheek, and Kame feels his eyes flash in anger.
“That was such fun!” Jin beams after dinner, stretching and reveling in his fullness on the way home. “I'd never tried that kind of food! That was so nice of Ueda!”
“It was,” Kame agrees, looking sideways at Jin, who carries on, oblivious.
“Ueda's fun,” Jin says, musing aloud. “I think he would be my best friend in the band, then Koki. Ueda's such fun, and he says that he'll help teach me how to play the guitar-”
“What am I, then?”
Jin turns to him and blinks, and Kame instantly curses himself, wishing he took back the insecure words. But Jin smiles, his eyes shining at him.
“Ne, Kame-chan is always number one,” Jin says quietly, his eyes sparkling. “Kame is my best friend in the world, and something else entirely better and beyond just a best friend.”
Kame smiles, his fears placated for the time by Jin's kind words.
Kame catches Jin looking out of the window one night, watching the stars. The look on Jin's face catches him off-guard, and he looks at him curiously.
“...Jin?”
Jin jumps slightly, jerked from his thoughts, and looks at Kame, dark eyes unfathomable. Kame hides his reaction, trying not to squirm.
“...is everything alright, Jin?”
“Yeah...” Jin turns back to the window, looking out at the stars. “I'm just wondering... what it'll be like to go back again...”
Kame's breath hitches. “...Go back?”
“After you make your last wish,” Jin clarifies, eyes tracing a comet in the sky. “I mean, after being so large for so long... what will it be like to be small again? Will Pi and Ryo even still remember me...?”
He trails off, looking out at the sky, and Kame becomes intensely aware of the cold, vice-like grip of Jin's words clenching at his heart, making him gasp quietly, finding it suddenly impossible to breathe.
“Kame?”
Kame's vision swims and he almost laughs - who ever heard of your heart actually affecting your physical condition? - and he stumbles to his bed.
“Kame? Kame??”
“I'm fine, Jin,” he says, ignoring the urgent concern in Jin's tone, biting his lip at the twinge it causes in his heart. “I'm just tired, Jin. Really.”
“If you say so...”
Jin's tone is doubtful, but he turns back to the sky, regarding it quietly once more, casting concerned looks over at Kame's bed every so often.
Kame nearly laughs at it all, at how Jin's concerned for him now, after his words, but not before, not even fathoming what they could do to him. But it's not Jin's fault, he knows; they're just words, and it's true, isn't it? It wasn't like Jin would have been able to stay here with him forever. And it wasn't like he'd been expecting him to, either...
No... his mind supplies. But you were hoping for it.
Kame groans and rolls over, burying his face in his pillow, hoping to suffocate his noisy mind into quiet sleep.
Kame loves Jin, but he hates him, too.
It's ridiculous. Jin's such an idiot, just a silly fairy who doesn't know anything or how the world works at all, but he's Jin, and when he's with him, he doesn't lie awake in bed for hours, or feel like his life's an empty void, or wonder what it'd be like to just start walking down a road under the moon and never look back. Jin's his heart, the only thing that keeps him going anymore, the only thing that makes life worth living again, the only thing that makes life happy and fun and complete.
But Jin's Jin. Jin doesn't realize that Kame's completely in love with him, or that Kame won't be able to live without him ever again, now knowing what he'd been missing all along. Jin's day-by-day attitude is refreshing at times, but Jin doesn't think about the future, doesn't consider what he's going to want or what will happen, just taking things as they come.
All Jin has in his future is leaving him, and it still crushes Kame every time he thinks of it.
And the worst part, Kame knows that when he does, it will be his fault.
It's late one night, and Kame's stressed and tired. The filming for their latest PV had gone on and on and on, with the director jumping on him for every slight mistake he made. Meanwhile, the others were fine, dancing and laughing and talking and doing their own thing, Jin talking and giggling with Ueda as Kame watched from the corner of his eye. Exhausted, Kame rubs at his red eyes again, looking at them in the mirror, before leaving the bathroom, reentering the bedroom once more.
Jin's talking. Kame hasn't been paying attention - Jin's happy stream of what he did that day continues to bubble into the room, and for some reason, it annoys Kame tonight.
“And then Tat-chan told me what a G-string really was! It was so funny, Kame, everyone thought I'd broken his underwear when I'd only been playing with his guitar, and then Koki said-”
“Why were you messing with Ueda's guitar?” Kame interrupts. He's not sure why he's interrupting, and Jin isn't either, judging from the confused look in his eyes.
“Ah, I wanted to play it,” Jin says, looking at him. “I was trying to write a song, and there was no piano in the waiting room-”
“Guitars are expensive, Jin,” Kame snaps, gesturing sharply. “You shouldn't just play around with something that you don't know what you're doing with.”
“But- it was fine, Kame-chan,” Jin says, faltering. “Even Ueda said so - he had another string in his bag to fix it with-”
“Oh, so because Ueda said it was okay, it's okay, right? If Ueda said it was okay to run around naked in a hailstorm, it'd be okay to do that too, right? Or is it only okay if he does it too?”
“I- what?” Jin stumbles, confused. “What's a hail? Kame-chan, Ueda's only-”
“Will you shut up about Ueda already?!”
There's a loud crash as a lamp falls to the ground, Kame's hand in the place where it was. Jin stares at the broken lamp, his eyes wide, before slowly moving his eyes up to meet Kame's.
For the first time, Kame can see fear inside. He stops.
“Jin...”
His throat is dry suddenly, he realizes, and the words won't come out, and Jin's just sitting there, looking at him, eyes wide and tense and alert, ready to spring and run if Kame tries to break something else, and suddenly, Kame wakes up, coming back to himself, reality and the gravity of what he's just done crashing in on him, crushing him in one fell blow.
“...I'm so sorry.”
Kame falls to the ground, his knees pressing into the ceramic shards, head in his hands and shaking slightly, realizing what he's done. Jin's at his side in a moment, frantic, pulling him up from the broken glass, but Kame barely notices, dimly aware of a dull pain in his legs and a warm liquid seeping down his calves.
“I'm so sorry, Jin, I'm so sorry...”
Jin's voice is hushed, quietly trying to comfort him as he pulls out the glass shards from his legs, but Kame doesn't notice, lying back on the bed, one arm over his face, the falling lamp and Jin's expression playing over and over again in his mind.
“I'm sorry, Jin. I'm so sorry...”
Jin is far too forgiving. The next day, Jin's recovered completely from the incident as if nothing happened at all, save for his concern over Kame, exclaiming when he stumbles, asking if his legs still hurt.
Kame can't forgive himself, however - he keeps seeing Jin's expression, his eyes, his fear, and it makes his throat seize and makes him stumble to know he was the cause of that, he made Jin feel unsafe-
“Kame-chan?”
Kame tears himself from his thoughts and looks at Jin, who's worrying at his bottom lip.
“...do you want to skip work today?”
It's sweet really, how much Jin is doing to try and cheer him up. Jin takes him to his favorite café for a late breakfast, walks him around a museum Kame'd been meaning to get to, takes him out to a really fancy place for dinner, and then to a park as the sun is setting, helping him relax against a tree to watch the sun set.
The sky is on fire, vivid with reds and oranges and yellows and purples, and Kame stares at it, watching it burn. Jin looks over at him and smiles softly.
“It's so pretty, isn't it?” he says, gentle.
“Yeah,” Kame says, still watching. “But it'll be gone in a minute. Things like this are always so fleeting, so it doesn't really matter how nice it is or not.”
“That's why you just have to enjoy it now, though,” Jin says, but Kame can only focus on the coming dark as night creeps in overhead.
It's ridiculous, really, Kame knows, especially when Jin spent all day trying to make sure he felt better. But with Jin, everything's different, and Kame's calm rationality just evaporates.
So when Jin's phone rings, and Kame catches sight of the name on the caller ID...
Something inside of him just snaps.
“Jin.”
“Yes, Kame?” Jin sings, coming into the room. Kame looks up from Jin's phone, still ringing in his hand, and dark eyes meet Jin's light brown.
“Why is Ueda calling you on your phone?”
“Ah-” Jin says, thinking. “Probably because he wants to tell me something, Kame. I think that might be why.”
“I know that. Tell me why Ueda has your phone number, Jin.”
“Oh!” Jin brightens. “I gave it to him! Ueda was complaining how he couldn't always reach me with the apartment extensions because the system is faulty, and I figured if I gave him my cell number, he wouldn't have to constantly deal with the information services people-”
“I got you this phone, Kame. So I could call you. And you could call me. I got this phone for you, Jin.”
Jin blinks. “...yes. So?”
“So you're not supposed to call Ueda on it!” Kame says sharply, and Jin jumps, caught off-guard by the venom in Kame's tone.
“Ah- I'm sorry, I didn't know-” Jin apologizes hastily, but his reply is cut-off by the apartment phone ringing, insistent. Kame's eyes narrow.
“Is that Ueda calling?”
Jin falters.
“Ah- I don't know, Kame - I haven't picked it up yet-”
Kame moves to the phone, pressing the speaker phone button, his eyes like stone. Ueda's voice filters into the room.
“Jin? Jin, are you there? Why didn't you pick up your phone? Don't tell me you lost it-”
“Ueda,” Kame says coldly, and Jin's eyes widen.
“Kame? Is that you? Ah, sorry, could you just get Jin on the phone-”
“Jin's busy right now,” Kame informs the phone. “He can't come to the phone. Please try back again later.”
A hint of fear creeps into Jin's eyes. “Kame?”
“Kame? What the hell, Kame? I can hear Jin right now? Kame, what's going on-”
“Jin can't come to the phone right now,” Kame says into the phone again, his tone curt. “Please hang up and call back later.”
“What's wrong with you, Kamenashi? I just want to talk to Jin-”
“Hang up and go away!”
Before he realizes what he's done, Kame's hurled the phone against the wall, the speaker phone breaking loudly among Ueda's objections, yanked wire dangling, ragged, receiver fallen off the hook.
Jin looks up at Kame, his eyes wide, and Kame's panting, his eyes wild.
“He wouldn't hang up,” Kame says, staring at the phone. “He wouldn't hang up the phone. He wouldn't hang up...”
Jin looks at Kame cautiously, taking a careful step forward.
“...Kame?”
Kame looks up, his eyes meeting Jin's, and realization flares.
“Oh no...”
“It's okay, Kame,” Jin says, moving to him. “Kame, it's okay. Everyone gets angry sometimes-”
Kame laughs at that, irony biting at him, and Jin blinks.
“...Kame? What's wrong?”
“Nothing's wrong,” Kame tells him, laughing still. “Ha ha... oh my... nothing's wrong, Jin. Nothing's wrong. Only me.”
“Kame?” Jin's voice sounds more alarmed now. “Kame? Are you okay?”
“Never better,” Kame tells him. “Except, you know, for ruining everything I love-”
“What? You didn't ruin, anything, Kame. Look, I can fix the phone-”
“It's not the phone,” Kame says, laughing. “It's me. Look how broken I am, Jin. Look how at how you've broken me.”
Jin looks up sharply at that, moving towards him, but Kame laughs, dodging, rolling over the bed to land on the other side.
“Kame?”
“Kame's not here right now. Kame's busy ruining his life.”
“Kame!”
Kame laughs, crazy, and he knows that he's unhinged. There's nothing normal about what he's doing right now, nothing at all, and he's blazing down an insane path to self-destruction. He can't stop himself as he runs around the room, yelling as Jin calls after him, chasing, him, frantic, worried beyond reason for him.
What does Jin care if Kame's losing control?
“Please, Kame! Kame, please, just tell me what's wrong-”
“Nothing's wrong!” Kame says again, for what must be the hundredth time, but Jin won't listen.
“There is, Kame, you've been acting different for ages! If it's your legs, I can heal them if you want, but you don't like me using so much magic on you, but it's really not a big deal-”
Kame laughs, shaking his head, and Jin turns to him, biting his lip, his eyes frantic.
“Well, even if it's not your legs, I can still help you, can't I? Please, Kame, let me help you-”
“You can't help me,” Kame laughs again, his laugh high and broken, closer to a sob, and he doesn't sound like himself at all. “You can't help me at all. This is all my doing. All my fault.”
“Kame!” Jin falls to his side, looking up at him earnestly. “Kame, please, I know you're upset, but it'll be okay - we can work through it together, anything! - we can do it, Kame, please-”
The irony of Jin's urgency and concern bites at him, and Kame laughs again, tears leaking from his eyes.
“Kame?? Kame!! Kame, please-”
“You want to know what it is?” Kame laughs, only now it's not a laugh, it's a sob, it's a yell, and he's crying and breaking in front of Jin, and it's ridiculous because this is exactly what he told himself he wouldn't do.
“Please, Kame, if you just-”
“It's you.”
Jin freezes and stares at him, but Kame doesn't notice the look in his eyes, still going on.
“It's you, Jin. You. I'm in love with you, but you never notice and you don't care and you're too busy with Ueda or Koki or everyone else to notice. And it's useless, because it's just who you are, and you're going to go back home soon to Ryo and Yamapi and whomever else your little fairy friends are, and I'll never see you again, and I can't live like that Jin, don't you see?!”
Kame's not sure when he started yelling, or when his explanation turned him shouting and spilling his guts out all over the floor. Jin's eyes are fathomless, filled with more things than Kame can count, but Kame can't stop, the torrent just coming and coming.
“Don't you get it?? It's you that's making me this way! It's you, it's you, it's always been you, and I can't deal with this anymore! I can't keep living this happy little life like this, pretending like everything's always going to be okay when it's not, when you're going to have to leave, when I'm going go be back being alone and miserable and you'll be off playing your silly fairy games and I'll still be here, lost and miserable and incomplete!”
“Kame-” Jin started, moving towards him, but Kame took a step back.
“It's been eating me alive! You're going to leave! And it's not even a big deal to you, you're so busy off having fun with Ueda or being amazed at how the subway works to even care! How can I hate you for being so oblivious when you're like that? How can I ever admit to myself that I'm going to die without you? I'm nothing without you Jin, I'm nothing!”
“Kame, it's okay-!” Jin says, his eyes vivid. “Kame, I love you back, I have for a long time, I just didn't know you-”
“But it doesn't matter!” Kame laughs hysterically, choking, tears blurring his vision. “It doesn't matter, Jin, because you're going to leave and be gone and I'll never see you again and you won't do anything about it and I'll never be okay again and this is your fault, all your fault, you made me fall in love with you and now I'll be helpless and empty all my life and it's all your fault, you stupid little fairy!! God damn you, Jin, damn you!”
“Kame!” Jin is crying too now, little diamonds that spill and fall to the floor. “Please, Kame, please-”
“I wish none of this had ever happened!!” Kame yells, and he can feel his heart rip apart inside of him. “I wish I had never met you! I wish I'd never see you again!”
Silence hits the room like a bomb.
And Jin looks up at Kame, his eyes so full of sorrow and love and regret and pain that it takes Kame's breath away, and Kame realizes what he's just done.
“No-” he starts, standing, moving as fast as he can. “No, Jin, I didn't mean-”
There's a roll of thunder so loud Kame thinks it'll split his head, and he falls to the ground, clutching his head as the building shakes, reality splitting in front of his eyes, winds spinning and screaming around him. He screams for Jin over the wind, and he can hear Jin yelling something too, but the world is ending and the sky is closing in over Kame's head and he can't hear anything save the winds screeching through his ears, and then it's over, it's all over, and Kame staggers as he falls forward.
He hits the ground hard, unable to catch himself, his eyes spinning, the oppressive silence of the apartment bearing down on him, suffocating. Kame clenches his eyes shut and wills himself not to cry, willing, praying, hoping, but knowing it's too late.
Jin is gone, Kame knows, gone forever from his own hasty words.
It's over.
It's all over.
And it'll be over forever, now, too.
Somehow, Kame manages to wrench himself into work the next day. He expects a barrage of questions about his missing bandmate, but no one notices anything different, all just chatting about the latest scandal with the reporter that got caught sleeping with Miyavi, and Kame begins to wonder what's going on.
It's when he catches sight of the cover of the magazine they're gossiping over, the one with the band on the cover, that Kame realizes. There's only five of them, five, five, five as they'd always been, five as they've always been, and Kame chokes, rushing from the room blindly, making the others stop and stare.
Scrambling desperately, Kame finds it in the recording room, fumbling, jamming their latest CD into the player. He skips to his song, their song, their duet, and listens.
His voice comes into the room, singing sweetly, filling the room with his solo.
His solo.
Kame falls to his knees, pressing hard against his eyes, and tries to tell himself that it'll be all right.
Nothing's right. Nothing. It's as if Jin never existed. Wiped cleanly from the world, from everyone's memories, until there's nothing left.
Only Kame remembers. Only Kame knows.
The day itself is a nightmare. Without Jin, they're incomplete, somehow. Their old dynamic seems forced, incomplete, lacking, and the space between them all haunts him. As they sing, it's all too obvious that something's missing, but when he asks about it, they look at him strangely and say that this is how it's always been.
Finally, in desperation, Kame grabs Ueda after practice, frantic.
“What do you mean, did I break my G string?” he asks, skeptical. “Of course not. I'm not an amateur, Kamenashi.”
“Please,” Kame pleads with him. “Just let me see.”
Ueda shrugs and kneels down, opening up his guitar case, taking out his spares.
“See, the G string's right here,” he says, holding it up. “If I'd broken it, it'd take at least a week to replace the spare...”
Kame stares at it numbly, disbelief etched all over his mind. Impulsively, he grabs the string of the guitar, plucking it hard.
“Hey!”
It doesn't break. Kame wanders off, his eyes lost, looking for old footage of the shows they did together before.
Kame spends the weekend away from his apartment. He goes and visits his family, making small talk about work and politics, going to see his brother's school play.
Jin'll be home when he gets back, he tells himself. He'll realize that he didn't mean it, that it was a mistake.
But when Kame opens the door to his empty apartment, Jin's not there. His bedspread's not even purple anymore, the color Jin laughed over and said he liked because it made Kame seem like a king. It's an stark, ugly white, the color it was when he'd originally bought it from the store.
Kame sits down on the edge of his bed, dirty pants on the bedspread, puts his head in his hands, and cries.
Kame goes into work the next day. No one asks about the subway ride, no one tries to thwart the turn stalls, no one tries to cheer him up on the way there. No one skips into headquarters, no one eagerly pushes all the elevator buttons, no one looks out and waves to the people on each floor. No one shoots concerned looks at Kame when he's tired, no one quietly hands him a water when he's exhausted, and no one offers him a tentative smile when he's frustrated and annoyed.
Nothing is the same without Jin.
But everything's the same as it's always been.
There's an interview the next day. It goes perfectly, the band laughing and teasing each other and smiling as always. The reporters laugh and blush, amused and happy at their obvious affection for each other, the strong bond of friendship between the band mates.
Afterward, there's a photo shoot. Koki and Junno bicker back and forth, Kame goading them on every so often, Ueda making sarcastic comments, Nakamaru attempting a peaceful mediation. The banter fills the hours of the photo shoot, helps cheer everyone up a little, makes work a little more bearable.
For the first time, to Kame, it feels like an act.
Kame's apartment begins to get dirty. Unhung clothes lie in sloppy piles, used dishes pile up in the sink, trash litters the area around his desk. Kame hadn't had to do the chores for so long, he almost forgets how to do them.
Kame knows that's a ridiculous thought. One doesn't forget how to do something as basic as folding a shirt, or how to put a dish away.
But it feels like he has. When Kame lies on his bed, head hanging off of the end and arms tucked under his stomach, he looks at the state he lives in now. It's revolting, it's disgusting, it's disorganized, it's a mess.
Kame still can't bring himself to put anything away.
Kame wakes up one day from a dream. He was playing hide and seek with Jin in a dark forest, the kind Jin described as his home. But whenever he came close to catching Jin, his hands would slip, and he'd push Jin away, letting him escape into the trees again and again.
Kame wonders if it's a sign, then wonders if he's starting to lose his mind.
Kame's elected to go and make the coffee run for the day. Ueda wants black, Junno likes cappuccino, and Koki wants a shot of expresso while Nakamaru wants a latte with whipped cream. Kame likes two sugars, no milk.
He orders the coffee from the usual place, and goes back, carefully carrying the large drink holder. Everyone exclaims their thanks, falling on their hot drinks with fervor, helping to chase off the morning cold.
“Wait. Kame,” Junno says, looking at the drinks, confused. “There's an extra one.”
A lone hot chocolate sits there, steam still rising from the cup.
There's a distinct stench that begins to belong to Kame's apartment. His cologne covers it up on him and his clothes for work, but when he returns home, there's a pungent odor to the air. Kame can't remember the last time he took out the garbage, or the last time he ate off of a clean plate. Take out boxes clutter the kitchen, papers pile the table, fruit flies swarm around the trash, mold clings to the shower tiles and the mirror in the bathroom.
It's disgusting.
Kame fully realizes that he is disgusting, living in this squalor. It's worthy of homeless people and degenerate freeloaders, not of highly-respected pop idols.
He still can't bring himself to care.
Loneliness is like a disease, Kame thinks. It's slowly killing him, eating away at his insides. Humans are social creatures, meant to talk and laugh and share life together. Isolation is unnatural, and the human mind knows it all too well.
But it's not only talking that humans are meant to do, Kame thinks. They have to communicate with each other and build bonds that run deeper than seen. They need to feel understood, need to feel needed, need to have someone always there.
It makes sense, Kame considers silently. It'd explain why he feels so alone, surrounded by all his friends amidst cheers of “Kampai!”
Kame walks home from the party, having turned down offers of rides from both Koki and Ueda. It's chilly, and Kame tucks his hands into his pockets tightly, shivering against the wind.
Kame wonders if he could get hypothermia or frostbite from just the wind chill. He wonders how badly getting fingers removed would hurt, and wonders if it would affect his desirability as an idol.
Then he realizes he's being morbid again.
“Idiot,” Kame spits, frustrated. “Just because he's not around anymore doesn't mean there's nothing left to live for...”
But that's a lie, Kame's thoughts hiss at him. Kame's never been more depressed and apathetic in his life. Jin was the only person to really make him feel loved since his childhood, the only thing that made him feel alive...
Jin...
A leaf blows by, brushing against his cheek, and Kame watches as it swirls up toward the sky, dancing in front of the stars. Something niggles at the back of his mind, trying to get him to remember it, but Kame can't recall.
“Mommy! Mommy, look! A star!”
Kame glances across the street, watching the toddler grab his mother's coat excitedly.
“Mommy! Mommy, a star! It's the first one!”
“It certainly is,” the mother says, her tone affectionate. “What sharp eyes you have!”
“I'm going to make a wish!” the child declares, and Kame blinks. “Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight-”
Memory crashes over Kame, harsh and unrelenting, his eyes unseeing as he recalls. Wishing was how he first met Jin, why Jin was there at all, Jin was there to grant his wishes-
“Last night, you wished for more wishes,” Jin says, chiding. “In order to provide that, I was sent.” He pauses. “Though, if you really think about it, you kind of broke the rules. You're only supposed to use that rhyme for the first star you see, not a falling star, and you mixed up the grant rate, so all the machines went wacky, and Ryo was yelling and...”
“He was sent to grant my wishes,” Kame breathes. “He was called from my wish. That's why he came...”
Realization flares. The beginnings of an idea form in his mind, quickly collecting and spreading out. He can get Jin back. All he has to do is wish him back enough, and eventually he'll be granted a wish again. Even faster, if he can manage to mess up the fairy system again. It's likely to take weeks, maybe months, before he gets a wish granted, like the lottery, but there's a chance.
There's a chance.
A spark of light grows in Kame's eyes, a sign of life he's been missing for weeks.
“Star light, star bright!”
Kame yells, breaking the silence. The mother looks at him sharply, startled, and the child giggles.
“First star I see tonight!”
Kame runs down the street, his arms outstretched like he's trying to take off, shouting out a rhyme from his childhood.
“I wish I may, I wish I might-!”
Kame sprints, like he's trying to catch a wish, running and running and running and he doesn't know why-
“Have the wish I wish tonight!”
Kame collapses onto a pile of garbage in an alleyway, breathless from his running. He pants slightly, catching his breath, and looks up at the stars.
“I wish Jin was sent back to me!” he yells into the sky.
Nothing happens, nothing beyond the star's normal twinkling, but Kame can't help but feel he's taken a giant step towards his goal.
Kame takes out 10,000 yen the next day during his lunch break. He gets it all in 10, 5, and 1 yen pieces, and sweeps it all into a potato bag he'd brought with him. The banker woman looks at him strangely, but Kame doesn't care.
Kame spends his lunch break sitting on the edge of a well in a local children's park, tossing in coin after coin. He alternates coins with bites of a cheap sandwich, flipping coins in with his left, eating with his right.
He starts out saying his full wish, the full sentence of “I wish Jin came back to grant me more wishes,” but that deteriorates fast. It evolves to “I wish Jin granted me wishes” to “I wish Jin would come back” to “I wish Jin-” and before he knows it, Kame's just flipping coins into the well, murmuring Jin's name over and over again under his breath.
A young child watches him from the sandbox, his eyes wide, before she toddles over to the well. Kame pauses, watching as she stands on tip-toes to drop a 5 yen piece of her own into the well. She looks up at him through wide, innocent eyes.
“I wish you got your Jin back too,” she says shyly, and runs off back to her friends.
Kame's blinks, startled, caught off-guard by the girl's selflessness. He looks down into the well, one coin sparkling up from the darkness, and Kame wonders if that she has just as much of a chance as he does, wishing for things to come, as he keeps flipping coin after coin into the well.
When the band travels north for a concert, Kame takes great joy in hunting out dandelions gone to seed, wishing as he blows the seeds off. He treats the band to chicken and duck and turkey one night, and spends the rest of the night breaking wishbones with a drunken intern, making wish after wish. He starts carrying around a mirror to check regularly if any of his eyelashes have fallen out, and he orders pie as every dessert, saving the tip to eat last. He starts wearing multiple necklaces and lurking around Ueda, who's the most anal retentive of the group and therefore the most likely to turn the clasps back around for him when they fall to the front.
Kame lights candles and puts them in front of a fan, hoping they'll go out out before they've burned down so he can make a wish. Kame goes to all the shrines in the are, tying wishes to all the trees he can find. He starts eating with silverware on small tables, so if he drops a utensil, he can make a wish as he picks it up. He eats more nuts, now, looking for doubles, and starts hanging around gardens, hoping to find ladybugs to trick into landing on him. His happiest day is his birthday, when he gets to blow out all the candles on his cake.
Fall melts into winter melts into spring melts into fall. Kame wishes, Kame wishes, Kame wishes, Kame wishes.
It's slightly ridiculous, Kame realizes, going to such an extent to get a wish. But his wishing is the only thing that's keeping him remotely sane, so Kame keeps wishing, a mantra, over and over and over.
Jin. Jin. Jin. Jin. Jin. Jin. Jin.
Kame falls asleep early one night, making him miss the meteor shower that's supposed to come late that night. Livid at his mistake, Kame spends the next afternoon chasing leaves in the local park, trying to catch one before it hits the ground to make a wish on. He manages to catch five, and deems the afternoon a success before returning to his apartment again.
He's started picking up his apartment a bit, but it's still messy, a far cry from the neat and organized system he'd had before. Kame rummages in the fridge for an apple, gnawing on it as he watches out the window, waiting for the stars to come.
The sun sets and twilight sets in, and Kame smiles slightly, remembering when he watched the sunset with Jin once before. He takes a bite and glances up, finding a star emerging against the purple sky.
“Star light, star bright,” Kame murmurs, reciting his rhyme. As he finishes, he notices just how brightly that star is shining, noting it might increase the strength of his wish even more.
As he opens his mouth to take another bite, there's a knock at the door.
The knock is soft, but firm. It's a far cry from the rapid knock of Junno at his door, and completely unlike Ueda's impatient rattle. It's not official, like the knock of a messenger, but it's not friendly, like the knock of Nakamaru wanting to talk. Kame doesn't recognize the knock at all.
As Kame moves toward the door, he realizes there's only one person he knows who never knocked on his door.
And that's because Kame always got it for him, making sure he never needed to knock.
Kame lunges for the door, running across the room.
Maybe the wish came true, Kame's mind murmurs, his thoughts running together in his mind. Maybe it was a magic star. Maybe all his wishes added up, maybe it's come true, maybe Jin's forgiven him, maybe he was willing to break the rules, maybe he messed up the grant rate again, maybe he just wished upon a star-
Kame wrenches open the door, panting, his eyes wide, desperate. He holds onto the top of the door to support him, forcing his head to stay straight.
It's a normal-sized person, not a three-inch tall fairy. But Kame recognizes the white beater and sparkly jeans, and his heart jumps at the familiar dusty curls and soft face.
Jin stands in the hallway, biting his lip, looking nervous and cold and upset all at once. The way he's looking at Kame makes his heart stop in his chest, and Kame can't think, only wait to see what Jin will do, what Jin will say, why Jin's chosen to come back at all.
Jin bites his lip, and looks up at Kame through his eyelashes, his heart in his eyes.
“Technically, that was Venus you just wished on,” he says, nibbling at his lip. He pauses, uncertain. “But... well... you'll notice I'm still here.”
With a cry, Kame stumbles forward and engulfs Jin in his arms.
“Do you have any idea what kind of chaos you caused back at the Institute?” Jin asks, hands closed around a cup of hot chocolate. “No one's ever tried to beat the Granter. Ever.”
“No,” Kame admits, clutching his own coffee, both drinks made from a frantic scramble around his kitchen, hoping he could bribe Jin to stay for a bit. “I was just kind of hoping I'd be able to mess it up enough to convince you to come back.”
Jin smiles slightly. “Most people only make a wish when they remember it,” he explains. “If someone sees a falling star, they'll usually remember, or if they pass by a well, they'll toss a coin or two in. This lets the Granter mark wishes to be granted at a certain rate - some days, one in every twenty wishes will come true; another day, one in every five.”
“You, however, were rigging the game.” Jin takes a sip from his drink, and Kame can't take his eyes from him, barely believing that this is real. He continues. “With you making the majority of wishes that came in, a good three-fourths of the wishes set to be granted ended up being yours.”
“But why didn't you come back then?” Kame asks. “I've been wishing for over a year...”
“Ah, but Kame-chan forgot the rules of wishing I told him,” Jin says, wiggling his fingers. “Wishes can't reverse a wish that someone's already made. Because you were wishing against something you already wished for, by default, all your wishes were deemed invalid.”
Kame groans, rolling at his own stupidity. He remembers Jin going over that all those months ago - why hadn't he paid attention? Why?
Kame pauses, looking at Jin as he takes a drink.
“Jin,” he says slowly. “If my wish wasn't granted... then why are you here?”
Jin freezes. He slowly puts his cup down, his face decidedly pink.
“With your last wish, you wished none of it had ever happened,” Jin says, carefully. “While I could change time, I couldn't change your concept of it, because that deals with your will to remember and your memory. The same goes with the second part of it - you wished you'd never met me, but I couldn't change your memory of meeting me all the same.”
“The last one, I could grant,” Jin says, looking at Kame, his eyes dark, quiet. “As a fairy, when you wished for you to never see me again, I could grant that as your servant. In granting it, I could never come back and see you as a fairy ever again.”
Kame swallows hard, willing himself not to speak. Jin looks away.
“This past year, I've been working hard.” Jin's words are soft, uncertain. “I improved my magic, passed all my tests. I worked hard enough that I graduated from the institute, and could make my own choices about what I wanted to do.”
“A fairy has two choices, when it comes down to it,” Jin says, raising his eyes once more. “They can remain a fairy and go on granting wishes and living with the rest of the fairies until their end. That's what most fairies do - it's not often that a fairy wants anything else from life. The other choice is to become man.”
“Man is a subjective term - it simply means “not fairy” in fairy terms,” Jin continues on, stirring his drink habitually. “They strip you of your magic, and they take away your wings and size. You're forbidden to return to the fairy land ever, and you have to live out the rest of your life as a human. It's considered a disgrace. There's no turning back.”
Kame swallows hard, disbelieving. He can't believe it, simply can't process it. There's no way that Jin would- not after how poorly he'd treated him-
Jin pauses.
“I... didn't want to become human,” Jin tells him. “Humans are mean and fight with each other a lot. It's not fun not having magic, and I didn't want to not be able to fly. But if I wasn't a fairy anymore... your wish would no longer apply, and I could use my free will to come and see you again, even if you didn't want me to.”
Jin looks up at him, his heart and tears shining in his eyes, and Kame feels his heart stop.
“And that's what I wanted more than anything else in the world.”
Unable to stop himself, Kame moves to the sofa to sit beside Jin and pulls him into his arms, holding him close, and Jin clings to his chest.
“I couldn't live without you,” Jin murmurs, shaking. “I couldn't. Kame, I was miserable. I was never happy anymore, and life was sad. And you hated me - you hated me, I thought - and I had nothing left to live for anymore.”
“I'm sorry,” Kame whispers, stroking Jin's hair, gently tousling the curls. “I'm so sorry I ever said those things to you.”
“I didn't really do anything, for a long time,” Jin says, quiet. “I just kind of existed, moving from class to class, numb.”
“I'm sorry, Jin,” Kame whispers. “I'll never do it again. I'll never- I promise-”
“Then your wishes started coming in,” Jin continues, his voice quiet. “I thought it was a mistake at first, that you were simply having a bout of remorse and didn't really mean it, or you just wanted to make more wishes like you did the first time again. But then they kept coming and coming, more and more insistent each time, and then they couldn't be ignored-”
Kame hugs Jin tight, and slowly, Jin wraps his arms around Kame in return.
“I just wanted to see you one more time.”
They stay like that for a long moment, locked in each other's embrace. It's surreal, for Kame. His thoughts slow down, and an odd feeling of contentment settles down on him, a feeling of completeness, an happiness he'd lacked for over a year. Kame hugs Jin tightly, playing with his hair, his eyes closed, content in the embrace.
After some time, finally, Jin swallows hard, pulling back.
“I came back to you, Kame. I'm not a fairy anymore, and I don't have any magic, but I came back. I just wanted to see you again...”
“Jin,” Kame murmurs, a soft, slow smile on his face. “Jin... Jin...”
“I understand that you don't want me around again,” Jin says, looking away. “It's very selfish of me to come here like this, but I couldn't help it, and I wanted to grant your wish...”
“Jin,” Kame says, blinking, his mind trying to catch up. “Wait, Jin. No, it's okay. Jin, I-”
“No, it's okay, really,” Jin says, wrenching away from Kame's arms. “I've arranged for an apartment nearby, and I understand that I'm not the fairy friend you were used to, so I can-” Jin stands, dusting himself off, and moves towards the door.
Reality slams into Kame hard, the stark memory of his time before Jin and after Jin, his aimless life. His apathy to the world, his desire to kill himself, his constant thoughts of worthlessness and the futility of life. But Jin's back now, Jin's back, and he's about to walk out of the door forever.
Before he's aware of it, Kame's out of his seat and across the room in a few short strides, grabbing Jin's arm hard, clutching tightly, refusing to let go.
“Jin.”
Jin pauses, looking up at Kame, his eyes wide, listening to him finally. Kame sucks in his breath sharply as his eyes lock with Jin's, his heart thudding loudly in his chest.
“I told you before you left, Jin. Don't you remember?” Kame says, his voice urgent. “I love you, Jin. I'm not letting you leave me again.”
Jin's breath catches, and as he opens his mouth to respond, Kame leans down and presses his lips to his, sealing his promise with a heartfelt kiss.
A year later, KAT-TUN is back (though they've never before existed), and better than ever. Kame has the brilliant idea to do a photoshoot book that sells out within an hour of going on sale, and the remix of their old hit GOLD at concerts is a huge winner with the crowd. Ueda declares that the band has never been better, especially with the new addition of Jin Akanishi to their team, and Kame's able to smile and share in the glory and let go of any old resentment he'd held for Ueda for taking Jin away from him.
Jin lives with Kame, now. The apartment building of Johnny's didn't have any openings, and Kame had offered, so it all worked out rather well. Though they're just roommates on paper, the other band members all smile when they arrive together every morning, hand in hand, and it's common knowledge with the apartment staff that Akanishi's bed goes unslept in more often than not.
A year later on their anniversary, Kame gives Jin a CD. It's their duet, their single, their song, the one the world never heard, and Jin's face is an expression of awe when he sees.
“But Kame...” Jin murmurs, disbelieving. “Time changed. I unmade them all. How did you...?”
Kame presses a finger to Jin's lips to silence Jin's babbling. He smiles.
“I wished for it.”
Fin~ ♥
Fandom: KAT-TUN
Pairing: Akame
Genre: Romance, Angst, Fantasy
Word Count: 21061
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kame spends too much of his time staring out of windows, wishing for something he doesn't know.
A/N: Started ages ago and worked on sporadically when I was in the right mood for it. I think it's one of my best fics by far.
( part two )
“Congratulations!”
There's cheers at the news that the duet has reached #1, Jin bouncing up and down excitedly, beaming around at them all. Kame's grinning himself, proud, watching Jin with soft eyes.
“Number one, Kame! We did it, ne! We did it!”
“We did it,” Kame confirms, and Jin beams at him, making Kame offer him a soft smile back.
“Congratulations,” Ueda murmurs, an amused smile tugging at his lips. Jin and Kame turn to look at him, and he clears his throat.
“Let me take you out to Sakura's to celebrate.”
Kame doesn't want to go to Sakura's.
It's hard to explain why. He likes Sakura's, certainly, and he likes going out to eat. But it's in how Jin's skipping along with Ueda, excitedly chattering on to him about his plan to dress up as a pirate for their next concert, and Ueda's amused, dry comments to Jin as he walks at his side.
Kame'd been planning to take Jin out to eat to celebrate himself, or maybe a small, private celebration in their apartment, just him and Jin. Ueda, as great a friend as he is, is an unwelcome addition to Kame's plans.
You're being irrational, Kame's mind informs him. Relax. It's just dinner, and Ueda's just being nice. Stop being so possessive and jealous.
Kame hurries on after them, trying to catch up to their quick steps.
“Ne, Jin, you have something on your face?”
“Ah, really? Where is it, Tat-chan?”
“Here. Let me.”
Ueda reaches out, brushing something off from Jin's cheek, and Kame feels his eyes flash in anger.
“That was such fun!” Jin beams after dinner, stretching and reveling in his fullness on the way home. “I'd never tried that kind of food! That was so nice of Ueda!”
“It was,” Kame agrees, looking sideways at Jin, who carries on, oblivious.
“Ueda's fun,” Jin says, musing aloud. “I think he would be my best friend in the band, then Koki. Ueda's such fun, and he says that he'll help teach me how to play the guitar-”
“What am I, then?”
Jin turns to him and blinks, and Kame instantly curses himself, wishing he took back the insecure words. But Jin smiles, his eyes shining at him.
“Ne, Kame-chan is always number one,” Jin says quietly, his eyes sparkling. “Kame is my best friend in the world, and something else entirely better and beyond just a best friend.”
Kame smiles, his fears placated for the time by Jin's kind words.
Kame catches Jin looking out of the window one night, watching the stars. The look on Jin's face catches him off-guard, and he looks at him curiously.
“...Jin?”
Jin jumps slightly, jerked from his thoughts, and looks at Kame, dark eyes unfathomable. Kame hides his reaction, trying not to squirm.
“...is everything alright, Jin?”
“Yeah...” Jin turns back to the window, looking out at the stars. “I'm just wondering... what it'll be like to go back again...”
Kame's breath hitches. “...Go back?”
“After you make your last wish,” Jin clarifies, eyes tracing a comet in the sky. “I mean, after being so large for so long... what will it be like to be small again? Will Pi and Ryo even still remember me...?”
He trails off, looking out at the sky, and Kame becomes intensely aware of the cold, vice-like grip of Jin's words clenching at his heart, making him gasp quietly, finding it suddenly impossible to breathe.
“Kame?”
Kame's vision swims and he almost laughs - who ever heard of your heart actually affecting your physical condition? - and he stumbles to his bed.
“Kame? Kame??”
“I'm fine, Jin,” he says, ignoring the urgent concern in Jin's tone, biting his lip at the twinge it causes in his heart. “I'm just tired, Jin. Really.”
“If you say so...”
Jin's tone is doubtful, but he turns back to the sky, regarding it quietly once more, casting concerned looks over at Kame's bed every so often.
Kame nearly laughs at it all, at how Jin's concerned for him now, after his words, but not before, not even fathoming what they could do to him. But it's not Jin's fault, he knows; they're just words, and it's true, isn't it? It wasn't like Jin would have been able to stay here with him forever. And it wasn't like he'd been expecting him to, either...
No... his mind supplies. But you were hoping for it.
Kame groans and rolls over, burying his face in his pillow, hoping to suffocate his noisy mind into quiet sleep.
Kame loves Jin, but he hates him, too.
It's ridiculous. Jin's such an idiot, just a silly fairy who doesn't know anything or how the world works at all, but he's Jin, and when he's with him, he doesn't lie awake in bed for hours, or feel like his life's an empty void, or wonder what it'd be like to just start walking down a road under the moon and never look back. Jin's his heart, the only thing that keeps him going anymore, the only thing that makes life worth living again, the only thing that makes life happy and fun and complete.
But Jin's Jin. Jin doesn't realize that Kame's completely in love with him, or that Kame won't be able to live without him ever again, now knowing what he'd been missing all along. Jin's day-by-day attitude is refreshing at times, but Jin doesn't think about the future, doesn't consider what he's going to want or what will happen, just taking things as they come.
All Jin has in his future is leaving him, and it still crushes Kame every time he thinks of it.
And the worst part, Kame knows that when he does, it will be his fault.
It's late one night, and Kame's stressed and tired. The filming for their latest PV had gone on and on and on, with the director jumping on him for every slight mistake he made. Meanwhile, the others were fine, dancing and laughing and talking and doing their own thing, Jin talking and giggling with Ueda as Kame watched from the corner of his eye. Exhausted, Kame rubs at his red eyes again, looking at them in the mirror, before leaving the bathroom, reentering the bedroom once more.
Jin's talking. Kame hasn't been paying attention - Jin's happy stream of what he did that day continues to bubble into the room, and for some reason, it annoys Kame tonight.
“And then Tat-chan told me what a G-string really was! It was so funny, Kame, everyone thought I'd broken his underwear when I'd only been playing with his guitar, and then Koki said-”
“Why were you messing with Ueda's guitar?” Kame interrupts. He's not sure why he's interrupting, and Jin isn't either, judging from the confused look in his eyes.
“Ah, I wanted to play it,” Jin says, looking at him. “I was trying to write a song, and there was no piano in the waiting room-”
“Guitars are expensive, Jin,” Kame snaps, gesturing sharply. “You shouldn't just play around with something that you don't know what you're doing with.”
“But- it was fine, Kame-chan,” Jin says, faltering. “Even Ueda said so - he had another string in his bag to fix it with-”
“Oh, so because Ueda said it was okay, it's okay, right? If Ueda said it was okay to run around naked in a hailstorm, it'd be okay to do that too, right? Or is it only okay if he does it too?”
“I- what?” Jin stumbles, confused. “What's a hail? Kame-chan, Ueda's only-”
“Will you shut up about Ueda already?!”
There's a loud crash as a lamp falls to the ground, Kame's hand in the place where it was. Jin stares at the broken lamp, his eyes wide, before slowly moving his eyes up to meet Kame's.
For the first time, Kame can see fear inside. He stops.
“Jin...”
His throat is dry suddenly, he realizes, and the words won't come out, and Jin's just sitting there, looking at him, eyes wide and tense and alert, ready to spring and run if Kame tries to break something else, and suddenly, Kame wakes up, coming back to himself, reality and the gravity of what he's just done crashing in on him, crushing him in one fell blow.
“...I'm so sorry.”
Kame falls to the ground, his knees pressing into the ceramic shards, head in his hands and shaking slightly, realizing what he's done. Jin's at his side in a moment, frantic, pulling him up from the broken glass, but Kame barely notices, dimly aware of a dull pain in his legs and a warm liquid seeping down his calves.
“I'm so sorry, Jin, I'm so sorry...”
Jin's voice is hushed, quietly trying to comfort him as he pulls out the glass shards from his legs, but Kame doesn't notice, lying back on the bed, one arm over his face, the falling lamp and Jin's expression playing over and over again in his mind.
“I'm sorry, Jin. I'm so sorry...”
Jin is far too forgiving. The next day, Jin's recovered completely from the incident as if nothing happened at all, save for his concern over Kame, exclaiming when he stumbles, asking if his legs still hurt.
Kame can't forgive himself, however - he keeps seeing Jin's expression, his eyes, his fear, and it makes his throat seize and makes him stumble to know he was the cause of that, he made Jin feel unsafe-
“Kame-chan?”
Kame tears himself from his thoughts and looks at Jin, who's worrying at his bottom lip.
“...do you want to skip work today?”
It's sweet really, how much Jin is doing to try and cheer him up. Jin takes him to his favorite café for a late breakfast, walks him around a museum Kame'd been meaning to get to, takes him out to a really fancy place for dinner, and then to a park as the sun is setting, helping him relax against a tree to watch the sun set.
The sky is on fire, vivid with reds and oranges and yellows and purples, and Kame stares at it, watching it burn. Jin looks over at him and smiles softly.
“It's so pretty, isn't it?” he says, gentle.
“Yeah,” Kame says, still watching. “But it'll be gone in a minute. Things like this are always so fleeting, so it doesn't really matter how nice it is or not.”
“That's why you just have to enjoy it now, though,” Jin says, but Kame can only focus on the coming dark as night creeps in overhead.
It's ridiculous, really, Kame knows, especially when Jin spent all day trying to make sure he felt better. But with Jin, everything's different, and Kame's calm rationality just evaporates.
So when Jin's phone rings, and Kame catches sight of the name on the caller ID...
Something inside of him just snaps.
“Jin.”
“Yes, Kame?” Jin sings, coming into the room. Kame looks up from Jin's phone, still ringing in his hand, and dark eyes meet Jin's light brown.
“Why is Ueda calling you on your phone?”
“Ah-” Jin says, thinking. “Probably because he wants to tell me something, Kame. I think that might be why.”
“I know that. Tell me why Ueda has your phone number, Jin.”
“Oh!” Jin brightens. “I gave it to him! Ueda was complaining how he couldn't always reach me with the apartment extensions because the system is faulty, and I figured if I gave him my cell number, he wouldn't have to constantly deal with the information services people-”
“I got you this phone, Kame. So I could call you. And you could call me. I got this phone for you, Jin.”
Jin blinks. “...yes. So?”
“So you're not supposed to call Ueda on it!” Kame says sharply, and Jin jumps, caught off-guard by the venom in Kame's tone.
“Ah- I'm sorry, I didn't know-” Jin apologizes hastily, but his reply is cut-off by the apartment phone ringing, insistent. Kame's eyes narrow.
“Is that Ueda calling?”
Jin falters.
“Ah- I don't know, Kame - I haven't picked it up yet-”
Kame moves to the phone, pressing the speaker phone button, his eyes like stone. Ueda's voice filters into the room.
“Jin? Jin, are you there? Why didn't you pick up your phone? Don't tell me you lost it-”
“Ueda,” Kame says coldly, and Jin's eyes widen.
“Kame? Is that you? Ah, sorry, could you just get Jin on the phone-”
“Jin's busy right now,” Kame informs the phone. “He can't come to the phone. Please try back again later.”
A hint of fear creeps into Jin's eyes. “Kame?”
“Kame? What the hell, Kame? I can hear Jin right now? Kame, what's going on-”
“Jin can't come to the phone right now,” Kame says into the phone again, his tone curt. “Please hang up and call back later.”
“What's wrong with you, Kamenashi? I just want to talk to Jin-”
“Hang up and go away!”
Before he realizes what he's done, Kame's hurled the phone against the wall, the speaker phone breaking loudly among Ueda's objections, yanked wire dangling, ragged, receiver fallen off the hook.
Jin looks up at Kame, his eyes wide, and Kame's panting, his eyes wild.
“He wouldn't hang up,” Kame says, staring at the phone. “He wouldn't hang up the phone. He wouldn't hang up...”
Jin looks at Kame cautiously, taking a careful step forward.
“...Kame?”
Kame looks up, his eyes meeting Jin's, and realization flares.
“Oh no...”
“It's okay, Kame,” Jin says, moving to him. “Kame, it's okay. Everyone gets angry sometimes-”
Kame laughs at that, irony biting at him, and Jin blinks.
“...Kame? What's wrong?”
“Nothing's wrong,” Kame tells him, laughing still. “Ha ha... oh my... nothing's wrong, Jin. Nothing's wrong. Only me.”
“Kame?” Jin's voice sounds more alarmed now. “Kame? Are you okay?”
“Never better,” Kame tells him. “Except, you know, for ruining everything I love-”
“What? You didn't ruin, anything, Kame. Look, I can fix the phone-”
“It's not the phone,” Kame says, laughing. “It's me. Look how broken I am, Jin. Look how at how you've broken me.”
Jin looks up sharply at that, moving towards him, but Kame laughs, dodging, rolling over the bed to land on the other side.
“Kame?”
“Kame's not here right now. Kame's busy ruining his life.”
“Kame!”
Kame laughs, crazy, and he knows that he's unhinged. There's nothing normal about what he's doing right now, nothing at all, and he's blazing down an insane path to self-destruction. He can't stop himself as he runs around the room, yelling as Jin calls after him, chasing, him, frantic, worried beyond reason for him.
What does Jin care if Kame's losing control?
“Please, Kame! Kame, please, just tell me what's wrong-”
“Nothing's wrong!” Kame says again, for what must be the hundredth time, but Jin won't listen.
“There is, Kame, you've been acting different for ages! If it's your legs, I can heal them if you want, but you don't like me using so much magic on you, but it's really not a big deal-”
Kame laughs, shaking his head, and Jin turns to him, biting his lip, his eyes frantic.
“Well, even if it's not your legs, I can still help you, can't I? Please, Kame, let me help you-”
“You can't help me,” Kame laughs again, his laugh high and broken, closer to a sob, and he doesn't sound like himself at all. “You can't help me at all. This is all my doing. All my fault.”
“Kame!” Jin falls to his side, looking up at him earnestly. “Kame, please, I know you're upset, but it'll be okay - we can work through it together, anything! - we can do it, Kame, please-”
The irony of Jin's urgency and concern bites at him, and Kame laughs again, tears leaking from his eyes.
“Kame?? Kame!! Kame, please-”
“You want to know what it is?” Kame laughs, only now it's not a laugh, it's a sob, it's a yell, and he's crying and breaking in front of Jin, and it's ridiculous because this is exactly what he told himself he wouldn't do.
“Please, Kame, if you just-”
“It's you.”
Jin freezes and stares at him, but Kame doesn't notice the look in his eyes, still going on.
“It's you, Jin. You. I'm in love with you, but you never notice and you don't care and you're too busy with Ueda or Koki or everyone else to notice. And it's useless, because it's just who you are, and you're going to go back home soon to Ryo and Yamapi and whomever else your little fairy friends are, and I'll never see you again, and I can't live like that Jin, don't you see?!”
Kame's not sure when he started yelling, or when his explanation turned him shouting and spilling his guts out all over the floor. Jin's eyes are fathomless, filled with more things than Kame can count, but Kame can't stop, the torrent just coming and coming.
“Don't you get it?? It's you that's making me this way! It's you, it's you, it's always been you, and I can't deal with this anymore! I can't keep living this happy little life like this, pretending like everything's always going to be okay when it's not, when you're going to have to leave, when I'm going go be back being alone and miserable and you'll be off playing your silly fairy games and I'll still be here, lost and miserable and incomplete!”
“Kame-” Jin started, moving towards him, but Kame took a step back.
“It's been eating me alive! You're going to leave! And it's not even a big deal to you, you're so busy off having fun with Ueda or being amazed at how the subway works to even care! How can I hate you for being so oblivious when you're like that? How can I ever admit to myself that I'm going to die without you? I'm nothing without you Jin, I'm nothing!”
“Kame, it's okay-!” Jin says, his eyes vivid. “Kame, I love you back, I have for a long time, I just didn't know you-”
“But it doesn't matter!” Kame laughs hysterically, choking, tears blurring his vision. “It doesn't matter, Jin, because you're going to leave and be gone and I'll never see you again and you won't do anything about it and I'll never be okay again and this is your fault, all your fault, you made me fall in love with you and now I'll be helpless and empty all my life and it's all your fault, you stupid little fairy!! God damn you, Jin, damn you!”
“Kame!” Jin is crying too now, little diamonds that spill and fall to the floor. “Please, Kame, please-”
“I wish none of this had ever happened!!” Kame yells, and he can feel his heart rip apart inside of him. “I wish I had never met you! I wish I'd never see you again!”
Silence hits the room like a bomb.
And Jin looks up at Kame, his eyes so full of sorrow and love and regret and pain that it takes Kame's breath away, and Kame realizes what he's just done.
“No-” he starts, standing, moving as fast as he can. “No, Jin, I didn't mean-”
There's a roll of thunder so loud Kame thinks it'll split his head, and he falls to the ground, clutching his head as the building shakes, reality splitting in front of his eyes, winds spinning and screaming around him. He screams for Jin over the wind, and he can hear Jin yelling something too, but the world is ending and the sky is closing in over Kame's head and he can't hear anything save the winds screeching through his ears, and then it's over, it's all over, and Kame staggers as he falls forward.
He hits the ground hard, unable to catch himself, his eyes spinning, the oppressive silence of the apartment bearing down on him, suffocating. Kame clenches his eyes shut and wills himself not to cry, willing, praying, hoping, but knowing it's too late.
Jin is gone, Kame knows, gone forever from his own hasty words.
It's over.
It's all over.
And it'll be over forever, now, too.
Somehow, Kame manages to wrench himself into work the next day. He expects a barrage of questions about his missing bandmate, but no one notices anything different, all just chatting about the latest scandal with the reporter that got caught sleeping with Miyavi, and Kame begins to wonder what's going on.
It's when he catches sight of the cover of the magazine they're gossiping over, the one with the band on the cover, that Kame realizes. There's only five of them, five, five, five as they'd always been, five as they've always been, and Kame chokes, rushing from the room blindly, making the others stop and stare.
Scrambling desperately, Kame finds it in the recording room, fumbling, jamming their latest CD into the player. He skips to his song, their song, their duet, and listens.
His voice comes into the room, singing sweetly, filling the room with his solo.
His solo.
Kame falls to his knees, pressing hard against his eyes, and tries to tell himself that it'll be all right.
Nothing's right. Nothing. It's as if Jin never existed. Wiped cleanly from the world, from everyone's memories, until there's nothing left.
Only Kame remembers. Only Kame knows.
The day itself is a nightmare. Without Jin, they're incomplete, somehow. Their old dynamic seems forced, incomplete, lacking, and the space between them all haunts him. As they sing, it's all too obvious that something's missing, but when he asks about it, they look at him strangely and say that this is how it's always been.
Finally, in desperation, Kame grabs Ueda after practice, frantic.
“What do you mean, did I break my G string?” he asks, skeptical. “Of course not. I'm not an amateur, Kamenashi.”
“Please,” Kame pleads with him. “Just let me see.”
Ueda shrugs and kneels down, opening up his guitar case, taking out his spares.
“See, the G string's right here,” he says, holding it up. “If I'd broken it, it'd take at least a week to replace the spare...”
Kame stares at it numbly, disbelief etched all over his mind. Impulsively, he grabs the string of the guitar, plucking it hard.
“Hey!”
It doesn't break. Kame wanders off, his eyes lost, looking for old footage of the shows they did together before.
Kame spends the weekend away from his apartment. He goes and visits his family, making small talk about work and politics, going to see his brother's school play.
Jin'll be home when he gets back, he tells himself. He'll realize that he didn't mean it, that it was a mistake.
But when Kame opens the door to his empty apartment, Jin's not there. His bedspread's not even purple anymore, the color Jin laughed over and said he liked because it made Kame seem like a king. It's an stark, ugly white, the color it was when he'd originally bought it from the store.
Kame sits down on the edge of his bed, dirty pants on the bedspread, puts his head in his hands, and cries.
Kame goes into work the next day. No one asks about the subway ride, no one tries to thwart the turn stalls, no one tries to cheer him up on the way there. No one skips into headquarters, no one eagerly pushes all the elevator buttons, no one looks out and waves to the people on each floor. No one shoots concerned looks at Kame when he's tired, no one quietly hands him a water when he's exhausted, and no one offers him a tentative smile when he's frustrated and annoyed.
Nothing is the same without Jin.
But everything's the same as it's always been.
There's an interview the next day. It goes perfectly, the band laughing and teasing each other and smiling as always. The reporters laugh and blush, amused and happy at their obvious affection for each other, the strong bond of friendship between the band mates.
Afterward, there's a photo shoot. Koki and Junno bicker back and forth, Kame goading them on every so often, Ueda making sarcastic comments, Nakamaru attempting a peaceful mediation. The banter fills the hours of the photo shoot, helps cheer everyone up a little, makes work a little more bearable.
For the first time, to Kame, it feels like an act.
Kame's apartment begins to get dirty. Unhung clothes lie in sloppy piles, used dishes pile up in the sink, trash litters the area around his desk. Kame hadn't had to do the chores for so long, he almost forgets how to do them.
Kame knows that's a ridiculous thought. One doesn't forget how to do something as basic as folding a shirt, or how to put a dish away.
But it feels like he has. When Kame lies on his bed, head hanging off of the end and arms tucked under his stomach, he looks at the state he lives in now. It's revolting, it's disgusting, it's disorganized, it's a mess.
Kame still can't bring himself to put anything away.
Kame wakes up one day from a dream. He was playing hide and seek with Jin in a dark forest, the kind Jin described as his home. But whenever he came close to catching Jin, his hands would slip, and he'd push Jin away, letting him escape into the trees again and again.
Kame wonders if it's a sign, then wonders if he's starting to lose his mind.
Kame's elected to go and make the coffee run for the day. Ueda wants black, Junno likes cappuccino, and Koki wants a shot of expresso while Nakamaru wants a latte with whipped cream. Kame likes two sugars, no milk.
He orders the coffee from the usual place, and goes back, carefully carrying the large drink holder. Everyone exclaims their thanks, falling on their hot drinks with fervor, helping to chase off the morning cold.
“Wait. Kame,” Junno says, looking at the drinks, confused. “There's an extra one.”
A lone hot chocolate sits there, steam still rising from the cup.
There's a distinct stench that begins to belong to Kame's apartment. His cologne covers it up on him and his clothes for work, but when he returns home, there's a pungent odor to the air. Kame can't remember the last time he took out the garbage, or the last time he ate off of a clean plate. Take out boxes clutter the kitchen, papers pile the table, fruit flies swarm around the trash, mold clings to the shower tiles and the mirror in the bathroom.
It's disgusting.
Kame fully realizes that he is disgusting, living in this squalor. It's worthy of homeless people and degenerate freeloaders, not of highly-respected pop idols.
He still can't bring himself to care.
Loneliness is like a disease, Kame thinks. It's slowly killing him, eating away at his insides. Humans are social creatures, meant to talk and laugh and share life together. Isolation is unnatural, and the human mind knows it all too well.
But it's not only talking that humans are meant to do, Kame thinks. They have to communicate with each other and build bonds that run deeper than seen. They need to feel understood, need to feel needed, need to have someone always there.
It makes sense, Kame considers silently. It'd explain why he feels so alone, surrounded by all his friends amidst cheers of “Kampai!”
Kame walks home from the party, having turned down offers of rides from both Koki and Ueda. It's chilly, and Kame tucks his hands into his pockets tightly, shivering against the wind.
Kame wonders if he could get hypothermia or frostbite from just the wind chill. He wonders how badly getting fingers removed would hurt, and wonders if it would affect his desirability as an idol.
Then he realizes he's being morbid again.
“Idiot,” Kame spits, frustrated. “Just because he's not around anymore doesn't mean there's nothing left to live for...”
But that's a lie, Kame's thoughts hiss at him. Kame's never been more depressed and apathetic in his life. Jin was the only person to really make him feel loved since his childhood, the only thing that made him feel alive...
Jin...
A leaf blows by, brushing against his cheek, and Kame watches as it swirls up toward the sky, dancing in front of the stars. Something niggles at the back of his mind, trying to get him to remember it, but Kame can't recall.
“Mommy! Mommy, look! A star!”
Kame glances across the street, watching the toddler grab his mother's coat excitedly.
“Mommy! Mommy, a star! It's the first one!”
“It certainly is,” the mother says, her tone affectionate. “What sharp eyes you have!”
“I'm going to make a wish!” the child declares, and Kame blinks. “Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight-”
Memory crashes over Kame, harsh and unrelenting, his eyes unseeing as he recalls. Wishing was how he first met Jin, why Jin was there at all, Jin was there to grant his wishes-
“Last night, you wished for more wishes,” Jin says, chiding. “In order to provide that, I was sent.” He pauses. “Though, if you really think about it, you kind of broke the rules. You're only supposed to use that rhyme for the first star you see, not a falling star, and you mixed up the grant rate, so all the machines went wacky, and Ryo was yelling and...”
“He was sent to grant my wishes,” Kame breathes. “He was called from my wish. That's why he came...”
Realization flares. The beginnings of an idea form in his mind, quickly collecting and spreading out. He can get Jin back. All he has to do is wish him back enough, and eventually he'll be granted a wish again. Even faster, if he can manage to mess up the fairy system again. It's likely to take weeks, maybe months, before he gets a wish granted, like the lottery, but there's a chance.
There's a chance.
A spark of light grows in Kame's eyes, a sign of life he's been missing for weeks.
“Star light, star bright!”
Kame yells, breaking the silence. The mother looks at him sharply, startled, and the child giggles.
“First star I see tonight!”
Kame runs down the street, his arms outstretched like he's trying to take off, shouting out a rhyme from his childhood.
“I wish I may, I wish I might-!”
Kame sprints, like he's trying to catch a wish, running and running and running and he doesn't know why-
“Have the wish I wish tonight!”
Kame collapses onto a pile of garbage in an alleyway, breathless from his running. He pants slightly, catching his breath, and looks up at the stars.
“I wish Jin was sent back to me!” he yells into the sky.
Nothing happens, nothing beyond the star's normal twinkling, but Kame can't help but feel he's taken a giant step towards his goal.
Kame takes out 10,000 yen the next day during his lunch break. He gets it all in 10, 5, and 1 yen pieces, and sweeps it all into a potato bag he'd brought with him. The banker woman looks at him strangely, but Kame doesn't care.
Kame spends his lunch break sitting on the edge of a well in a local children's park, tossing in coin after coin. He alternates coins with bites of a cheap sandwich, flipping coins in with his left, eating with his right.
He starts out saying his full wish, the full sentence of “I wish Jin came back to grant me more wishes,” but that deteriorates fast. It evolves to “I wish Jin granted me wishes” to “I wish Jin would come back” to “I wish Jin-” and before he knows it, Kame's just flipping coins into the well, murmuring Jin's name over and over again under his breath.
A young child watches him from the sandbox, his eyes wide, before she toddles over to the well. Kame pauses, watching as she stands on tip-toes to drop a 5 yen piece of her own into the well. She looks up at him through wide, innocent eyes.
“I wish you got your Jin back too,” she says shyly, and runs off back to her friends.
Kame's blinks, startled, caught off-guard by the girl's selflessness. He looks down into the well, one coin sparkling up from the darkness, and Kame wonders if that she has just as much of a chance as he does, wishing for things to come, as he keeps flipping coin after coin into the well.
When the band travels north for a concert, Kame takes great joy in hunting out dandelions gone to seed, wishing as he blows the seeds off. He treats the band to chicken and duck and turkey one night, and spends the rest of the night breaking wishbones with a drunken intern, making wish after wish. He starts carrying around a mirror to check regularly if any of his eyelashes have fallen out, and he orders pie as every dessert, saving the tip to eat last. He starts wearing multiple necklaces and lurking around Ueda, who's the most anal retentive of the group and therefore the most likely to turn the clasps back around for him when they fall to the front.
Kame lights candles and puts them in front of a fan, hoping they'll go out out before they've burned down so he can make a wish. Kame goes to all the shrines in the are, tying wishes to all the trees he can find. He starts eating with silverware on small tables, so if he drops a utensil, he can make a wish as he picks it up. He eats more nuts, now, looking for doubles, and starts hanging around gardens, hoping to find ladybugs to trick into landing on him. His happiest day is his birthday, when he gets to blow out all the candles on his cake.
Fall melts into winter melts into spring melts into fall. Kame wishes, Kame wishes, Kame wishes, Kame wishes.
It's slightly ridiculous, Kame realizes, going to such an extent to get a wish. But his wishing is the only thing that's keeping him remotely sane, so Kame keeps wishing, a mantra, over and over and over.
Jin. Jin. Jin. Jin. Jin. Jin. Jin.
Kame falls asleep early one night, making him miss the meteor shower that's supposed to come late that night. Livid at his mistake, Kame spends the next afternoon chasing leaves in the local park, trying to catch one before it hits the ground to make a wish on. He manages to catch five, and deems the afternoon a success before returning to his apartment again.
He's started picking up his apartment a bit, but it's still messy, a far cry from the neat and organized system he'd had before. Kame rummages in the fridge for an apple, gnawing on it as he watches out the window, waiting for the stars to come.
The sun sets and twilight sets in, and Kame smiles slightly, remembering when he watched the sunset with Jin once before. He takes a bite and glances up, finding a star emerging against the purple sky.
“Star light, star bright,” Kame murmurs, reciting his rhyme. As he finishes, he notices just how brightly that star is shining, noting it might increase the strength of his wish even more.
As he opens his mouth to take another bite, there's a knock at the door.
The knock is soft, but firm. It's a far cry from the rapid knock of Junno at his door, and completely unlike Ueda's impatient rattle. It's not official, like the knock of a messenger, but it's not friendly, like the knock of Nakamaru wanting to talk. Kame doesn't recognize the knock at all.
As Kame moves toward the door, he realizes there's only one person he knows who never knocked on his door.
And that's because Kame always got it for him, making sure he never needed to knock.
Kame lunges for the door, running across the room.
Maybe the wish came true, Kame's mind murmurs, his thoughts running together in his mind. Maybe it was a magic star. Maybe all his wishes added up, maybe it's come true, maybe Jin's forgiven him, maybe he was willing to break the rules, maybe he messed up the grant rate again, maybe he just wished upon a star-
Kame wrenches open the door, panting, his eyes wide, desperate. He holds onto the top of the door to support him, forcing his head to stay straight.
It's a normal-sized person, not a three-inch tall fairy. But Kame recognizes the white beater and sparkly jeans, and his heart jumps at the familiar dusty curls and soft face.
Jin stands in the hallway, biting his lip, looking nervous and cold and upset all at once. The way he's looking at Kame makes his heart stop in his chest, and Kame can't think, only wait to see what Jin will do, what Jin will say, why Jin's chosen to come back at all.
Jin bites his lip, and looks up at Kame through his eyelashes, his heart in his eyes.
“Technically, that was Venus you just wished on,” he says, nibbling at his lip. He pauses, uncertain. “But... well... you'll notice I'm still here.”
With a cry, Kame stumbles forward and engulfs Jin in his arms.
“Do you have any idea what kind of chaos you caused back at the Institute?” Jin asks, hands closed around a cup of hot chocolate. “No one's ever tried to beat the Granter. Ever.”
“No,” Kame admits, clutching his own coffee, both drinks made from a frantic scramble around his kitchen, hoping he could bribe Jin to stay for a bit. “I was just kind of hoping I'd be able to mess it up enough to convince you to come back.”
Jin smiles slightly. “Most people only make a wish when they remember it,” he explains. “If someone sees a falling star, they'll usually remember, or if they pass by a well, they'll toss a coin or two in. This lets the Granter mark wishes to be granted at a certain rate - some days, one in every twenty wishes will come true; another day, one in every five.”
“You, however, were rigging the game.” Jin takes a sip from his drink, and Kame can't take his eyes from him, barely believing that this is real. He continues. “With you making the majority of wishes that came in, a good three-fourths of the wishes set to be granted ended up being yours.”
“But why didn't you come back then?” Kame asks. “I've been wishing for over a year...”
“Ah, but Kame-chan forgot the rules of wishing I told him,” Jin says, wiggling his fingers. “Wishes can't reverse a wish that someone's already made. Because you were wishing against something you already wished for, by default, all your wishes were deemed invalid.”
Kame groans, rolling at his own stupidity. He remembers Jin going over that all those months ago - why hadn't he paid attention? Why?
Kame pauses, looking at Jin as he takes a drink.
“Jin,” he says slowly. “If my wish wasn't granted... then why are you here?”
Jin freezes. He slowly puts his cup down, his face decidedly pink.
“With your last wish, you wished none of it had ever happened,” Jin says, carefully. “While I could change time, I couldn't change your concept of it, because that deals with your will to remember and your memory. The same goes with the second part of it - you wished you'd never met me, but I couldn't change your memory of meeting me all the same.”
“The last one, I could grant,” Jin says, looking at Kame, his eyes dark, quiet. “As a fairy, when you wished for you to never see me again, I could grant that as your servant. In granting it, I could never come back and see you as a fairy ever again.”
Kame swallows hard, willing himself not to speak. Jin looks away.
“This past year, I've been working hard.” Jin's words are soft, uncertain. “I improved my magic, passed all my tests. I worked hard enough that I graduated from the institute, and could make my own choices about what I wanted to do.”
“A fairy has two choices, when it comes down to it,” Jin says, raising his eyes once more. “They can remain a fairy and go on granting wishes and living with the rest of the fairies until their end. That's what most fairies do - it's not often that a fairy wants anything else from life. The other choice is to become man.”
“Man is a subjective term - it simply means “not fairy” in fairy terms,” Jin continues on, stirring his drink habitually. “They strip you of your magic, and they take away your wings and size. You're forbidden to return to the fairy land ever, and you have to live out the rest of your life as a human. It's considered a disgrace. There's no turning back.”
Kame swallows hard, disbelieving. He can't believe it, simply can't process it. There's no way that Jin would- not after how poorly he'd treated him-
Jin pauses.
“I... didn't want to become human,” Jin tells him. “Humans are mean and fight with each other a lot. It's not fun not having magic, and I didn't want to not be able to fly. But if I wasn't a fairy anymore... your wish would no longer apply, and I could use my free will to come and see you again, even if you didn't want me to.”
Jin looks up at him, his heart and tears shining in his eyes, and Kame feels his heart stop.
“And that's what I wanted more than anything else in the world.”
Unable to stop himself, Kame moves to the sofa to sit beside Jin and pulls him into his arms, holding him close, and Jin clings to his chest.
“I couldn't live without you,” Jin murmurs, shaking. “I couldn't. Kame, I was miserable. I was never happy anymore, and life was sad. And you hated me - you hated me, I thought - and I had nothing left to live for anymore.”
“I'm sorry,” Kame whispers, stroking Jin's hair, gently tousling the curls. “I'm so sorry I ever said those things to you.”
“I didn't really do anything, for a long time,” Jin says, quiet. “I just kind of existed, moving from class to class, numb.”
“I'm sorry, Jin,” Kame whispers. “I'll never do it again. I'll never- I promise-”
“Then your wishes started coming in,” Jin continues, his voice quiet. “I thought it was a mistake at first, that you were simply having a bout of remorse and didn't really mean it, or you just wanted to make more wishes like you did the first time again. But then they kept coming and coming, more and more insistent each time, and then they couldn't be ignored-”
Kame hugs Jin tight, and slowly, Jin wraps his arms around Kame in return.
“I just wanted to see you one more time.”
They stay like that for a long moment, locked in each other's embrace. It's surreal, for Kame. His thoughts slow down, and an odd feeling of contentment settles down on him, a feeling of completeness, an happiness he'd lacked for over a year. Kame hugs Jin tightly, playing with his hair, his eyes closed, content in the embrace.
After some time, finally, Jin swallows hard, pulling back.
“I came back to you, Kame. I'm not a fairy anymore, and I don't have any magic, but I came back. I just wanted to see you again...”
“Jin,” Kame murmurs, a soft, slow smile on his face. “Jin... Jin...”
“I understand that you don't want me around again,” Jin says, looking away. “It's very selfish of me to come here like this, but I couldn't help it, and I wanted to grant your wish...”
“Jin,” Kame says, blinking, his mind trying to catch up. “Wait, Jin. No, it's okay. Jin, I-”
“No, it's okay, really,” Jin says, wrenching away from Kame's arms. “I've arranged for an apartment nearby, and I understand that I'm not the fairy friend you were used to, so I can-” Jin stands, dusting himself off, and moves towards the door.
Reality slams into Kame hard, the stark memory of his time before Jin and after Jin, his aimless life. His apathy to the world, his desire to kill himself, his constant thoughts of worthlessness and the futility of life. But Jin's back now, Jin's back, and he's about to walk out of the door forever.
Before he's aware of it, Kame's out of his seat and across the room in a few short strides, grabbing Jin's arm hard, clutching tightly, refusing to let go.
“Jin.”
Jin pauses, looking up at Kame, his eyes wide, listening to him finally. Kame sucks in his breath sharply as his eyes lock with Jin's, his heart thudding loudly in his chest.
“I told you before you left, Jin. Don't you remember?” Kame says, his voice urgent. “I love you, Jin. I'm not letting you leave me again.”
Jin's breath catches, and as he opens his mouth to respond, Kame leans down and presses his lips to his, sealing his promise with a heartfelt kiss.
A year later, KAT-TUN is back (though they've never before existed), and better than ever. Kame has the brilliant idea to do a photoshoot book that sells out within an hour of going on sale, and the remix of their old hit GOLD at concerts is a huge winner with the crowd. Ueda declares that the band has never been better, especially with the new addition of Jin Akanishi to their team, and Kame's able to smile and share in the glory and let go of any old resentment he'd held for Ueda for taking Jin away from him.
Jin lives with Kame, now. The apartment building of Johnny's didn't have any openings, and Kame had offered, so it all worked out rather well. Though they're just roommates on paper, the other band members all smile when they arrive together every morning, hand in hand, and it's common knowledge with the apartment staff that Akanishi's bed goes unslept in more often than not.
A year later on their anniversary, Kame gives Jin a CD. It's their duet, their single, their song, the one the world never heard, and Jin's face is an expression of awe when he sees.
“But Kame...” Jin murmurs, disbelieving. “Time changed. I unmade them all. How did you...?”
Kame presses a finger to Jin's lips to silence Jin's babbling. He smiles.
“I wished for it.”
Fin~ ♥