Something that's nothing
Ok, so I'm probably over reacting and if I am I'll apologise to anyone who reads this at a later date when I have an answer. As it is, I'm worried and little bit scared. About three months ago I found a lump on my back. Not a large one. Actually it was rather small and I decided to ignore it as nothing to concern myself about. A week ago I went to see 30 Seconds To Mars and I wore my favourite tunic top to the gig. This wouldn't have been an issue except for the fact that when I turned my back to my mum she noticed the lump, rather larger than it had been when I first noticed it and poked it really hard. So now it hurts all the time, and I know she didn't mean to do it but I was happy to ignore it.
Anyway, I bit the bullet and made an appointment with the doctor. There is a problem with this. I'm terrified of them. The smell renders me down to a gibbering mess of tears and terror. Mum works at the local hospital and I had to meet her there after work one day. I had a breakdown in reception. They had to carry me out of the building and talk me down from blabbering fear. I was a mess. Now imagine me making an appointment to actually go to the doctor... it's going to be horrible.
The worst part of it is that I know I'm being totally stupid, that doctors are there so that if I get sick something can be done about it and that this fear is the same as the irrational fear that people have of the dentist. Except that I can't get away from the fear that one day they'll tell me something horrible is wrong with me and I can't ignore the fact that cancer is prolific within my genetic background so it's always in the back of my mind. Add this lump and you can see where I might panic unnecessarily.
If I keep telling myself it'll all be fine, will it? I hope so, because after the messy year I've just had bad news would be the worst thing.
Anyway, I bit the bullet and made an appointment with the doctor. There is a problem with this. I'm terrified of them. The smell renders me down to a gibbering mess of tears and terror. Mum works at the local hospital and I had to meet her there after work one day. I had a breakdown in reception. They had to carry me out of the building and talk me down from blabbering fear. I was a mess. Now imagine me making an appointment to actually go to the doctor... it's going to be horrible.
The worst part of it is that I know I'm being totally stupid, that doctors are there so that if I get sick something can be done about it and that this fear is the same as the irrational fear that people have of the dentist. Except that I can't get away from the fear that one day they'll tell me something horrible is wrong with me and I can't ignore the fact that cancer is prolific within my genetic background so it's always in the back of my mind. Add this lump and you can see where I might panic unnecessarily.
If I keep telling myself it'll all be fine, will it? I hope so, because after the messy year I've just had bad news would be the worst thing.