Quoteboard! With lots of help from a youth missions trip...
Ashley: I want to buy a stuffed deer head.
Mom: O_o Why??
Ashley: Because I’m going to name him Leonard and dress him up seasonally.
Mom: But where are you going to PUT it??
Ashley: On a wall!
Mom: Where?
Ashley: In my own place!
Mom: You don’t have your own place!
Ashley: I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE FUTURE. WHEN I HAVE MY OWN PLACE.
Mom: Okay.
Ashley: AND A STUFFED DEER HEAD NAMED LEONARD.
Mom, pointing to a dish of leftovers: What’s that?
Dad: Pork. There’s two more left.
Ashley: Two more porks.
*We go to a restaurant for Easter dinner. We have a 12:30 reservation. The party ahead of us won’t leave, to the consternation of our very apologetic waiter*
Waiter: Hallelujah, they’re getting up!
Dad, laughing: Hallelujah?
Ashley: THEY ARE RISEN INDEED.
Student, hanging up a paper clip garland: ART!
Ashley: I think you should always announce your artistic endeavours by shouting, “ART!”
Student 1: How was your Easter?
Student 2: Pretty good. But my mom said that this is my last Easter.
Student 1: SHE’S GONNA KILL YOU??
Student: If you die in Canada, do you die in real life?
*A student is face-timing with a relative in India*
Student 2: Does she speak English? Hola!
*All the students laugh*
Student 3: That’s HAWAII!
Student: I would make a great male stripper. I just got to get in shape.
Ashley: OH MY GOD.
Student 2: THE TEACHER HEARD YOU!!
*On Isaiah 53:2B: He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.*
Mom: So Jesus probably wasn’t particularly handsome.
Mom: …Now, he IS talking about Jesus on the cross.
Mom: Nobody’s at their best.
Student: Shut up! That's racist! Toward smurfs!
Student: Don't you DARE kill Gary.
Teacher: Don’t you listen to the words I’m saying when I’m teaching? I feel like Charlie Brown. You ever seen Charlie Brown?
Student: Mwa wa wa wa wa.
Teacher: Exactly.
Chrissy, on Facebook, quoting InternetHippo on Twitter: "Please call your congressman! He won't care about your opinion because he works for big money donors but you can tell him to eat shit."
Carrie Ann, on Facebook: That face you make when one of your students emails you to ask how they find sources for their final paper (worth a quarter of their grade) the evening before it's due. I can't even.
Dave: Just send them this image back as a reply
Becca, on Facebook: So, I allowed my students to name our class lizards, and they named one Donald Trump. Today in class, Donald Trump tried to kill one of the other lizards, so we had to put him in solitary confinement. Which caused the class to fall into an argument about the death penalty, and then about the difference between fact and opinion, and my poor little second graders are having existential melt downs left and right.
We're just going to color this afternoon.
Becca, on Facebook: We have a set of poems that we're supposed to use for a unit starting tomorrow, but they all drive me absolutely nuts. I think most of them are terribly dated, not age appropriate, and ridiculous for struggling readers, let alone ELs. The closest one to my content says something along the lines of "if nobody marries me, and they won't because I'm not pretty, then I'll just keep a squirrel in a cage and buy a pony and an orphan child."
Student 1: I have six toes on each foot!
Student 2: And you’re still missing a brain.
Student 1: …
Student 1: That was mean.
Ashley: That was HILARIOUS.
Student: You’re talking like a walking Trump supporter!
Kara and Kelsey are looking at dress types
Kara: Not THAT. That word makes me think of horses.
Ashley: What, “halter”?
Kara: No, “sheath.”
Kelsey: Look! They’re like bellbottoms for your arms!
Kara: We suck at this ‘girl’ thing.
Ashley: God just doesn’t want any of those people to be our pastor.
Bea: Well, that’s nice, because I feel like we’re on Tinder and everyone keeps swiping left.
Student 1: *comes in, sees the tables have been moved* WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??
Student 2: The tables have turned.
Jen: *makes dolphin noises* What’s that, Flipper? Timmy’s in the vortex?
Ashley: I AM GOING TO COMMIT HARAKIRI.
Callie C: You could just commit sudoku and become a numbers puzzle.
Callie C: Always wear pants. I learned that the hard way.
Patti: When Jesus is being taken up into heaven, some doubted!
April: They’re looking for the wires attached to his head.
Tim: The only gun I would keep would be the one that belonged to my dad.
Jen: What about the one *I* gave you?!
Tim: No, I fell on it that time I was running from that guy in West Virginia. Busted it all up.
Everyone else: …?
Jen: That the time you went hunting and came back without your mustache and beard?
Tim: Yeah.
Everyone else: …?!
Student 1: I’m beating you, James!
James: I know not of this James! It’s Greencoat now!
Student 1: “One” means, like, “you.” Like, you are the one.
Ashley: YOU ARE THE ONE.
Student 2: *batman voice* I AM THE LAW.
Anna: I like your boots. They’re like a cross between moccasins and boots.
Ashley: Minnehahas?
Anna: Minibootboots.
Aimee: Don’t be such a sleeve-cheese.
Sarah: I named the creepy little Beanie Babies. I named one of them The Folly of Man and the other one Perdition.
Student, singing to the McDonald’s tune: "Da da da da da, that’s copyrighted."
Student 1: Is she judging me?
Student 2: EVERYONE’S judging you. Just silently.
Michelle: So I called the woman up, and I really told her off. For like five minutes, I gave her a piece of my mind. And then she goes, “You’ve got the wrong number.” And I said, “Look, I found your number in my husband’s phone!”
*pregnant pause*
Michelle’s daughter: IT WASN’T ANOTHER WOMAN.
Ashley: Yo.
Mom: Ho ho.
Dr. Mills, on the stoning of Stephen: It got the point where the Sanhedrin were covering their ears and going, “La la la la la la--!”
Bea: Probably more like, “Oy oy oy oy oy oy--!”
Sam: *pray out loud* *long pause* …So, this was improvised. …My bad. …In Jesus’ name, amen.
Grace, in a voice of disgust: *GOD!* …Is so good! In my life!
Grace: I have the capacity to be intense, I just don’t.
Mom: The one with the head shaped like an explosion in a pickle factory?
Chris, on the son “57 Ginger-Headed Sailors”: If the ship went down, would they say there were no souls lost?
Grace, pointing to the tape over the webcam on her laptop: Can’t trust the government.
Ashley: I need to go take care of my friend’s cat. Feed her, change the litter…
Amy: You need to go do your cat duty.
Ashley: Literally! Cat DOOTY!
Amy: LITTERally!
Natasha, pointing to Masonic bumper sticker: Look! Illuminati! I hope they’re not going to Sweet Frog!
Grace: No. Sweet Frog is a place of God.
Dr. Mills: We don’t talk about God’s commitment to us. We talk about how I need to be committed- Well, I DO need to be committed, sometimes…
Dr. Mills: People think I’m too small to play football, but you can trip anybody if you’re down far enough.
Quinton: The world is my drumset.
Quinton: Come on, you love him.
Sam: I acknowledge that he exists.
Dad: Cat, I turned that on so it would blow on me, not on your butt!
Grace: We didn’t know until the last minute that we were gonna lead worship, so that was a nice, refreshing…
Emily: Heart attack.
*Emily’s in a giraffe onesie*
Phillip: Nice pajamas.
Emily: You’re welcome.
Phillip, 12 years old, on the skits we were performing: There’s a part where I’m about to shoot myself. …My mom wouldn’t like that.
Ashley: Well, you’re also getting crucified, so…
Natasha, watching Criminal Minds: Arizona has the highest abduction rate in the United States!
Grace: Well, yeah, that’s where Area 51 is!
Grace: Tengo Jesus en mi bolsa.
Abby: Duck, duck, duck, duck…
Natasha: The anxiety of my childhood wrapped up in one game…
Grace: Kill it!
Ashley: *Kills the spider* It’s dead.
Grace: *sings* Bless the Lord, oh my soul…
Natasha, on a guy called Turtle: Is that his actual name, or do they call him that because he looks like a turtle?
Natasha: Yes, I’m encouraging her to strip in front of everybody.
Ashley: “What did you learn on your missions trip?” “Exhibitionism.”
Ashley: Grace, you need to put down your shopping bag before you crucify Jesus.
Emily: The old guy who pulled out his harmonica and started playing… And he had a pelt on his wheelchair-so he was the coolest old guy I’ve ever seen.
Grace: Phillip, you wombat!
Dale: When you told me you had a hole in the crotch of your pants, I said, “It’s not real noticeable. Don’t make it noticeable.”
(Note: He made it noticeable.)
Phillip: Don’t worry. I’ll be there to catch you! I’ll break your fall and you’ll break my back!
Emily practices French by setting Siri to French and talking to her.
Emily: That’s the only person I know who speaks French: Siri.
Caleb: If I were going to eat any cat, it would be Sam’s cat.
Ashley, to Emily, who is obsessed with Josef Stalin: Emily! In Soviet Russia, Stalin obsessed with YOU! …No, is not good thing! Stop smiling!
Natasha: She said, I don’t have time for you! I’m going to find Will!
Grace: Where there’s a Will, there’s a way!
Grace, singing to the tune of “We Will Rock You”: Can’t stand your voice, can’t stand your face,
You come over here, I’m gonna give you some Grace!
…You’re so stupid, you’re so dumb,
You can’t even tell me how many thumbs
A cat has!
Natasha, reading a sign: “Your youth leader’s not your mom.”
Abby: MINE IS!
Natasha: Cordell threw Jesus under the bus!
Natasha is holding Dale’s ladder
Caleb: You can’t let him die! He’s your breadwinner!
Abby is covered in little green burrs
Ashley: You look like a Dippin Dotz!
Grace: I don’t need your attitude.
Ashley: It’s a package deal.
Sam: Can we return it?
Caleb: Last night I told Cordell to take off his shirt and he did and I threw a quarter at him and said, “I’m making it hail!”
The Other Caleb: Calebs hold ladders and are carried on the shoulders of others.
Grace: Caleb, you should put that on your resume.
Caleb: “Can become a hot dog bun if required.”
Caleb: Phillip, can you give me an estimate of how many people die in your imagination per minute?
Caleb: Anything sounds satanic in this voice. *groan-chants* Put the macaroni in the pot…
Grace and Emily sing to the tune of Amazing Grace: Dank memes, dank memes, dank memes, dank memes…
Pepe the Frog and Doge the Dog,
Here come dat boy, dank memes…
Phillip, holding the two chess queens: Enemies: they were sisters…
Counselor: Drink, don’t think!
Phillip: *does a deep-throated sigh*
Ashley: You okay?
Phillip, in deep-throated voice: Yes.
Phillip has been laughing uproariously: *holds his sides* Oh, my intestines!
Jason: Your toughest moment?
Jimmy, indicating Emily: She ran out of Netflix.
Natasha: I can’t do art. I can do abstract art, though. Because you don’t have to be a good artist to do abstract art.
Ashley: The abstract artists would disagree with you.
Natasha: That’s because they think abstract art is good.
*We’ve been working in the shade, but the shade is disappearing. The sunlight touches Caleb’s arm*
Caleb: *hisses like a vampire*
Coming down the hill in the dark
Ashley: You need a light?
Caleb: No, I’m good. I live most of my life in the dark.
Mom: O_o Why??
Ashley: Because I’m going to name him Leonard and dress him up seasonally.
Mom: But where are you going to PUT it??
Ashley: On a wall!
Mom: Where?
Ashley: In my own place!
Mom: You don’t have your own place!
Ashley: I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE FUTURE. WHEN I HAVE MY OWN PLACE.
Mom: Okay.
Ashley: AND A STUFFED DEER HEAD NAMED LEONARD.
Mom, pointing to a dish of leftovers: What’s that?
Dad: Pork. There’s two more left.
Ashley: Two more porks.
*We go to a restaurant for Easter dinner. We have a 12:30 reservation. The party ahead of us won’t leave, to the consternation of our very apologetic waiter*
Waiter: Hallelujah, they’re getting up!
Dad, laughing: Hallelujah?
Ashley: THEY ARE RISEN INDEED.
Student, hanging up a paper clip garland: ART!
Ashley: I think you should always announce your artistic endeavours by shouting, “ART!”
Student 1: How was your Easter?
Student 2: Pretty good. But my mom said that this is my last Easter.
Student 1: SHE’S GONNA KILL YOU??
Student: If you die in Canada, do you die in real life?
*A student is face-timing with a relative in India*
Student 2: Does she speak English? Hola!
*All the students laugh*
Student 3: That’s HAWAII!
Student: I would make a great male stripper. I just got to get in shape.
Ashley: OH MY GOD.
Student 2: THE TEACHER HEARD YOU!!
*On Isaiah 53:2B: He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.*
Mom: So Jesus probably wasn’t particularly handsome.
Mom: …Now, he IS talking about Jesus on the cross.
Mom: Nobody’s at their best.
Student: Shut up! That's racist! Toward smurfs!
Student: Don't you DARE kill Gary.
Teacher: Don’t you listen to the words I’m saying when I’m teaching? I feel like Charlie Brown. You ever seen Charlie Brown?
Student: Mwa wa wa wa wa.
Teacher: Exactly.
Chrissy, on Facebook, quoting InternetHippo on Twitter: "Please call your congressman! He won't care about your opinion because he works for big money donors but you can tell him to eat shit."
Carrie Ann, on Facebook: That face you make when one of your students emails you to ask how they find sources for their final paper (worth a quarter of their grade) the evening before it's due. I can't even.
Dave: Just send them this image back as a reply
Becca, on Facebook: So, I allowed my students to name our class lizards, and they named one Donald Trump. Today in class, Donald Trump tried to kill one of the other lizards, so we had to put him in solitary confinement. Which caused the class to fall into an argument about the death penalty, and then about the difference between fact and opinion, and my poor little second graders are having existential melt downs left and right.
We're just going to color this afternoon.
Becca, on Facebook: We have a set of poems that we're supposed to use for a unit starting tomorrow, but they all drive me absolutely nuts. I think most of them are terribly dated, not age appropriate, and ridiculous for struggling readers, let alone ELs. The closest one to my content says something along the lines of "if nobody marries me, and they won't because I'm not pretty, then I'll just keep a squirrel in a cage and buy a pony and an orphan child."
Student 1: I have six toes on each foot!
Student 2: And you’re still missing a brain.
Student 1: …
Student 1: That was mean.
Ashley: That was HILARIOUS.
Student: You’re talking like a walking Trump supporter!
Kara and Kelsey are looking at dress types
Kara: Not THAT. That word makes me think of horses.
Ashley: What, “halter”?
Kara: No, “sheath.”
Kelsey: Look! They’re like bellbottoms for your arms!
Kara: We suck at this ‘girl’ thing.
Ashley: God just doesn’t want any of those people to be our pastor.
Bea: Well, that’s nice, because I feel like we’re on Tinder and everyone keeps swiping left.
Student 1: *comes in, sees the tables have been moved* WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??
Student 2: The tables have turned.
Jen: *makes dolphin noises* What’s that, Flipper? Timmy’s in the vortex?
Ashley: I AM GOING TO COMMIT HARAKIRI.
Callie C: You could just commit sudoku and become a numbers puzzle.
Callie C: Always wear pants. I learned that the hard way.
Patti: When Jesus is being taken up into heaven, some doubted!
April: They’re looking for the wires attached to his head.
Tim: The only gun I would keep would be the one that belonged to my dad.
Jen: What about the one *I* gave you?!
Tim: No, I fell on it that time I was running from that guy in West Virginia. Busted it all up.
Everyone else: …?
Jen: That the time you went hunting and came back without your mustache and beard?
Tim: Yeah.
Everyone else: …?!
Student 1: I’m beating you, James!
James: I know not of this James! It’s Greencoat now!
Student 1: “One” means, like, “you.” Like, you are the one.
Ashley: YOU ARE THE ONE.
Student 2: *batman voice* I AM THE LAW.
Anna: I like your boots. They’re like a cross between moccasins and boots.
Ashley: Minnehahas?
Anna: Minibootboots.
Aimee: Don’t be such a sleeve-cheese.
Sarah: I named the creepy little Beanie Babies. I named one of them The Folly of Man and the other one Perdition.
Student, singing to the McDonald’s tune: "Da da da da da, that’s copyrighted."
Student 1: Is she judging me?
Student 2: EVERYONE’S judging you. Just silently.
Michelle: So I called the woman up, and I really told her off. For like five minutes, I gave her a piece of my mind. And then she goes, “You’ve got the wrong number.” And I said, “Look, I found your number in my husband’s phone!”
*pregnant pause*
Michelle’s daughter: IT WASN’T ANOTHER WOMAN.
Ashley: Yo.
Mom: Ho ho.
Dr. Mills, on the stoning of Stephen: It got the point where the Sanhedrin were covering their ears and going, “La la la la la la--!”
Bea: Probably more like, “Oy oy oy oy oy oy--!”
Sam: *pray out loud* *long pause* …So, this was improvised. …My bad. …In Jesus’ name, amen.
Grace, in a voice of disgust: *GOD!* …Is so good! In my life!
Grace: I have the capacity to be intense, I just don’t.
Mom: The one with the head shaped like an explosion in a pickle factory?
Chris, on the son “57 Ginger-Headed Sailors”: If the ship went down, would they say there were no souls lost?
Grace, pointing to the tape over the webcam on her laptop: Can’t trust the government.
Ashley: I need to go take care of my friend’s cat. Feed her, change the litter…
Amy: You need to go do your cat duty.
Ashley: Literally! Cat DOOTY!
Amy: LITTERally!
Natasha, pointing to Masonic bumper sticker: Look! Illuminati! I hope they’re not going to Sweet Frog!
Grace: No. Sweet Frog is a place of God.
Dr. Mills: We don’t talk about God’s commitment to us. We talk about how I need to be committed- Well, I DO need to be committed, sometimes…
Dr. Mills: People think I’m too small to play football, but you can trip anybody if you’re down far enough.
Quinton: The world is my drumset.
Quinton: Come on, you love him.
Sam: I acknowledge that he exists.
Dad: Cat, I turned that on so it would blow on me, not on your butt!
Grace: We didn’t know until the last minute that we were gonna lead worship, so that was a nice, refreshing…
Emily: Heart attack.
*Emily’s in a giraffe onesie*
Phillip: Nice pajamas.
Emily: You’re welcome.
Phillip, 12 years old, on the skits we were performing: There’s a part where I’m about to shoot myself. …My mom wouldn’t like that.
Ashley: Well, you’re also getting crucified, so…
Natasha, watching Criminal Minds: Arizona has the highest abduction rate in the United States!
Grace: Well, yeah, that’s where Area 51 is!
Grace: Tengo Jesus en mi bolsa.
Abby: Duck, duck, duck, duck…
Natasha: The anxiety of my childhood wrapped up in one game…
Grace: Kill it!
Ashley: *Kills the spider* It’s dead.
Grace: *sings* Bless the Lord, oh my soul…
Natasha, on a guy called Turtle: Is that his actual name, or do they call him that because he looks like a turtle?
Natasha: Yes, I’m encouraging her to strip in front of everybody.
Ashley: “What did you learn on your missions trip?” “Exhibitionism.”
Ashley: Grace, you need to put down your shopping bag before you crucify Jesus.
Emily: The old guy who pulled out his harmonica and started playing… And he had a pelt on his wheelchair-so he was the coolest old guy I’ve ever seen.
Grace: Phillip, you wombat!
Dale: When you told me you had a hole in the crotch of your pants, I said, “It’s not real noticeable. Don’t make it noticeable.”
(Note: He made it noticeable.)
Phillip: Don’t worry. I’ll be there to catch you! I’ll break your fall and you’ll break my back!
Emily practices French by setting Siri to French and talking to her.
Emily: That’s the only person I know who speaks French: Siri.
Caleb: If I were going to eat any cat, it would be Sam’s cat.
Ashley, to Emily, who is obsessed with Josef Stalin: Emily! In Soviet Russia, Stalin obsessed with YOU! …No, is not good thing! Stop smiling!
Natasha: She said, I don’t have time for you! I’m going to find Will!
Grace: Where there’s a Will, there’s a way!
Grace, singing to the tune of “We Will Rock You”: Can’t stand your voice, can’t stand your face,
You come over here, I’m gonna give you some Grace!
…You’re so stupid, you’re so dumb,
You can’t even tell me how many thumbs
A cat has!
Natasha, reading a sign: “Your youth leader’s not your mom.”
Abby: MINE IS!
Natasha: Cordell threw Jesus under the bus!
Natasha is holding Dale’s ladder
Caleb: You can’t let him die! He’s your breadwinner!
Abby is covered in little green burrs
Ashley: You look like a Dippin Dotz!
Grace: I don’t need your attitude.
Ashley: It’s a package deal.
Sam: Can we return it?
Caleb: Last night I told Cordell to take off his shirt and he did and I threw a quarter at him and said, “I’m making it hail!”
The Other Caleb: Calebs hold ladders and are carried on the shoulders of others.
Grace: Caleb, you should put that on your resume.
Caleb: “Can become a hot dog bun if required.”
Caleb: Phillip, can you give me an estimate of how many people die in your imagination per minute?
Caleb: Anything sounds satanic in this voice. *groan-chants* Put the macaroni in the pot…
Grace and Emily sing to the tune of Amazing Grace: Dank memes, dank memes, dank memes, dank memes…
Pepe the Frog and Doge the Dog,
Here come dat boy, dank memes…
Phillip, holding the two chess queens: Enemies: they were sisters…
Counselor: Drink, don’t think!
Phillip: *does a deep-throated sigh*
Ashley: You okay?
Phillip, in deep-throated voice: Yes.
Phillip has been laughing uproariously: *holds his sides* Oh, my intestines!
Jason: Your toughest moment?
Jimmy, indicating Emily: She ran out of Netflix.
Natasha: I can’t do art. I can do abstract art, though. Because you don’t have to be a good artist to do abstract art.
Ashley: The abstract artists would disagree with you.
Natasha: That’s because they think abstract art is good.
*We’ve been working in the shade, but the shade is disappearing. The sunlight touches Caleb’s arm*
Caleb: *hisses like a vampire*
Coming down the hill in the dark
Ashley: You need a light?
Caleb: No, I’m good. I live most of my life in the dark.