On hobbies and self-improvement and meaning
I don't have a lot of hobbies. Part of the reason is that I have stringent rules on what's an effective use of my time: it's either got to be something that improves the way I feel about myself or something that's social, that helps create good bonds with people I enjoy. Playing a video game or seeing a movie feels like a waste of time; a distraction to keep me from having to work towards my goals. I enjoy it while I'm doing it, but at the end of the day, before I go to bed, I have a brief attack of self-loathing; "Man, I barely did anything today."
My major hobby is self-improvement. It makes me feel better to consistently be working towards my ideals, both physically and personality-wise. I'm proud that I've stuck to my working out so well, and I'm much better at convincing myself to do things without procrastinating than I used to be. The only thing about that as a hobby is that it's not much to talk about with other people. You tend to sound pretty self-centered if that's what's interesting about you, that you never settle for "that's just the way I am" and work to improve yourself constantly. I don't feel like I have very much that's interesting to talk about.
The sucky part the aforementioned world view is that it leads to a lot of anxiety. I'm constantly struggling to find meaning in my life. I think too much about existence to switch it off and just be a hedonist. I crave purpose and meaning. I want to be doing things I can feel proud of. But I don't as much as I want to.
I guess the main point of this post is that I'm still trying to figure out how to live my life, I'm not sure if I'm getting closer to where I want to be, and that Xanax is awesome.
My major hobby is self-improvement. It makes me feel better to consistently be working towards my ideals, both physically and personality-wise. I'm proud that I've stuck to my working out so well, and I'm much better at convincing myself to do things without procrastinating than I used to be. The only thing about that as a hobby is that it's not much to talk about with other people. You tend to sound pretty self-centered if that's what's interesting about you, that you never settle for "that's just the way I am" and work to improve yourself constantly. I don't feel like I have very much that's interesting to talk about.
The sucky part the aforementioned world view is that it leads to a lot of anxiety. I'm constantly struggling to find meaning in my life. I think too much about existence to switch it off and just be a hedonist. I crave purpose and meaning. I want to be doing things I can feel proud of. But I don't as much as I want to.
I guess the main point of this post is that I'm still trying to figure out how to live my life, I'm not sure if I'm getting closer to where I want to be, and that Xanax is awesome.