Single Again
Yup... I've reached that point again. I'm back to absolutely hating the word love and being alone and hating life and grasping the fact that I will die single.
As of Tuesday night at 1am, I am single. Lynsey hadn't really talked to me in the past 2 weeks, nor I her because she's been busy with a shit load of work, as have I. I asked her to talk homecoming weekend but she couldn't, wouldn't, didn't want to. So that got me worried and then we postponed talking for about a week and she came over, dumped me,I gave her her anniversary present (it would have been our "official" six month anniversary on Thursday, 2 days after she dumped me) she left and I couldn't talk or feel anything. The next day I was a total mess. I wouldn't talk to anyone even though they were trying to make me feel better and I just lost it in Jackie's arms. I can't remember a time where I got more concerned talks or hugs at practice for any reason.
I can't really deal with it. I want to dislike her, just absolutely hate her but I can't. I still have those same feelings. But I can't talk to her. I can barely be around her. She came to the party Saturday night and the most I said to her was "3 dollars, here's your cup" and that's all I've said to her since Tuesday night. I got rid of everything that she gave me, pictures of us, her favorite DVD, wall postings just so I'm not reminded of how happy I was when we were together. I want to get over her! But every time I see her face or hear her voice at practice, at parties, at Sitrus all I can think of are times we were together at my house or with her friends over the summer. Times last year where we walked around campus, the formal, our last night together and saying good by for the summer. That's all I can think of when I look at her... and realize that I will never have those memories back, I will never feel like that again. And people say you'll get over it, you'll be better, you'll find someone else. I guess... but right now I wish I got hit by a bus instead I've just walked into a pole.
As of Tuesday night at 1am, I am single. Lynsey hadn't really talked to me in the past 2 weeks, nor I her because she's been busy with a shit load of work, as have I. I asked her to talk homecoming weekend but she couldn't, wouldn't, didn't want to. So that got me worried and then we postponed talking for about a week and she came over, dumped me,I gave her her anniversary present (it would have been our "official" six month anniversary on Thursday, 2 days after she dumped me) she left and I couldn't talk or feel anything. The next day I was a total mess. I wouldn't talk to anyone even though they were trying to make me feel better and I just lost it in Jackie's arms. I can't remember a time where I got more concerned talks or hugs at practice for any reason.
I can't really deal with it. I want to dislike her, just absolutely hate her but I can't. I still have those same feelings. But I can't talk to her. I can barely be around her. She came to the party Saturday night and the most I said to her was "3 dollars, here's your cup" and that's all I've said to her since Tuesday night. I got rid of everything that she gave me, pictures of us, her favorite DVD, wall postings just so I'm not reminded of how happy I was when we were together. I want to get over her! But every time I see her face or hear her voice at practice, at parties, at Sitrus all I can think of are times we were together at my house or with her friends over the summer. Times last year where we walked around campus, the formal, our last night together and saying good by for the summer. That's all I can think of when I look at her... and realize that I will never have those memories back, I will never feel like that again. And people say you'll get over it, you'll be better, you'll find someone else. I guess... but right now I wish I got hit by a bus instead I've just walked into a pole.