rp: The truth
with unbridled_angst
The next morning, he woke up before Harry and slipped off to shower
and dress and then kissed him softly awake offering burnt toast. He'd
never learned how to cook and bread was all he'd found. He told Harry
he was going to head into work, but rather than leave, he half stood
in the doorway of the bathroom watching Harry shower until he got
dressed, and then he left, trying hard not to smirk. Getting to their
cubicle first, he set out tea for Harry and then flipped open the file
on his desk. Snape again. Damned Kingsley knew too fucking much.
Snapping the file folder closed, he tossed it to Harry's desk, only to
turn around and find it there again. He clenched his jaw and opened
it, staring down at the Potions master and rubbed his forehead.
Harry slipped into work an hour later, he was still eating a piece of
toast when he started through the cubicles, but managed to finish it
before he flopped down in his chair. He glanced furtively at Draco
and his glaze lingered. "What's wrong?" he asked, noting his sour
expression. He was oblivious to having been watched in the shower and
he was even more oblivious to what was in the folder for today. He
pulled it to him. Snape again. His eyes glittered as he looked over
the oh so familiar file. "Someone say something out of the way?" He
looked back at Draco and then down at his file.
"Err... no. Nothing... no. Like that... no..." he said, sounding a
little dazed. He still hadn't sussed out how to deal with the life
debt he owed Snape. He slapped the folder shut and looked back at
Harry, knowing he had to be utterly pale. He met his eyes about a half
second before looking away. He knew Harry hated Snape and he knew he
had every reason in the world to hate him. And Kingsley obviously knew
that Draco could've found him long before now. It was just the matter
of an owl. "I don't think I got enough to eat this morning. I
should... probably get something to eat," he said, getting up slowly
as he slammed his shaky hands into his pockets.
Harry furrowed his brows. He glanced back at the folder and then
Draco's pale face. Something didn't sound right. Kingsley was
pushing awfully hard to find Snape, but Harry had more than welcomed
the case. Either the Ministry was going to give it to him or he would
do it on his own. "Food? I don't think this is really about food,"
he said, still holding his own file. "I think this has something to
do with Snape." After all, Draco had swapped files with him the day
before. Did that mean he knew Harry wanted Snape dead? If so, why
was it making him so pale and uncomfortable sounding? Draco had left
that side. "I'm your partner We're supposed to share everything."
Draco frowned and winced. He wasn't sure he could tell Harry about
this. Harry hated Snape. He had every reason in the world to hate him.
But as much as Draco understood that, Snape let him out. He let him
go. Draco owed Snape his life, and he couldn't just summon him to send
him to Azkaban, or to have him killed. Furthermore, Harry would hate
him if he knew that Draco had been keeping Snape from justice for the
past few months. He didn't want to talk about it. Sliding a hand up
Harry's arm, he leaned in and whispered, "I have those briefs on, you
know."
Harry raised a brow as he watched the thoughtful expression take over
Draco's face. He knew there would be secrets. Everyone had his or
her secrets. This, however, seem to pertain to work. A case that
Harry was very passionate about. He wanted to know, but he wouldn't
force Draco to tell him. Yet. He looked down at Draco's hand on his
arm and then back up at him seriously when he whispered about the
briefs. "I know you have those briefs on," he whispered even more
quietly. "I watched you getting dressed this morning." He looked up
at him seriously. "I don't know what you're hiding, but you're going
to have to tell me eventually if you want this partnership to work.
This is work, and I respect that everyone has boundaries, but… this is
a very serious case. I trust you'll come around."
"I watched you showering this morning," he whispred back, blushing a
little over it as he tried to block out the rest of it. How would
Harry understand that he was bound to protect someone Harry wanted
dead so passionately? His stomach knotted up as he thought about the
possibility of Harry telling him off and throwing him out. He looked
for a moment like he wanted to tell him, but then... Harry not holding
him at night... he closed his eyes and dropped his hand. "So you
watched me getting dressed?" he asked, smirking slightly. "You like
seeing me in these briefs, don't you?"
Harry knew it was something very important if Draco was trying so
desperately to distract him at work. He looked up at Draco for
several seconds before he said anything. He didn't think Draco would
purposefully lead him off into danger. He would have to try to figure
out what was going on. Part of him didn't think Draco would ever tell
him. Theoretically, he didn't have to, but Harry really wanted Snape
dead. "I bought them for you, didn't I?" he whispered, looking
around. No one was staring at them as of yet. "You watched me in the
shower. Do you like seeing me soapy?" He hardly believed he was
talking like this in his place of work. "Are you trying to get me to
take you in the bathroom? Is that what you want, Malfoy?" he teased.
Draco wasn't sure that Harry was really falling for it, but at least
they weren't talking about Snape anymore. He scooted a little closer
to Harry. Did he want to have a cheap shag in the bathrooms? Not
really. He did want to be held, however. He wanted as much of Harry's
attention he could get now before he had to explain the position he
was in, what he'd been doing. Because he knew once that was out, Harry
would want nothing to do with him. "I did like seeing you all soapy
and wet. I just like seeing you," he whispered. He looked around for a
moment and seeing no one staring at them, he caressed his cheek and
brushed his thumb over his lip. "Yes, that's what I want."
Harry wasn't going to have cheap and meaningless sex in the bathroom.
It just wasn't him. He glanced around again when Draco touched his
cheek and he looked down shyly. "Come on, then," he said, completely
aware that Draco thought he was about to be fucked in a dingy bathroom
stall. He led the way and pushed the door open. He slipped into the
first stall and to his delight it was clean. He beckoned Draco in,
smiling at him welcoming. Harry wasn't the most sensitive boy, but he
knew that something was bothering Draco, and that sex wouldn't make it
go away. He bolted the door shut and charmed the space under the door
so no one could see their feet. "Come here," he said, pocketing his
wand and slipping his arms around his waist. He let Draco push his
face into his neck and then he rubbed his hands over his back. "I
think you needed to be cuddled."
He couldn't help but feel a bit of dread as he was lead to the
bathroom. It would be his first time with Harry. Their first time. In
the bathroom. Because he couldn't speak. He felt tears spring to his
eyes, but he quickly blinked them back and let his face fall into the
neutral expression it was usually in when he had to do things. He
would just enjoy this with Harry. Even if it wasn't how he wanted it,
he did want to be with Harry either way. He followed him into the
bathroom and almost broke down at the smile on his face. But he
gritted his teeth as Harry charmed the doors and started to unfasten
his belt. But instead, Harry pulled him into a hug and offered to
cuddle. He slipped his arms around Harry and hid his face against him.
"You're going to hate me," he whispered, unable to keep it back
anymore. "And I won't blame you. But I don't want you to."
It took a moment for that to register with Harry. He rubbed the tips
of his fingers into Draco's back. "Don't be silly," he said, feeling
an ominous weight in his stomach. "I'm not going to hate you." Had
he missed some terribly important clue? Draco wasn't going to blame
him for hating him? Harry was going to hate him? This didn't sound
good. Maybe Draco was being melodramatic. One could only hope at
this point, because Harry was getting more and more attached by the
snuggle session. Harry pressed kisses to his forehead. "It can't be
that bad," he whispered, touching the back of his head. The desperate
way Draco was clinging to him made Harry's heart race. "What's
wrong?" he asked, now sounding worried. Was this even about work?
"Are you ok?"
He didn't want to keep it anymore. They were quiet and secure in here.
He was so incredibly attached to Harry already. If he let it go on, it
would just get harder to do. He pulled back and kissed Harry again,
feeling the warmth of him, tasting him, wanting to remember that at
one time, Harry did care about him. He finally broke the kiss, after
pouring all that he could into it. It left him a little breathless,
and so he looked into his eyes as he caught up with the needs of his
lungs. He felt the tears rise up and again bit them back, letting his
face fall into the carefully cultivated cool mask of indifference. "I
know where he is. Where Snape is. But I can't... tell you. Or anyone.
I... owe him a... life debt. That's why I passed the file to you. I
think Shacklebolt knows and that's why he gives it back to me. I
don't... I can't break it."
Harry was taken aback by the kiss, but responded to it eagerly. No,
something was terribly wrong. He looked at Draco's, searching it for
any kind of clue. Then it changed from scared to indifferent and that
left Harry speechless. He stared at him with the same intensely
curious and worried expression, brows furrowed as he waited for Draco
to get it out. Draco's face changing rattled him a little, though.
His heart gave a hopeful leap when Draco said that he knew where Snape
was, but it pummeled into the dark feeling settled in his stomach.
His lips parted as if he was trying to formulate words. He was never
going to get his hands on Snape. The one person he hated as much as
Voldemort. His face went from blank to pained. He felt like someone
punched him. Would Draco die if he broke the debt? Had it been a
magically bound debt? "You… you… is…" he said, swallowing as though
trying to pull himself together. "What happens if you do break it?"
"What happens to me is probably immaterial when it comes to the
Ministry," he said quietly. "In fact, I probably owe it several times
over to Shacklebolt alone." He looked over Harry's face and it became
really hard to control his expression. He decided to look up at the
ceiling, ignoring the wetness in the corners of his eyes. He swallowed
hard and sighed. "But it doesn't matter. I think that the point is
clear. It's not something I can break. Not easily. I've been... trying
to figure out a way around it since I got here. But you must
understand... he saved me. He saved my life. He didn't have to. Not
the second time. Even without the debt... I would owe him."
"IT MAY BE IMMATERIAL TO THE MINISTRY, BUT I STILL CARE!" said Harry a
little too loudly, voice cracking slightly on the last word. This
entire situation frustrated him beyond expression. He knew and
understood why Draco couldn't break it. He was glad that he was still
alive. He wasn't mad at him at all. He was angry, though. However,
he wasn't sure exactly what he was angry at. "I need a walk. I need…
a drink," he said, stepping past Draco and opening the door. There
wasn't a pub open at eight AM. Harry felt cheated. How could someone
like Snape get so lucky? Someone so horrible and deceitful and
worthless? Harry covered his hands with his face and rubbed his palms
over them. "I understand that he fucking saved your life. I
understand that you can't stab him in the back. I UNDERSTAND. Who
saved his life? Dumbledore. Who did he viciously murder?
Dumbledore. Don't tell me it wasn't vicious. I was there," he said,
sounding forceful.
Draco took a shocked step back when Harry started to yell, even though
he'd half expected it. it still surprised him when it came. He closed
his eyes in anticipation of a hex or a hard slap. But instead, what
came was almost worse. Harry wanted to drink. He let him step past him
and into the bathroom, outside of the silenced area. He quickly
shielded the room as much as he could, but he wasn't sure the point.
Kingsley probably sorted these things out himself anyway. But if
others were to figure it out, Draco could be in a lot of trouble. "I
was there, too," he whispered to Harry. "Unless you forgot. Dumbledore
didn't look well. I don't know how much longer he had anyway. But...
you have to understand that what Snape did, he did to save me. I'm not
entirely unconvinced that Dumbledore didn't ask him to do it. He knew
what all I was up to already, didn't he? He had to know why.
Dumbledore had to know that... that if he didn't die, I would."
Harry's heart broke. Dumbledore hadn't told him of any plan? Had
there been a plan? No. No. He didn't believe it. Dumbledore would
have told him if there had been some plan on his life. But… hadn't…
Dumbledore said he knew what Draco was up to. He furrowed his brows.
It was so long ago. He was on the cusp of remembering, but he
couldn't. Maybe he didn't want to believe that Dumbledore willingly
let Snape kill him. "I haven't forgotten, ok? I remember EXACTLY
what he looked like. Does it matter how much longer he had? Just
because he may have only had a few hours doesn't mean that Snape
should have…" But he didn't know where he was going with this
anymore. He felt very betrayed. Maybe part of him had always known
and he'd never really wanted to admit it. Harry put his hands flat on
the skin and looked down at the drain, feeling like he had nothing
more to offer the Wizarding World. His chest ached with his attempt
to keep the emotion out of his eyes. "I don't… know what to say
anymore."
Draco didn't know what to say. He knew that Snape hadn't been happy
about what all had happened, and truthfully, Draco had always thought
Dumbledore's death was really all his fault. Even though there was a
serious disconnect in that Voldemort was holding his and his family's
lives for ransom. Still, he'd used an unforgivable and nearly killed
people. "I just... I wished that those other Death Eaters hadn't come
in right then. I wish I knew what it was Dumbledore was going to be
able to do. It wouldn't have been... it all would've been so
different. Maybe you wouldn't hate me now," he whispered as he shoved
his hands into his pockets again. The pockets of the clothes Harry had
bought him. Again, he blinked back tears. He wasn't going to cry in
front of Harry, he wasn't going to emotionally blackmail him like
that. "It's my fault, Harry. Not Snape's. I was weak and scared and if
I'd done my job or... if I'd come to Dumbledore before that instead
of... doing what I did... I just kept thinking maybe if I waited a
little longer... maybe if I gave it another week... if I made another
attempt and... it seemed like I was making progress... that maybe...
but then those last few weeks... he started to hurt my mum and... I
had to. But Dumbledore's death is my fault, Harry. My fault."
Harry listened. "I understand why you did it," he said quietly. "I
understand that you wanted to protect your mother. I know that people
don't live forever and Dumbledore was an old man. He chose the moment
you came in to… I couldn't move. He sacrificed himself for me in that
moment you disarmed him." It was like it happened yesterday. Harry
remembered every painful minute of that short period of time. It
still didn't make sense to him. They couldn't have killed Harry. In
Harry's mind, he could have protected Dumbledore and gotten him out of
there. No one would have had to die. Why did everyone have to die?
For him? Harry did start to cry then. Not loud or even obvious.
Tears just ran down his face. Everything still felt so raw. "I'm not
mad at you. You didn't kill him."
Draco rushed up behind Harry and spun him around, wrapping his arms
tightly around him to let him cry against his shoulder. "I didn't know
you were there... Maybe he wanted you to see that. Maybe he wanted you
to see that I couldn't kill him? Maybe he wanted you to see that not
everyone was on that side because they were evil," he whispered as he
nuzzled Harry's face. "Maybe he knew... something more... i mean, he
always did, didn't he?" He clung tightly to Harry, he hoped that Harry
didn't hate him. He didn't seem to. He said he understood. "I'm trying
to figure out a way around it, I think Snape knows I am. I think he
knows his time is limited." He kissed over his face, trying to kiss
away the tears.
Harry hadn't actually cried since the War. He tried not to cry about
it and usually he proved victorious. Now that he was, however, he
felt like he could sob into Draco's neck for hours. That wasn't how
he was, though. He kept his face there for a long time, not moving or
making any noise. He just wanted to be held and not do the holding
right now. "He always knew everything," he whispered hoarsely,
suddenly not in the mood to go back out into the offices and start
looking at Snape's file. "He didn't plan on me seeing it. We were on
the way back from… a mission that proved to be… pointless." That only
opened up another avenue of confusion and hurt. So he dropped the
subject. He'd already said more than he already had to anyone else.
That was alive. "We're going to find a way around it, but I want to
be the one that kills him." He rested his chin on Draco's shoulder
and swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm going… to go home. Do you
want to go with me?" He tried not to sound like he was begging. "I'm
going to go tell Kings."
"Yes, I want to go with you," he said breathlessly. he was so relieved
that Harry wasn't going to throw him out, he didn't even know what to
do with himself. "I can tell him you're taking the day off. Just
Apparate home and I'll be there in a minute, all right?" he asked him,
sliding his fingers over his face, feeling the wetness. He pulled his
wand and cast a quick glamour so no one would see that Harry was
upset. He didn't think Harry would want anyone to see him like that.
"I'm... I'm really sorry," he whispered again. Draco certainly didn't
want to be the one to kill Snape. He didn't think he could, stupid as
it seemed.
Harry nodded at him, trying to shake off the sad look and posture. It
didn't seem to want to leave. Maybe he shouldn't care that Draco
could see how devastated he was. At least Draco was going home, too.
"See you in a few," he whispered, nudging their noses together before
he slipped out of the bathroom. He was thankful for the glamour,
because everyone was staring at him when he emerged. He went to his
cubicle, got his jacket, righted everything and put everything away.
He gave his picture of Ron and Hermione a lingering look before
exiting. When he got home, he threw his jacket jerkily into the chair
and went to his room. He put on the most comfortable pair of
sweatpants he could find, forced himself not to fix a firewhiskey, and
flopped down on his bed. Had Dumbledore done that on purpose,
seriously? Would he have kept something that big from Harry? Of
course, he already knew the answer to that. He probably would have to
keep Harry from going psycho on everyone.
Draco leaned into Shacklebolt's office and let him know that he was
leaving along with Harry. He couldn't help but get the feeling that
Shacklebolt knew exactly what had happened and perhaps prompted the
discussion with his insistance on Draco handling Snape's file. It
rankled him a bit, but he didn't feel like talking about it. He wanted
to get back to Harry. He quickly followed Harry back to the flat. He
threw his cloak down and toed out of his shoes and padded to Harry's
room. The door wa still open and he leaned into it. He looked down at
him and decided to have a seat on the edge of his bed. "May I..." he
looked at him, wanting to slink into bed with him.
Harry had crawled under the covers and stared at the doorway of his
bedroom, waiting for Draco to show up. His glasses were on the
nightstand and all that could be seen of him was his bright eyes and
black hair that stuck out from under the blankets. He started at
Draco unblinking after he asked if he could get in bed. He didn't
answer him, but he suddenly threw back the covers and snatched Draco
under them with him, putting the covers back on top of them just as
quickly. He would have asked what Kingsley said, but honestly he
didn't care at the moment. He snuggled in and pressed his face to
Draco's chest. "I yelled at you."
Wrapping his arms tightly around him, he nuzzled Harry's face. "It's
all right. You were upset. There's... a lot to be upset about. I
just... I couldn't tell the rest of the Ministry about it, but I think
Shacklebolt knows about it. I... I understand why you want to...
but... I just don't know if it's a simple as all of that, Harry. What
would killing him get you, really?" he asked as he slid his fingers
through Harry's hair. "Will it bring Dumbledore back? Will it make you
feel better? Really? Voldemort had to die, he had to die for you to
live. He had to die because he was killing other people. Snape isn't
killing other people, Harry. He's not... doing much of anything," he
pointed out. "I'm not saying he doesn't deserve to be brought to
justice, but... is murder ever justice?"
Harry was very damaged in the sense that he didn't feel like he'd
been justified or had closure. He went very still when Draco started
in on him about not killing Snape. Snape isn't killing other people?
Harry knew that evil man had to have killed some people. He watched
him kill one! Planned or not. He's not doing much of anything? Was
Draco still communicating with him? Harry's mind swirled with a load
of new thoughts. He spoke very carefully, not wanting to get angry,
"Are you trying to save his life right this very second?" He pulled
his head out of Draco's chest and looked at him. Harry was looking to
the one person who had to protect Snape for comfort. Only Harry
Potter would find himself in such a situation.
"I'm trying to keep you from doing something out of anger that will
get you and trouble and burden your conscience, Harry," he whispered
back, keeping his eyes on Harry's. He looked at him seriously. Of
course, Draco had never taken a life, he could only imagine what it
would be like. He rolled himself under Harry's body, letting him have
total control of him, even if he was angry. "I'm not saying what I'm
saying for him, if that's what you're asking. I'm saying it for you. I
understand why you're angry with him. I have my own reasons to be
angry with him. But murder is murder, Harry. No matter how justified
you feel you are in it. He's not a dark lord."
Harry rolled over on top of Draco and promptly went limp, hair rudely
splayed out in Draco's face. And he was going to leave it there, too.
He'd said things he knew would anger Harry and then just forked over
control. It irked Harry, because now he couldn't even shout. It
would be wrong to shout at someone being so openly submissive. Harry
seethed silently for a minute. Draco had just pointed out that Harry
was going to kill Snape, and in doing so commit the same wrong that
made him want to kill Snape. The scary part was that Harry didn't
think Snape's would weigh on his conscious. It would, though. Harry
wasn't as heartless as he believed himself to be. "Fine," he huffed
into his shoulder. "We can capture him and let the Dementors have
him. Living without a soul is bound to be worse than death."
Draco closed his eyes. He slid his arms around Harry and started to
slowly massage down his spine, feeling the unhindered weight of
Harry's body on his. He just let Harry's words hang there. The
dementors. Dracoc wasn't sure how he felt about that either. He was
too unsure of why it was Snape had killed Dumbledore to feel right
about that kind of punishment. As far as he was concerned, Snape
killed Dumbledore for him. In order to preserve him. For what became
the question. Draco suspected in order for him to spy since Snape knew
he wouldn't be trusted anymore. "Would it make you feel better to know
that he's dying anyway?" he said after a long silence.
If they brought Snape in alive, he was going to face two major
charges. Murder. Treason. The Ministry thought he was a traitor.
Even if Harry hadn't suggested it, that's what would be in store for
him. Did Draco think they were going to bring Snape in and let him
have a comfortable room in Azkaban so he would face no discomfort for
everything he'd done? Harry sighed heavily and just laid against him.
This was so awkward. Harry wondered if Draco was angry with him or
thought he was insane. He also wondered why he was opening up about
this still if he was only being shot down at every turn. Rightly shot
down, but shot down all the same. He snapped out of his thoughts and
pulled his head back to look down at Draco. "What do you mean? He's
dying?" he asked. Oddly, that sounded more severe than murder.
"I mean that Voldemort never really trusted him. He was... well, many
of the Death Eaters were bound to him in such a way that on his death,
they'd all slowly die. That's... that happened after I was released,"
he said, frowning as he brushed Harry's face out of his hair. Draco
wasn't angry with Harry at all, and he certainly didn't think he was
insane. "I guess that... it's a weird sort of justice in the end." He
sighed and looked up at Harry, hoping that he didn't hate him for as
much as he knew. He didn't like the idea of souls being sucked out any
more than anything else. It just seemed pointless. But he supposed if
Harry really meant business about murdering Snape, he'd probably have
worn him down eventually. At that realization, he blinked and looked
up at Harry in terror. He was... falling in love with him?
"I can't do anything about that part of his deal with Voldemort. I
know that we have to at least bring him in. I'm not going to hurt you
just so I can get to him." He pressed a kiss to Draco's shoulder and
then rested his chin on his chest so he could look at him. "It's a
very ironic justice. Voldemort never wanted anyone to take credit for
things he did, but if he was going to take the fall? He wanted all of
them right there with him," said Harry, rubbing his chin across his
smooth chest. He watched the way Draco was suddenly staring at him,
completely oblivious to his realization. The look on his face was
indecipherable. "What… what's wrong?" he asked for the third time
that day. He furrowed his brows. "Draco?"
"I know you can't do anything about the deal, Harry. It's just...
what's the point of bringing him in at all? And why has the Ministry
just forgiven the Dementors of all that they did, all of their part in
it? Those things are inhumane and should be destroyed. They'd turn at
the next chance they got anyway," he whispered as he watched Harry's
face, not sure he wanted to admit what he was feeling yet. "It's
nothing... nothing, don't worry about it." He slid his fingers through
his hair and tilted his head up and kissed his forehead. "Voldemort
was the most afraid of dying, and you know, if I'd committed the
atrocities he did, I'd be afraid of it, too."
"The point of bringing him in is… that's justice. You said… justice was the best way to go. Bringing him in and having him prosecut-" he stopped. That was a good point. The Dementors would probably turn if they could. He never really questioned it since they'd escaped during the first War, too. The Ministry had forgiven them and sent them back to Azkaban. "I don't know, really. Did you know they escaped the first time Voldemort declared War on society?" he asked. He shrugged. "They may be inhumane, but I don't have the power to… well, maybe I do." Everyone did seem to look up to him a lot since the War. Wait. Was he thinking about having them killed just because Draco thought they were inhumane? Or did he really share this opinion, too? "Stop confusing me," he said as if Draco was aware of what he was doing.
"But what is justice, Harry? Was it justice that made you bear the burden of having to take a life? Is it justice to feed the Dementors, a race of beings that have turned on Wizardkind... twice... with the soul of someone who may or may not have made prior arrangements with Dumbledore? I don't like those things and I don't trust them, and I'm surprised you do, they would've taken you and your cousin several times, you realize. As for Snape... I wouldn't have a problem bringing him in just to have a cell in Azkaban, but the Dementor's Kiss is beyond... I don't think it's right." He frowned and looked uneasy again, realizing that if Harry really did push him, he wasn't sure if he'd have the resolve to refuse him. Although because of his bond to Snape, it might well kill Draco to bring him in.
Harry stared at Draco with an unreadable expression. That was a lot of information. He blinked at him. "I didn't ask to take a life. I was chosen. I couldn't' do anything about it. That's just how life worked out. I… I'll talk to the Minister? I'll see what he says about Dementors. I know they would have taken me, but… " he huffed. This wasn't fair. "Justice is… is… people getting what they deserve? Why do we have law if we're not going to enforce it? Yes, yes, I know who I am and what I've gotten away with," he said. He pressed his finger to Draco's lips. He didn't touch the Snape subject. He was tired of talking about it. Just because it was right not to kill him didn't mean that Harry didn't harbor the want to.
"Did your parents deserve to die, Harry? Did you deserve to have to carry the burden of what you had to do? Life isn't about fair. It never really has been, has it? But if you ask me, Snape dying where he is in the bed he made himself is more than fair. We have law to keep people from the temptation of doing bad things, but what does it mean when the punishment is just as bad as the crime? Where does that make things equal? There's no balance. There's no fair, there's just-" he felt the finger on his lips and he kissed it and looked up at him. "I don't know what would happen if you killed him, Harry. If you did and I knew about it, it would be in violation of the vow and... " he shrugged. "But if that's what you want, I can tell you where he is."
Harry sat there through the entire outburst. He had no idea what made Draco suddenly so intent on this. He tilted his head to the side and frowned. "I know that you have some vow to him and I'm not going to hurt him just because of that, ok? Stop worrying about it. Just know that you are the only thing keeping him alive. The only thing that is letting him stay where he is. I don't know about bringing him in. I can't exactly go against orders on something this big. It was Dumbledore. I can talk to Kingsley tomorrow. I… don't think they're just going to let Snape walk." Draco was starting to make him very worried with how upset he seemed to be getting. How deep did this vow go? "We have the case, ok? I can talk to Kingsley about having it taken off, but I'm… I'm not sure, you know? But it's our case…" He furrowed his brows. He'd just been trying to find a way to kill Snape, but now Draco seemed to be truly unhinged by it. Harry looked at him very seriously. "If you let Snape die… it will kill you, won't it?" he asked him quietly.
"Don't... don't tell Shacklebolt about the vow, you.... he'll... I'll be fired," he whispered to him. "Can't we just... try to sort this out ourselves?" he asked him seriously. He was pretty sure that Kingsley had sorted it out, but he thought that was probably why he gave it to Draco to deal with. He paled at Harry's last question and he looked away. "Well, the curse is the curse and I'm... I'm not sure how that will end up working. It might... I don't know if I'll..." survive it. And I don't know how it would work if he got the kiss either. He looked around the room, a bit terrified by the prospect of being soulless. The truth was, he didn't know quite how to get out of this binding without saving Snape's life, and he wasn't sure how to do that well enough to end the vow. "I wouldn't have lived if he hadn't gotten me out of there. It's... it was the only way."
"Stop being evasive," said Harry firmly, figuring Draco wasn't going to snap out of this until he was forced. "Do you trust me?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Good. Tell me. If Snape dies, and you know that he could possibly die, you're going to die, too, aren't you?" Harry's heart started to race. This was very unfair. To both of them. Draco was right. When had life ever been fair? Draco had practically said it, but Harry needed to hear him say it all together. "Draco, are… you… this…" he stammered. "Instead of finding ways to capture Snape, kill him and… or… bring him in… we have to start plotting ways to keep him with a soul and alive?" You have to be shitting me. Harry had to keep the man that killed Dumbledore alive? He could almost hear Dumbledore telling him to save Draco, that he was innocent and never really had a choice in his own life. Harry looked away, too. "I won't tell Shacklebolt."
"I'm not entirely sure how it works, really. I mean, I wasn't there when Voldemort did what he did to the remaining followers to take them down with him. He's been keeping himself alive with potions and has been researching. I haven't really felt particularly ill, so it may just be... " that he's telling me that so I won't bring him in. "Speculation. I just really don't know," he whispered as he clung to Harry. He could tell that Harry was angry. Angry with him, probably. It was why he was being so evasive. He knew how much Harry wanted to kill Snape, and how much he probably deserved to watch him die. Although, it wasn't right. He was still under Harry, still bearing his weight, and crushing himself with it by clinging so tightly to him. "I think mostly that if it's in my power to stop his death and I don't do it... then I'll die too."
The next morning, he woke up before Harry and slipped off to shower
and dress and then kissed him softly awake offering burnt toast. He'd
never learned how to cook and bread was all he'd found. He told Harry
he was going to head into work, but rather than leave, he half stood
in the doorway of the bathroom watching Harry shower until he got
dressed, and then he left, trying hard not to smirk. Getting to their
cubicle first, he set out tea for Harry and then flipped open the file
on his desk. Snape again. Damned Kingsley knew too fucking much.
Snapping the file folder closed, he tossed it to Harry's desk, only to
turn around and find it there again. He clenched his jaw and opened
it, staring down at the Potions master and rubbed his forehead.
Harry slipped into work an hour later, he was still eating a piece of
toast when he started through the cubicles, but managed to finish it
before he flopped down in his chair. He glanced furtively at Draco
and his glaze lingered. "What's wrong?" he asked, noting his sour
expression. He was oblivious to having been watched in the shower and
he was even more oblivious to what was in the folder for today. He
pulled it to him. Snape again. His eyes glittered as he looked over
the oh so familiar file. "Someone say something out of the way?" He
looked back at Draco and then down at his file.
"Err... no. Nothing... no. Like that... no..." he said, sounding a
little dazed. He still hadn't sussed out how to deal with the life
debt he owed Snape. He slapped the folder shut and looked back at
Harry, knowing he had to be utterly pale. He met his eyes about a half
second before looking away. He knew Harry hated Snape and he knew he
had every reason in the world to hate him. And Kingsley obviously knew
that Draco could've found him long before now. It was just the matter
of an owl. "I don't think I got enough to eat this morning. I
should... probably get something to eat," he said, getting up slowly
as he slammed his shaky hands into his pockets.
Harry furrowed his brows. He glanced back at the folder and then
Draco's pale face. Something didn't sound right. Kingsley was
pushing awfully hard to find Snape, but Harry had more than welcomed
the case. Either the Ministry was going to give it to him or he would
do it on his own. "Food? I don't think this is really about food,"
he said, still holding his own file. "I think this has something to
do with Snape." After all, Draco had swapped files with him the day
before. Did that mean he knew Harry wanted Snape dead? If so, why
was it making him so pale and uncomfortable sounding? Draco had left
that side. "I'm your partner We're supposed to share everything."
Draco frowned and winced. He wasn't sure he could tell Harry about
this. Harry hated Snape. He had every reason in the world to hate him.
But as much as Draco understood that, Snape let him out. He let him
go. Draco owed Snape his life, and he couldn't just summon him to send
him to Azkaban, or to have him killed. Furthermore, Harry would hate
him if he knew that Draco had been keeping Snape from justice for the
past few months. He didn't want to talk about it. Sliding a hand up
Harry's arm, he leaned in and whispered, "I have those briefs on, you
know."
Harry raised a brow as he watched the thoughtful expression take over
Draco's face. He knew there would be secrets. Everyone had his or
her secrets. This, however, seem to pertain to work. A case that
Harry was very passionate about. He wanted to know, but he wouldn't
force Draco to tell him. Yet. He looked down at Draco's hand on his
arm and then back up at him seriously when he whispered about the
briefs. "I know you have those briefs on," he whispered even more
quietly. "I watched you getting dressed this morning." He looked up
at him seriously. "I don't know what you're hiding, but you're going
to have to tell me eventually if you want this partnership to work.
This is work, and I respect that everyone has boundaries, but… this is
a very serious case. I trust you'll come around."
"I watched you showering this morning," he whispred back, blushing a
little over it as he tried to block out the rest of it. How would
Harry understand that he was bound to protect someone Harry wanted
dead so passionately? His stomach knotted up as he thought about the
possibility of Harry telling him off and throwing him out. He looked
for a moment like he wanted to tell him, but then... Harry not holding
him at night... he closed his eyes and dropped his hand. "So you
watched me getting dressed?" he asked, smirking slightly. "You like
seeing me in these briefs, don't you?"
Harry knew it was something very important if Draco was trying so
desperately to distract him at work. He looked up at Draco for
several seconds before he said anything. He didn't think Draco would
purposefully lead him off into danger. He would have to try to figure
out what was going on. Part of him didn't think Draco would ever tell
him. Theoretically, he didn't have to, but Harry really wanted Snape
dead. "I bought them for you, didn't I?" he whispered, looking
around. No one was staring at them as of yet. "You watched me in the
shower. Do you like seeing me soapy?" He hardly believed he was
talking like this in his place of work. "Are you trying to get me to
take you in the bathroom? Is that what you want, Malfoy?" he teased.
Draco wasn't sure that Harry was really falling for it, but at least
they weren't talking about Snape anymore. He scooted a little closer
to Harry. Did he want to have a cheap shag in the bathrooms? Not
really. He did want to be held, however. He wanted as much of Harry's
attention he could get now before he had to explain the position he
was in, what he'd been doing. Because he knew once that was out, Harry
would want nothing to do with him. "I did like seeing you all soapy
and wet. I just like seeing you," he whispered. He looked around for a
moment and seeing no one staring at them, he caressed his cheek and
brushed his thumb over his lip. "Yes, that's what I want."
Harry wasn't going to have cheap and meaningless sex in the bathroom.
It just wasn't him. He glanced around again when Draco touched his
cheek and he looked down shyly. "Come on, then," he said, completely
aware that Draco thought he was about to be fucked in a dingy bathroom
stall. He led the way and pushed the door open. He slipped into the
first stall and to his delight it was clean. He beckoned Draco in,
smiling at him welcoming. Harry wasn't the most sensitive boy, but he
knew that something was bothering Draco, and that sex wouldn't make it
go away. He bolted the door shut and charmed the space under the door
so no one could see their feet. "Come here," he said, pocketing his
wand and slipping his arms around his waist. He let Draco push his
face into his neck and then he rubbed his hands over his back. "I
think you needed to be cuddled."
He couldn't help but feel a bit of dread as he was lead to the
bathroom. It would be his first time with Harry. Their first time. In
the bathroom. Because he couldn't speak. He felt tears spring to his
eyes, but he quickly blinked them back and let his face fall into the
neutral expression it was usually in when he had to do things. He
would just enjoy this with Harry. Even if it wasn't how he wanted it,
he did want to be with Harry either way. He followed him into the
bathroom and almost broke down at the smile on his face. But he
gritted his teeth as Harry charmed the doors and started to unfasten
his belt. But instead, Harry pulled him into a hug and offered to
cuddle. He slipped his arms around Harry and hid his face against him.
"You're going to hate me," he whispered, unable to keep it back
anymore. "And I won't blame you. But I don't want you to."
It took a moment for that to register with Harry. He rubbed the tips
of his fingers into Draco's back. "Don't be silly," he said, feeling
an ominous weight in his stomach. "I'm not going to hate you." Had
he missed some terribly important clue? Draco wasn't going to blame
him for hating him? Harry was going to hate him? This didn't sound
good. Maybe Draco was being melodramatic. One could only hope at
this point, because Harry was getting more and more attached by the
snuggle session. Harry pressed kisses to his forehead. "It can't be
that bad," he whispered, touching the back of his head. The desperate
way Draco was clinging to him made Harry's heart race. "What's
wrong?" he asked, now sounding worried. Was this even about work?
"Are you ok?"
He didn't want to keep it anymore. They were quiet and secure in here.
He was so incredibly attached to Harry already. If he let it go on, it
would just get harder to do. He pulled back and kissed Harry again,
feeling the warmth of him, tasting him, wanting to remember that at
one time, Harry did care about him. He finally broke the kiss, after
pouring all that he could into it. It left him a little breathless,
and so he looked into his eyes as he caught up with the needs of his
lungs. He felt the tears rise up and again bit them back, letting his
face fall into the carefully cultivated cool mask of indifference. "I
know where he is. Where Snape is. But I can't... tell you. Or anyone.
I... owe him a... life debt. That's why I passed the file to you. I
think Shacklebolt knows and that's why he gives it back to me. I
don't... I can't break it."
Harry was taken aback by the kiss, but responded to it eagerly. No,
something was terribly wrong. He looked at Draco's, searching it for
any kind of clue. Then it changed from scared to indifferent and that
left Harry speechless. He stared at him with the same intensely
curious and worried expression, brows furrowed as he waited for Draco
to get it out. Draco's face changing rattled him a little, though.
His heart gave a hopeful leap when Draco said that he knew where Snape
was, but it pummeled into the dark feeling settled in his stomach.
His lips parted as if he was trying to formulate words. He was never
going to get his hands on Snape. The one person he hated as much as
Voldemort. His face went from blank to pained. He felt like someone
punched him. Would Draco die if he broke the debt? Had it been a
magically bound debt? "You… you… is…" he said, swallowing as though
trying to pull himself together. "What happens if you do break it?"
"What happens to me is probably immaterial when it comes to the
Ministry," he said quietly. "In fact, I probably owe it several times
over to Shacklebolt alone." He looked over Harry's face and it became
really hard to control his expression. He decided to look up at the
ceiling, ignoring the wetness in the corners of his eyes. He swallowed
hard and sighed. "But it doesn't matter. I think that the point is
clear. It's not something I can break. Not easily. I've been... trying
to figure out a way around it since I got here. But you must
understand... he saved me. He saved my life. He didn't have to. Not
the second time. Even without the debt... I would owe him."
"IT MAY BE IMMATERIAL TO THE MINISTRY, BUT I STILL CARE!" said Harry a
little too loudly, voice cracking slightly on the last word. This
entire situation frustrated him beyond expression. He knew and
understood why Draco couldn't break it. He was glad that he was still
alive. He wasn't mad at him at all. He was angry, though. However,
he wasn't sure exactly what he was angry at. "I need a walk. I need…
a drink," he said, stepping past Draco and opening the door. There
wasn't a pub open at eight AM. Harry felt cheated. How could someone
like Snape get so lucky? Someone so horrible and deceitful and
worthless? Harry covered his hands with his face and rubbed his palms
over them. "I understand that he fucking saved your life. I
understand that you can't stab him in the back. I UNDERSTAND. Who
saved his life? Dumbledore. Who did he viciously murder?
Dumbledore. Don't tell me it wasn't vicious. I was there," he said,
sounding forceful.
Draco took a shocked step back when Harry started to yell, even though
he'd half expected it. it still surprised him when it came. He closed
his eyes in anticipation of a hex or a hard slap. But instead, what
came was almost worse. Harry wanted to drink. He let him step past him
and into the bathroom, outside of the silenced area. He quickly
shielded the room as much as he could, but he wasn't sure the point.
Kingsley probably sorted these things out himself anyway. But if
others were to figure it out, Draco could be in a lot of trouble. "I
was there, too," he whispered to Harry. "Unless you forgot. Dumbledore
didn't look well. I don't know how much longer he had anyway. But...
you have to understand that what Snape did, he did to save me. I'm not
entirely unconvinced that Dumbledore didn't ask him to do it. He knew
what all I was up to already, didn't he? He had to know why.
Dumbledore had to know that... that if he didn't die, I would."
Harry's heart broke. Dumbledore hadn't told him of any plan? Had
there been a plan? No. No. He didn't believe it. Dumbledore would
have told him if there had been some plan on his life. But… hadn't…
Dumbledore said he knew what Draco was up to. He furrowed his brows.
It was so long ago. He was on the cusp of remembering, but he
couldn't. Maybe he didn't want to believe that Dumbledore willingly
let Snape kill him. "I haven't forgotten, ok? I remember EXACTLY
what he looked like. Does it matter how much longer he had? Just
because he may have only had a few hours doesn't mean that Snape
should have…" But he didn't know where he was going with this
anymore. He felt very betrayed. Maybe part of him had always known
and he'd never really wanted to admit it. Harry put his hands flat on
the skin and looked down at the drain, feeling like he had nothing
more to offer the Wizarding World. His chest ached with his attempt
to keep the emotion out of his eyes. "I don't… know what to say
anymore."
Draco didn't know what to say. He knew that Snape hadn't been happy
about what all had happened, and truthfully, Draco had always thought
Dumbledore's death was really all his fault. Even though there was a
serious disconnect in that Voldemort was holding his and his family's
lives for ransom. Still, he'd used an unforgivable and nearly killed
people. "I just... I wished that those other Death Eaters hadn't come
in right then. I wish I knew what it was Dumbledore was going to be
able to do. It wouldn't have been... it all would've been so
different. Maybe you wouldn't hate me now," he whispered as he shoved
his hands into his pockets again. The pockets of the clothes Harry had
bought him. Again, he blinked back tears. He wasn't going to cry in
front of Harry, he wasn't going to emotionally blackmail him like
that. "It's my fault, Harry. Not Snape's. I was weak and scared and if
I'd done my job or... if I'd come to Dumbledore before that instead
of... doing what I did... I just kept thinking maybe if I waited a
little longer... maybe if I gave it another week... if I made another
attempt and... it seemed like I was making progress... that maybe...
but then those last few weeks... he started to hurt my mum and... I
had to. But Dumbledore's death is my fault, Harry. My fault."
Harry listened. "I understand why you did it," he said quietly. "I
understand that you wanted to protect your mother. I know that people
don't live forever and Dumbledore was an old man. He chose the moment
you came in to… I couldn't move. He sacrificed himself for me in that
moment you disarmed him." It was like it happened yesterday. Harry
remembered every painful minute of that short period of time. It
still didn't make sense to him. They couldn't have killed Harry. In
Harry's mind, he could have protected Dumbledore and gotten him out of
there. No one would have had to die. Why did everyone have to die?
For him? Harry did start to cry then. Not loud or even obvious.
Tears just ran down his face. Everything still felt so raw. "I'm not
mad at you. You didn't kill him."
Draco rushed up behind Harry and spun him around, wrapping his arms
tightly around him to let him cry against his shoulder. "I didn't know
you were there... Maybe he wanted you to see that. Maybe he wanted you
to see that I couldn't kill him? Maybe he wanted you to see that not
everyone was on that side because they were evil," he whispered as he
nuzzled Harry's face. "Maybe he knew... something more... i mean, he
always did, didn't he?" He clung tightly to Harry, he hoped that Harry
didn't hate him. He didn't seem to. He said he understood. "I'm trying
to figure out a way around it, I think Snape knows I am. I think he
knows his time is limited." He kissed over his face, trying to kiss
away the tears.
Harry hadn't actually cried since the War. He tried not to cry about
it and usually he proved victorious. Now that he was, however, he
felt like he could sob into Draco's neck for hours. That wasn't how
he was, though. He kept his face there for a long time, not moving or
making any noise. He just wanted to be held and not do the holding
right now. "He always knew everything," he whispered hoarsely,
suddenly not in the mood to go back out into the offices and start
looking at Snape's file. "He didn't plan on me seeing it. We were on
the way back from… a mission that proved to be… pointless." That only
opened up another avenue of confusion and hurt. So he dropped the
subject. He'd already said more than he already had to anyone else.
That was alive. "We're going to find a way around it, but I want to
be the one that kills him." He rested his chin on Draco's shoulder
and swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm going… to go home. Do you
want to go with me?" He tried not to sound like he was begging. "I'm
going to go tell Kings."
"Yes, I want to go with you," he said breathlessly. he was so relieved
that Harry wasn't going to throw him out, he didn't even know what to
do with himself. "I can tell him you're taking the day off. Just
Apparate home and I'll be there in a minute, all right?" he asked him,
sliding his fingers over his face, feeling the wetness. He pulled his
wand and cast a quick glamour so no one would see that Harry was
upset. He didn't think Harry would want anyone to see him like that.
"I'm... I'm really sorry," he whispered again. Draco certainly didn't
want to be the one to kill Snape. He didn't think he could, stupid as
it seemed.
Harry nodded at him, trying to shake off the sad look and posture. It
didn't seem to want to leave. Maybe he shouldn't care that Draco
could see how devastated he was. At least Draco was going home, too.
"See you in a few," he whispered, nudging their noses together before
he slipped out of the bathroom. He was thankful for the glamour,
because everyone was staring at him when he emerged. He went to his
cubicle, got his jacket, righted everything and put everything away.
He gave his picture of Ron and Hermione a lingering look before
exiting. When he got home, he threw his jacket jerkily into the chair
and went to his room. He put on the most comfortable pair of
sweatpants he could find, forced himself not to fix a firewhiskey, and
flopped down on his bed. Had Dumbledore done that on purpose,
seriously? Would he have kept something that big from Harry? Of
course, he already knew the answer to that. He probably would have to
keep Harry from going psycho on everyone.
Draco leaned into Shacklebolt's office and let him know that he was
leaving along with Harry. He couldn't help but get the feeling that
Shacklebolt knew exactly what had happened and perhaps prompted the
discussion with his insistance on Draco handling Snape's file. It
rankled him a bit, but he didn't feel like talking about it. He wanted
to get back to Harry. He quickly followed Harry back to the flat. He
threw his cloak down and toed out of his shoes and padded to Harry's
room. The door wa still open and he leaned into it. He looked down at
him and decided to have a seat on the edge of his bed. "May I..." he
looked at him, wanting to slink into bed with him.
Harry had crawled under the covers and stared at the doorway of his
bedroom, waiting for Draco to show up. His glasses were on the
nightstand and all that could be seen of him was his bright eyes and
black hair that stuck out from under the blankets. He started at
Draco unblinking after he asked if he could get in bed. He didn't
answer him, but he suddenly threw back the covers and snatched Draco
under them with him, putting the covers back on top of them just as
quickly. He would have asked what Kingsley said, but honestly he
didn't care at the moment. He snuggled in and pressed his face to
Draco's chest. "I yelled at you."
Wrapping his arms tightly around him, he nuzzled Harry's face. "It's
all right. You were upset. There's... a lot to be upset about. I
just... I couldn't tell the rest of the Ministry about it, but I think
Shacklebolt knows about it. I... I understand why you want to...
but... I just don't know if it's a simple as all of that, Harry. What
would killing him get you, really?" he asked as he slid his fingers
through Harry's hair. "Will it bring Dumbledore back? Will it make you
feel better? Really? Voldemort had to die, he had to die for you to
live. He had to die because he was killing other people. Snape isn't
killing other people, Harry. He's not... doing much of anything," he
pointed out. "I'm not saying he doesn't deserve to be brought to
justice, but... is murder ever justice?"
Harry was very damaged in the sense that he didn't feel like he'd
been justified or had closure. He went very still when Draco started
in on him about not killing Snape. Snape isn't killing other people?
Harry knew that evil man had to have killed some people. He watched
him kill one! Planned or not. He's not doing much of anything? Was
Draco still communicating with him? Harry's mind swirled with a load
of new thoughts. He spoke very carefully, not wanting to get angry,
"Are you trying to save his life right this very second?" He pulled
his head out of Draco's chest and looked at him. Harry was looking to
the one person who had to protect Snape for comfort. Only Harry
Potter would find himself in such a situation.
"I'm trying to keep you from doing something out of anger that will
get you and trouble and burden your conscience, Harry," he whispered
back, keeping his eyes on Harry's. He looked at him seriously. Of
course, Draco had never taken a life, he could only imagine what it
would be like. He rolled himself under Harry's body, letting him have
total control of him, even if he was angry. "I'm not saying what I'm
saying for him, if that's what you're asking. I'm saying it for you. I
understand why you're angry with him. I have my own reasons to be
angry with him. But murder is murder, Harry. No matter how justified
you feel you are in it. He's not a dark lord."
Harry rolled over on top of Draco and promptly went limp, hair rudely
splayed out in Draco's face. And he was going to leave it there, too.
He'd said things he knew would anger Harry and then just forked over
control. It irked Harry, because now he couldn't even shout. It
would be wrong to shout at someone being so openly submissive. Harry
seethed silently for a minute. Draco had just pointed out that Harry
was going to kill Snape, and in doing so commit the same wrong that
made him want to kill Snape. The scary part was that Harry didn't
think Snape's would weigh on his conscious. It would, though. Harry
wasn't as heartless as he believed himself to be. "Fine," he huffed
into his shoulder. "We can capture him and let the Dementors have
him. Living without a soul is bound to be worse than death."
Draco closed his eyes. He slid his arms around Harry and started to
slowly massage down his spine, feeling the unhindered weight of
Harry's body on his. He just let Harry's words hang there. The
dementors. Dracoc wasn't sure how he felt about that either. He was
too unsure of why it was Snape had killed Dumbledore to feel right
about that kind of punishment. As far as he was concerned, Snape
killed Dumbledore for him. In order to preserve him. For what became
the question. Draco suspected in order for him to spy since Snape knew
he wouldn't be trusted anymore. "Would it make you feel better to know
that he's dying anyway?" he said after a long silence.
If they brought Snape in alive, he was going to face two major
charges. Murder. Treason. The Ministry thought he was a traitor.
Even if Harry hadn't suggested it, that's what would be in store for
him. Did Draco think they were going to bring Snape in and let him
have a comfortable room in Azkaban so he would face no discomfort for
everything he'd done? Harry sighed heavily and just laid against him.
This was so awkward. Harry wondered if Draco was angry with him or
thought he was insane. He also wondered why he was opening up about
this still if he was only being shot down at every turn. Rightly shot
down, but shot down all the same. He snapped out of his thoughts and
pulled his head back to look down at Draco. "What do you mean? He's
dying?" he asked. Oddly, that sounded more severe than murder.
"I mean that Voldemort never really trusted him. He was... well, many
of the Death Eaters were bound to him in such a way that on his death,
they'd all slowly die. That's... that happened after I was released,"
he said, frowning as he brushed Harry's face out of his hair. Draco
wasn't angry with Harry at all, and he certainly didn't think he was
insane. "I guess that... it's a weird sort of justice in the end." He
sighed and looked up at Harry, hoping that he didn't hate him for as
much as he knew. He didn't like the idea of souls being sucked out any
more than anything else. It just seemed pointless. But he supposed if
Harry really meant business about murdering Snape, he'd probably have
worn him down eventually. At that realization, he blinked and looked
up at Harry in terror. He was... falling in love with him?
"I can't do anything about that part of his deal with Voldemort. I
know that we have to at least bring him in. I'm not going to hurt you
just so I can get to him." He pressed a kiss to Draco's shoulder and
then rested his chin on his chest so he could look at him. "It's a
very ironic justice. Voldemort never wanted anyone to take credit for
things he did, but if he was going to take the fall? He wanted all of
them right there with him," said Harry, rubbing his chin across his
smooth chest. He watched the way Draco was suddenly staring at him,
completely oblivious to his realization. The look on his face was
indecipherable. "What… what's wrong?" he asked for the third time
that day. He furrowed his brows. "Draco?"
"I know you can't do anything about the deal, Harry. It's just...
what's the point of bringing him in at all? And why has the Ministry
just forgiven the Dementors of all that they did, all of their part in
it? Those things are inhumane and should be destroyed. They'd turn at
the next chance they got anyway," he whispered as he watched Harry's
face, not sure he wanted to admit what he was feeling yet. "It's
nothing... nothing, don't worry about it." He slid his fingers through
his hair and tilted his head up and kissed his forehead. "Voldemort
was the most afraid of dying, and you know, if I'd committed the
atrocities he did, I'd be afraid of it, too."
"The point of bringing him in is… that's justice. You said… justice was the best way to go. Bringing him in and having him prosecut-" he stopped. That was a good point. The Dementors would probably turn if they could. He never really questioned it since they'd escaped during the first War, too. The Ministry had forgiven them and sent them back to Azkaban. "I don't know, really. Did you know they escaped the first time Voldemort declared War on society?" he asked. He shrugged. "They may be inhumane, but I don't have the power to… well, maybe I do." Everyone did seem to look up to him a lot since the War. Wait. Was he thinking about having them killed just because Draco thought they were inhumane? Or did he really share this opinion, too? "Stop confusing me," he said as if Draco was aware of what he was doing.
"But what is justice, Harry? Was it justice that made you bear the burden of having to take a life? Is it justice to feed the Dementors, a race of beings that have turned on Wizardkind... twice... with the soul of someone who may or may not have made prior arrangements with Dumbledore? I don't like those things and I don't trust them, and I'm surprised you do, they would've taken you and your cousin several times, you realize. As for Snape... I wouldn't have a problem bringing him in just to have a cell in Azkaban, but the Dementor's Kiss is beyond... I don't think it's right." He frowned and looked uneasy again, realizing that if Harry really did push him, he wasn't sure if he'd have the resolve to refuse him. Although because of his bond to Snape, it might well kill Draco to bring him in.
Harry stared at Draco with an unreadable expression. That was a lot of information. He blinked at him. "I didn't ask to take a life. I was chosen. I couldn't' do anything about it. That's just how life worked out. I… I'll talk to the Minister? I'll see what he says about Dementors. I know they would have taken me, but… " he huffed. This wasn't fair. "Justice is… is… people getting what they deserve? Why do we have law if we're not going to enforce it? Yes, yes, I know who I am and what I've gotten away with," he said. He pressed his finger to Draco's lips. He didn't touch the Snape subject. He was tired of talking about it. Just because it was right not to kill him didn't mean that Harry didn't harbor the want to.
"Did your parents deserve to die, Harry? Did you deserve to have to carry the burden of what you had to do? Life isn't about fair. It never really has been, has it? But if you ask me, Snape dying where he is in the bed he made himself is more than fair. We have law to keep people from the temptation of doing bad things, but what does it mean when the punishment is just as bad as the crime? Where does that make things equal? There's no balance. There's no fair, there's just-" he felt the finger on his lips and he kissed it and looked up at him. "I don't know what would happen if you killed him, Harry. If you did and I knew about it, it would be in violation of the vow and... " he shrugged. "But if that's what you want, I can tell you where he is."
Harry sat there through the entire outburst. He had no idea what made Draco suddenly so intent on this. He tilted his head to the side and frowned. "I know that you have some vow to him and I'm not going to hurt him just because of that, ok? Stop worrying about it. Just know that you are the only thing keeping him alive. The only thing that is letting him stay where he is. I don't know about bringing him in. I can't exactly go against orders on something this big. It was Dumbledore. I can talk to Kingsley tomorrow. I… don't think they're just going to let Snape walk." Draco was starting to make him very worried with how upset he seemed to be getting. How deep did this vow go? "We have the case, ok? I can talk to Kingsley about having it taken off, but I'm… I'm not sure, you know? But it's our case…" He furrowed his brows. He'd just been trying to find a way to kill Snape, but now Draco seemed to be truly unhinged by it. Harry looked at him very seriously. "If you let Snape die… it will kill you, won't it?" he asked him quietly.
"Don't... don't tell Shacklebolt about the vow, you.... he'll... I'll be fired," he whispered to him. "Can't we just... try to sort this out ourselves?" he asked him seriously. He was pretty sure that Kingsley had sorted it out, but he thought that was probably why he gave it to Draco to deal with. He paled at Harry's last question and he looked away. "Well, the curse is the curse and I'm... I'm not sure how that will end up working. It might... I don't know if I'll..." survive it. And I don't know how it would work if he got the kiss either. He looked around the room, a bit terrified by the prospect of being soulless. The truth was, he didn't know quite how to get out of this binding without saving Snape's life, and he wasn't sure how to do that well enough to end the vow. "I wouldn't have lived if he hadn't gotten me out of there. It's... it was the only way."
"Stop being evasive," said Harry firmly, figuring Draco wasn't going to snap out of this until he was forced. "Do you trust me?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Good. Tell me. If Snape dies, and you know that he could possibly die, you're going to die, too, aren't you?" Harry's heart started to race. This was very unfair. To both of them. Draco was right. When had life ever been fair? Draco had practically said it, but Harry needed to hear him say it all together. "Draco, are… you… this…" he stammered. "Instead of finding ways to capture Snape, kill him and… or… bring him in… we have to start plotting ways to keep him with a soul and alive?" You have to be shitting me. Harry had to keep the man that killed Dumbledore alive? He could almost hear Dumbledore telling him to save Draco, that he was innocent and never really had a choice in his own life. Harry looked away, too. "I won't tell Shacklebolt."
"I'm not entirely sure how it works, really. I mean, I wasn't there when Voldemort did what he did to the remaining followers to take them down with him. He's been keeping himself alive with potions and has been researching. I haven't really felt particularly ill, so it may just be... " that he's telling me that so I won't bring him in. "Speculation. I just really don't know," he whispered as he clung to Harry. He could tell that Harry was angry. Angry with him, probably. It was why he was being so evasive. He knew how much Harry wanted to kill Snape, and how much he probably deserved to watch him die. Although, it wasn't right. He was still under Harry, still bearing his weight, and crushing himself with it by clinging so tightly to him. "I think mostly that if it's in my power to stop his death and I don't do it... then I'll die too."