Irioth
Caveat lector: this one’s going to be a rambler.
So, I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of Love lately.[1] For one thing, I’ve been tossing around the Ladder Metaphor, which a friend brought up recently in an e-mail. The basic idea is that Women have two ladders, one for Friendship, one for Love, and you’re only ever on one of those; whereas Men have only one ladder for both.
I argued that, for myself, it’s more like I think of people in terms of the sum of The Four Loves as described by CS Lewis; namely, storge, philia, eros, and agape. Love, in the sense of being “in” love with someone, proceeds naturally from the other types of love I already experience for them. More often than not, it’s something I “discover”, quite accidentally, and then mull over for a long period of time.
In continuing to ponder this metaphor, another thought struck me: What about those times when we have a person who used to rate higher on the scale, and is now lower? Say, an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend? Can we ever perfectly erase all traces of the eros-that-was? Think of a ring that used to fit perfectly, which has been made larger: we may grow used to wearing it, but it will never fit quite the same again. And what about the inverse situation: What if we find ourselves being friends with someone, thinking that maybe we are in love with them?[2][3] I know I’ve had plenty of experiences of spilling my guts, only to find the other person not wanting to “ruin our special friendship”. And then, of course, the cat’s out of the bag, and all moments from then on feel awkward. (At least for me…)
I just got back from watching Pixar’s Up, and wouldn’cha know?, Love is a featured topic. At the beginning of the film, we meet this timid little boy, who dreams of being an adventurer. On his way home, he overhears someone else playing at the same game as him, and pokes into an abandoned house where he meets a vibrant and extroverted tomboy named Emily. Of course, one thing leads to another (cue montage), they date, they get married, they try to start a family, they transfer their dreams into travel, and then old age catches up with both of them. This 10 minute section of the film was almost entirely without dialogue, and extremely sweet, touching, and real. Just what I’d expect from Pete Docter, who’s one of the few good filmmakers left at that company.
My final thought before I go is a short prayer. God, please send me my Emily. Maybe that way I’ll be too busy experiencing Love to have the time to waste philosophizing about it.
1. Actually, this is a pretty common topic of thought for me, given the fact that I’m usually alone, and so naturally, my mind turns to the topic of companionship. At least I’m not so lonely that I’m talking to a volleyball.
2. Battlestar Galactica S02E05. Adama speaks with Tyrol about Boomer.
Adama: Did you love her, Chief? Tyrol: ‘Scuse me? Adama: Boomer. Did you love her? Tyrol: Thought I did. Adama: Well, when you think you love somebody, you love them. That’s what love is: thoughts…
3. I’m also reminded of Kell and Tyria, from a Star Wars novel I haven’t read which probably deserves my attention.