Addictive Obsession - Chapter Seven [part III]
Continues from here
*
A month went by. Jin still wasn’t sure how he had managed to stay away from Kazuya this whole time but he had done it and he was kind of proud of it. It really took all of his self-control to not go to the younger’s apartment or college and just see him from far away. He totally considered the few times that he had run into him and hid himself behind a tree as a coincidence, because Jin wasn’t stalking him! Well, not really. He just knew his schedule and knew when to pass near his college and house.
A month without Kazuya. It seemed to be much longer than this and he was already feeling like going crazy. He had resisted exactly a week, just like the younger had said. That was the first time when he had gone to see him and after that, Jin had felt like a new man and promised to himself to never do that again. Of course, after another four days, he found himself standing on the same steps of the college, waiting for Kazuya to appear and just steal a glimpse of him. It was enough, he told himself, this would be that last day and then he’ll never see Kazuya ever again.
It only took him two days this time to come back.
The frequency of his visits had improved lately and now Jin couldn’t keep still if he didn’t see Kazuya at least three times a day. He had developed a schedule, stalking Kazuya’s house in the morning when he goes to college. Later in the afternoon, he would be present at the gates of his school. And if the younger didn’t have any plans of getting out of the house again, Jin would found himself standing in front of Kazuya’s window, on the other side of the street and trying to peek into his room, hidden by the darkness of the night. It had worked sometimes and other times he had been at one step of being discovered. Every time he swore that he won’t do it again but he still came back the next day, like he was addicted to Kazuya and couldn’t live without seeing him.
He was feeling a little bit tired because work had been kind of hectic in the past few days and with Jin’s constant need of wanting to see Kazuya, it was becoming even more difficult keeping up with his responsibilities. He was becoming also slower and the lack of Kazuya in his life was definitely showing. He wondered what he would be doing if he hadn’t set the younger free. Maybe they would be in bed now, having a late lunch and after that, maybe they could relax a little in front of the tv, watching a romantic movie that would leave Kazuya in tears. Certainly, he wouldn’t be wandering the streets and hoping to find something to do.
Jin sighed. He really needed a drink. The last days had been horrible and he wanted a break. Most of all, he wanted to get away from Pi’s nagging voice. He rolled his eyes, deciding to completely forget about any kind of problems for this night and to have fun. Maybe have some sex, if he got any occasion. He glanced around him, searching for a place where he could go to have a drink and he saw a bar at a few blocks away, on the other side of the street. He hurried to get there, his throat already too dry and his need too powerful. So he entered the bar and headed straight to the counter, ordering vodka and gulping it down from one shot. He grimaced, feeling the strong taste deep into his throat that was giving him a sense of completion.
It felt good and Jin had already made up his mind to get drunk this night and to not give a fuck about anyone and anything. He wanted this freedom, at least for a night. So that he could forget for a few hours. He raised his hand and the barman poured him another shot. Jin took the glass into his hands and swirled on the chair, turning around to examine the others who were there tonight.
But what he saw surprised even him. Ueda was sitting a few seats from him and staring at him intently, as if he wanted to be sure he knew him. The man looked as girly as ever, that charming and princess like attitude hardened by the sharp edge of his eyes. He wasn’t a weakling, it was clearly seen. But his girly features made him… well, look feminine.
“Fancy seeing you here.” Ueda said as he stopped in front of Jin with a wide smile plastered on his face. “Alone?”
“Hi.” Jin smiled a little in response, feeling somehow awkward to meet one of Kazuya’s friends here and especially tonight. “Yeah, I’m alone, I just came to get a drink.” He replied, lifting his glass to show him. “And you?”
“Same here.” The other responded and took the seat next to Jin. “So how about keeping each other’s company?” Ueda added, smiling a bit shy. He didn’t usually get a chance like this so he was set on taking full advantage of it.
Well, you are already standing next to me, Jin would have replied normally, but he kept his tongue this time and smiled at the older, not really minding his presence. Of course, he would have rather not meet Ueda seeing as he was one of Kazuya’s best friends, but it hadn’t been his fault. And, to be honest, he really liked Ueda and he would have liked to spend more time with him.
Jin didn’t answer anything, instead he turned back to face the counter and ordered a drink for Ueda. “My treat.” He winked playfully, feeling in a much better mood than when he was talking on the phone earlier.
Ueda smiled brightfully and gladly accepted the offered drink. “You know, I’ve wanted to meet with you before, but Kame wouldn’t let me.” He began, laughing a little. “You’d say he’s a little possessive of you, but he denied it strongly. But seems like I didn’t need his help after all, as we’re here tonight.” He added all happy and sipping from the drink.
Of course Kazuya didn’t let him, Jin snorted. “Well, he has his reasons.” He said with a smirk, even if he really didn’t feel the need to hear of Kazuya. He was sick of him, of his name, of his everything. But in the same time, Jin felt addicted to him, to his perfume, to his presence, to his voice. To his everything.
“Whatever his reasons are, he sometimes behaves like he’s your girlfriend or boyfriend or something among these lines.” Ueda laughed, carefully paying attention at Jin’s reaction, but his expression didn’t change. Well, Jin did say that he was bisexual and that he didn’t mind doing guys too, but Ueda needed to be sure… before making his move. “You aren’t together, right?” he laughed and lifted his glass, although he peered at Jin from the corners of his eyes.
Jin also laughed, even if it was a bitter laugh. “No, we aren’t together, you don’t have to worry about your friend.” He replied, totally missing the point of Ueda’s interrogation. “In fact, I haven’t seen him since a month ago. We kind of had a fight and… fell apart.” He tried to keep his cheerful voice but he didn’t manage to maintain it until the end, the last words sounding a little bit strangled. “Besides, Kazuya would kill me if I touched him.” he tried to make a joke, the reality of his words hitting him hard.
Ueda paid attention to every word Jin said about his friend, really wanting to see if there was more than the two of them let to be seen. He sensed the bitterness and the sadness, he understood it too well. “Well, Kame has always been sensitive about being touched.” Ueda said and covered Jin’s hand with his, as if in compassion. “And don’t worry, he’ll come back. Usually he’s a tough nut to crack, but once you break it, the beneath is all soft and pleasant. You’ll be friends back again.” The older tried to assure him, though he couldn’t realize why the two of them would fight when Kazuya was usually a peaceful person. He never really fought with someone. Also… when did the two of them get so close that Jin called his friend ‘Kazuya’ and had reasons to fall apart? Such questions were better to be asked to Kazuya.
Jin let himself be comforted by Ueda, allowing himself to close his eyes and imagine that it’s Kazuya the one next to him, the one who tries to assure him that maybe things aren’t so bad between them. But Jin knew the truth and he was aware of the fact that he’ll never get close to the younger. Not without force and he didn’t want to resort to that yet again.
“I don’t think so.” Jin smiled politely, not wanting to argue with Ueda but not wanting to admit to a lie either. “I haven’t seen him for too long and we really don’t have where to meet. I have already given up, but… it’s okay.” He added with what seemed to be a normal voice, only a slight hint of sorrow hidden in it. “I know Kazuya will be fine even without me.”
Ueda could clearly see that this thing bothered Jin a lot. “You’re lying.” He leaned in and whispered in Jin’s ear. “You care about him and you’re not okay with not seeing him. It’s easy to see this.” He continued and looked into the dark brown eyes that had him captivated from the first meeting. “But I don’t want to talk about Kame anymore if this saddens you.” Ueda squeezed his hand that hadn’t let go at all. “Instead… let’s talk about you and me.” The older smiled and tilted his head a little, his eyes twinkling with delight and subtleness.
Jin returned Ueda’s stare, not flinching at all. “You seem to know me so well.” Jin chuckled, using the same tactic as the older and whispering things into his ear. His hand remained at the same spot too, only his thumb moved a little to brush over Ueda’s hand. It was bad, it was wrong what he was doing. But Jin couldn’t refrain his desire to hurt Kazuya and this thought seemed to have conquered his mind. “Are you always so… blunt?” he asked, in loss for a better word.
Ueda chuckled low and let his bangs cover his eyes as if in hiding his shy expression. “No. Usually I’m approached.” He replied, telling the truth. “But since you’re a hard-to-get person, I’m trying my chances.” He shrugged and with his other hand touched Jin’s cheek. “Am I barking at closed doors?” he then asked with a slight fear in his voice.
Jin hesitated for a moment before he replied. “No. Maybe. I don’t know.” He sighed, detaching himself from Ueda, asking forgiveness with his eyes. “I’m not in a real good state to start something and… I don’t want to hurt you.” You’re Kazuya’s friend, he wanted to add but his voice didn’t let him. In the end, everything still revolved around Kazuya. He was still important to him and Jin feared that if he started something with Ueda, Kazuya would hate him for good. Not that he didn’t do it already. Then what was the point?
Jin didn’t know.
Ueda laughed a bit. “Jin, I’m not asking you to start a relationship with me.” The older said, thrilled by the other’s attitude towards him. “And you won’t hurt me if you sleep with me once.” He then added with a wink. Ueda leaned forward and place a cast kiss on Jin’s lips. “I find you attractive and I want you.” He shrugged looking innocent. “If you don’t feel the same, well… that’s a different story.”
Jin looked a little suspiciously at Ueda. He was surprised when the older kissed him but he had to admit that he liked those soft lips. He couldn’t help not to compare them with Kazuya’s and Jin found himself to like more the taste of Ueda. It tasted different, it tasted of sin and Jin had always loved even the sound of this word. Still, he knew he would never choose to kiss Ueda if he could have Kazuya, he was already too lost into Kazuya’s taste. But he had already lost his mind and any contact with reason.
“Then don’t complain later.” Jin smirked, erasing the distance between their bodies and leaning over Ueda’s lips, as if he wanted to kiss them again. But in the last moment, he backed away, smiling devilishly. “But since you said that I’m a hard to get person…” he lingered his words, licking his lips while still standing close to Ueda’s face, his breath tickling those red lips. “come and get me.” He challenged, curious about the older’s… methods.
Now things get interesting, Ueda thought as he leaned back a little for a better look at Jin. “You like to play, it seems.” He said, closing the distance once again and tracing Jin’s lips with his thumb while the younger carefully watched his every move. Ueda licked his lips which curved into a mischievous smile. “You like to tease…” he whispered, his breath an inch away from Jin’s lips. He darted his tongue out, tasting the fully lips that were so tempting. The touch was soft and teasing, skimming over them skillfully. “And I like to take and receive.” Ueda said before his lips crashed onto Jin’s, his tongue now inside Jin’s mouth, sliding in and out with suave and slow moves, tasting and letting be tasted. Their lips moved together, their tongues brushed against each other, they took each other. Ueda ended the kiss, letting his teeth seep a little into the lower lip of Jin’s, immediately soothing it with his tongue. “Well… this was… umm, delicious.” The older said and leaned back with a sheepish and satisfied smile.
“Well, it wasn’t enough.” Jin seemed to disagree with the distance Ueda created now between them. He slipped his hand behind Ueda’s nape, his fingers clutching into his soft hair and pulling it closer to him, slowly and firmly. The other one seemed to watch him with a cautious and playful expression, his lips parted, while Jin’s eyes seemed to be masked with desire, focused only on the older’s lips and seeming to not be aware of anything else but his own need and the person who could fulfill it.
“Jin!” the voice came as a hiss but the hiss felt like a thunder. Both of the men were startled and looked dazed at the small figure that was barely visible and approaching them. “Ueda.” He said the second name and Kazuya looked worried and angry in the same time. He wouldn’t have seen them sitting in that dark corner of the bar, but something had made him to and that something had been right.
“Kamenashi-san…” a girl popped out from nowhere. “Is there a problem?” she asked, her eyes looking from him to the two men.
“No, no problem. Just some friends.” He smiled, trying to reassure the girl. “Go to a table, I’ll join you quickly, okay?” he then said to her who nodded and left, not before looking once more at Jin and Ueda. “Care to explain to me what are you two doing together?” Kazuya asked both of them, though his eyes were staring accusingly at Jin.
But Jin didn’t see Kazuya’s mad expression because he wasn’t looking at the younger, preferring to examine his feet which seemed to be more interesting in that moment. He couldn’t believe that Kazuya was there, that he happened to be in the same bar as Jin when he had tried to avoid him with any cost. And the best part was that Kazuya had seen him kissing one of his friends!! All the bad luck seemed to have gathered on Jin’s side that night.
But still, he wasn’t eager to answer to Kazuya’s question so he kept his head lowered, not uttering a word. He didn’t have the courage to face him, not after he had promised him to never cross his way ever again. But this didn’t stop him to glance at the girl that Kazuya had come with and to imagine her dead and away from the boy.
“Chill, Kame, why so serious?” Ueda laughed, sparing a glance at the quiet Jin. “Me and Jin met coincidentally and we decided to share together a couple of drinks.” He continued, looking all innocent. “Or we need your permission?” Ueda stuck out his tongue jokingly, though his eyes were quite hard. Kazuya didn’t miss that detail.
“No, it’s not that.” the younger denied, suppressing a sigh of relief. If Ueda could be like this, then it meant that Jin didn’t do - threaten - anything to him. And now he had bothered Ueda’s time when he knew perfectly well that the other didn’t like this.
“See, Jin, I told you that he sometimes acts like he’s your girlfriend or something like this.” Ueda turned to Jin and winked, putting a hand over his shoulder and squeezing it a little as if he wanted to tell him that everything is good and that he should talk with Kazuya.
“Uepi!!” Kazuya said loud, attracting the attention of some customers. Jin too lifted his head to look at the younger. “I told you to stop saying things like this.” He continued on a lower voice, his body all tensed. Thankfully, the lights were dim so no one could tell that he might have blushed.
“You’re so shy and sly, Kame-chan.” Ueda sighed as he saw Jin’s eyes settle on the younger. Maybe Jin can fool others, but he can’t fool Ueda when it comes to feelings. He could see and feel that Jin’s love interest was Kazuya and no one else, although he loved lying to himself. “I’d better go to that poor girl you left alone, this way both of you can get to talk things out.” Ueda rose from his seat and looked at Jin. “Don’t be a coward, face him.” he whispered so that Kazuya wouldn’t hear, then with a slight movement of his head towards the younger, he fled from there and left them alone.
Kazuya was bewildered at his friend’s behavior and didn’t have time to react to anything, now being in the sole company of Jin. He looked at the older and seemed kind of nervous. Jin hadn’t searched for him for a month and stumbling over him like this… well, it was nerve-wrecking. If the older had indeed decided to leave Kazuya alone, then this fatidic meeting… what effect will it have?
Jin didn’t seem to be as nervous as Kazuya, he was more like scared that the younger will believe this meeting had been intentional and that Jin had decided to break his promise. It was stupid, because he already didn’t have what to save from his relationship with Kazuya, but Jin couldn’t help to not hope for something more. That maybe someday they will meet and Kazuya will smile and say that it’s okay for them to be friends.
But he knew that this is impossible.
He raised himself from the chair and looked at Kazuya, sighing when he saw his unease. “Look, I better go.” He said with a quiet voice, like he didn’t want to say this but he had to.
“You don’t have to.” Kazuya replied abruptly as if he had been dying to say something - anything. “Not because I came here.” He continued, looking at Jin. “If there is someone that has to leave, that would be me. Because you were the one who promised to stay away from me, so it’s fair that I should not cross your path, right?” the younger added with a slight smile though it came out more of a grimace. “So…” he trailed off, wondering it this was really what he intended to say.
“Kazuya, what you said doesn’t make any sense.” Jin chuckled, seeming amused by the younger’s antics. It was wrong, he wasn’t supposed to feel so normal hanging around Kazuya, but this feeling just came involuntary. “Don’t worry, I was just leaving.” He continued with a smile, trying to assure the other.
“Ah… okay.” Kazuya nodded and lowered his head a little. “Well, take care.” He then added and looked at Jin again, but not moving from there.
“Yeah… you too…” Jin tried to smile again, but his lips curled up only a little, too little to be noticed. He didn’t move either, looking at the younger, his eyes trying to quickly catch any change on his face, expression or anything else that could have changed since he last saw him. “I’ll just go and say bye to Ueda too.” He added after a moment, turning his back on Kazuya, even if it was in slow-motion.
“No!” Kazuya grabbed Jin’s hand, a little bit hasty in his movement. “I’ll call Ueda for you.” He said, looking somehow alarmed.
This surprised Jin a little and when he turned back to look at Kazuya, his feelings were reflected in his dark eyes. “Oh.” He said with a low voice. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I think I’ll just go.” He finally said, not even him knowing what he really wanted to do or say or… damn it!
“No, don’t go… yet. I’ll call Ueda, just wait here, okay?” Kazuya said, not really wanting to be misunderstood. Jin just nodded, not having power even to answer, and Kazuya left him immediately, heading towards Ueda’s table where he was chatting with the girl Kazuya came with.
Ueda looked at the younger inquiringly, but since the other one didn’t show any emotion, he sighed and went back to Jin who - to him - seemed like a stranded puppy. “Hey.” He said as he approached Jin, a warm smile dancing on his lips. Although he didn’t do something like this, Ueda couldn’t help but say it - “Do you want to go to my place?”
“Yes.” Jin immediately replied, maybe a little too fast or a little too slow. He honestly didn’t know and he didn’t have any desire to find out. His answer had been confident and he was sure of what he wanted in that moment. And it was to forget. He would take anything that could make him forget. And Ueda… well, he was the best choice for a lot of reasons.
One of them being the fact that he had wanted to do this even before Kazuya showed up. Jin had to admit that he felt attracted to Ueda. It wasn’t as powerful as it was with Kazuya and it didn’t make him lose his mind or senses. But it was there, that weird feeling in his stomach every time Ueda approached Jin too much. He was just scared that all of this was an impression of his, of his brain that wanted with desperation to get rid of the chains that Kazuya had locked him into.
He didn’t know how he got to Ueda’s apartment or even how they arrived. His mind was kind of in a blur and he couldn’t stop thinking about Kazuya. A month. That much time had passed? The younger didn’t seem to change since their last meeting, but Jin had noticed that his cheeks were a little redder and his eyes were different, glowing with something that he had never seen. He looked the same, his appearance was exactly as Jin remembered it to be, but… Kazuya was different. He seemed happier without Jin, he seemed to have enjoyed his time spent far away from the older.
He laughed in his mind, wondering how the heck had he noticed these things when Kazuya’s eyes showed only fear when they met. But he had seen behind it that Kazuya was much happier without Jin in his life. Even if Jin’s own life was destroyed.
He winced when his back hit the door from Ueda’s apartment and only now Jin noticed that they were already inside. Did Ueda say something? He didn’t know, but it seemed so because the older was now looking at him with an indecipherable expression that made Jin feel a little anxious. Ueda raised an eyebrow but Jin still had no idea what he wanted so he just shook his head and decided to follow his previous plan and forget everything about everyone.
He smirked and leaned down to catch Ueda’s lips into a demanding kiss, bringing his hands on the older’s waist and bringing him closer, grinding their bodies and searching for more contact. He bit, licked and sucked on Ueda’s tongue, groaning satisfied when the other one didn’t give up easily and challenged Jin to a contest to see who will be the one to rule this night. He could feel Ueda’s hands working on his shirt, clenching his hands on it and trying to tug on it to undress Jin. They stopped from their kiss only for a few seconds, as it took for Jin to discard his shirt and then their lips met again, with more passion and eagerness. Their teeth clashed and their tongues danced, while their hands continued to explore the other’s body. Ueda spread butterfly touches on Jin’s stomach, going up until he gently pinched his nipples once and then with more power when he heard the younger growl and refrain a moan. He lifted his right leg and trembled when he felt Jin’s hands going lower, grasping his ass with his big hands and pushing it into Jin’s clothed cock. He grunted and leaned his head back, allowing Jin to kiss his neck, grasping at the harsh touches and bites, but enjoying the pain combined with the pleasure.
With a soft push, Jin caught Ueda with his hands and lifted him up, the older immediately surrounding Jin’s waist with his legs, supporting his weight on him and letting himself fall into the passion that Jin had thrown him into. The younger didn’t bother to open his eyes to see where he was going, preferring to continue and abuse Ueda’s skin with his teeth and mouth and tongue, moaning when the other’s hands settled in his hair and tugged on it with a powerful move to make him raise his head and let Ueda initiate another kiss, even hungrier than the others.
Kazuya wasn’t like this, Jin couldn’t help to think. Kazuya often let himself be taken even if there were a lot of protests and attempts of sneaking out of it. He also wanted to be in control, but Jin suspected that the younger still had some restraints because he knew that Jin was the one who made the game. They were different because Kazuya knew perfectly well what he was doing when he slept with Jin the first time, but Ueda had no idea of who Jin was. Maybe he thought he’s also a college student like them or a good boy who works hard but with too much kinks. He had no idea what he’s getting into when he suggested Jin to come to his house.
Jin leaned Ueda on the bed, cursing again because they had bumped into too much things until they got to the bedroom. Ueda just chuckled - how he did the whole time - and Jin couldn’t stop a small smile from forming on his lips. It was exciting to do this because you both want it and that there’s nothing else behind your intentions. The only thing that clouded Ueda’s mind was to have sex with Jin and the younger had to admit that he wasn’t that different in that moment. The way Ueda looked at him, the way he bit his lips and brushed his tongue on them to make them wetter, more appealing and more maddening… was driving Jin mad but he still couldn’t make himself move and not stare at those plumb lips that seemed to be so inviting. Ueda’s eyes had a mischievous glint in them and Jin found himself trapped by it and not being able to move.
“Jin…” His name seemed to be magic when Ueda said it with that low voice, full of arousal and excitement building in his body. Ueda brought his hands on Jin’s neck and slowly the distance between their lips disappeared, both of them showing a smirk full of confidence and eyes full of eagerness. “Make me go crazy.” The older whispered at Jin’s ear and Jin felt how a shiver passed his body, leaving him into a daze and with the only desire to fuck Ueda senseless until morning. Like a hungry wolf, he attacked Ueda’s lips and started to undress him in a frenzy, not knowing and not caring about anyone else. And his thoughts continued to wander…
Kazuya had been with a girl. Who was that? And what was her connection with Kazuya? Jin thought that she looked familiar even if he only cast a glance at her, so maybe she was from the same university as Kazuya? Maybe Jin had seen her in the files that he had read when he first investigated the boy’s life. But she mustn’t be that important if Jin didn’t know who she was, considering the fact that he knew all the people involved in Kazuya’s life.
But then… who was she? Maybe she was Kazuya’s new girlfriend, Jin thought and clenched his teeth in anger, hiding his head in Ueda’s hair and biting his neck, sucking and leaving a red mark to cover up his frustration. But he was a nobody now. He had been the one to give Kazuya his freedom and he didn’t have the right anymore to interfere in the younger’s love life. It was over and he couldn’t stop Kazuya from falling in love with someone else, from rebuilding his life with another person. Maybe he will be happy this way. Maybe… at least one of them will find out what’s the meaning of the word ‘happiness’.
“Stop.”
Jin looked confused at Ueda, not understanding what he was referring to. Did he want Jin to stop and leave? Well, that would be a problem because the younger still had a hard-on and he wasn’t planning on getting rid of it by himself, not after Ueda had been the one to invite him to his house. He blinked in surprise when he found himself rounded up, landing on his back with Ueda above him and leaning over his lips, almost touching but not enough, their eyes meeting and studying each other. They were both naked now and Jin was having a hard time to restrain himself and not devour Ueda, but taking time to care for him. He was, after all, Kazuya’s friend.
“Stop thinking about someone else.” Ueda cleared up and Jin looked at him with eyes widened, shocked that the older had seen through him. They stared at each other for a couple of minutes maybe, Jin trying to find answers in Ueda’s eyes but encountering only lust and the raw desire of sex. He gulped and felt his heart beat faster when Ueda brought his hand lower, grabbing Jin’s cock and teasing a little the head with his index finger while the others were gently brushing alongside its length. He was beautiful, Jin had to admit, and Ueda was even more astonishing in bed, with his breath rushed and sweat running down his body, glistening in the light of the moon. He had an appeal that Jin hadn’t seen before and even if it wasn’t worth comparing to Kazuya’s, Jin couldn’t help not feel attracted by it like a gravitation force. Something kept pushing him and that dark stare was making him feel small, aroused and desperate.
“Think only at me and no one else.”
And that was what Jin was planning to do.
*
A month went by. Jin still wasn’t sure how he had managed to stay away from Kazuya this whole time but he had done it and he was kind of proud of it. It really took all of his self-control to not go to the younger’s apartment or college and just see him from far away. He totally considered the few times that he had run into him and hid himself behind a tree as a coincidence, because Jin wasn’t stalking him! Well, not really. He just knew his schedule and knew when to pass near his college and house.
A month without Kazuya. It seemed to be much longer than this and he was already feeling like going crazy. He had resisted exactly a week, just like the younger had said. That was the first time when he had gone to see him and after that, Jin had felt like a new man and promised to himself to never do that again. Of course, after another four days, he found himself standing on the same steps of the college, waiting for Kazuya to appear and just steal a glimpse of him. It was enough, he told himself, this would be that last day and then he’ll never see Kazuya ever again.
It only took him two days this time to come back.
The frequency of his visits had improved lately and now Jin couldn’t keep still if he didn’t see Kazuya at least three times a day. He had developed a schedule, stalking Kazuya’s house in the morning when he goes to college. Later in the afternoon, he would be present at the gates of his school. And if the younger didn’t have any plans of getting out of the house again, Jin would found himself standing in front of Kazuya’s window, on the other side of the street and trying to peek into his room, hidden by the darkness of the night. It had worked sometimes and other times he had been at one step of being discovered. Every time he swore that he won’t do it again but he still came back the next day, like he was addicted to Kazuya and couldn’t live without seeing him.
He was feeling a little bit tired because work had been kind of hectic in the past few days and with Jin’s constant need of wanting to see Kazuya, it was becoming even more difficult keeping up with his responsibilities. He was becoming also slower and the lack of Kazuya in his life was definitely showing. He wondered what he would be doing if he hadn’t set the younger free. Maybe they would be in bed now, having a late lunch and after that, maybe they could relax a little in front of the tv, watching a romantic movie that would leave Kazuya in tears. Certainly, he wouldn’t be wandering the streets and hoping to find something to do.
Jin sighed. He really needed a drink. The last days had been horrible and he wanted a break. Most of all, he wanted to get away from Pi’s nagging voice. He rolled his eyes, deciding to completely forget about any kind of problems for this night and to have fun. Maybe have some sex, if he got any occasion. He glanced around him, searching for a place where he could go to have a drink and he saw a bar at a few blocks away, on the other side of the street. He hurried to get there, his throat already too dry and his need too powerful. So he entered the bar and headed straight to the counter, ordering vodka and gulping it down from one shot. He grimaced, feeling the strong taste deep into his throat that was giving him a sense of completion.
It felt good and Jin had already made up his mind to get drunk this night and to not give a fuck about anyone and anything. He wanted this freedom, at least for a night. So that he could forget for a few hours. He raised his hand and the barman poured him another shot. Jin took the glass into his hands and swirled on the chair, turning around to examine the others who were there tonight.
But what he saw surprised even him. Ueda was sitting a few seats from him and staring at him intently, as if he wanted to be sure he knew him. The man looked as girly as ever, that charming and princess like attitude hardened by the sharp edge of his eyes. He wasn’t a weakling, it was clearly seen. But his girly features made him… well, look feminine.
“Fancy seeing you here.” Ueda said as he stopped in front of Jin with a wide smile plastered on his face. “Alone?”
“Hi.” Jin smiled a little in response, feeling somehow awkward to meet one of Kazuya’s friends here and especially tonight. “Yeah, I’m alone, I just came to get a drink.” He replied, lifting his glass to show him. “And you?”
“Same here.” The other responded and took the seat next to Jin. “So how about keeping each other’s company?” Ueda added, smiling a bit shy. He didn’t usually get a chance like this so he was set on taking full advantage of it.
Well, you are already standing next to me, Jin would have replied normally, but he kept his tongue this time and smiled at the older, not really minding his presence. Of course, he would have rather not meet Ueda seeing as he was one of Kazuya’s best friends, but it hadn’t been his fault. And, to be honest, he really liked Ueda and he would have liked to spend more time with him.
Jin didn’t answer anything, instead he turned back to face the counter and ordered a drink for Ueda. “My treat.” He winked playfully, feeling in a much better mood than when he was talking on the phone earlier.
Ueda smiled brightfully and gladly accepted the offered drink. “You know, I’ve wanted to meet with you before, but Kame wouldn’t let me.” He began, laughing a little. “You’d say he’s a little possessive of you, but he denied it strongly. But seems like I didn’t need his help after all, as we’re here tonight.” He added all happy and sipping from the drink.
Of course Kazuya didn’t let him, Jin snorted. “Well, he has his reasons.” He said with a smirk, even if he really didn’t feel the need to hear of Kazuya. He was sick of him, of his name, of his everything. But in the same time, Jin felt addicted to him, to his perfume, to his presence, to his voice. To his everything.
“Whatever his reasons are, he sometimes behaves like he’s your girlfriend or boyfriend or something among these lines.” Ueda laughed, carefully paying attention at Jin’s reaction, but his expression didn’t change. Well, Jin did say that he was bisexual and that he didn’t mind doing guys too, but Ueda needed to be sure… before making his move. “You aren’t together, right?” he laughed and lifted his glass, although he peered at Jin from the corners of his eyes.
Jin also laughed, even if it was a bitter laugh. “No, we aren’t together, you don’t have to worry about your friend.” He replied, totally missing the point of Ueda’s interrogation. “In fact, I haven’t seen him since a month ago. We kind of had a fight and… fell apart.” He tried to keep his cheerful voice but he didn’t manage to maintain it until the end, the last words sounding a little bit strangled. “Besides, Kazuya would kill me if I touched him.” he tried to make a joke, the reality of his words hitting him hard.
Ueda paid attention to every word Jin said about his friend, really wanting to see if there was more than the two of them let to be seen. He sensed the bitterness and the sadness, he understood it too well. “Well, Kame has always been sensitive about being touched.” Ueda said and covered Jin’s hand with his, as if in compassion. “And don’t worry, he’ll come back. Usually he’s a tough nut to crack, but once you break it, the beneath is all soft and pleasant. You’ll be friends back again.” The older tried to assure him, though he couldn’t realize why the two of them would fight when Kazuya was usually a peaceful person. He never really fought with someone. Also… when did the two of them get so close that Jin called his friend ‘Kazuya’ and had reasons to fall apart? Such questions were better to be asked to Kazuya.
Jin let himself be comforted by Ueda, allowing himself to close his eyes and imagine that it’s Kazuya the one next to him, the one who tries to assure him that maybe things aren’t so bad between them. But Jin knew the truth and he was aware of the fact that he’ll never get close to the younger. Not without force and he didn’t want to resort to that yet again.
“I don’t think so.” Jin smiled politely, not wanting to argue with Ueda but not wanting to admit to a lie either. “I haven’t seen him for too long and we really don’t have where to meet. I have already given up, but… it’s okay.” He added with what seemed to be a normal voice, only a slight hint of sorrow hidden in it. “I know Kazuya will be fine even without me.”
Ueda could clearly see that this thing bothered Jin a lot. “You’re lying.” He leaned in and whispered in Jin’s ear. “You care about him and you’re not okay with not seeing him. It’s easy to see this.” He continued and looked into the dark brown eyes that had him captivated from the first meeting. “But I don’t want to talk about Kame anymore if this saddens you.” Ueda squeezed his hand that hadn’t let go at all. “Instead… let’s talk about you and me.” The older smiled and tilted his head a little, his eyes twinkling with delight and subtleness.
Jin returned Ueda’s stare, not flinching at all. “You seem to know me so well.” Jin chuckled, using the same tactic as the older and whispering things into his ear. His hand remained at the same spot too, only his thumb moved a little to brush over Ueda’s hand. It was bad, it was wrong what he was doing. But Jin couldn’t refrain his desire to hurt Kazuya and this thought seemed to have conquered his mind. “Are you always so… blunt?” he asked, in loss for a better word.
Ueda chuckled low and let his bangs cover his eyes as if in hiding his shy expression. “No. Usually I’m approached.” He replied, telling the truth. “But since you’re a hard-to-get person, I’m trying my chances.” He shrugged and with his other hand touched Jin’s cheek. “Am I barking at closed doors?” he then asked with a slight fear in his voice.
Jin hesitated for a moment before he replied. “No. Maybe. I don’t know.” He sighed, detaching himself from Ueda, asking forgiveness with his eyes. “I’m not in a real good state to start something and… I don’t want to hurt you.” You’re Kazuya’s friend, he wanted to add but his voice didn’t let him. In the end, everything still revolved around Kazuya. He was still important to him and Jin feared that if he started something with Ueda, Kazuya would hate him for good. Not that he didn’t do it already. Then what was the point?
Jin didn’t know.
Ueda laughed a bit. “Jin, I’m not asking you to start a relationship with me.” The older said, thrilled by the other’s attitude towards him. “And you won’t hurt me if you sleep with me once.” He then added with a wink. Ueda leaned forward and place a cast kiss on Jin’s lips. “I find you attractive and I want you.” He shrugged looking innocent. “If you don’t feel the same, well… that’s a different story.”
Jin looked a little suspiciously at Ueda. He was surprised when the older kissed him but he had to admit that he liked those soft lips. He couldn’t help not to compare them with Kazuya’s and Jin found himself to like more the taste of Ueda. It tasted different, it tasted of sin and Jin had always loved even the sound of this word. Still, he knew he would never choose to kiss Ueda if he could have Kazuya, he was already too lost into Kazuya’s taste. But he had already lost his mind and any contact with reason.
“Then don’t complain later.” Jin smirked, erasing the distance between their bodies and leaning over Ueda’s lips, as if he wanted to kiss them again. But in the last moment, he backed away, smiling devilishly. “But since you said that I’m a hard to get person…” he lingered his words, licking his lips while still standing close to Ueda’s face, his breath tickling those red lips. “come and get me.” He challenged, curious about the older’s… methods.
Now things get interesting, Ueda thought as he leaned back a little for a better look at Jin. “You like to play, it seems.” He said, closing the distance once again and tracing Jin’s lips with his thumb while the younger carefully watched his every move. Ueda licked his lips which curved into a mischievous smile. “You like to tease…” he whispered, his breath an inch away from Jin’s lips. He darted his tongue out, tasting the fully lips that were so tempting. The touch was soft and teasing, skimming over them skillfully. “And I like to take and receive.” Ueda said before his lips crashed onto Jin’s, his tongue now inside Jin’s mouth, sliding in and out with suave and slow moves, tasting and letting be tasted. Their lips moved together, their tongues brushed against each other, they took each other. Ueda ended the kiss, letting his teeth seep a little into the lower lip of Jin’s, immediately soothing it with his tongue. “Well… this was… umm, delicious.” The older said and leaned back with a sheepish and satisfied smile.
“Well, it wasn’t enough.” Jin seemed to disagree with the distance Ueda created now between them. He slipped his hand behind Ueda’s nape, his fingers clutching into his soft hair and pulling it closer to him, slowly and firmly. The other one seemed to watch him with a cautious and playful expression, his lips parted, while Jin’s eyes seemed to be masked with desire, focused only on the older’s lips and seeming to not be aware of anything else but his own need and the person who could fulfill it.
“Jin!” the voice came as a hiss but the hiss felt like a thunder. Both of the men were startled and looked dazed at the small figure that was barely visible and approaching them. “Ueda.” He said the second name and Kazuya looked worried and angry in the same time. He wouldn’t have seen them sitting in that dark corner of the bar, but something had made him to and that something had been right.
“Kamenashi-san…” a girl popped out from nowhere. “Is there a problem?” she asked, her eyes looking from him to the two men.
“No, no problem. Just some friends.” He smiled, trying to reassure the girl. “Go to a table, I’ll join you quickly, okay?” he then said to her who nodded and left, not before looking once more at Jin and Ueda. “Care to explain to me what are you two doing together?” Kazuya asked both of them, though his eyes were staring accusingly at Jin.
But Jin didn’t see Kazuya’s mad expression because he wasn’t looking at the younger, preferring to examine his feet which seemed to be more interesting in that moment. He couldn’t believe that Kazuya was there, that he happened to be in the same bar as Jin when he had tried to avoid him with any cost. And the best part was that Kazuya had seen him kissing one of his friends!! All the bad luck seemed to have gathered on Jin’s side that night.
But still, he wasn’t eager to answer to Kazuya’s question so he kept his head lowered, not uttering a word. He didn’t have the courage to face him, not after he had promised him to never cross his way ever again. But this didn’t stop him to glance at the girl that Kazuya had come with and to imagine her dead and away from the boy.
“Chill, Kame, why so serious?” Ueda laughed, sparing a glance at the quiet Jin. “Me and Jin met coincidentally and we decided to share together a couple of drinks.” He continued, looking all innocent. “Or we need your permission?” Ueda stuck out his tongue jokingly, though his eyes were quite hard. Kazuya didn’t miss that detail.
“No, it’s not that.” the younger denied, suppressing a sigh of relief. If Ueda could be like this, then it meant that Jin didn’t do - threaten - anything to him. And now he had bothered Ueda’s time when he knew perfectly well that the other didn’t like this.
“See, Jin, I told you that he sometimes acts like he’s your girlfriend or something like this.” Ueda turned to Jin and winked, putting a hand over his shoulder and squeezing it a little as if he wanted to tell him that everything is good and that he should talk with Kazuya.
“Uepi!!” Kazuya said loud, attracting the attention of some customers. Jin too lifted his head to look at the younger. “I told you to stop saying things like this.” He continued on a lower voice, his body all tensed. Thankfully, the lights were dim so no one could tell that he might have blushed.
“You’re so shy and sly, Kame-chan.” Ueda sighed as he saw Jin’s eyes settle on the younger. Maybe Jin can fool others, but he can’t fool Ueda when it comes to feelings. He could see and feel that Jin’s love interest was Kazuya and no one else, although he loved lying to himself. “I’d better go to that poor girl you left alone, this way both of you can get to talk things out.” Ueda rose from his seat and looked at Jin. “Don’t be a coward, face him.” he whispered so that Kazuya wouldn’t hear, then with a slight movement of his head towards the younger, he fled from there and left them alone.
Kazuya was bewildered at his friend’s behavior and didn’t have time to react to anything, now being in the sole company of Jin. He looked at the older and seemed kind of nervous. Jin hadn’t searched for him for a month and stumbling over him like this… well, it was nerve-wrecking. If the older had indeed decided to leave Kazuya alone, then this fatidic meeting… what effect will it have?
Jin didn’t seem to be as nervous as Kazuya, he was more like scared that the younger will believe this meeting had been intentional and that Jin had decided to break his promise. It was stupid, because he already didn’t have what to save from his relationship with Kazuya, but Jin couldn’t help to not hope for something more. That maybe someday they will meet and Kazuya will smile and say that it’s okay for them to be friends.
But he knew that this is impossible.
He raised himself from the chair and looked at Kazuya, sighing when he saw his unease. “Look, I better go.” He said with a quiet voice, like he didn’t want to say this but he had to.
“You don’t have to.” Kazuya replied abruptly as if he had been dying to say something - anything. “Not because I came here.” He continued, looking at Jin. “If there is someone that has to leave, that would be me. Because you were the one who promised to stay away from me, so it’s fair that I should not cross your path, right?” the younger added with a slight smile though it came out more of a grimace. “So…” he trailed off, wondering it this was really what he intended to say.
“Kazuya, what you said doesn’t make any sense.” Jin chuckled, seeming amused by the younger’s antics. It was wrong, he wasn’t supposed to feel so normal hanging around Kazuya, but this feeling just came involuntary. “Don’t worry, I was just leaving.” He continued with a smile, trying to assure the other.
“Ah… okay.” Kazuya nodded and lowered his head a little. “Well, take care.” He then added and looked at Jin again, but not moving from there.
“Yeah… you too…” Jin tried to smile again, but his lips curled up only a little, too little to be noticed. He didn’t move either, looking at the younger, his eyes trying to quickly catch any change on his face, expression or anything else that could have changed since he last saw him. “I’ll just go and say bye to Ueda too.” He added after a moment, turning his back on Kazuya, even if it was in slow-motion.
“No!” Kazuya grabbed Jin’s hand, a little bit hasty in his movement. “I’ll call Ueda for you.” He said, looking somehow alarmed.
This surprised Jin a little and when he turned back to look at Kazuya, his feelings were reflected in his dark eyes. “Oh.” He said with a low voice. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… I think I’ll just go.” He finally said, not even him knowing what he really wanted to do or say or… damn it!
“No, don’t go… yet. I’ll call Ueda, just wait here, okay?” Kazuya said, not really wanting to be misunderstood. Jin just nodded, not having power even to answer, and Kazuya left him immediately, heading towards Ueda’s table where he was chatting with the girl Kazuya came with.
Ueda looked at the younger inquiringly, but since the other one didn’t show any emotion, he sighed and went back to Jin who - to him - seemed like a stranded puppy. “Hey.” He said as he approached Jin, a warm smile dancing on his lips. Although he didn’t do something like this, Ueda couldn’t help but say it - “Do you want to go to my place?”
“Yes.” Jin immediately replied, maybe a little too fast or a little too slow. He honestly didn’t know and he didn’t have any desire to find out. His answer had been confident and he was sure of what he wanted in that moment. And it was to forget. He would take anything that could make him forget. And Ueda… well, he was the best choice for a lot of reasons.
One of them being the fact that he had wanted to do this even before Kazuya showed up. Jin had to admit that he felt attracted to Ueda. It wasn’t as powerful as it was with Kazuya and it didn’t make him lose his mind or senses. But it was there, that weird feeling in his stomach every time Ueda approached Jin too much. He was just scared that all of this was an impression of his, of his brain that wanted with desperation to get rid of the chains that Kazuya had locked him into.
He didn’t know how he got to Ueda’s apartment or even how they arrived. His mind was kind of in a blur and he couldn’t stop thinking about Kazuya. A month. That much time had passed? The younger didn’t seem to change since their last meeting, but Jin had noticed that his cheeks were a little redder and his eyes were different, glowing with something that he had never seen. He looked the same, his appearance was exactly as Jin remembered it to be, but… Kazuya was different. He seemed happier without Jin, he seemed to have enjoyed his time spent far away from the older.
He laughed in his mind, wondering how the heck had he noticed these things when Kazuya’s eyes showed only fear when they met. But he had seen behind it that Kazuya was much happier without Jin in his life. Even if Jin’s own life was destroyed.
He winced when his back hit the door from Ueda’s apartment and only now Jin noticed that they were already inside. Did Ueda say something? He didn’t know, but it seemed so because the older was now looking at him with an indecipherable expression that made Jin feel a little anxious. Ueda raised an eyebrow but Jin still had no idea what he wanted so he just shook his head and decided to follow his previous plan and forget everything about everyone.
He smirked and leaned down to catch Ueda’s lips into a demanding kiss, bringing his hands on the older’s waist and bringing him closer, grinding their bodies and searching for more contact. He bit, licked and sucked on Ueda’s tongue, groaning satisfied when the other one didn’t give up easily and challenged Jin to a contest to see who will be the one to rule this night. He could feel Ueda’s hands working on his shirt, clenching his hands on it and trying to tug on it to undress Jin. They stopped from their kiss only for a few seconds, as it took for Jin to discard his shirt and then their lips met again, with more passion and eagerness. Their teeth clashed and their tongues danced, while their hands continued to explore the other’s body. Ueda spread butterfly touches on Jin’s stomach, going up until he gently pinched his nipples once and then with more power when he heard the younger growl and refrain a moan. He lifted his right leg and trembled when he felt Jin’s hands going lower, grasping his ass with his big hands and pushing it into Jin’s clothed cock. He grunted and leaned his head back, allowing Jin to kiss his neck, grasping at the harsh touches and bites, but enjoying the pain combined with the pleasure.
With a soft push, Jin caught Ueda with his hands and lifted him up, the older immediately surrounding Jin’s waist with his legs, supporting his weight on him and letting himself fall into the passion that Jin had thrown him into. The younger didn’t bother to open his eyes to see where he was going, preferring to continue and abuse Ueda’s skin with his teeth and mouth and tongue, moaning when the other’s hands settled in his hair and tugged on it with a powerful move to make him raise his head and let Ueda initiate another kiss, even hungrier than the others.
Kazuya wasn’t like this, Jin couldn’t help to think. Kazuya often let himself be taken even if there were a lot of protests and attempts of sneaking out of it. He also wanted to be in control, but Jin suspected that the younger still had some restraints because he knew that Jin was the one who made the game. They were different because Kazuya knew perfectly well what he was doing when he slept with Jin the first time, but Ueda had no idea of who Jin was. Maybe he thought he’s also a college student like them or a good boy who works hard but with too much kinks. He had no idea what he’s getting into when he suggested Jin to come to his house.
Jin leaned Ueda on the bed, cursing again because they had bumped into too much things until they got to the bedroom. Ueda just chuckled - how he did the whole time - and Jin couldn’t stop a small smile from forming on his lips. It was exciting to do this because you both want it and that there’s nothing else behind your intentions. The only thing that clouded Ueda’s mind was to have sex with Jin and the younger had to admit that he wasn’t that different in that moment. The way Ueda looked at him, the way he bit his lips and brushed his tongue on them to make them wetter, more appealing and more maddening… was driving Jin mad but he still couldn’t make himself move and not stare at those plumb lips that seemed to be so inviting. Ueda’s eyes had a mischievous glint in them and Jin found himself trapped by it and not being able to move.
“Jin…” His name seemed to be magic when Ueda said it with that low voice, full of arousal and excitement building in his body. Ueda brought his hands on Jin’s neck and slowly the distance between their lips disappeared, both of them showing a smirk full of confidence and eyes full of eagerness. “Make me go crazy.” The older whispered at Jin’s ear and Jin felt how a shiver passed his body, leaving him into a daze and with the only desire to fuck Ueda senseless until morning. Like a hungry wolf, he attacked Ueda’s lips and started to undress him in a frenzy, not knowing and not caring about anyone else. And his thoughts continued to wander…
Kazuya had been with a girl. Who was that? And what was her connection with Kazuya? Jin thought that she looked familiar even if he only cast a glance at her, so maybe she was from the same university as Kazuya? Maybe Jin had seen her in the files that he had read when he first investigated the boy’s life. But she mustn’t be that important if Jin didn’t know who she was, considering the fact that he knew all the people involved in Kazuya’s life.
But then… who was she? Maybe she was Kazuya’s new girlfriend, Jin thought and clenched his teeth in anger, hiding his head in Ueda’s hair and biting his neck, sucking and leaving a red mark to cover up his frustration. But he was a nobody now. He had been the one to give Kazuya his freedom and he didn’t have the right anymore to interfere in the younger’s love life. It was over and he couldn’t stop Kazuya from falling in love with someone else, from rebuilding his life with another person. Maybe he will be happy this way. Maybe… at least one of them will find out what’s the meaning of the word ‘happiness’.
“Stop.”
Jin looked confused at Ueda, not understanding what he was referring to. Did he want Jin to stop and leave? Well, that would be a problem because the younger still had a hard-on and he wasn’t planning on getting rid of it by himself, not after Ueda had been the one to invite him to his house. He blinked in surprise when he found himself rounded up, landing on his back with Ueda above him and leaning over his lips, almost touching but not enough, their eyes meeting and studying each other. They were both naked now and Jin was having a hard time to restrain himself and not devour Ueda, but taking time to care for him. He was, after all, Kazuya’s friend.
“Stop thinking about someone else.” Ueda cleared up and Jin looked at him with eyes widened, shocked that the older had seen through him. They stared at each other for a couple of minutes maybe, Jin trying to find answers in Ueda’s eyes but encountering only lust and the raw desire of sex. He gulped and felt his heart beat faster when Ueda brought his hand lower, grabbing Jin’s cock and teasing a little the head with his index finger while the others were gently brushing alongside its length. He was beautiful, Jin had to admit, and Ueda was even more astonishing in bed, with his breath rushed and sweat running down his body, glistening in the light of the moon. He had an appeal that Jin hadn’t seen before and even if it wasn’t worth comparing to Kazuya’s, Jin couldn’t help not feel attracted by it like a gravitation force. Something kept pushing him and that dark stare was making him feel small, aroused and desperate.
“Think only at me and no one else.”
And that was what Jin was planning to do.