(no subject)
I think the main thing is that I do not want to hurt him. It would be selfish of me to pull him into something that I won't be committed to. I know there are feelings there, for both of us, but I just don't want to hurt him. I think that he would be with me if I told him that's what I wanted, but I can't make him any promises. At the end of the summer he's going back to school and I'm going to New York. So I guess if something is going to happen it should happen soon... very soon. I think that I still may not be able to give him what he needs from me. I want him to be happy and I know he's not super happy right now, but I think he's in a pretty good place (well, he was until his car got broken into). But honestly, I don't know if he's actually happy with her or not, because he still never told me what was going on with them. And the funny thing is, I haven't asked... well not recently anyway. The thing is, if I'm going to try to change things, I should tell him soon. If not, I need to back off a little so that he doesn't get the wrong idea. I'm sure he already has the wrong idea. Ugh... I just don't know. I really don't want to hurt him.
He wants me to go to Orlando with him this weekend to help Wes move to Gainesville. I've been trying really hard to not ask if she will be there too. He hasn't mentioned her, but she lives in Orlando now, so how could she not be? Actually he hasn't mentioned her at all since Saturday. I guess that's not so crazy considering today is only Tuesday. What am I going to do? This whole thing is so crazy. If I choose to be with him, then I have to take it pretty seriously. I don't think I can make it casual. His feelings are much too deep for that. Not that I would want to date other people, it's just that I would want to keep the intensity down. And like I said, I can't make him any promises. *sigh* It would probably be selfish to be with him. I care about him entirely too much to hurt him... and if that means not being together then maybe that's what the decision should be. All these feelings and emotions crept up on me very quickly. I'm so confused.
I don't think this helped clarify my thoughts at all. I think I'm going to talk to my mom about all this, but I fear that she'll shut it down quickly. I guess that's a sign that I do want to be with him and I don't want her to tell me that I shouldn't. I'm so tempted to tell him that I've been considering being with again, and that I can't make any promises, but my fear is that he'll want us to be together even though he could get hurt. I mean, he may not get hurt, but I just don't know.
Still confused, more to come later...
He wants me to go to Orlando with him this weekend to help Wes move to Gainesville. I've been trying really hard to not ask if she will be there too. He hasn't mentioned her, but she lives in Orlando now, so how could she not be? Actually he hasn't mentioned her at all since Saturday. I guess that's not so crazy considering today is only Tuesday. What am I going to do? This whole thing is so crazy. If I choose to be with him, then I have to take it pretty seriously. I don't think I can make it casual. His feelings are much too deep for that. Not that I would want to date other people, it's just that I would want to keep the intensity down. And like I said, I can't make him any promises. *sigh* It would probably be selfish to be with him. I care about him entirely too much to hurt him... and if that means not being together then maybe that's what the decision should be. All these feelings and emotions crept up on me very quickly. I'm so confused.
I don't think this helped clarify my thoughts at all. I think I'm going to talk to my mom about all this, but I fear that she'll shut it down quickly. I guess that's a sign that I do want to be with him and I don't want her to tell me that I shouldn't. I'm so tempted to tell him that I've been considering being with again, and that I can't make any promises, but my fear is that he'll want us to be together even though he could get hurt. I mean, he may not get hurt, but I just don't know.
Still confused, more to come later...