Where everybody knows my name!
It's pretty strange and I'm so happy about it because it was something I was really looking forward to getting at college. For the first time since elementary school, I've got a small group of truly faitfhul friends. It's great. All through middle school and high school I kind of floated around, never really in any groups. The friends I had were kind of friends too a degree and I kind of missed out on the whole friendship experience because I was never very close with many people. Now there're these kids who I'm real close with, real comfortable with. I can trust them, and I know they'll be there. For example, with this girl. This girl is part of the group of friends I have, but kind of an outsider a little because she's not around as much as the rest of us to hang out. So this week, after we had our falling out and my friends got back from vacation they knew about the situation and they all kind of supported me and avoided her because they were kind of on my side.
I didn't totally realize this until today. You see, all week this girl and I hadn't seen each other or talked or anything. Basically, as can be read in the IM conversation in my previous post, she said she would understand if I didn't want to see her and that when I was ready to come around. And, to begin with, I absolutely didn't want to see her. I was so upset through, about, early thursday morning that if I even saw her I got all messed up inside. I barely saw her at all those first few days, but I thought about her all the time. Mostly, in the morning it would be really bad because I would've dreamt about her the night before and dreams always tend to amplify your feelings or at least your perception of your feelings, so I would always wake up feeling like total crap and totally depressed. But then, over the course of the day I would be busy and hang out with my friends, and around by night time I felt ok. Except the couple of times I saw her. If I even saw her I would flip out inside and I would get that terrible depressed feeling all over again.
So, anyway, by friday I was feeling better in general and, while I missed being together with her and I still do, at this point I was simply missing seeing her at all. Like, just talking to her or hanging out as friends like before any of the other shit had happened. So I decided it was about time we stopped acting so retarded and were cool together and I was going to go see her at some point just to briefly tell her how I felt and let her know it was ok to be normal again.
Well, it turns out she's not an easy person to get one-on-one. You see, I wanted it to be as unawkward as possible, so I wanted a situation where I would go to see her for a reason other than to tell her this so that it felt natural, but I wanted us to be alone because this was personal business. It was also important that it was short and that I had something to get back to because I was going to tell her that I wanted to hang out and stuff now, and if I didn't have a reason to leave quickly, than I would've had to stay there and hang around just to prove that things were cool now and, truthfully, I would be totally cool to hang out with her now, but not alone in her room. But anyways, these circumstances never came about throughout most of the weekend. By late yesterday I was starting to get upset because I was afraid the longer this avoiding each other thing went on, the further we would get away from each other and that was absolutely the last thing I wanted. So finally today I found a time where I could go ask her if she wanted to watch a movie with us and I knew her roommate was gone so I went over there and was all, "OK, I've got something I want to get off my chest. We're really wierd with each other right now and I don't want it to be that way anymore. I want ot be able to hang out and talk and go to meals and have it be normal. So things are cool between us now, don't be afraid to stop by or talk to me or anything. OK?" And it was funny, she was like, "Yeah, that's good, it wasn't so much wierd for me with you but it was wierd for me with everyone else and that's why I didn't hang around with you guys." And I was like, "huh? That's not so good." Because I guess because of our situation, all our friends had kind of steered clear of her and been wierd because they knew how she'd hurt me. So that was in one way cool to know they were with me in that sense, and in another way it was awful because, if she wasn't lying, they had been driving her away.
Regardless, I went and straightened things out again so things should be cool now. She IMd me afterward saying thanks for doing that. But of course since everything I do I always do with her feelings in mind anyways. So later on she and her roommate (did I mention her roommate, who's the sweetest girl alive for the most part, did very much the same thing to one of my best friends as this girl did to me? And that, a week and a half ago, another one of my best friends had the same thing done to him? I mean, this is almost the same exact situation with all three of us or at least the same premise. How much does that suck?) came by to go to dinner with us. We say five minutes so we could see the rest of the movie. Five minutes later, they're gone and I spend five more searching for them. We end up going to the dining hall and they were already there, apparently they had said they'd meet us there but no one heard them. But, get this, they're sitting at a four person table with one of her other friends, not exactly room for us to sit with them. That kind of bugged me. I mean, the whole point of me going and talking to her in the first place was because I wanted to hang with her and talk to her because I hadn't in a week and I missed that. But, whatever. I got back from dinner and chatted on IM a little and things seemed cool. I'll make a concerted effort to do something tomorrow and we'll be friendly again.
Oh yeah, this other girl is on this dance team and she took me as her date to a small party they had as a team last night. I work with this girl and she seems to show some degree of interest in me although I'm skeptical because she's way out of my league. She's super nice though and absolutely stunning. That was cool. Later on we went over to west where the real parties were, split up a little, got back together and danced a little bit. Perhaps I was being paranoid, but she didn't seem to be feeling me too much on the dance floor so I pulled out way early. I mean, I really tied it off immediately and kind of lost her for the rest of the night. So I'm not sure how that will go. It's wierd because I know that under any other regular circumstance, I would probably totally go for this girl and really like her, but I'm not really into her like I think I should be because I'm still on the Heartbreaker. Like, seriously, the dance girl could tell me right now that she wanted to be the mother of my children and that she would do anything for me, but if the other girl showed me any grain of interest I would forget everyone else and go after her in a second. I mean, the dance girl is much better looking and as far as I can tell is a nicer person, but I'd still drop her if the other girl would take me back even for night. How weak is that? I've got no will power! Man, girls suck.
I didn't totally realize this until today. You see, all week this girl and I hadn't seen each other or talked or anything. Basically, as can be read in the IM conversation in my previous post, she said she would understand if I didn't want to see her and that when I was ready to come around. And, to begin with, I absolutely didn't want to see her. I was so upset through, about, early thursday morning that if I even saw her I got all messed up inside. I barely saw her at all those first few days, but I thought about her all the time. Mostly, in the morning it would be really bad because I would've dreamt about her the night before and dreams always tend to amplify your feelings or at least your perception of your feelings, so I would always wake up feeling like total crap and totally depressed. But then, over the course of the day I would be busy and hang out with my friends, and around by night time I felt ok. Except the couple of times I saw her. If I even saw her I would flip out inside and I would get that terrible depressed feeling all over again.
So, anyway, by friday I was feeling better in general and, while I missed being together with her and I still do, at this point I was simply missing seeing her at all. Like, just talking to her or hanging out as friends like before any of the other shit had happened. So I decided it was about time we stopped acting so retarded and were cool together and I was going to go see her at some point just to briefly tell her how I felt and let her know it was ok to be normal again.
Well, it turns out she's not an easy person to get one-on-one. You see, I wanted it to be as unawkward as possible, so I wanted a situation where I would go to see her for a reason other than to tell her this so that it felt natural, but I wanted us to be alone because this was personal business. It was also important that it was short and that I had something to get back to because I was going to tell her that I wanted to hang out and stuff now, and if I didn't have a reason to leave quickly, than I would've had to stay there and hang around just to prove that things were cool now and, truthfully, I would be totally cool to hang out with her now, but not alone in her room. But anyways, these circumstances never came about throughout most of the weekend. By late yesterday I was starting to get upset because I was afraid the longer this avoiding each other thing went on, the further we would get away from each other and that was absolutely the last thing I wanted. So finally today I found a time where I could go ask her if she wanted to watch a movie with us and I knew her roommate was gone so I went over there and was all, "OK, I've got something I want to get off my chest. We're really wierd with each other right now and I don't want it to be that way anymore. I want ot be able to hang out and talk and go to meals and have it be normal. So things are cool between us now, don't be afraid to stop by or talk to me or anything. OK?" And it was funny, she was like, "Yeah, that's good, it wasn't so much wierd for me with you but it was wierd for me with everyone else and that's why I didn't hang around with you guys." And I was like, "huh? That's not so good." Because I guess because of our situation, all our friends had kind of steered clear of her and been wierd because they knew how she'd hurt me. So that was in one way cool to know they were with me in that sense, and in another way it was awful because, if she wasn't lying, they had been driving her away.
Regardless, I went and straightened things out again so things should be cool now. She IMd me afterward saying thanks for doing that. But of course since everything I do I always do with her feelings in mind anyways. So later on she and her roommate (did I mention her roommate, who's the sweetest girl alive for the most part, did very much the same thing to one of my best friends as this girl did to me? And that, a week and a half ago, another one of my best friends had the same thing done to him? I mean, this is almost the same exact situation with all three of us or at least the same premise. How much does that suck?) came by to go to dinner with us. We say five minutes so we could see the rest of the movie. Five minutes later, they're gone and I spend five more searching for them. We end up going to the dining hall and they were already there, apparently they had said they'd meet us there but no one heard them. But, get this, they're sitting at a four person table with one of her other friends, not exactly room for us to sit with them. That kind of bugged me. I mean, the whole point of me going and talking to her in the first place was because I wanted to hang with her and talk to her because I hadn't in a week and I missed that. But, whatever. I got back from dinner and chatted on IM a little and things seemed cool. I'll make a concerted effort to do something tomorrow and we'll be friendly again.
Oh yeah, this other girl is on this dance team and she took me as her date to a small party they had as a team last night. I work with this girl and she seems to show some degree of interest in me although I'm skeptical because she's way out of my league. She's super nice though and absolutely stunning. That was cool. Later on we went over to west where the real parties were, split up a little, got back together and danced a little bit. Perhaps I was being paranoid, but she didn't seem to be feeling me too much on the dance floor so I pulled out way early. I mean, I really tied it off immediately and kind of lost her for the rest of the night. So I'm not sure how that will go. It's wierd because I know that under any other regular circumstance, I would probably totally go for this girl and really like her, but I'm not really into her like I think I should be because I'm still on the Heartbreaker. Like, seriously, the dance girl could tell me right now that she wanted to be the mother of my children and that she would do anything for me, but if the other girl showed me any grain of interest I would forget everyone else and go after her in a second. I mean, the dance girl is much better looking and as far as I can tell is a nicer person, but I'd still drop her if the other girl would take me back even for night. How weak is that? I've got no will power! Man, girls suck.