The 'Golden Rule' is flawed
The verse "Do to others as you would have them do to you.", the phrase "Treat others as you would wish to be treated." can on the surface seem thoughtful but the truth is, they're flawed.
What one person would find desirable, or would wish others would do for them, isn't always a mutual or universal thing. We all have different experiences in the world, so to work from a platform of 'I want this so I'm going to do exact thing I would like to other people' is already not compatible. This is why we have fights over things as simple as opening doors for another, one person thinks 'this would be nice if someone did this to me' and the other person thinks 'I've had this action used passive aggressively or to strip my autonomy and I don't find this desirable'.
The whole world of dating and romantic and/or sexual exchange is a minefield of disproportionate desires and dislikes. Many men that 'catcall' would be ecstatic if strangers whistled at or made slightly suggestive complements in the open, which is why they feel slighted or don't understand when women don't respond in a way they would have. Not always is the act malicious but comes from a place of 'I would like that so others might too'. In social media and any other social exchange some people are intimidated and sometimes even hurt by certain forms of interaction where as other people love that same interaction. We spend so much time arguing over what one group likes or dislikes in absolutes, rather than recognizing a universal like or dislike or any exchange, behavior, or interaction, is simply not universal.
Which begs the question, what can any one person do then to resolve the disconnect. Well.. ask, for one. I'm still baffled how society works on this setup where you have to just know what people want or what other people are supposed to intend. So many social situations practically discourage asking, and I think that's a huge disservice to mutual understanding. The other step is to, when the situation is appropriate, speak up about things you dislike or dislike either in profiles or as it happens. It really is just another element of both establishing and learning boundaries of others.
What you would want done for you, not everyone would want to have done for themselves, and that's not a failing on you or anyone else, it's simply the way things are. I think the sooner we recognize and accept that, the sooner we can move on to better interactions.
What one person would find desirable, or would wish others would do for them, isn't always a mutual or universal thing. We all have different experiences in the world, so to work from a platform of 'I want this so I'm going to do exact thing I would like to other people' is already not compatible. This is why we have fights over things as simple as opening doors for another, one person thinks 'this would be nice if someone did this to me' and the other person thinks 'I've had this action used passive aggressively or to strip my autonomy and I don't find this desirable'.
The whole world of dating and romantic and/or sexual exchange is a minefield of disproportionate desires and dislikes. Many men that 'catcall' would be ecstatic if strangers whistled at or made slightly suggestive complements in the open, which is why they feel slighted or don't understand when women don't respond in a way they would have. Not always is the act malicious but comes from a place of 'I would like that so others might too'. In social media and any other social exchange some people are intimidated and sometimes even hurt by certain forms of interaction where as other people love that same interaction. We spend so much time arguing over what one group likes or dislikes in absolutes, rather than recognizing a universal like or dislike or any exchange, behavior, or interaction, is simply not universal.
Which begs the question, what can any one person do then to resolve the disconnect. Well.. ask, for one. I'm still baffled how society works on this setup where you have to just know what people want or what other people are supposed to intend. So many social situations practically discourage asking, and I think that's a huge disservice to mutual understanding. The other step is to, when the situation is appropriate, speak up about things you dislike or dislike either in profiles or as it happens. It really is just another element of both establishing and learning boundaries of others.
What you would want done for you, not everyone would want to have done for themselves, and that's not a failing on you or anyone else, it's simply the way things are. I think the sooner we recognize and accept that, the sooner we can move on to better interactions.