Damn Elissa Cousland- Chapter 3
Kallian has several reasons for knowing they are not Alistair’s (and only eight of them are sexual). The first being that she knows that Alistair is not one to wear flowery Orleasian perfume (at least, not since that one time with the feather… but back to the point), the second being that she is familiar with these hands as well considering she has been glaring at them for the better part of the evening. The hands belonged to one Damn Elissa Cousland. At least Kallian was relatively sure they belonged to her, she did not remember Damn Cousland having a Damn Twin (although Alistair would probably enjoy that. Chantry virgin her ass). The two Damn Couslands are very adept at speaking in unison however and as she is duly impressed she decides to listen to both of them (and not pick up her dagger and aim for that oh so very reachable eye).
“Kallian, may I call you Kallian” the damn woman flutters.
“Actua…”
“Of course I can” the Damn Queen takes a shuddering breath and flings herself on a nearby bench taking Kallian with her (she forgot that she had porridge that morning). “I simply must thank you for…for… for murdering that wretched demon Howe”
“Uh, you’re…”
“I would have done it myself but I was unfortunately incapacitated during my daring escape by a cut on my shoulder. I don’t know how I survived, the pain Kallian, you simply can’t imagine the pain.”
“Well actually…”
“But the thing I wanted to ask you the most was this Kallian” and at these words Kallian found herself being hurled forward by the shoulders and staring directly into Damn Elissa Cousland eyes (her face would look so much better with some porridge on it), “did he…suffer?”
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean” Kallian managed to get out (Oh Maker her dagger feels tempting).
“I mean that before you killed him did you cause him the pain he caused me? Did you gouge his eyes out and then feed them to him on a silver platter? Were his screams of anguish heard throughout the land, letting everyone know that the COUSLANDS HAD BEEN AVENGED?!’
“I like to give my foes a quick…”
“You’re probably wondering where I came up with those brilliant ideas of vengeance?” all Kallian could do was nod, “Well, Kallian as we get to know each other better you’ll find that I like to think of vengeance a lot, then I like to cry a little in order to show my vulnerable side.”
“Ok, well about Howe”
“Oh, how could I even think to ask you about this? Of course you tortured Howe until he was nothing but a whimpering puddle on the floor. How could you not?”
“I’m generally not one to torture people” but she thinks she wants to start.
“Kallian, he was such a horrid, horrid man. Do you know that he tried to pawn me off on his son? And not even the handsome one, no; it was the drunk. As if I would ever involve myself with one who overindulged in the horrors of liquor”
“Well in that case Your Da… Majesty, I really should go.”
“Just for that I should have made his son fall in love with me before he went off to the Free Marches. Then when he came back and saw all the horror his father had wrought he would have went and spit on his grave. But he was just so hard. You’ll find, Kallian, that I prefer the softer type. I wonder if I can get Alistair to eat more cheese…”
Damn Elissa Cousland was just a bit too close now and Kallian needed to go and find Alistair and take away all of his cheese and make him train extra hard and Maker’s breath the woman is lying her head on her shoulder.
“Kallian, I just don’t know how I’m going to do it” Her Damn Royal Majesty sobs looking very vulnerable, (she wonders if she practices).
“Do what?” Kallian sighs (she swears to the Maker if glorious, glorious Oghren shows up in the next five minutes she will find a way to give the man a child)
“Maintain this façade. That was Orleasian in case you didn’t know.” The Damn Queen sobs again (damn she likes this dress even if it does make her look fat). “How can I pretend to be happy when I didn’t get the satisfaction of truly fighting for my country because of my debilitating shoulder injury? Hmm, if only there was some way for me to get the satisfaction of a fight without worrying about threatening my life once again.”
“Have you considered…”
She gasps “Oh thank you Kallian, thank you! I knew you’d say yes.”
“Say yes to what?” (Please let her be hallucinating, please let her be unconscious in front of the entire court, please let her be ANYWHERE but here)
“Why, to helping me train of course! Oh Kallian just think of the fun we will have…” (Why oh why does the Maker hate her, she wasn’t selfish she let Alistair marry the stupid hag and she didn’t even insist on having Vaughn’s head on a platter as a gift. Was it because she didn’t help rebuild the Grey Wardens? Was it that time she helped Slim? Was it the threesome? What was it!?) “… and of course we shall have to include Ali in on the fun.”
“Ali…” (Oh Maker no)
“Yes, Alistair. I believe that in order for me to fully get back up to speed I must first watch you and he spar and banter and what not so I can completely understand the passion and exhilaration of battle.”
“Passion. I… uh… don’t know what you mean, there’s no passion between Alis… I mean his majesty and I.” Kallian gulps (no it will all be ruined this is the most she can have of him Maker please)
“Shh…of course there is Kallian. The passion between two partners in battle is a truly unique one, one that I hope you and I will come to share.” The Damn Queen cuddled closer into Kallian’s shoulder “You know Kallian you remind me of an old friend. Iona. But she was ki… no matter.” (Do her eyes look wet?) Damn Elissa Cousland stands up, wiping her hands on her dress; she turns, once again placing her hands on Kallian’s shoulders, “Kallian I do believe you and I are going to become good friends, very good friends”, and with that Damn Elissa Cousland walks away.
Kallian has a sudden urge to take a bath.
After some intense scrubbing in scalding hot water for an hour (servants are fun) there is a knock on the door, and Stupid Face walks in (she really needs to think of another nick name for him).
AN2: So this was the first heavy dialogue chapter I've written. Please feel free to leave comments about it, whether good or bad. Also anyone want to Beta this (am I allowed to ask that on here?)
AN3: I just want to thank all of the people who have been reviewing this story! I'm sorry I haven't been replying to your reviews I'll fix that later. Thank You SO MUCH!!!!!