I Try Not to Breathe
Almost invariably, i wake up in the morning with music in my head, as if an internal soundtrack gets queued up running- I can't say for sure whether my dreams have their own soundtracks or no. The songs vary (usually), tho for some reason utterly unkowable to me, it was R.E.M this time around. Alas, my copy of Automatic for the People in iTunes is corrupted, tho I did find a few alternative covers from bands called Dappled Cities & Narrator. I'd give 'em both an A for effort I guess, tho I can't decide if using sleigh bells is inspired or insipid- sometimes, the jokes on you, je?
So yeah, I'm still on shut down time from work, day three. Road tripping this time around got scrapped in the face of a few work projects bleeding over into my 'me' time (I can't really complain much, given how the reverse has held true before), some unforeseen family disasters (the upstairs AC in the house failed, my mom's scaring hell out of my dad again with her forgetting, and I'm still jumping at shadows over our finances, new job or no), and a general sense of the spring blahs. It's not too helpful too that my allergies are also giving me fits, as we have the windows open and fans blowing all night long, in order to keep the upstairs cool enough to tolerate.
Well. I should say, I did get some road time in: to calm dad down, Beth, the manny, n I drove out to Brennam last night to have dinner with my parents and my great uncle Woodrow, who've I've not seen since forever and is well up past 90 these days, tho still quite hale. The steakhouse Woodrow recommended was closed, so we ended up at a country buffet which had excellent country fried chicken, but there wasn't a veggie in the house that hadn't been boiled or steamed to within an inch of it's nutritional value. dinner was edible and the company was good, tho Dad was still a bit worried: see, Mom, she'd plumb forgotten where the bowls of petunias in the driveway had come from, after dad had brought them home the previous day, and they'd spent a while examining them and talking about where to plant them. She was very happy to see Beth, and she held her tight for much for the night.
Last week, me n R and Beth had driven up to Dallas to spend time with our friends Bill n Jeff; it was a fine visit, with a good viewing of the Dallas aquarium and lots of fine food, but it wasn't until I was buying gas for the trip home that I noticed that my wallet was missing. Usually, it just gets misplaced, but I check the usual places, pick it up n go on with life. But it wasn't on me, it wasn't in the car, and it wasn't back at B & J's, and so it was missing. R had to pay for the gas and then drive us home. Once back home, I searched all of the usual places, and I still had no wallet, which is a Bad Thing, as things go, but I didn't panic just yet. Sure enough, I eventually noticed my wallet was sitting pretty as you please on a mantel in the living room... it just wasn't in the usual places, see?
Mom is very scared of what may become of her; the family history isn't good on her side, as one of her brothers had his brain pickled in a jar once he died, 'cause his case of dementia was just so special. It's not something that she can speak of with me without great effort on both of our parts, but I can't blame her for that, as it's a grim future to face. And still further ahead from here is just how I myself might end up, if the way that I forget things now evolves into something more ominous as I age. For now, I'm not so scared as to how it might be for me, but I worry greatly sometimes, for how it could be for R and for Beth and for other family members who are yet to be, to carry the burden that I may become...
Well, you know, I have to have something to worry about, je?
Beth makes my mother very happy, and she talks about Beth a lot, my dad says, so I'm quite willing to drive for four hours out to a rather seedy diner just to let us all spend some time together. I may not get to have a a nice road trip this time around, but I did get an invite to another one of Ric's camping extravaganzas this weekend, and a few friends I know should be there too. It might even be properly hedonistic this time around; I'll take pictures when I can.
And for me, for now- when I remember, I work at finding a proper place for everything that's in my life at the moment, so that I will know where to look for it once I remember that something's been forgotten. No, it's not a perfect system, but it's worked pretty well for me so far- I find the only trick of it is finding the proper place in the first place.
So yeah, I'm still on shut down time from work, day three. Road tripping this time around got scrapped in the face of a few work projects bleeding over into my 'me' time (I can't really complain much, given how the reverse has held true before), some unforeseen family disasters (the upstairs AC in the house failed, my mom's scaring hell out of my dad again with her forgetting, and I'm still jumping at shadows over our finances, new job or no), and a general sense of the spring blahs. It's not too helpful too that my allergies are also giving me fits, as we have the windows open and fans blowing all night long, in order to keep the upstairs cool enough to tolerate.
Well. I should say, I did get some road time in: to calm dad down, Beth, the manny, n I drove out to Brennam last night to have dinner with my parents and my great uncle Woodrow, who've I've not seen since forever and is well up past 90 these days, tho still quite hale. The steakhouse Woodrow recommended was closed, so we ended up at a country buffet which had excellent country fried chicken, but there wasn't a veggie in the house that hadn't been boiled or steamed to within an inch of it's nutritional value. dinner was edible and the company was good, tho Dad was still a bit worried: see, Mom, she'd plumb forgotten where the bowls of petunias in the driveway had come from, after dad had brought them home the previous day, and they'd spent a while examining them and talking about where to plant them. She was very happy to see Beth, and she held her tight for much for the night.
Last week, me n R and Beth had driven up to Dallas to spend time with our friends Bill n Jeff; it was a fine visit, with a good viewing of the Dallas aquarium and lots of fine food, but it wasn't until I was buying gas for the trip home that I noticed that my wallet was missing. Usually, it just gets misplaced, but I check the usual places, pick it up n go on with life. But it wasn't on me, it wasn't in the car, and it wasn't back at B & J's, and so it was missing. R had to pay for the gas and then drive us home. Once back home, I searched all of the usual places, and I still had no wallet, which is a Bad Thing, as things go, but I didn't panic just yet. Sure enough, I eventually noticed my wallet was sitting pretty as you please on a mantel in the living room... it just wasn't in the usual places, see?
Mom is very scared of what may become of her; the family history isn't good on her side, as one of her brothers had his brain pickled in a jar once he died, 'cause his case of dementia was just so special. It's not something that she can speak of with me without great effort on both of our parts, but I can't blame her for that, as it's a grim future to face. And still further ahead from here is just how I myself might end up, if the way that I forget things now evolves into something more ominous as I age. For now, I'm not so scared as to how it might be for me, but I worry greatly sometimes, for how it could be for R and for Beth and for other family members who are yet to be, to carry the burden that I may become...
Well, you know, I have to have something to worry about, je?
Beth makes my mother very happy, and she talks about Beth a lot, my dad says, so I'm quite willing to drive for four hours out to a rather seedy diner just to let us all spend some time together. I may not get to have a a nice road trip this time around, but I did get an invite to another one of Ric's camping extravaganzas this weekend, and a few friends I know should be there too. It might even be properly hedonistic this time around; I'll take pictures when I can.
And for me, for now- when I remember, I work at finding a proper place for everything that's in my life at the moment, so that I will know where to look for it once I remember that something's been forgotten. No, it's not a perfect system, but it's worked pretty well for me so far- I find the only trick of it is finding the proper place in the first place.