Time out
Life after college has not been what I expected. My core group of friends from college…is scattered all over the Midwest since graduation. My first long-term relationship ended. And though I was accepted into graduate school, employment opportunities to the jobs I want have been closed (note: slammed) in my face. I knew my character needed work, and I was backsliding…but I would fix that in this new phase of life as my career begins. God had a different idea.
Since autumn, I have felt that God led me into a wilderness for some ‘growing time.’ No…that is putting it…too nicely. It has been more of a ‘you cannot handle the life tasks I have for you, so I am calling a time out on your plans and goals for now.’ My expectations for life post-college have been locked out.
I fully endorse this passage from “Every Young Man, God’s Man,” as it describes what I have experienced:
“When you resist change, however, God has other ways to get our character in order, and those usually involve His calling a time-out on your plans. God can forge character by allowing difficulties, delays, or even the consequences of your choices to act as His agents of change. The Bible is filled with examples of His making men uncomfortable so He could teach them something about character. Just ask these guys:
• Joseph was stuck in an Egyptian jail for thirteen years before he became the number two man in Egypt.
• Moses lived in the desert for many years before God asked him to deliver the Israelites.
• David lived like a fugitive and was hunted like an animal before he became the greatest king of Israel.
• Jonah had an “Aha, I got it God” experience inside the stomach of a huge fish.
• Job endured catastrophes and testings.
• Paul was physically blinded by his encounter with Christ.”
It is…humbling…to be told by the God I serve that my character is so messed up right now, that I have to be removed from my interests so I do not endanger future goals. A large source of ongoing struggle is the job I am working. I took it to ‘pay the bills.’ It is NOT what I spent four years at college earning a business degree to do. I go to work…and lack purpose. I see no meaning in the work. I am not growing as a professional. God could make this…more manageable…if I could be told WHY I am working at this job at this moment in life. What I am supposed to learn?? This job is so outside what is ‘acceptable’ to me that there MUST be a reason I am here right now. I want a new job so much…I am looking all the time. Not only to find work where I can be happy…but it would also mean I CAN leave. I learned what God wanted me to, and I can step up to the next phase.
I have my suspicions on these ‘lessons.’ I knew the first few weeks I was confronting an attitude of ‘I have a college degree, this work is demeaning, and I am better than this.’ The humility lesson was learned. A second possible lesson was being interested in people who have lived very different lives than me. Learning the needs of the blue-collar crowd. There are many single moms I work with. Others, for whatever reasons, can only find employment at a third-shift warehouse. Immigrant workers abound too. I would spend lunch breaks by my locker, studying for grad school while eating. One day in November, God prompted a “You know, you should really be eating lunch with the others.” I ignored that for a while…as I always do…placing my learning above friendships.
Though God has called a ‘time out’ as far as normal life, He HAS been allowing the long term plans to creep forward. Late in December, when the overtime hours were racking up and I was growing exhausted, I suspected that all that extra work was needed for the additional money. Yep. This semester of library school I have to pay all on my own. No scholarships, no financial aid. These two classes are all on me. And ironically, Peyton’s is financing my ability to leave my job. :-P A few library positions ARE open, and I have applied, but no word from Fort Wayne and some from Indy.
Right now, I realize I am still not happy. I have not been happy for a long time. If all the trials and growing were a ‘refining fire,’ designed to bring out wrought gold…there is precious little there. My heart feels like a smoldering pile of ash in my chest. But I believe in Proverbs 13:12 (The Message) “Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around.” One good break, one opportunity to instill purpose back into my life, and my cocky confidence will be back. It is difficult, knowing God can hear my cries and nothing changes.
Novel - Star Wars: Secrets of the Jedi part 1 by Jude Watson
A Jedi is never to fall in love…
Grieving for the loss of his friend Tahl, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn has been sent back to the Jedi Temple to recover. But this peace is soon shattered by an urgent mission - a young boy with a knack for technology has intercepted a message that indicates a mass assassination of planetary leaders is about to take place. It is up to Qui-Gon and his apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi, to protect the boy from the bounty hunter assassins…and to foil the deadly plot.
Joining Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan on their mission are the Jedi Master Adi Gallia and her headstrong apprentice, Siri. Obi-Wan and Siri have been sparring friends for a long time. But as the assassins' pursuit tightens, they find their relationship beginning to change in an unexpected direction…
Quotes from Star Wars: Secrets of the Jedi part 1:
"She was scratching patterns in the dirt floor of the cave with a stick. She didn't look up. "One of us should do some reconnaissance," she said. "We don't know what the road is like to Settlement Five, or how many kilometers it is."
"We have the coordinates and a map on our datapad."
"A map is not the territory. You've told me that yourself."
Yes, he had. It was a saying of Qui-Gon's. 'Study the map, but do not trust it. A map is not the territory. Until your boots are on it, do not trust the ground.'
"Yes, that's true. But the settlement isn't far, and the road is well marked. I think we risk more by scouting it out. If our Masters thought we needed to do it, they would have told us. They've traveled the road."
Siri looked up. "Orders for the Jedi are not meant to be literal. Padawans should use their own judgment. That is a Jedi rule, too.""
Arjayen
Since autumn, I have felt that God led me into a wilderness for some ‘growing time.’ No…that is putting it…too nicely. It has been more of a ‘you cannot handle the life tasks I have for you, so I am calling a time out on your plans and goals for now.’ My expectations for life post-college have been locked out.
I fully endorse this passage from “Every Young Man, God’s Man,” as it describes what I have experienced:
“When you resist change, however, God has other ways to get our character in order, and those usually involve His calling a time-out on your plans. God can forge character by allowing difficulties, delays, or even the consequences of your choices to act as His agents of change. The Bible is filled with examples of His making men uncomfortable so He could teach them something about character. Just ask these guys:
• Joseph was stuck in an Egyptian jail for thirteen years before he became the number two man in Egypt.
• Moses lived in the desert for many years before God asked him to deliver the Israelites.
• David lived like a fugitive and was hunted like an animal before he became the greatest king of Israel.
• Jonah had an “Aha, I got it God” experience inside the stomach of a huge fish.
• Job endured catastrophes and testings.
• Paul was physically blinded by his encounter with Christ.”
It is…humbling…to be told by the God I serve that my character is so messed up right now, that I have to be removed from my interests so I do not endanger future goals. A large source of ongoing struggle is the job I am working. I took it to ‘pay the bills.’ It is NOT what I spent four years at college earning a business degree to do. I go to work…and lack purpose. I see no meaning in the work. I am not growing as a professional. God could make this…more manageable…if I could be told WHY I am working at this job at this moment in life. What I am supposed to learn?? This job is so outside what is ‘acceptable’ to me that there MUST be a reason I am here right now. I want a new job so much…I am looking all the time. Not only to find work where I can be happy…but it would also mean I CAN leave. I learned what God wanted me to, and I can step up to the next phase.
I have my suspicions on these ‘lessons.’ I knew the first few weeks I was confronting an attitude of ‘I have a college degree, this work is demeaning, and I am better than this.’ The humility lesson was learned. A second possible lesson was being interested in people who have lived very different lives than me. Learning the needs of the blue-collar crowd. There are many single moms I work with. Others, for whatever reasons, can only find employment at a third-shift warehouse. Immigrant workers abound too. I would spend lunch breaks by my locker, studying for grad school while eating. One day in November, God prompted a “You know, you should really be eating lunch with the others.” I ignored that for a while…as I always do…placing my learning above friendships.
Though God has called a ‘time out’ as far as normal life, He HAS been allowing the long term plans to creep forward. Late in December, when the overtime hours were racking up and I was growing exhausted, I suspected that all that extra work was needed for the additional money. Yep. This semester of library school I have to pay all on my own. No scholarships, no financial aid. These two classes are all on me. And ironically, Peyton’s is financing my ability to leave my job. :-P A few library positions ARE open, and I have applied, but no word from Fort Wayne and some from Indy.
Right now, I realize I am still not happy. I have not been happy for a long time. If all the trials and growing were a ‘refining fire,’ designed to bring out wrought gold…there is precious little there. My heart feels like a smoldering pile of ash in my chest. But I believe in Proverbs 13:12 (The Message) “Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around.” One good break, one opportunity to instill purpose back into my life, and my cocky confidence will be back. It is difficult, knowing God can hear my cries and nothing changes.
Novel - Star Wars: Secrets of the Jedi part 1 by Jude Watson
A Jedi is never to fall in love…
Grieving for the loss of his friend Tahl, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn has been sent back to the Jedi Temple to recover. But this peace is soon shattered by an urgent mission - a young boy with a knack for technology has intercepted a message that indicates a mass assassination of planetary leaders is about to take place. It is up to Qui-Gon and his apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi, to protect the boy from the bounty hunter assassins…and to foil the deadly plot.
Joining Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan on their mission are the Jedi Master Adi Gallia and her headstrong apprentice, Siri. Obi-Wan and Siri have been sparring friends for a long time. But as the assassins' pursuit tightens, they find their relationship beginning to change in an unexpected direction…
Quotes from Star Wars: Secrets of the Jedi part 1:
"She was scratching patterns in the dirt floor of the cave with a stick. She didn't look up. "One of us should do some reconnaissance," she said. "We don't know what the road is like to Settlement Five, or how many kilometers it is."
"We have the coordinates and a map on our datapad."
"A map is not the territory. You've told me that yourself."
Yes, he had. It was a saying of Qui-Gon's. 'Study the map, but do not trust it. A map is not the territory. Until your boots are on it, do not trust the ground.'
"Yes, that's true. But the settlement isn't far, and the road is well marked. I think we risk more by scouting it out. If our Masters thought we needed to do it, they would have told us. They've traveled the road."
Siri looked up. "Orders for the Jedi are not meant to be literal. Padawans should use their own judgment. That is a Jedi rule, too.""
Arjayen