it's all about me
ya know, it really does help to talk to other people w/my condition. i need to remember that people w/bipolar disorder really do understand. especially those that have been living w/it for a while. like, mama ceese......she's been living w/it forever.
tia (my therapist) wants me to write a letter to chris. i told her i'm just not there yet. i wouldn't be able to write to him w/o first exploiting him for the coward that he is. i don't wanna do that. i'm sick of feeling that way about him. i'm sick of being sad b/c of him. i'm sick of being depressed b/c of him. i'm sick of hating him, basically. but i'm too proud at the moment to do anything about it.
at least i know it.
i spend a lot of time not being alone. it's kinda nice. but sometimes i wonder if i wanna be alone just to be alone, or if it's b/c i'm about to crash. when i start to crash, i start to w/draw. i've been feeling o.k. the last few days and i want it to stay. i would like to get through one day.....one fucking day w/o shedding a tear for that worthless piece of shit. now that would be nice.
tia says that only i will know how much time i need. only i will know when i'm ready and what i'm ready to do about it. right now, is not the time. i'm still very confused and not really sure where to start or even if i want to start. i know he doesn't deserve it, but i do. so he can fuck off. it's all about me.
tia (my therapist) wants me to write a letter to chris. i told her i'm just not there yet. i wouldn't be able to write to him w/o first exploiting him for the coward that he is. i don't wanna do that. i'm sick of feeling that way about him. i'm sick of being sad b/c of him. i'm sick of being depressed b/c of him. i'm sick of hating him, basically. but i'm too proud at the moment to do anything about it.
at least i know it.
i spend a lot of time not being alone. it's kinda nice. but sometimes i wonder if i wanna be alone just to be alone, or if it's b/c i'm about to crash. when i start to crash, i start to w/draw. i've been feeling o.k. the last few days and i want it to stay. i would like to get through one day.....one fucking day w/o shedding a tear for that worthless piece of shit. now that would be nice.
tia says that only i will know how much time i need. only i will know when i'm ready and what i'm ready to do about it. right now, is not the time. i'm still very confused and not really sure where to start or even if i want to start. i know he doesn't deserve it, but i do. so he can fuck off. it's all about me.