Happy Birthday UniSFA!
I was talking to conradin and I would like to go to this if anyone else wants to go. I have to admit that I'm not a good drawer, but I like trying and I like this sort of idea. A more socially excepted, less naked, strip tease? I keep getting told about wonderful things in Perth I never knew about. Like jazz at The Llama Bar.
It's dangerously hot in my car at the moment. I'm trying to get as much out of my laptop before the battery dies and I have to move to the shed to plug Morpheus into something. For the moment I'm fine, sweaty, but fine. I didn't bring house keys with me but wireless internet works through walls. Hooray.
Wow, I'm getting light headed. Really light headed. It is pretty hot in here. Opening door (oh God that's cold). I don't think it's helping.
Last night I had an awful episode. A really awful episode. You know when you're reading something and suddenly the idea clicks? Well I had that except with death. I've had a really bad dream about revail dying. I watched as the 'bridge' he was on collapse after he told me to watch for it breaking. I was pretty horrified to see him look back at me and cry out. It was a long way down and I just watched him falling. Knowing that he knew he was going to die and because I was asleep (and about to wake up) I couldn't cry out to him that I loved him because my mind knows I'm not really saying anything because I can't hear it. So anyway this really bad dream has gotten me quite a bit upset of late. I dunno, perhaps I'm a girl, or perhaps I have feelings, or perhaps I'm just a human being who doesn't like death and her mental image of seeing a person she loves wiped off the face of the planet wasn't fun. Or maybe they're all connected, har har har. :/
So, anyway, this is a lead up to the real kick in the nuts girly style, which is *spacebar*
Wait, im_the_end has shown up and he doesn't realise that reaps left the TV on louder then god shouting out how much he hates us across the universe (he hasn't realised yet that space wont let sound travel).
*spacebar* So last night it 'clicked' that I'm going to die and the very absoluteness of that. The horrible feeling that nothingness would be. I can't explain the feeling of course. Grr, I'm just annoyed that (a) I'm so scared and (b) now I'm afraid of thinking about it.
I'm not particularly sure I wanted to post this. I'm hideously embarrassed about it. What makes it worse? I found out yesterday that the red knight had come to stay for the week and this makes me... annoyed. I suppose my problem is that my mood can be so directly influenced by a cycle of my hormones.
Grr, yes I know emotions just are chemicals (putting mind and body problems aside for this. I am, in ways, a materialist). Man, being so strictly materialistic doesn't cut out afterlife things, but they're hugely unlikely or at least very different to any original afterlife idea. I certainly don't weight the idea very heavily, hence the fear I suppose.
I don't know what's worse;
That my... theories I suppose?, that my theories mean that I cannot be eternal, special or that I am in control of who I am [or at least that who I 'am' is either indeterminably or unimportant].
OR
That I have such 'wants' of a theory of life in the first place. Certainly they are just certain attachments to things that have never existed.
Eh, I'm going back to surfing the interwebs. I don't like this entry but I think it should be posted. Even if so I can come and read it later.
It's dangerously hot in my car at the moment. I'm trying to get as much out of my laptop before the battery dies and I have to move to the shed to plug Morpheus into something. For the moment I'm fine, sweaty, but fine. I didn't bring house keys with me but wireless internet works through walls. Hooray.
Wow, I'm getting light headed. Really light headed. It is pretty hot in here. Opening door (oh God that's cold). I don't think it's helping.
Last night I had an awful episode. A really awful episode. You know when you're reading something and suddenly the idea clicks? Well I had that except with death. I've had a really bad dream about revail dying. I watched as the 'bridge' he was on collapse after he told me to watch for it breaking. I was pretty horrified to see him look back at me and cry out. It was a long way down and I just watched him falling. Knowing that he knew he was going to die and because I was asleep (and about to wake up) I couldn't cry out to him that I loved him because my mind knows I'm not really saying anything because I can't hear it. So anyway this really bad dream has gotten me quite a bit upset of late. I dunno, perhaps I'm a girl, or perhaps I have feelings, or perhaps I'm just a human being who doesn't like death and her mental image of seeing a person she loves wiped off the face of the planet wasn't fun. Or maybe they're all connected, har har har. :/
So, anyway, this is a lead up to the real kick in the nuts girly style, which is *spacebar*
Wait, im_the_end has shown up and he doesn't realise that reaps left the TV on louder then god shouting out how much he hates us across the universe (he hasn't realised yet that space wont let sound travel).
*spacebar* So last night it 'clicked' that I'm going to die and the very absoluteness of that. The horrible feeling that nothingness would be. I can't explain the feeling of course. Grr, I'm just annoyed that (a) I'm so scared and (b) now I'm afraid of thinking about it.
I'm not particularly sure I wanted to post this. I'm hideously embarrassed about it. What makes it worse? I found out yesterday that the red knight had come to stay for the week and this makes me... annoyed. I suppose my problem is that my mood can be so directly influenced by a cycle of my hormones.
Grr, yes I know emotions just are chemicals (putting mind and body problems aside for this. I am, in ways, a materialist). Man, being so strictly materialistic doesn't cut out afterlife things, but they're hugely unlikely or at least very different to any original afterlife idea. I certainly don't weight the idea very heavily, hence the fear I suppose.
I don't know what's worse;
That my... theories I suppose?, that my theories mean that I cannot be eternal, special or that I am in control of who I am [or at least that who I 'am' is either indeterminably or unimportant].
OR
That I have such 'wants' of a theory of life in the first place. Certainly they are just certain attachments to things that have never existed.
Eh, I'm going back to surfing the interwebs. I don't like this entry but I think it should be posted. Even if so I can come and read it later.