Aww.
Today would have been Margie's birthday, and Rebecca Smith posted my favorite picture of her....
The one I took and my mom is sitting next to her but I'd cropped my mom out.
It captures her smile, her essence.
I miss her.
Have to admit, with the double mammogram tomorrow, I'm higher on the anxiety scale than what I like admitting.
And ffs, don't Google bone abnormalities, metastatic links pop everywhere and ribs, pelvic, and long leg bones frequent place for mets from breast cancer.
But abnormalities in both breasts? That seems unlikely.
I don't like that I have an in office appointment set to go over results.
He has never done that before.
Decision: do I get the lab report tomorrow and read for myself what the bone scan says, or honor that they didn't upload it after calling me like they normally would.
Would it make me feel better or worse?
I know,. I'll know when I know.
I did think of a different possibility. I just recently had that abscessed tooth and lump in my gum. I apparently have a sinus infection, with no symptoms. What if there's am infection running around -- simple, easy to take antibiotics, done...
Of course, I hate the experience of mammograms and that alone is enough to key me up.
Seeing Margie's picture and feeling anxious inside... Reminds me how much I would want to have gone over there, just basked in her gentleness when I was in a tizzy, how calming that was. Even if we didn't talk about what was going on.
I miss her.
Rebecca had to remind me of the event it was taken at -- the wedding shower for Bonnie, and how it was in the church in Maypearl where Steve Bailey pastored, right next to the house where he and Ronda lived and we were in the sanctuary and Randy's family -- younger then -- was laughing and having such a fun time and my grandmother was freaked out because it was a church, and eventually said what would the pastor think and I pointed to Steve, who was literally rolling on the floor he was laughing so hard, and told her to go ask him.
Her view of Christians changed forever at that point, haha.
I know, I need to settle down inside. Randy is worried too, Im pretty sure.
I should have an indication tomorrow -- they keep you and do an ultrasound if they don't like the mammogram. Not sure in 100% of suspicious cases, but if so, if there's no ultrasound, that should be a good sign.
How many times have I had a weird test result and then follow up turned out to be nothing.
And I feel healthy. Sure back pain and the TN is brutal, but that's not unhealthy.
Do need to lose weight to stay that way, though. Off the Lyrica, I've lost 7 lbs in 5 days -- but how long I can take the pain, I'm not sure.
Well, is going to be a long week, for sure.
The one I took and my mom is sitting next to her but I'd cropped my mom out.
It captures her smile, her essence.
I miss her.
Have to admit, with the double mammogram tomorrow, I'm higher on the anxiety scale than what I like admitting.
And ffs, don't Google bone abnormalities, metastatic links pop everywhere and ribs, pelvic, and long leg bones frequent place for mets from breast cancer.
But abnormalities in both breasts? That seems unlikely.
I don't like that I have an in office appointment set to go over results.
He has never done that before.
Decision: do I get the lab report tomorrow and read for myself what the bone scan says, or honor that they didn't upload it after calling me like they normally would.
Would it make me feel better or worse?
I know,. I'll know when I know.
I did think of a different possibility. I just recently had that abscessed tooth and lump in my gum. I apparently have a sinus infection, with no symptoms. What if there's am infection running around -- simple, easy to take antibiotics, done...
Of course, I hate the experience of mammograms and that alone is enough to key me up.
Seeing Margie's picture and feeling anxious inside... Reminds me how much I would want to have gone over there, just basked in her gentleness when I was in a tizzy, how calming that was. Even if we didn't talk about what was going on.
I miss her.
Rebecca had to remind me of the event it was taken at -- the wedding shower for Bonnie, and how it was in the church in Maypearl where Steve Bailey pastored, right next to the house where he and Ronda lived and we were in the sanctuary and Randy's family -- younger then -- was laughing and having such a fun time and my grandmother was freaked out because it was a church, and eventually said what would the pastor think and I pointed to Steve, who was literally rolling on the floor he was laughing so hard, and told her to go ask him.
Her view of Christians changed forever at that point, haha.
I know, I need to settle down inside. Randy is worried too, Im pretty sure.
I should have an indication tomorrow -- they keep you and do an ultrasound if they don't like the mammogram. Not sure in 100% of suspicious cases, but if so, if there's no ultrasound, that should be a good sign.
How many times have I had a weird test result and then follow up turned out to be nothing.
And I feel healthy. Sure back pain and the TN is brutal, but that's not unhealthy.
Do need to lose weight to stay that way, though. Off the Lyrica, I've lost 7 lbs in 5 days -- but how long I can take the pain, I'm not sure.
Well, is going to be a long week, for sure.