confused little girl with........?
this seems to be my motto lately. or maybe my whole life. am i selfish? a shitty person? how can i live 2 separate lives? be two places at once? be two people but the same person? i am at a crossroads that i have never been to before. it is serious this time. people will be hurt, including me. no matter what. is it my destiny to fail? i feel the fingers of my depression creeping back in. i feel the knife. the way i want to... the way it feels so real and connects me to my disconnect. am i so transparent? so unfaithful? so unguarded? no one know who i am. no one really knows. i don't think so. i am changing, evolving. becoming what i want or what i despise? i used to be able to spell. but it seems these days my brain just doesn't work the same. i want to drink. need to. alcoholism could be my cure. then there would be a known reason to leave. alone. sometimes i know i will always be there. alone. is that why i surround myself with unfeeling people who i know i will never allow myself to get close enough to. to be faithful. this word means nothing. what is it's true definition? i did not come here for this. i came to become another person again. to write a new story that is me but isn't. how did you find me? or did i find you? i am unreligious and worsened.