I am So Angry at Traffic Today!
Item 1: I was putting on make-up this morning and looked in the mirror when I put on too much red lipstick and said, "great, not I look Stephanie Meyer." So I tried to wipe some off only to streak it all over my face. "Great," I said. "Now I look like vampire." This coincidence struck me as very funny, but made me wonder, "If I continue to ruin my make-up, will I begin to look like J.K. Rowling, a werewolf, or an undead?" I really just could not map the trajectory of my disaster. Needless to say I proceeded with caution.
Item 2. Traffic. So I only have an 18 minute commute to work. Because that's how I roll. (It's actually part of the reason I keep this horrible job.) today I got up early, got dressed and did my hair, spent some legitimate time putting on my make-up (see Item 1), and ate breakfast at home, feeling unharried and generally more awesome than usual. I left for work on time. I arrived 20 minutes late, which will come off my paycheck, because somebody, somewhere in Northern Virginia, elected to roll their vehicle this morning.
THIS IS NOT HOW HUMAN BEINGS WERE MEANT TO LIVE!! WE ARE ANIMALS, NOT MACHINES! Allow me to demonstrate:
How man was designed to function:
Pictured: Man. Surviving.
Not:
Pictured: Man sucidally malcontent at the horrible existence into which he has been boxed. (Or, me, this morning, in traffic)
Once again, that's society as it ought to be:
Northern Virginia:
See the difference?
Item 3. Also there's like straight-up nothing to do and I am filled with ennui. Or just plain, non-sexual-or-creative, regular bored. Either way, The solution is clearly a katana and some werewolves or something.
Item 2. Traffic. So I only have an 18 minute commute to work. Because that's how I roll. (It's actually part of the reason I keep this horrible job.) today I got up early, got dressed and did my hair, spent some legitimate time putting on my make-up (see Item 1), and ate breakfast at home, feeling unharried and generally more awesome than usual. I left for work on time. I arrived 20 minutes late, which will come off my paycheck, because somebody, somewhere in Northern Virginia, elected to roll their vehicle this morning.
THIS IS NOT HOW HUMAN BEINGS WERE MEANT TO LIVE!! WE ARE ANIMALS, NOT MACHINES! Allow me to demonstrate:
How man was designed to function:
Pictured: Man. Surviving.
Not:
Pictured: Man sucidally malcontent at the horrible existence into which he has been boxed. (Or, me, this morning, in traffic)
Once again, that's society as it ought to be:
Northern Virginia:
See the difference?
Item 3. Also there's like straight-up nothing to do and I am filled with ennui. Or just plain, non-sexual-or-creative, regular bored. Either way, The solution is clearly a katana and some werewolves or something.