should I stay or go?
Matt has this crazy affect on me.... one moment I know that Matt and I should not see each other anymore because we are just torturing ourselves by the inevitable distance and Matt's demanding job which prevents him from being the type of boyfriend I want and deserve.. But at the same time it is TORTURE to know that Matt is back at the coast and I
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It's always better to regret something you did that something you didn't do. I don't know Matt's take on all of this - I've only seen what you've written in your LJ - but regardless of how busy he is, or how much he travels, if he's the right one for you then nothing else really matters. It doesn't matter what "type" of boyfriend he can be, what matters is the connection the two of you have. Seeing him regularly, even for short periods, is better than not seeing him at all isn't it? Also, it's not exactly the same as long distance if you do live in SLO and he travels a lot. When he's home, you don't have to drive for hours to see him, and it will feel different knowing that even though he's away, he isn't home. Does that make sense? You'll be home, not where he is at the time.
I know it's a lot for someone you've known for a short time, but the fact that you're STILL tempted to move close to him says to me that you're either really in love with him or fooling yourself into thinking so. The only way you'll be able to find out is by giving it a shot. He may be busy, but that won't matter if you are really right for each other. He will find time.
When it's right, it's right. You can't resist it. If it's not, then you've got to find a way to be honest with yourself and admit it. And a lot of times what you think is right at first ends up not being it. But the reasons I see aren't good enough to give up on this one yet.
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Matt isn't the right one for me, at least not the way he lives his life. I am greedy and selfish with someones time, and Matt can't make me the priority in his life that I want. I could compromise, but its just going to leave me unsatisfied and bitter, because I will want more than Matt can give. I will not settle for something less than everything when it comes to a relationship.
Does that make me selfish? Yes, but i deserve better.
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And if it's that comical, then I won't volunteer any more advice.
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