[Gundam 00] The Subtle Grace of Gravity (Arc 8)
Title: The Subtle Grace of Gravity
→ Arc 1: Waking
→ Arc 2: Return
→ Arc 3: Learning
→ Arc 4: Surprise
→ Arc 5: Intimacy
→ Arc 6: Sentiment
→ Arc 7: Changes
→ Arc 8: Damage
Fandom: Gundam 00
Characters/Pairing: Lockon (Neil)/Tieria.
Rating: NC-17.
Wordcount: 4,180 (eighth part)
Notes: Part eight of nine. More girlparts!Tieria. This is pretty much the emotional climax of the story, so enjoy.
Summary: Lockon returns to the moonbase and Tieria is waiting for him, but a romantic reunion does not go entirely as planned.
Lockon did not bother scheduling a trip to Azadistan this time. He'd received word from a pair called Shirin Bakhtiar and Klaus Grad, briefly home in Azadistan from what were apparently important political travels, that Lyle had finally suggested they meet him--or rather, that he meet them. That didn't seem like a good idea. As a matter of fact, he met only briefly with Allelujah and Marie in Kazakhstan as well. There was a reason for this, though.
"Lockon," Allelujah had told him as he made his way out of the Menae and started across the clearing towards them. "Marie suggested something I think would make things easier."
Marie clasped Allelujah's hand, and reached out to take Lockon's. "We'd like to start calling you by your real name."
She smiled at him, and he had the sense that somehow, even though she barely knew him, she knew a little of what that would have meant. She was trying to help. But although he couldn't have told her why, he couldn't let her help that way.
"That sounds like a good idea," he said; it would be disrespectful to their relationship, their apparent friendship with his brother to deny them this.
But he quietly revised his plans and cut short his time with them.
He spent a couple of weeks not truly on vacation, but actually checking old Celestial Being safe houses to see how many were still in operation and could potentially be used as terrestrial points of contact for the lunar complex. At each one, he reported his findings to Tieria, and Tieria was almost alarmingly grateful to hear from him.
The rest of his time, that which really was free to him, he spent at home, as usual. It would have been wonderful to see his town, his city, his country looking brighter than ever in the aftermath of Celestial Being's fight, but something was missing.
There's no place for you to return to, a distant awareness murmured at the back of his mind. You need to make yourself a new place instead. Can you even do that?
Fortunately, he was able to ignore that thought. Knowing that he had Tieria to return to back up on the moon, it was easy for now.
* * *
It should have been easier to wait for Lockon's return this time--he was gone for only a little over three weeks. Instead, Tieria found that it was harder. He didn't question that too much, though; he'd long since learned that "should have" played little role in how he felt about Lockon. Now, he only struggled to deal with the loneliness and the worry. Mercifully, his work in Veda provided a respite, and Lockon opened communications with him often.
Nevertheless, when the time came for Lockon's Menae to return to the lunar complex's hangar (now cleared of debris, and perfectly suitable for Lockon to land in), Tieria found he was shaking a little. He checked and rechecked the commands he'd given the docking mechanisms, and he checked all that against the trajectory of the Menae and how it interacted with the Menae's stealth fields. Then he reviewed all of that again. In the end, after he'd done it three times in three minutes from within Veda, he felt it was enough. He felt warm even though temperature was nonexistent within this digital landscape. He watched the Menae dock, and satisfaction came to him, as pure as anything else he'd experienced so far with Lockon. He'd helped protect Lockon in a potentially dangerous situation (after all, the moonbase's transportation protocols were not yet entirely intact), and because of that help, Lockon was safe once more. It was all he had ever wanted.
I don't understand you anymore, came the murmured thought from Regene. Is this what you believe you're meant to do?
"Yes," Tieria said as he prepared to funnel himself back into his body. Suddenly he wanted to be at Lockon's physical location as soon as possible. "I will protect him, as I protect all of humanity. But he is special."
Your human emotions and beliefs are so--
Tieria did not hear just what Regene thought of his human emotions and beliefs. He had downloaded himself into his body again and was on his way to meet Lockon.
* * *
He had almost reached the common area before Lockon saw Tieria racing toward him. In all fairness, it wouldn't have been "racing" in anyone else. He wasn't running; that probably hadn't even occurred to him. Even after all this time in some human body or another, he still used his tentatively and lightly (like someone made out in space would) unless in dire situations. It was one of the things that made him--
Cute?
We'll go with "interesting," Lockon thought.
Tieria moved down the hall in long strides, both feet leaving the ground each time he stepped forward. Lockon smiled. Tieria made the awkwardness of the moon's low gravity look graceful, even if he'd never understand why.
Well, there was only one thing to do now, in a situation like this. Lockon tossed his traveler's bag to the floor, vaulted over the back of a sofa, and completely ruined the grace of Tieria's latest stride by catching him in midair and bearing them both against a wall. "Yo," he said, grinning.
"There was no need for you to do that," Tieria said. He was flushed now, maybe with the effort of his near-run to greet Lockon, maybe simply because Lockon was nearby. Lockon still didn't really get how his mere presence could send Tieria into a blush like that sometimes, but he was long past minding. He'd admit this much to himself: that was cute.
"It was fun," Lockon said. "I'm sure you've learned about that by now. I got the chance to talk with Mileina Vashti while I was on the Ptolemy--if she didn't teach you a few things about fun, something's really wrong."
"You could have been hurt," Tieria said, looking up at him earnestly now.
"But I wasn't," Lockon said, and he felt Tieria relax. There wasn't much that was different after all: Tieria was still intent on protecting him, and Tieria was still awkward. Maybe they were both a little awkward. Lockon took comfort in that. Too much else had changed, but he could still guide Tieria, even if there was a more physical component to their relationship now (and something else, but Lockon was pretty good at not dwelling on that).
"I've made sure your quarters are still in proper shape for you," Tieria said. "For us."
Coming from anyone else, that would have been an invitation. Lockon wondered briefly if he should mention that and tease Tieria about it. He decided against it; he knew full well it was just Tieria imparting information to him, quite innocently. There were plenty of other things he could be teased about, anyway. "I hope you didn't spend too much time on that," he said, giving Tieria's shoulder a squeeze. "You're a busy computer consciousness, not a cleaning service."
"Of course not. I--" Tieria stopped. Then he smiled a little. "Lockon, you're teasing me."
"It still takes you a bit to catch on," Lockon said, "but you're getting faster."
There was something Tieria had been meaning to say since he'd met Lockon here, and suddenly, Lockon realized it was about to be said. He knew what it was.
"Lockon..." Tieria leaned his head on Lockon's shoulder. "Even though it was little more than three weeks, I missed you very much."
Lockon had been right about what it was. But somehow the way Tieria said it was unexpected. There was so much softness in his voice, and the look on his face was so peaceful and content. "That's normal," he said. "Since you like being with me. I'm back for a while now."
"Good," Tieria said. He hesitated for a moment, then slipped his arms around Lockon's back and pressed himself tightly against Lockon's body. He gave a little shiver as he aligned his cheek with Lockon's pulse. "I don't want to be parted from you again."
"You did fine for five years without me," Lockon said. It was more than a bit alarming when Tieria got like this.
"In those years, it hurt too often," Tieria said. "With all we've done, it would hurt more if I were to lose you again."
This had been what Lockon was afraid of. He was encouraging Tieria's dependence at a time when Tieria should have broken free from it. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to push Tieria away. Instead, he just said, "Tieria, this isn't healthy."
Tieria smiled a little. "I'm fully aware. However, I'm not very concerned." He paused, then pointed out, "You like it."
Lockon opened his mouth to object, but Tieria clearly misread his intentions, because instead of letting him speak, he kissed Lockon. That was when Lockon realized he'd been getting hard ever since Tieria had pressed against him so intently, and more when Tieria had spoken to him in that yearning tone of voice. He let the kiss play out instead of breaking it for Tieria's own good. Then he said, "I shouldn't. But we've all got our issues."
"Yours don't bother me," Tieria said. "Should we return to your quarters and have sex?"
Lockon answered with a kiss, and once again, it surprised him how much he responded.
* * *
They stumbled all the way back to Lockon's quarters, because they kissed all the way there, as well. Tieria thought it was an impractical method of traveling at any time, but his research had shown that sometimes, that was how the prelude to sex took place, so he didn't object. In any case, as inefficient as it was, it still felt wonderful.
"You're acting a little rushed," Lockon said as they tumbled into his room. "Want to stop and take off our clothes sensibly?"
"The alternative would--" Tieria frowned a little. "Tearing off each other's clothes in a fit of passion. I see. I don't object to that, but take care not to damage the outfits." The truth was, he quite wanted to try it. He demonstrated this by shoving Lockon's vest off of him and fumbling eagerly at the catch of his pants.
Lockon's breath quickened against Tieria's cheek, and for a moment, Tieria slowed; the feel of Lockon breathing against him was so amazing. Then Lockon was pulling off Tieria's jacket and unzipping his shirt and Tieria couldn't think anymore. All he could do was pull frantically at Lockon's pants and kiss his neck and jaw and mouth. Protecting Lockon was the most satisfying thing he could do for him, it was true, but somehow this threw him into more of a frenzy, and for all that he normally preferred to be in control of himself, with Lockon he didn't mind.
Then his own pants were off, then his underwear, and both he and Lockon were breathing fast now as Lockon pinned him lightly to the bed. Somehow, in just a few minutes, they'd both managed to shed all their clothes in this utterly disorganized fashion--except for three things. Tieria still had his glasses on, and Lockon still wore his gloves and his eyepatch.
Lockon reached out to pluck Tieria's glasses from his face and lay them carefully next to the bed. As he drew his hand back to touch Tieria's face, Tieria grabbed his wrist, stopping him. "Wait, Lockon," he said. "There's one other thing."
"What's that?" The sight of Lockon stretched out over him, naked and ready, almost made Tieria forget what it was.
But then he remembered. "Your gloves," he said. "I'd like to do this without them, this time."
"Do you need me to do a better job with my hands?" Lockon asked.
"It's not that," Tieria said. "What you do, with your hands and all the rest of your body, is always enough." He hesitated. "I'd simply like to feel you everywhere."
Lockon gazed down at him for what seemed like such a long time. Tieria could tell less than ever what was going through his head. Finally, he leaned down to kiss Tieria's forehead, just above the bridge of his nose. Tieria felt Lockon's hardness brush against his thighs as he leaned like that, and he bit back a moan.
"All right," Lockon said. "It's only fair." With an oddly rueful smile, he pulled his gloves off and left them on the nightstand next to Tieria's glasses.
Tieria reached up to try to catch Lockon's hands in his own, but Lockon moved too fast, and before Tieria could say or do anything, Lockon's hands were pressed around his chin. They were so warm, and somehow barely scarred at all. He couldn't stop himself from sighing at the sensation. He was still in mid-exhale when Lockon slid into him.
This sensation elicited an outright cry from Tieria. It was so strange and so right all at once, and it had been since the very first time. The way his own opening, slick and ready, parted to let Lockon fill it so perfectly: Tieria couldn't help but love it even if such things had never been part of what he was originally intended to do.
Lockon kissed him slowly, running his newly-bare hands through Tieria's hair. "Hey, Tieria," he said. His chest and stomach moved slightly against Tieria's body as he spoke, and Tieria absorbed himself in the feeling so much he almost missed Lockon's words. "You're not trying to stop yourself, are you? From making noises like that."
"A little," Tieria said. "It seems improper. You're mostly quiet during sex, except when you need to say--ahh." Lockon had thrust into him, gently but still enough to make Tieria's mind freeze up for a second. He reoriented himself. "Except when you need to say something. I thought it might disrupt your concentration."
Lockon was kissing him again, this time all over his face, leaving warm wet marks when he pulled his mouth away. "Don't worry about it. It feels good and it sounds good. Just enjoy yourself."
Tieria found himself arching up a little against Lockon, trembling as his body lifted easily from the bed. Neither of them weighed much here, but Lockon still felt heavy on him and inside him in such a good way. "Then I don't need to restrain myself."
"No," Lockon said, nuzzling against his cheek. "That's part of the point, Tieria. Let go and do what feels good."
"All right," Tieria said, but his voice was a whisper. He wasn't sure what would feel good; in this state, everything did. After a moment's thought, he lifted his spread legs and twined them tightly around the firm line of Lockon's legs settled between them. It felt like a good idea, to surround and hold Lockon as thoroughly as he could. He tightened himself around Lockon within him, and Lockon gasped just a little. Tieria reciprocated with a glad little moan of his own.
"That's good," Lockon whispered. His hands slid to Tieria's shoulders, then off them to settle to either side of him. "You can keep making those noises."
Tieria moved his own hands until they were settled around Lockon's, then held on tightly. He was holding Lockon in more ways than one. He liked that. "Do you like it when I do?"
Lockon thrust into him again. "Yeah. Yeah, I do." And another thrust--
"Lockon! Aah. Do you like it when I say your name like that?" Tieria was having trouble remembering what he was supposed to do now; all he could feel was Lockon moving.
"Yeah." Lockon's hair was brushing against Tieria's face now, just a little damp with sweat, and a tiny part of Tieria noted that Lockon wasn't as carefully controlled as he might usually be. The rest of Tieria was too entranced by him to care. "Yeah. I like that a lot."
Another stroke inside Tieria. With another cry, he tightened his grip on Lockon's hands and pressed himself ever more tightly against his body. Lockon began to rub against him as well as thrust, and in seconds, Tieria was coming, as that inconvenient word went. He gave up his control, because Lockon had said it was all right for him to do so, and moaned helplessly.
Lockon slowed for a few moments, giving Tieria time to recuperate, kissing him in the meanwhile. He started to lift a hand to stroke him, but Tieria was holding it too tightly, so Lockon gave up and just rubbed his cheek against Tieria's. Then he began to thrust again.
This time Tieria couldn't restrain himself at all. He clutched more tightly at Lockon's hands and pressed up against him, hard. Lockon outright shuddered at that, and soon he was moving faster inside Tieria, and Tieria was at another climax, and in the midst of that he felt Lockon gasp a little and relax against him--
Tieria sighed and sank down into the bed, happy that Lockon had reached his own climax too. He felt Lockon pull out of and roll off him, but he didn't care just yet; he still felt warm. It was only a minute later, when he turned to cuddle against Lockon and found no one there in the bed with him, that he realized something was wrong.
He blinked and sat up, forcing himself to come fully to his senses. Lockon wasn't lying next to him; he was sitting at the edge of the bed, staring down at his hands as he turned them over and over. Tieria gave him a puzzled stare. He had that blank look on his face, the one Tieria had tried to avoid seeing since the first time he'd caught Lockon with it. "Lockon...? What's--"
He was going to ask, What's wrong, but then he saw it. Scratched into the back of Lockon's hands were bright red marks, some half-moons and others shallow gouges, where Tieria had dug his fingers in. A few of them were actually bleeding.
Tieria stiffened at the sight. His vision blurred a little (with tears or simply with emotion, he wasn't sure), and those marks on Lockon's hands seemed to melt together with the rest of his scars. All of them Tieria's fault. None of them would be there if he'd been more careful, some time or another.
Lockon caught him as he was about to crumple. "Don't worry about it, Tieria," he said, smiling in his most reassuring manner.
"But I was the one who told you to take off your gloves," Tieria said. "And I know you wear them to protect your hands, so--"
"I wore them to protect my hands for pulling the trigger," he said. "But I don't need to do that any longer. So it's all right." He stood up. "I'm going to go and wash up, though. There's no sense bleeding on things, even if I'm only bleeding a little bit."
Tieria could only watch him go, his throat suddenly too tight to let him speak. He had more to say to Lockon, he knew. But for now, he would ensure his fingernails were filed down better. He could not risk hurting Lockon again, even if it was only a little bit.
* * *
There was a problem with the bathroom in Lockon's quarters. It was simple enough: there was a mirror in front of the faucets.
Lockon had never been bothered by this before. He'd grown used to seeing the scars on himself. None of them really mattered. They seemed natural, even. Outward proof that he was just as damaged as he knew he was inside. Of course, he couldn't say a thing like that to Tieria, who would never understand. Certainly he couldn't say it to Setsuna, who now would, or worse yet, to Lyle, who just might.
But right now, it wasn't pleasant to see himself looking so broken. He'd taken his eyepatch off as soon as Tieria couldn't see him anymore, and now when he looked in the mirror, all he could see was that network of scarring where his right eye once was, like something that had shattered. He barely paid attention to washing off the faint stinging scratches on the back of his hands.
What he'd said had been true. There was no reason for him to worry about his hands anymore. His ability as a sniper was already permanently impaired. It wasn't just the missing eye, either. He hid it well from Tieria and any others who might worry about him (although in the case of Tieria, he doubted he'd have been able to hide it without the low gravity to lessen the effects), but the truth was there was only so much that the lunar complex's superb healing centers could fix. Where he'd been burned, his body was stiffer than where it had been before he'd woken up to find himself here. Often, he woke up with once-crushed ribs aching fiercely.
Right now, and for as long as he could imagine, Lockon--whether he called himself Neil Dylandy or Lockon Stratos--was no good for protecting anyone. It was pointless to worry about his hands at a time like this. He couldn't snipe; he definitely couldn't fight in any other way.
And the only other thing he'd lived for was his vengeance. That had already been taken--he'd thought, when he was dying, by himself, but in the end it had been by the last person who should have done it. He'd meant to shelter Lyle from such things, but now his brother had as much blood on his hands as he did himself--and he was alone. It wasn't right. Nothing in this world was right to him, and that proved, as it had six years ago, that he had no business being here. He could not change where the others had, and what purpose did he serve like this?
Old anger and despair threatened to uncoil within him from their safe spot at the center of his heart. If he wasn't careful, he'd do something stupid and pointless like punching the mirror, just to make it stop. He knew better than that. Lockon had always known how to properly compartmentalize the rage and grief when he'd fought with Celestial Being. He'd just have to find new ways of doing it now. Turning his thoughts firmly back to the present as much as he ever could, he turned off the water and started to look back down at his hands.
That was when movement in the mirror caught his attention, and he turned to see Tieria approaching. He was still mostly naked, but not quite comfortable with that yet, he'd thrown the jacket of his uniform back on. Normally, that would have made Lockon grin, but now, he could barely muster up a flicker of a smile. "Tieria?"
"Lockon," Tieria said. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine," Lockon said. "You really didn't hurt me. They're barely scratches." It was true; they were nothing compared to all the damage that had already been done to him by his own inevitable choices. They were just a reminder he hadn't wanted.
"You wouldn't wear those gloves," Tieria said, "if the slightest injury to your hands didn't bother you."
"It's like I told you," Lockon said. "I only kept my hands safe like that for pulling the trigger as a sniper. That's not something I'm much good for anymore."
Tieria frowned. "It isn't like that."
"Huh?"
And here, suddenly, Tieria stepped forward and held out his hands. "May I?" he asked. "I'll be much more careful this time."
Too bemused to do anything else, Lockon put his still-wet hands in Tieria's. "I trust you," he said.
Tieria blinked, startled. "You--" He swallowed hard. Somehow, the words had affected him more than Lockon had realized they would. He couldn't dwell on that, though, because Tieria was continuing to speak. "Lockon, it doesn't matter what your hands are for, or why you guard them so carefully. They are yours, and they are as important as the rest of you. And the rest of you is very important to me."
Now Lockon was the one to blink.
"It doesn't matter whether you can snipe or not," Tieria said. "You're still Lockon Stratos to me, and you will always be special. I will always be glad you are here. Not only here with me, but here in this world."
Lockon fumbled for words. "Tieria, you shouldn't..." He couldn't come up with a reason Tieria shouldn't feel that way. All his objections seemed meaningless in the face of that kind of devotion.
"I should," Tieria said. "And there's one more thing I should do."
Lockon almost, almost said, You should stop all this and have some sense, but the look in Tieria's eyes stopped him.
"Thank you, Lockon Stratos," Tieria said. "For everything you have done for me, thank you."
There was nothing at all Lockon could say to that.
→ Arc 1: Waking
→ Arc 2: Return
→ Arc 3: Learning
→ Arc 4: Surprise
→ Arc 5: Intimacy
→ Arc 6: Sentiment
→ Arc 7: Changes
→ Arc 8: Damage
Fandom: Gundam 00
Characters/Pairing: Lockon (Neil)/Tieria.
Rating: NC-17.
Wordcount: 4,180 (eighth part)
Notes: Part eight of nine. More girlparts!Tieria. This is pretty much the emotional climax of the story, so enjoy.
Summary: Lockon returns to the moonbase and Tieria is waiting for him, but a romantic reunion does not go entirely as planned.
Lockon did not bother scheduling a trip to Azadistan this time. He'd received word from a pair called Shirin Bakhtiar and Klaus Grad, briefly home in Azadistan from what were apparently important political travels, that Lyle had finally suggested they meet him--or rather, that he meet them. That didn't seem like a good idea. As a matter of fact, he met only briefly with Allelujah and Marie in Kazakhstan as well. There was a reason for this, though.
"Lockon," Allelujah had told him as he made his way out of the Menae and started across the clearing towards them. "Marie suggested something I think would make things easier."
Marie clasped Allelujah's hand, and reached out to take Lockon's. "We'd like to start calling you by your real name."
She smiled at him, and he had the sense that somehow, even though she barely knew him, she knew a little of what that would have meant. She was trying to help. But although he couldn't have told her why, he couldn't let her help that way.
"That sounds like a good idea," he said; it would be disrespectful to their relationship, their apparent friendship with his brother to deny them this.
But he quietly revised his plans and cut short his time with them.
He spent a couple of weeks not truly on vacation, but actually checking old Celestial Being safe houses to see how many were still in operation and could potentially be used as terrestrial points of contact for the lunar complex. At each one, he reported his findings to Tieria, and Tieria was almost alarmingly grateful to hear from him.
The rest of his time, that which really was free to him, he spent at home, as usual. It would have been wonderful to see his town, his city, his country looking brighter than ever in the aftermath of Celestial Being's fight, but something was missing.
There's no place for you to return to, a distant awareness murmured at the back of his mind. You need to make yourself a new place instead. Can you even do that?
Fortunately, he was able to ignore that thought. Knowing that he had Tieria to return to back up on the moon, it was easy for now.
* * *
It should have been easier to wait for Lockon's return this time--he was gone for only a little over three weeks. Instead, Tieria found that it was harder. He didn't question that too much, though; he'd long since learned that "should have" played little role in how he felt about Lockon. Now, he only struggled to deal with the loneliness and the worry. Mercifully, his work in Veda provided a respite, and Lockon opened communications with him often.
Nevertheless, when the time came for Lockon's Menae to return to the lunar complex's hangar (now cleared of debris, and perfectly suitable for Lockon to land in), Tieria found he was shaking a little. He checked and rechecked the commands he'd given the docking mechanisms, and he checked all that against the trajectory of the Menae and how it interacted with the Menae's stealth fields. Then he reviewed all of that again. In the end, after he'd done it three times in three minutes from within Veda, he felt it was enough. He felt warm even though temperature was nonexistent within this digital landscape. He watched the Menae dock, and satisfaction came to him, as pure as anything else he'd experienced so far with Lockon. He'd helped protect Lockon in a potentially dangerous situation (after all, the moonbase's transportation protocols were not yet entirely intact), and because of that help, Lockon was safe once more. It was all he had ever wanted.
I don't understand you anymore, came the murmured thought from Regene. Is this what you believe you're meant to do?
"Yes," Tieria said as he prepared to funnel himself back into his body. Suddenly he wanted to be at Lockon's physical location as soon as possible. "I will protect him, as I protect all of humanity. But he is special."
Your human emotions and beliefs are so--
Tieria did not hear just what Regene thought of his human emotions and beliefs. He had downloaded himself into his body again and was on his way to meet Lockon.
* * *
He had almost reached the common area before Lockon saw Tieria racing toward him. In all fairness, it wouldn't have been "racing" in anyone else. He wasn't running; that probably hadn't even occurred to him. Even after all this time in some human body or another, he still used his tentatively and lightly (like someone made out in space would) unless in dire situations. It was one of the things that made him--
Cute?
We'll go with "interesting," Lockon thought.
Tieria moved down the hall in long strides, both feet leaving the ground each time he stepped forward. Lockon smiled. Tieria made the awkwardness of the moon's low gravity look graceful, even if he'd never understand why.
Well, there was only one thing to do now, in a situation like this. Lockon tossed his traveler's bag to the floor, vaulted over the back of a sofa, and completely ruined the grace of Tieria's latest stride by catching him in midair and bearing them both against a wall. "Yo," he said, grinning.
"There was no need for you to do that," Tieria said. He was flushed now, maybe with the effort of his near-run to greet Lockon, maybe simply because Lockon was nearby. Lockon still didn't really get how his mere presence could send Tieria into a blush like that sometimes, but he was long past minding. He'd admit this much to himself: that was cute.
"It was fun," Lockon said. "I'm sure you've learned about that by now. I got the chance to talk with Mileina Vashti while I was on the Ptolemy--if she didn't teach you a few things about fun, something's really wrong."
"You could have been hurt," Tieria said, looking up at him earnestly now.
"But I wasn't," Lockon said, and he felt Tieria relax. There wasn't much that was different after all: Tieria was still intent on protecting him, and Tieria was still awkward. Maybe they were both a little awkward. Lockon took comfort in that. Too much else had changed, but he could still guide Tieria, even if there was a more physical component to their relationship now (and something else, but Lockon was pretty good at not dwelling on that).
"I've made sure your quarters are still in proper shape for you," Tieria said. "For us."
Coming from anyone else, that would have been an invitation. Lockon wondered briefly if he should mention that and tease Tieria about it. He decided against it; he knew full well it was just Tieria imparting information to him, quite innocently. There were plenty of other things he could be teased about, anyway. "I hope you didn't spend too much time on that," he said, giving Tieria's shoulder a squeeze. "You're a busy computer consciousness, not a cleaning service."
"Of course not. I--" Tieria stopped. Then he smiled a little. "Lockon, you're teasing me."
"It still takes you a bit to catch on," Lockon said, "but you're getting faster."
There was something Tieria had been meaning to say since he'd met Lockon here, and suddenly, Lockon realized it was about to be said. He knew what it was.
"Lockon..." Tieria leaned his head on Lockon's shoulder. "Even though it was little more than three weeks, I missed you very much."
Lockon had been right about what it was. But somehow the way Tieria said it was unexpected. There was so much softness in his voice, and the look on his face was so peaceful and content. "That's normal," he said. "Since you like being with me. I'm back for a while now."
"Good," Tieria said. He hesitated for a moment, then slipped his arms around Lockon's back and pressed himself tightly against Lockon's body. He gave a little shiver as he aligned his cheek with Lockon's pulse. "I don't want to be parted from you again."
"You did fine for five years without me," Lockon said. It was more than a bit alarming when Tieria got like this.
"In those years, it hurt too often," Tieria said. "With all we've done, it would hurt more if I were to lose you again."
This had been what Lockon was afraid of. He was encouraging Tieria's dependence at a time when Tieria should have broken free from it. But somehow, he couldn't bring himself to push Tieria away. Instead, he just said, "Tieria, this isn't healthy."
Tieria smiled a little. "I'm fully aware. However, I'm not very concerned." He paused, then pointed out, "You like it."
Lockon opened his mouth to object, but Tieria clearly misread his intentions, because instead of letting him speak, he kissed Lockon. That was when Lockon realized he'd been getting hard ever since Tieria had pressed against him so intently, and more when Tieria had spoken to him in that yearning tone of voice. He let the kiss play out instead of breaking it for Tieria's own good. Then he said, "I shouldn't. But we've all got our issues."
"Yours don't bother me," Tieria said. "Should we return to your quarters and have sex?"
Lockon answered with a kiss, and once again, it surprised him how much he responded.
* * *
They stumbled all the way back to Lockon's quarters, because they kissed all the way there, as well. Tieria thought it was an impractical method of traveling at any time, but his research had shown that sometimes, that was how the prelude to sex took place, so he didn't object. In any case, as inefficient as it was, it still felt wonderful.
"You're acting a little rushed," Lockon said as they tumbled into his room. "Want to stop and take off our clothes sensibly?"
"The alternative would--" Tieria frowned a little. "Tearing off each other's clothes in a fit of passion. I see. I don't object to that, but take care not to damage the outfits." The truth was, he quite wanted to try it. He demonstrated this by shoving Lockon's vest off of him and fumbling eagerly at the catch of his pants.
Lockon's breath quickened against Tieria's cheek, and for a moment, Tieria slowed; the feel of Lockon breathing against him was so amazing. Then Lockon was pulling off Tieria's jacket and unzipping his shirt and Tieria couldn't think anymore. All he could do was pull frantically at Lockon's pants and kiss his neck and jaw and mouth. Protecting Lockon was the most satisfying thing he could do for him, it was true, but somehow this threw him into more of a frenzy, and for all that he normally preferred to be in control of himself, with Lockon he didn't mind.
Then his own pants were off, then his underwear, and both he and Lockon were breathing fast now as Lockon pinned him lightly to the bed. Somehow, in just a few minutes, they'd both managed to shed all their clothes in this utterly disorganized fashion--except for three things. Tieria still had his glasses on, and Lockon still wore his gloves and his eyepatch.
Lockon reached out to pluck Tieria's glasses from his face and lay them carefully next to the bed. As he drew his hand back to touch Tieria's face, Tieria grabbed his wrist, stopping him. "Wait, Lockon," he said. "There's one other thing."
"What's that?" The sight of Lockon stretched out over him, naked and ready, almost made Tieria forget what it was.
But then he remembered. "Your gloves," he said. "I'd like to do this without them, this time."
"Do you need me to do a better job with my hands?" Lockon asked.
"It's not that," Tieria said. "What you do, with your hands and all the rest of your body, is always enough." He hesitated. "I'd simply like to feel you everywhere."
Lockon gazed down at him for what seemed like such a long time. Tieria could tell less than ever what was going through his head. Finally, he leaned down to kiss Tieria's forehead, just above the bridge of his nose. Tieria felt Lockon's hardness brush against his thighs as he leaned like that, and he bit back a moan.
"All right," Lockon said. "It's only fair." With an oddly rueful smile, he pulled his gloves off and left them on the nightstand next to Tieria's glasses.
Tieria reached up to try to catch Lockon's hands in his own, but Lockon moved too fast, and before Tieria could say or do anything, Lockon's hands were pressed around his chin. They were so warm, and somehow barely scarred at all. He couldn't stop himself from sighing at the sensation. He was still in mid-exhale when Lockon slid into him.
This sensation elicited an outright cry from Tieria. It was so strange and so right all at once, and it had been since the very first time. The way his own opening, slick and ready, parted to let Lockon fill it so perfectly: Tieria couldn't help but love it even if such things had never been part of what he was originally intended to do.
Lockon kissed him slowly, running his newly-bare hands through Tieria's hair. "Hey, Tieria," he said. His chest and stomach moved slightly against Tieria's body as he spoke, and Tieria absorbed himself in the feeling so much he almost missed Lockon's words. "You're not trying to stop yourself, are you? From making noises like that."
"A little," Tieria said. "It seems improper. You're mostly quiet during sex, except when you need to say--ahh." Lockon had thrust into him, gently but still enough to make Tieria's mind freeze up for a second. He reoriented himself. "Except when you need to say something. I thought it might disrupt your concentration."
Lockon was kissing him again, this time all over his face, leaving warm wet marks when he pulled his mouth away. "Don't worry about it. It feels good and it sounds good. Just enjoy yourself."
Tieria found himself arching up a little against Lockon, trembling as his body lifted easily from the bed. Neither of them weighed much here, but Lockon still felt heavy on him and inside him in such a good way. "Then I don't need to restrain myself."
"No," Lockon said, nuzzling against his cheek. "That's part of the point, Tieria. Let go and do what feels good."
"All right," Tieria said, but his voice was a whisper. He wasn't sure what would feel good; in this state, everything did. After a moment's thought, he lifted his spread legs and twined them tightly around the firm line of Lockon's legs settled between them. It felt like a good idea, to surround and hold Lockon as thoroughly as he could. He tightened himself around Lockon within him, and Lockon gasped just a little. Tieria reciprocated with a glad little moan of his own.
"That's good," Lockon whispered. His hands slid to Tieria's shoulders, then off them to settle to either side of him. "You can keep making those noises."
Tieria moved his own hands until they were settled around Lockon's, then held on tightly. He was holding Lockon in more ways than one. He liked that. "Do you like it when I do?"
Lockon thrust into him again. "Yeah. Yeah, I do." And another thrust--
"Lockon! Aah. Do you like it when I say your name like that?" Tieria was having trouble remembering what he was supposed to do now; all he could feel was Lockon moving.
"Yeah." Lockon's hair was brushing against Tieria's face now, just a little damp with sweat, and a tiny part of Tieria noted that Lockon wasn't as carefully controlled as he might usually be. The rest of Tieria was too entranced by him to care. "Yeah. I like that a lot."
Another stroke inside Tieria. With another cry, he tightened his grip on Lockon's hands and pressed himself ever more tightly against his body. Lockon began to rub against him as well as thrust, and in seconds, Tieria was coming, as that inconvenient word went. He gave up his control, because Lockon had said it was all right for him to do so, and moaned helplessly.
Lockon slowed for a few moments, giving Tieria time to recuperate, kissing him in the meanwhile. He started to lift a hand to stroke him, but Tieria was holding it too tightly, so Lockon gave up and just rubbed his cheek against Tieria's. Then he began to thrust again.
This time Tieria couldn't restrain himself at all. He clutched more tightly at Lockon's hands and pressed up against him, hard. Lockon outright shuddered at that, and soon he was moving faster inside Tieria, and Tieria was at another climax, and in the midst of that he felt Lockon gasp a little and relax against him--
Tieria sighed and sank down into the bed, happy that Lockon had reached his own climax too. He felt Lockon pull out of and roll off him, but he didn't care just yet; he still felt warm. It was only a minute later, when he turned to cuddle against Lockon and found no one there in the bed with him, that he realized something was wrong.
He blinked and sat up, forcing himself to come fully to his senses. Lockon wasn't lying next to him; he was sitting at the edge of the bed, staring down at his hands as he turned them over and over. Tieria gave him a puzzled stare. He had that blank look on his face, the one Tieria had tried to avoid seeing since the first time he'd caught Lockon with it. "Lockon...? What's--"
He was going to ask, What's wrong, but then he saw it. Scratched into the back of Lockon's hands were bright red marks, some half-moons and others shallow gouges, where Tieria had dug his fingers in. A few of them were actually bleeding.
Tieria stiffened at the sight. His vision blurred a little (with tears or simply with emotion, he wasn't sure), and those marks on Lockon's hands seemed to melt together with the rest of his scars. All of them Tieria's fault. None of them would be there if he'd been more careful, some time or another.
Lockon caught him as he was about to crumple. "Don't worry about it, Tieria," he said, smiling in his most reassuring manner.
"But I was the one who told you to take off your gloves," Tieria said. "And I know you wear them to protect your hands, so--"
"I wore them to protect my hands for pulling the trigger," he said. "But I don't need to do that any longer. So it's all right." He stood up. "I'm going to go and wash up, though. There's no sense bleeding on things, even if I'm only bleeding a little bit."
Tieria could only watch him go, his throat suddenly too tight to let him speak. He had more to say to Lockon, he knew. But for now, he would ensure his fingernails were filed down better. He could not risk hurting Lockon again, even if it was only a little bit.
* * *
There was a problem with the bathroom in Lockon's quarters. It was simple enough: there was a mirror in front of the faucets.
Lockon had never been bothered by this before. He'd grown used to seeing the scars on himself. None of them really mattered. They seemed natural, even. Outward proof that he was just as damaged as he knew he was inside. Of course, he couldn't say a thing like that to Tieria, who would never understand. Certainly he couldn't say it to Setsuna, who now would, or worse yet, to Lyle, who just might.
But right now, it wasn't pleasant to see himself looking so broken. He'd taken his eyepatch off as soon as Tieria couldn't see him anymore, and now when he looked in the mirror, all he could see was that network of scarring where his right eye once was, like something that had shattered. He barely paid attention to washing off the faint stinging scratches on the back of his hands.
What he'd said had been true. There was no reason for him to worry about his hands anymore. His ability as a sniper was already permanently impaired. It wasn't just the missing eye, either. He hid it well from Tieria and any others who might worry about him (although in the case of Tieria, he doubted he'd have been able to hide it without the low gravity to lessen the effects), but the truth was there was only so much that the lunar complex's superb healing centers could fix. Where he'd been burned, his body was stiffer than where it had been before he'd woken up to find himself here. Often, he woke up with once-crushed ribs aching fiercely.
Right now, and for as long as he could imagine, Lockon--whether he called himself Neil Dylandy or Lockon Stratos--was no good for protecting anyone. It was pointless to worry about his hands at a time like this. He couldn't snipe; he definitely couldn't fight in any other way.
And the only other thing he'd lived for was his vengeance. That had already been taken--he'd thought, when he was dying, by himself, but in the end it had been by the last person who should have done it. He'd meant to shelter Lyle from such things, but now his brother had as much blood on his hands as he did himself--and he was alone. It wasn't right. Nothing in this world was right to him, and that proved, as it had six years ago, that he had no business being here. He could not change where the others had, and what purpose did he serve like this?
Old anger and despair threatened to uncoil within him from their safe spot at the center of his heart. If he wasn't careful, he'd do something stupid and pointless like punching the mirror, just to make it stop. He knew better than that. Lockon had always known how to properly compartmentalize the rage and grief when he'd fought with Celestial Being. He'd just have to find new ways of doing it now. Turning his thoughts firmly back to the present as much as he ever could, he turned off the water and started to look back down at his hands.
That was when movement in the mirror caught his attention, and he turned to see Tieria approaching. He was still mostly naked, but not quite comfortable with that yet, he'd thrown the jacket of his uniform back on. Normally, that would have made Lockon grin, but now, he could barely muster up a flicker of a smile. "Tieria?"
"Lockon," Tieria said. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine," Lockon said. "You really didn't hurt me. They're barely scratches." It was true; they were nothing compared to all the damage that had already been done to him by his own inevitable choices. They were just a reminder he hadn't wanted.
"You wouldn't wear those gloves," Tieria said, "if the slightest injury to your hands didn't bother you."
"It's like I told you," Lockon said. "I only kept my hands safe like that for pulling the trigger as a sniper. That's not something I'm much good for anymore."
Tieria frowned. "It isn't like that."
"Huh?"
And here, suddenly, Tieria stepped forward and held out his hands. "May I?" he asked. "I'll be much more careful this time."
Too bemused to do anything else, Lockon put his still-wet hands in Tieria's. "I trust you," he said.
Tieria blinked, startled. "You--" He swallowed hard. Somehow, the words had affected him more than Lockon had realized they would. He couldn't dwell on that, though, because Tieria was continuing to speak. "Lockon, it doesn't matter what your hands are for, or why you guard them so carefully. They are yours, and they are as important as the rest of you. And the rest of you is very important to me."
Now Lockon was the one to blink.
"It doesn't matter whether you can snipe or not," Tieria said. "You're still Lockon Stratos to me, and you will always be special. I will always be glad you are here. Not only here with me, but here in this world."
Lockon fumbled for words. "Tieria, you shouldn't..." He couldn't come up with a reason Tieria shouldn't feel that way. All his objections seemed meaningless in the face of that kind of devotion.
"I should," Tieria said. "And there's one more thing I should do."
Lockon almost, almost said, You should stop all this and have some sense, but the look in Tieria's eyes stopped him.
"Thank you, Lockon Stratos," Tieria said. "For everything you have done for me, thank you."
There was nothing at all Lockon could say to that.