[Harry Potter fanfiction] Never Be Old
Title: Never Be Old
Prompt: 24. Long in the tooth
Fandom: Harry Potter
Character/Pairings: Remus Lupin, past Sirius/Remus
SPOILERS: Order of the Pheonix
Rating: PG
Comments: This one was inspired by Mapmakers, by Casira. She manages to capture perfectly the strength of emotion in the Sirius/Remus relationship, which is what I'm trying to do here to much less effect.
Posted to 31_days_exchnge (for bane_6) and packmates
~*~
Remus has never thought about being old. Not even in the abstract.
When he was very young, he was sure that being a werewolf would kill him. With a child's fear, he was sure that he would kill himself by accident one month, or that something would happen and he'd have to be put down. He can remember being amazed that he lived long enough to be accepted into Hogwarts.
Then he met the Marauders, and though he was the quiet and reserved one, Sirius and James swept him up in their teenage energy. They were invincible, after all. They would never die. They were young and strong, and it would be ages before any of them were old, so why bother thinking of it at all?
Sirius did mention it, once. A passing, laughing comment about how James would be bent and arthritic from too many hours on a broom, and Remus would be blind from reading too much, and Sirius himself would still be spry and virile (if a bit 'long in the tooth'), even at eighty-seven-and-a-half. And then he gave Remus a wink and a conspirator's grin that meant 'Aha, see, you and I are canines, Moony, and will be long in the tooth. Aren't I clever?' Not Peter though, Sirius said, because he would have long since exploded from eating too many sweets.
And over Peters protests, Sirius had given that grin he had, and proclaimed that they would still be the Marauders, friends forever even when they were old and crippled and looking back on their golden years.
But Remus still hadn't really thought about it, even then. He'd just laughed and playfully tossled Sirius's hair, just to watch him flail. After all, they were only seventeen. Why bother to think that far in the future?
And then came the war.
And then... and then James was gone, gone, gone forever and always, and it seemed impossible to think that he'd survive the next year, let alone live to be old.
But then... he did. And Remus didn't know what to do, being alive. He drifted a lot, but still didn't really think about being old. His memories were a blur for years, honestly, one moon fading into the next, pain of the body and an ache in his heart that he would not think about at all. And then, out of the mists, Dumbledore extended a hand and suddenly he was back in Hogwarts again.
He felt old, then, though in reality he knew he wasn't. But the students there were all so young and innocent, like he'd been once upon a time, and it made Remus feel old and slow in comparison. But he wasn't, not physically.
And then... and then Sirius was back, and it didn't matter all the time that had passed or the words that didn't, because they were still Padfoot and Moony, and that was all that really mattered. There was another war, more people dying, just like back then. But this time they could fight. But Remus still didn't think about being old, because he dreamed at night about going down in a blaze of glory with Sirius by his side, and if he had to die then wouldn't that be the way?
But now Sirius is gone too, as gone as James was so long ago, as gone as James still is, and they left him behind but Remus knows he will never be old. James and Sirius were the strong ones, the ones who would have been Aurors, the best. And if it's possible for them to die, then Remus knows he stands no chance.
And really, in a way he's relieved. If he lives to grow old, he will only go back to drifting, because Sirius has always, always been his anchor and his touchstone. With no Sirius, Remus is glad to die.
He doesn't want to have to be old alone.
Prompt: 24. Long in the tooth
Fandom: Harry Potter
Character/Pairings: Remus Lupin, past Sirius/Remus
SPOILERS: Order of the Pheonix
Rating: PG
Comments: This one was inspired by Mapmakers, by Casira. She manages to capture perfectly the strength of emotion in the Sirius/Remus relationship, which is what I'm trying to do here to much less effect.
Posted to 31_days_exchnge (for bane_6) and packmates
~*~
Remus has never thought about being old. Not even in the abstract.
When he was very young, he was sure that being a werewolf would kill him. With a child's fear, he was sure that he would kill himself by accident one month, or that something would happen and he'd have to be put down. He can remember being amazed that he lived long enough to be accepted into Hogwarts.
Then he met the Marauders, and though he was the quiet and reserved one, Sirius and James swept him up in their teenage energy. They were invincible, after all. They would never die. They were young and strong, and it would be ages before any of them were old, so why bother thinking of it at all?
Sirius did mention it, once. A passing, laughing comment about how James would be bent and arthritic from too many hours on a broom, and Remus would be blind from reading too much, and Sirius himself would still be spry and virile (if a bit 'long in the tooth'), even at eighty-seven-and-a-half. And then he gave Remus a wink and a conspirator's grin that meant 'Aha, see, you and I are canines, Moony, and will be long in the tooth. Aren't I clever?' Not Peter though, Sirius said, because he would have long since exploded from eating too many sweets.
And over Peters protests, Sirius had given that grin he had, and proclaimed that they would still be the Marauders, friends forever even when they were old and crippled and looking back on their golden years.
But Remus still hadn't really thought about it, even then. He'd just laughed and playfully tossled Sirius's hair, just to watch him flail. After all, they were only seventeen. Why bother to think that far in the future?
And then came the war.
And then... and then James was gone, gone, gone forever and always, and it seemed impossible to think that he'd survive the next year, let alone live to be old.
But then... he did. And Remus didn't know what to do, being alive. He drifted a lot, but still didn't really think about being old. His memories were a blur for years, honestly, one moon fading into the next, pain of the body and an ache in his heart that he would not think about at all. And then, out of the mists, Dumbledore extended a hand and suddenly he was back in Hogwarts again.
He felt old, then, though in reality he knew he wasn't. But the students there were all so young and innocent, like he'd been once upon a time, and it made Remus feel old and slow in comparison. But he wasn't, not physically.
And then... and then Sirius was back, and it didn't matter all the time that had passed or the words that didn't, because they were still Padfoot and Moony, and that was all that really mattered. There was another war, more people dying, just like back then. But this time they could fight. But Remus still didn't think about being old, because he dreamed at night about going down in a blaze of glory with Sirius by his side, and if he had to die then wouldn't that be the way?
But now Sirius is gone too, as gone as James was so long ago, as gone as James still is, and they left him behind but Remus knows he will never be old. James and Sirius were the strong ones, the ones who would have been Aurors, the best. And if it's possible for them to die, then Remus knows he stands no chance.
And really, in a way he's relieved. If he lives to grow old, he will only go back to drifting, because Sirius has always, always been his anchor and his touchstone. With no Sirius, Remus is glad to die.
He doesn't want to have to be old alone.