Kissing... Romance Novel Style...
Eh, I feel like I've been neglecting this journal, but hey, I finally found something else I can happily rant to you all about... Kissing, and how to do it wrong...
So, I guess I'll take this one kiss at a time and explain why each one is a bad, bad idea (At least from my point of view). These are borrowed from romance novel excerpts, although the language in each is usually the same no matter what novel you pick up. I don't own anything in the quotes.
"he traced the outline of my lips with the tip of his tongue"- You have no idea how often I've heard this phrase in my brief and painful exploration of the romance section of the bookstore, and while I'll admit, in theory, it sounds pretty erotic, right? The part no one ever seems to think about is that now you have spit on the "outline of your lips", and by saying "outline", that's pretty much implying the opposite of the seam (The middle, where your lips meet) of your lips, so basically, now you have spit on your face... Congratulations. Also, you can't wipe it off without hurting his feelings.
"Holding my head at the angle he wanted."- That's all very well and good, Romeo, but what about the angle I want? I'm getting a crick in my neck, and I can't breathe because you have me held at just such an angle that my nose is crushed against your face. I'm not saying there aren't people who like to be held still, I'm just saying kissing works better when you can move, and when both parties are comfortable.
"He nipped (bit, licked, anything that might cause a shock) her lip, causing her to gasp and giving him the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth."- For the love of all things good, don't do this! There is nothing worse than surprise!tongue, especially if your partner likes spicy food and you do not, or if you're really really not ready and you end up drooling because of it... Also, choking, it happens when you shove your tongue deeply into someone's mouth, especially if they weren't expecting it. (But more on that next.)
"He thrust his tongue deep, mapping out every inch of her mouth"- No, just no. Kindly avoid choking me with your tongue. I rather enjoy the ability to breathe and not have you activate my gag reflex while we're kissing. Also, it's a kiss, not a dentist's appointment, there is no need for you to try to count my molars with your tongue. Also, if you do this, it isn't my fault if you find some of the spinach pizza I had for lunch left over back there.
So, when you kiss, try to figure out what your partner actually likes, instead of assuming anything you read is a good idea. If you or your partner like any of these, more power to you, but never assume that romance novels know best.
So, I guess I'll take this one kiss at a time and explain why each one is a bad, bad idea (At least from my point of view). These are borrowed from romance novel excerpts, although the language in each is usually the same no matter what novel you pick up. I don't own anything in the quotes.
"he traced the outline of my lips with the tip of his tongue"- You have no idea how often I've heard this phrase in my brief and painful exploration of the romance section of the bookstore, and while I'll admit, in theory, it sounds pretty erotic, right? The part no one ever seems to think about is that now you have spit on the "outline of your lips", and by saying "outline", that's pretty much implying the opposite of the seam (The middle, where your lips meet) of your lips, so basically, now you have spit on your face... Congratulations. Also, you can't wipe it off without hurting his feelings.
"Holding my head at the angle he wanted."- That's all very well and good, Romeo, but what about the angle I want? I'm getting a crick in my neck, and I can't breathe because you have me held at just such an angle that my nose is crushed against your face. I'm not saying there aren't people who like to be held still, I'm just saying kissing works better when you can move, and when both parties are comfortable.
"He nipped (bit, licked, anything that might cause a shock) her lip, causing her to gasp and giving him the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth."- For the love of all things good, don't do this! There is nothing worse than surprise!tongue, especially if your partner likes spicy food and you do not, or if you're really really not ready and you end up drooling because of it... Also, choking, it happens when you shove your tongue deeply into someone's mouth, especially if they weren't expecting it. (But more on that next.)
"He thrust his tongue deep, mapping out every inch of her mouth"- No, just no. Kindly avoid choking me with your tongue. I rather enjoy the ability to breathe and not have you activate my gag reflex while we're kissing. Also, it's a kiss, not a dentist's appointment, there is no need for you to try to count my molars with your tongue. Also, if you do this, it isn't my fault if you find some of the spinach pizza I had for lunch left over back there.
So, when you kiss, try to figure out what your partner actually likes, instead of assuming anything you read is a good idea. If you or your partner like any of these, more power to you, but never assume that romance novels know best.