The worlds not ment for meaning anymore
I hate this. This personal Hell I off and put myself in. Honestly, who else is there to blame anymore? No one. Left and right all I see is problems, but why? I mean come on, theres more to it than that, right? Yeah, of course there is. But I see what I want myself to see. I focus on what I want to, and suddenly the one trait I feel makes me who I am is the one thing that destroys me and holds me down.
Or maybe I’m just trying to move ahead too fast. That would explain a lot right? I’m ready to move on from high school and establish myself out on my own, but I constantly beat myself up because I don’t have the ability to you. Who does though? I mean come on…at my age and finishing high school what person had the ability to live out on there own, have the job they wanted and be off and out with a beautiful girl who fully supported them and gave them everything else that they needed.
*sigh*
Much too rushed, no patience. What a drag I guess.
And what’s more, whats the point of all the fucking shit I know? Fucking honestly its all useless, it isn’t even a school related issue. Sure the shit they teach in school turns sour and useless past college, but what about the just random bull I’m filled with? So I seem more articulated, punctual, aware, witty….is that really such an advantage? In my opinion it creates a new dependency, the dependency for others.
At least that’s what I need. I can piss and moan about no luck with a lady, no money, or a sickness towards school and ill will of life, but… The truth is I want that person to listen, not because they feel obligated, not because they are my “friend”, not because I pay them, but because they genuinely want me to be happy because they love me and need my happiness with theirs.
Fucking sickening isn’t it. Just a little bit selfish too, but is it really so much to ask? Its nothing to ask of someone who actually loves me, its just natural. When I genuinely love someone that’s what I feel. Or should I say, when I genuinely loved someone. Who knows when it will happen again. It certainly won’t if I keep pushing it. Yet if I give up completely I stand no chance at all.
Or maybe its exactly as I just said…natural.
Thinking must be gods curse to man kind.
God must be man kinds curse to thinkers.
Or maybe I’m just trying to move ahead too fast. That would explain a lot right? I’m ready to move on from high school and establish myself out on my own, but I constantly beat myself up because I don’t have the ability to you. Who does though? I mean come on…at my age and finishing high school what person had the ability to live out on there own, have the job they wanted and be off and out with a beautiful girl who fully supported them and gave them everything else that they needed.
*sigh*
Much too rushed, no patience. What a drag I guess.
And what’s more, whats the point of all the fucking shit I know? Fucking honestly its all useless, it isn’t even a school related issue. Sure the shit they teach in school turns sour and useless past college, but what about the just random bull I’m filled with? So I seem more articulated, punctual, aware, witty….is that really such an advantage? In my opinion it creates a new dependency, the dependency for others.
At least that’s what I need. I can piss and moan about no luck with a lady, no money, or a sickness towards school and ill will of life, but… The truth is I want that person to listen, not because they feel obligated, not because they are my “friend”, not because I pay them, but because they genuinely want me to be happy because they love me and need my happiness with theirs.
Fucking sickening isn’t it. Just a little bit selfish too, but is it really so much to ask? Its nothing to ask of someone who actually loves me, its just natural. When I genuinely love someone that’s what I feel. Or should I say, when I genuinely loved someone. Who knows when it will happen again. It certainly won’t if I keep pushing it. Yet if I give up completely I stand no chance at all.
Or maybe its exactly as I just said…natural.
Thinking must be gods curse to man kind.
God must be man kinds curse to thinkers.